Y/N'S POV
It's been almost a month since I've been back from Miami, and truth be told, things have been pretty normal. I think Taylor finally let the whole encounter with Amber go or completely forgot about it. Either way, I'm glad. Having to explain to her the entire history between us would be a nuisance and just thinking about it is kinda draining.
How do you even start that conversation anyway? My answer; you don't. Technically, I'm not lying, but I'm not exactly telling the full truth. Either way, I don't think it's really important for her to know...I mean, the past is in the past, right? Besides, I have no intention of seeing Amber for that matter, so unless Taylor decides to smack me around a bit, it's really not worth mentioning.
As for how Taylor's been doing, she's been fairly busy with her songwriting and has spent a lot of time in the studio these past couple of weeks. Not that I'm complaining, I completely understand that this is her job....but I'm complaining.
I miss spending every second with her. I know, I know I'm clingy as fuck for that, but she's my girlfriend for a reason...she just gets me. But she's been busy, so I haven't gotten to see her all that much, but we do talk every day. Her schedule is sorta similar to mine; she gets up early, is at work by 8 a.m., and has lunch around 1, then is back home by six or seven. Some nights, we spend together, but most nights, we sleep at our own place.
Honestly, if it was up to me, I'd have her at my place every night if she wanted. The nights we spend together, she's sometimes at my place, and I'm sometimes at hers. It's honestly pretty balanced with how often we spend at each other's places. I just wished there were more of those nights.
Our off days mostly line up. I'm off three days of the week, but it kinda varies on how busy I am. Taylor gets to pick her off days, so she matches hers with mine. Usually, on those days, we have dinner, watch a movie and maybe spend the night together. It all depends on what we have going on the next day because we're sometimes up all night if you catch my drift...
Kiara says we're 'on domestic shit,' but I'm not really complaining. Typically, I would if someone compared me to being even remotely close to domestic, but I'm actually enjoying this life with Taylor quite a lot. I think it's good that we both have our own spaces, but at the same time, at every chance we get, we're always with each other.
Right now, I'm at home editing some pictures for next month's magazine of artists. The magazine is supposed to be this new thing they're trying, but honestly, it's pretty boring. Thank god my job is to take the picture and not read or edit the feature, most of the stuff they talk about is pretty superficial.
A video call from the one and only Dakota Johnson interrupts me from my work, which is honestly a godsend at this point.
"Hey Dakota! How's life?" I ask, spinning around in my chair.
" Hey y/n! I'm doing good! I miss you a lot...I'm sure you might've guessed that already" she says lightheartedly, making me chuckle. It looks like she's cooking something, but I can't tell what.
"Hmm perhaps" I joke back.
"That's actually why I called you....How serious were you about me coming to New York?" she asks hesitantly.
"100% serious. I actually can't recall you ever being in New York before...plus it'd be cool for you to check out my place. I know I've sent you pictures, but it doesn't do justice to the real deal" I smile at her, picking up my phone to walk around the room. I can't help it, it just doesn't feel right to sit still when I'm talking on the phone.
"That's perfect, then! I actually have some meetings in New York in a few weeks. I have an upcoming project that's based in New York...would you mind if I stayed with you?" she asks cautiously.
"Oh um...I'd have to talk to my girlfriend about it. I don't think it should be a problem, but I'll have to hear what she has to say first." I respond, clearly caught off guard by her question.
It honestly might be a problem with Taylor, but she might also be chill about it. I really just have to see what she says. Personally, I don't have an issue with Dakota staying with me. She's helped me so many times in my life that it's hard to keep count. It'd be nice to finally repay the favor even if it's through something as simple as her staying at my place.
"Girlfriend, huh? I take it things are no longer complicated?" she asks playfully. I must have a confused look on my face because the next thing I know, she's laughing at me.
"When I asked if you were seeing anyone, you told me it was complicated and you two weren't exclusive yet...I guess it's no longer like that now?" she asks, her tone still light.
