i v o r y
— 1 y e a r l a t e r —
What did I do?
What did we do?
This couldn't be happening. What if this ruined our lives? What if this destroyed everything?
I wasn't sure if it was the anxiety or the baby growing in my uterus that had me getting sick again in the toilet.
I was in full panic mode. One by one, I picked each of the three tests up. Checking them all again.
All positive.
The morning sickness that I experienced everyday for the past week and being four weeks like for my period were the signs that led me to buying the tests. Harry hadn't noticed the morning sickness since I stomped down the urge until he left for work.
I couldn't believe it.
But I also could.
I was shit at taking my birth control pills and Harry knew it. Yet we still fucked like rabbits.
Surprise! Pregnant.
Life was great. We had a rhythm. I worked with businesses in the county, and sometimes further away, as an occupational psychologist. My schedule was flexible. I took Jamie to school while Harry picked him up. We went out as a family at least once a week and went out on dates, just the two of us, every other weekend.
Jamie was getting older. He was seven now. It was beautiful to watch my son develop into an actual human being with opinions and good morals, living life as a happy kid.
He looked up to Harry and I. I didn't want him to view us in any other light.
What if he didn't want a sibling? What if he felt left out or alone?
I couldn't fathom it.
I got sick again, then picked myself up off the floor. I took several minutes to breathe in complete silence.
I'd go to work, come home, talk to Jamie, and from there, I'd talk to Harry. That's it. Done.
I went to work late.
After dropping off Jamie, I went to a clinic in Midvale and confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test. I called and set up an appointment for an ultrasound with my OB-GYN for later in the week because I knew that was something Harry wouldn't want to miss for the world.
When I got home after work, I spent five minutes parked in the driveway crying. If I took any longer, I was afraid Harry would notice that my car was there, then come out to investigate and find me a mess.
"Hey, Mama." He greeted me in the kitchen with a kiss. "How was work?"
"Good. Long. I need a shower."
So much for acting normal. I'd ran out of that kitchen like a bat out of hell. I never don't spend at least a solid minute making out with him if Jamie's not in the vicinity—which he wasn't.
I stopped at Jamie's open bedroom door. He was reading a book in his beanbag chair.
"Hey, James. How was school today?"
"Hi, Momma. It was good. We went to the library and I got more books."
"Oh, what books did you get this time?"
I shut his bedroom door and sat down on the carpet beside him. He looked at me like I'd asked him to solve world hunger. That was another development with seven-year-old Jamie. He was very attuned to social cues.
"Are you okay, Momma?"
With him being in his beanbag chair, I had to crane my neck up to look at him. "Totally fine. Why? Are you okay?"
"I'm okay, but you're acting weird."
Rip the bandaid off, Ivy.
I touched a hand to his knee. "I have a question to ask you. I want you to be completely honest with me, yeah?"
He slipped a bookmark in his book and set it aside. "Okay." Worry tinged his tone.
"Have you ever wanted a sibling?"
He was quiet and still for seconds. Then he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head at the same time. I thought I was going to be sick again.
Tears burned at my eyes, but I forced them back. "Is that a no, that's not something you want, or no, you've never thought about it?"
Fuck. My voice was shaking.
"I've never thought about it," he answered.
I swallowed. Okay. That wasn't a no.
"How would you feel if you did have a sibling?"
Something in my boy's face shifted. I could've sworn I saw a lift to his lips, but he smothered the expression. "Am I gonna have a sibling?"
My throat was thick with emotion. I couldn't tell him a definite yes yet because there was a chance something could be wrong in the pregnancy. I hadn't seen a doctor yet, and I didn't want to tell Jamie so prematurely.
"You might. Soon."
My son's face brightened up with a grin as if I'd just told him we were going to Legoland. "Really?!"
He threw his arms around my neck and I curled mine around his back. He ended up sliding off his beanbag and landed in my lap, still holding me tight.
I silently sobbed.
He was happy. He was happy. He was happy.
He pulled back and I wiped my happy tears away as quick as I could.
"I'm so excited!" He started firing off questions. "When? How soon? Are they gonna be super small like Baby Ayana was? Can I name them?"
Ayana was Zuri and Isaiah's baby girl. She turned one a couple of days ago. Jamie loved that Ayana found amusement in absolutely everything he did and Ayana loved that Jamie read to her.
I had no reason to think Jamie wouldn't want a sibling, other than the negative thoughts in my head. I should've known better. But this was about way more than just a sibling. It had to do with information Jamie wouldn't know until he was a little bit older.
I combed my fingers through his messy curls he needed to wash tonight. "I don't know if there's a baby yet, honey. I just wanted to ask you first."
His excitement dimmed a little. "Okay. Well, I hope I get a sibling. I didn't want to ask for one 'cause Bobby said it's rude to ask for a sibling 'cause they're people and they'll show up when they want. You can't make them show up."
I laughed and wiped the additional tears that collected under my eyes.
"Happy tears, Momma?"
"Yes, very happy tears, baby." I kissed his forehead. "I'm gonna go talk to Daddy now, okay? Dinner should be ready soon. You keep reading and we'll call you when it's ready."