I feel the blush on my face creep up, "Oh um, yeah. We're exclusive now. Things are actually going well."
I try to read her facial expressions to see If there's even a hint of jealousy, but to my surprise, she doesn't show it. If she is, she definitely doesn't say it either.
"That's good. I'm happy for you two...Do I get to meet her?" She asks, looking back up at me through her phone. Her face doesn't seem surprised at the new information at all...maybe she already knows it's Taylor? The articles were everywhere, it'd be hard to not know we're together...
"Of course! When you come to New York, I'm sure she'll wanna meet you too. You two are my favorite people, so it'd be cool if y'all got along" I admit. I see her face flush red and a small smile grow on her face as she shies away from the camera, turning back to the oven.
She knows she's my favorite person, besides Taylor, of course. Maybe it's just been a while since I told her that...that's why she reacted the way she did...
"What are you cooking?" I ask, switching the subject because I feel the tension grow.
"Stromboli...although it's turning into a blob of dough with cheese and salami" she replies, making me laugh.
"Dakota, you're a chef, remember? How do you mess up Stromboli?" I joke.
Contrary to my joking, Dakota's culinary skills are actually pretty impressive. She learned a lot about cooking from her stepdad and her mom. She traveled between LA and Colorado to share equal time with her parents when growing up, so she's acquired a bit of knowledge on popular dishes and meals that embraced different cultures, especially when her parents had to live in different places for acting jobs.
"Hey! At least I know what Stromboli is! Wern't you the one who thought it was a pasta?" she chuckles.
"Hey now, we're not talking about me" I laugh, making her smile.
"What are you having for dinner?" She asks, glancing back up at me.
"Oh, um, I'm not really sure. I thought I'd make something real quick, but you know how bad I am in the kitchen" I joke.
"Well, you can't have sleep for dinner, y/n. Those days are over." She jokes. Leave it to Dakota to joke about my childhood trauma.
"Where's your girlfriend?" She asks casually.
"I think she's still at work. She should be coming home soon....or um to my place soon. " I say, quickly trying to recover my little slip-up.
Dakota seems unbothered by my response.
Maybe she is over me? So Taylor has no reason to be jealous...
"Does she cook for you?" She asks as she continues to make her Stromboli.
"Yeah, sometimes. We like to cook together. It mostly consists of her teaching me and me asking a billion questions, but yeah...it's fun. She's a really good cook." I answer, a wide smile on my face as I think of my girlfriend.
"Better than me?" She asks with a smirk.
"Actually, don't answer that!" She laughs before I can say anything.
"How was Miami?" She asks, continuing the conversation.
"Well, it was good, until the end of the trip. But I got to surf and hang out with some old friends" I say, leaving out the part where I saw Amber.
"Nice! Did you go drifting?" She asks, knowing Miami was the spot for that.
"Yeah, I got to race again for the first time in a while. And won." I flaunt, making Dakota chuckle.
"Of course you did. Was there an after-party?"
Shit. Do I lie? No, it's Dakota....she'll see right through me...
"Yeah, it wasn't all that fun though," I say short, but she snorts at me.
"Since when do you not like the after-parties?" She asks genuinely.
"Well I saw Amber there, so it was only downhill after that..." I say nonchalantly as if seeing her didn't send me into a complete spiral and depressive episode and push the love of my life away.
Wait, did I just say love of my life? Oh, I guess I did...um...Moving on.....
"You saw Amber?" Dakota asks sincerely, looking at me through the phone. She's completely stopped what she was doing and now has her full attention on me.
"I did, yeah..." I respond awkwardly.
"Are you okay? How was that? What can I do?" She asks wholeheartedly.
I walk over to the couch and lie down, holding my phone on my chest.