"Okay. Love you, Momma."
I kissed the top of his head. "I love you the most, Jamesie."
After another hug and forehead kiss, I managed to get up and walk myself out the door. I started towards our bedroom and found Harry sitting several feet away at the top of the stairs.
His eyes were on me, watching me. Nothing on his face gave me the impression he'd overheard anything from Jamie's room. I knew that wasn't his intention anyways. He wanted to talk to me before I showered.
"You okay?" He stood up and got to me before I reached him. He cupped my cheeks and brushed away the tears. "You're not. You're crying. What's wrong, my love? Please, talk to me."
Now's the time.
The test results from the clinic were in my purse downstairs, so I reached for his hand. He followed without hesitation.
It wasn't that I didn't think he'd believe me without them, but I certainly needed that physical proof to comprehend that this was real life. I knew he'd need that, too.
"Do you want some water? Roasted broccoli? The chicken isn't done yet, but it'll be finished soon." He asked, trying to find solutions to the problem he had no idea about.
He didn't even know that it wasn't a problem.
Or, was it?
I touched a hand to his chest, then the other to his cheek. "I'm okay, baby. I'm not hungry or thirsty."
"You're not?" He rushed out, his concern returning tenfold. He touched the back of his hand to my forehead. "Did you eat recently?"
I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm. The words I was about to say to him had me choking up again.
"I ate lunch." Although, I did throw up breakfast. "But I have to tell you something, and I think I know how you'll react, but it's a huge deal and I'm scared."
His concern intensified with his confusion. "Just tell me, my love. Please."
I took the folded piece of paper out of my purse and handed it to him. "In a perfect world, I would've made this a whole special thing, but...we're different. Our little family is different."
He didn't look at the piece of paper until I finished talking, and once I did, he unfolded it in a hurry.
"I'm pregnant."
His eyes darted to mine. Wide. Surprised. Disbelieving.
The beginnings of a smile formed on his lips. The corners of his eyes scrunched in joy. The space between his brows furrowed in astonishment. But it all went away in a millisecond.
"Jamie?" He looked towards the stairs—towards Jamie's room. I knew what he was asking because just like he was my first concern, it was also his dad's first concern.
I nodded. "He's happy. I didn't tell him that there is a baby, but I asked him about a sibling, and he was happy."
"And you're happy?" He asked.
"If you are."
"Well, I am if you are."
"Should we write it anonymously on a piece of paper?" I joked.
He laughed. The joy I'd caught a glimpse of took over. He knew my answer just like I knew his.
"We're happy," I said.
"Fuck yeah, we're happy."
Not a second later, he had me in his arms. Kissing my face. Kissing my tears. Kissing my lips.
We laughed. We cried. He asked me another half a dozen times if I was okay. I admitted to the week long tryst between me and the toilet. As soon as I saw the guilt slipping onto his face, I told him I was keeping it from him on purpose—until I had confirmation.
"And I'm sorry I came in like that. I was overwhelmed and knew I had to talk to Jamie about it first," I started to explain, and he shook his head.
"I know, love." He kissed my temple. "I'm sorry you were so overwhelmed. You're not alone anymore. I'm relieved you spoke to Jamie first. You did the right thing."
That was what I needed to hear.
You're not alone anymore.
You did the right thing.
I told him we had an appointment at the end of the week, and he immediately marked it in his calendar.
"Holy fuck. I'm gonna be a dad again," he whispered to himself. That heart-stopping smile returned to his face. He set his phone down and picked the test results up again.
He kept his arm around me, his hand reaching to my lower belly. "I love you more than you could ever know, Ives."
"And I love you beyond your wildest dreams, Haze."
A couple beats of calm passed between us before Harry spoke again. "I didn't know I wanted this so bad. Not until you brought this dream to me."
Harry and his beautiful words.
"I think we should tell Jamie after the first trimester. To make sure everything's okay," I said.
He kissed the top of my head. "Sounds like a plan."
"You aren't gonna ask how this happened?" It was a stupid question, but I still asked it.
"Don't need to. Don't care how or why it happened, just that it's happening with you."
I answered it anyways. "I'm shit at taking my birth control."
"I know you are. Funny how neither of us did anything to fix that."
We laughed.
We both wanted this so damn bad, and in one of the very few instances where Harry and I didn't communicate effectively, we ended up with his miracle.
Jamie came downstairs, hearing our echoing laughter. Harry tucked the test results in his pocket and resumed with making dinner, asking Jamie to check if the broccoli tasted good enough for his liking.
I excused myself to shower and change, and did both in record time to get back to my guys. We sat for dinner, talked about our days, then cleaned up together and watched a movie before bed. Harry's fingers kept finding their way under my t-shirt, tracing circles around and below my bellybutton. We tucked Jamie into bed and read him a story, just like we normally did.
Before we turned out the lights, Jamie called for us.
"Momma? Daddy?"
Harry cracked the door open wider. "Yeah, bub?"
"I thought about it more, Momma."
"You did?" I asked.
"Can we name my sibling Camden?"
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(:
This isn't it...bonus epilogue is coming (:
+ more bonus scenes!
Stay safe <3