"Honestly....it was a lot. I haven't really told my girlfriend about our relationship, so she was a bit confused about me acting the way I did...I really just shut down at the sight of her...but I'm good now" I explain softly. It wouldn't be fair to Taylor if I told Dakota about everything and not her.
Even Dakota doesn't know about what happened with Amber and me, and sometimes I wanna tell her, but other times I know it would just shatter her to know I was in an abusive relationship when she knew me. She's the kind of person to do something about it, so I guess the fact that I sorta robbed her of that opportunity would upset her even more...hence me choosing to tell her what happened to begin with.
I did, however, tell Kiara about the after-party. She thinks I should tell Taylor, and honestly, I want to, but I know she'll look at me differently. I know she says she would never judge me, but I have to be wary, people have told me that before and look at what I became...a neverending people pleaser who seems to satisfy everyone but herself.
"What can I do? How can I help?" Dakota asks softly, pulling me back from my thoughts.
"Oh nothing, honestly. I just wanna forget about the whole thing." I admit, half-jokingly.
Dakota seems hesitant to accept that answer, but she eventually drops it as I requested.
"So now that you're back, what other plans do you have for the summer?" she asks, looking back down at her cutting board.
"So far, just you coming over and towards the end of September, a trip to LA" I reply, yawning a little bit.
"Are you gonna be here for my birthday?" she asks, looking back up at me.
"I think I should be... I'd have to check my calendar, but I think I'll be there. Why? What crazy thing do you have planned?" I chuckle.
"It's undecided at the moment. But I'd love to have my favorite person with me." She smiles up at me. This time I'm the one that's blushing.
Stop it, y/n! Get it together...quit being such a people pleaser...
I let out another yawn and this time, Dakota lets out a laugh.
"Uh oh...someone's tired. What time is it there?" She asks as she plates her food.
"A little past nine" I respond, suppressing yet another yawn.
"HA! And you call yourself a night owl..." she jokes, looking back up at me.
"Hey, it's not my fault! Life has been so draining lately! I can't help it" I chuckle.
"Anything I can help with?" she smirks. If she's flirting right now, I choose to ignore it.
"Show me what you're eating...that looks good." I request, making her laugh.
"Here I present you...Stromboli!" she exaggerates playfully, showcasing her cooking skills.
"Impressive! Hard to believe that was just a blob of dough and salami!" I joke with her, making her laugh again. As we continue talking, I hear my front door unlock making me look up, immediately locking eyes with my stunning girlfriend.
Yes, I know what you're thinking, how did she get in here? And to that I say...I made her a key...Yes! I know! That's very domestic of me or whatever, but she gave me my own personal code to her penthouse, so it's only fair that I gave her a Key...besides, it's not that big of a deal. Kiara has a key....okay, maybe it is a big deal...
"Y/n? Are you there? Are you okay?" I hear Dakota calling out to me. I didn't even realize it, but Dakota was talking to me the whole time I was looking at Taylor...or I should say admiring. It's difficult to not get lost in those ocean-blue eyes.
"Yep! Yeah, I'm here! Sorry, my girlfriend just got home-er I uh mean here" I stutter, slipping up again. I catch Taylor's smirk growing on her face at my choice of words as she makes her way over to me, setting her things down on the coffee table before sitting next to me.
Ugh! Stupid brain! Now you look like a simp...
"Ahh, so your girlfriend's finally back? Tell her to stop letting her girlfriend starve and put those cooking skills to use. Ugh, do better." Dakota jokes, except my jaw hangs open in shock at her words. I'm honestly a little scared to see Taylor's expression because I know how jealous she can get.
When my eyes do land on her face out of pure curiosity, I see nothing short of what I already expected. Her face shows bitter jealousy that I know she's desperately trying to hide but is failing miserably. I can also see the fiery rage in her eyes, but she is suppressing it fairly well.
"Dakota! You can't say things like that!" I say, chuckling a little bit out of awkwardness.
"What? Someone has to...I told you y/n, your days of having sleep for dinner are over." she says confidently.
"I am perfectly capable of cooking for myself, you know" I defend, but she just snorts in response.
"Okay, y/n. What's the point of having a girlfriend who can cook if she won't cook for you? I'm just saying there could be other suitable candidates..." she trails off.
I know she's only joking, but Taylor doesn't know that. Especially telling by her tense jaw and scowl, Tay's holding back on some jealous anger.
"Okay Dakota, I'm hanging up now!" I announce, making her chuckle.
"I'll talk to you later, y/n" She smiles warmly before we hang up. Immediately after we do so, I apologize to Taylor.
"I'm so sorry about Dakota. I didn't expect her to say those things-" I try to rush out, but she interrupts me by kissing my lips hard.
She moves one hand around my neck and the other on my waist as she pushes me back down on the couch, her lips never leaving mine. She climbs her way on top of me and she slowly flexes her thumb across my throat, putting her hand in a choking position.
"What did I say about who you belong to?" she asks, her voice coming out as more of a growl.
When I don't respond, I feel her fingers flex on my skin, tightening her grip around my throat just slightly so I wouldn't be too intimidated by her.
"Hm?" she hums, her eyebrow raising up at me in question.
"I'm all yours, Taylor" I answer her, my confidence betraying me as my voice comes out a whisper.
"That's right, babygirl. You're all mine, and I'm all yours" she says sternly. She holds her piercing gaze with me for a few more seconds before she leans down, kissing my lips firmly.
"Now let's go make dinner!" She says casually after she pulls away from me, pulling me off the couch with her.
What the hell? She just completely dominated me and acted like it was nothing...
God, I am so whipped for her.
~~~~~
"I'm just saying, spicy vodka pasta sounds like something you made up, but it's delicious nonetheless " I admit with a chuckle after we finish dinner.
"It was made up, but not by me" she chuckles. I wash and put away the dishes, and Taylor tries to help but I refuse to let her. After all, she did cook for me, so it's only fair if I cleaned.
"Babe, c'mon. We talked about this. We do things together. Whether that's cooking or cleaning, we're doing it together" Taylor whines, making me laugh.
"You're the guest, Taylor. I get it, you wanna help, but we're not living together, you shouldn't have to." I defend my case.
She looks at me blankly but remains silent. She looks like she's about to say something but chooses not to.
Wait, what is it? Did I say something? Why isn't she saying anything?
"Okay," she says softly nodding her head. She looks deep in thought about something but I can't tell about what.
"That doesn't mean I can't keep you company, though" she teases, sitting on the bar stool across from me.
"Well I'm almost done anyway, no sweat" I chuckle. After putting away the remainder of the dishes, we settle on the couch together to watch some random movie I'm half paying attention to on Hulu. Honestly, why pay attention to anything else when you have Taylor freaking Swift right next to you.
As the movie goes on, I tuck myself into Taylor's side, which she seems amused by because she has a smile on her face and she's quick to put her arm around me, pulling me into her tightly. I begin to play with her hands and trace her fingers. When I make my way to her fingertips, I can feel the grooves and indentations in her skin from holding the guitar strings tightly.
Okay, now that's hot.
I hear her chuckle from above me, "What is?"
Wait...did I just say that out loud?!
"Oh um...the guitar string scars on your fingers. I don't know why I didn't notice them before" I admit sheepishly.
"Thanks! It took me a while to like them. They honestly make up who I am; a musician, and I'm proud of that. My exes hated them. They would say things like, 'It's not feminine to have them' or they just hated the callusy feeling. But I'm sorry for the talk of the exes, I know you're not them." she says softly.
"It truly blows my mind how there's any part of you they didn't like," I say mindlessly.
I feel Taylor firmly press her lips to my temple as I continue to play with her fingers.
"May I ask you something...?" I question softly, still in thought.
She breaks her gaze from the TV to look at me, "Of course. You can ask me anything babygirl, you don't have to ask if it's okay" She chuckles softly.
"What is it like? When you're in the studio, what do you do? Is there like...a routine you follow or is everything spontaneous?" I ask.
"Well, I try to make every day different. Not too different because I like to have good structure, but I don't always follow a specific routine when I'm writing new songs. Each song is different and so is the process for them. The last thing I'd want is to be forcing something that isn't there. It wouldn't be authentic and it wouldn't be real. I think at this point, the fans may or may not know the difference, but I would. I know it would bother me so much every time I'd play it and I'd eventually despise the song. I would probably feel like a fraud or something like that because the feeling or the scenario wasn't real." she explains, choosing her words carefully.
I nod my head understanding what she means.
"What was it like to write Reputation? Was it easy?" I ask, untucking myself from underneath her arm to sit up and look at her.
She smiles at me, probably because she knows how much I love Reputation. It is my favorite album after all.
"Reputation was such an important record for me because I couldn't stop writing. And I like, needed to write that album and I needed to put out that album and I needed to not explain that album. Because another thing about that album was I knew that if I did an interview about it, none of it would be about music."
"Yeah, I figured that would happen" I nod my head, my eyes never leaving hers.
"I think the events and moments leading to Reputation were really a distraction from the music and that was something I think I've been trying to recover from ever since then" she confides, her tone more neutral.
"Sorry for bringing that up... I know that was probably a heavy time in your life..." I say but she shakes her head.
"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. I'm able to talk about it because it did happen a while ago and there have been so many more obstacles I had to overcome since then. I look back at that time and I'm just like...'ehh' it is what it is" she says softly, playing with my hair behind my neck.
I think she can tell that I'm holding back on another question so she speaks up.
"Express Yourself" she chuckles at me.
"You don't have to answer this, of course, but...what are you working on now?" I ask shyly.
She doesn't seem surprised that I asked that question at all, actually. In fact, she looks happy that I did because her soft smile widens, showing the crow's feet in the corners of her eyes.
"I have a few things I'm workin' on....you wanna hear?" she asks.
"UM YES!!?? Don't ask dumb questions, Taylor! I wanna see what makes you a God." I joke, making her burst into laughter.
"A God, huh...Cool! Perfect!" She says amused by my choice of words, unwrapping her arm from around me to stand up. She walks over to the other side of the couch and pulls her guitar out of the case.
What the hell? When did she bring that? Hm....I must not have noticed while I was on the phone...
Well, you would've noticed if you weren't too busy checking her out...
"So this one is called Anti-Hero and it's one of my favorite songs I've ever written..." she says as she sits back down beside me.
"I really don't think I've delved this far into my insecurities in this detail before" she chuckles.
"Um, you know I struggle a lot with the idea that my life has become unmanageable sized and that I....not to sound too dark, but I just like, struggle with the idea of like not feeling like a person" she admits.
She makes a joking crying gesture, making me laugh.
"Don't feel bad for me, you don't need to. But you know, this song really is a real guided tour throughout all the, you know, things I tend to hate about myself. We all hate things about ourselves, and um, I think it's all of those aspects of the things we dislike and like about ourselves that we have to come to terms with if we're gonna like....be this person, so yeah...I like Anti-Hero a lot 'cause' I think it's really honest" she says proudly.
I can't help the beaming smile on my face as she opens up to me. She hasn't even played anything yet and I'm already so proud of her.
She begins to play a slow rhythm on the guitar, plucking and pulling the strings meticulously before letting her beautiful voice fill the room.
"I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser, midnights become my afternoons
When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room
I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I'll watch as you're leaving
'Cause you got tired of my scheming
(For the last time)It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero"
She plays the final cords, and I look at her in awe.
How the fuck is she even my girlfriend?! She's literally perfect. What the fuck.
"Okay, your silence is scaring me...Please say something" she chuckles nervously, her gaze staring at me intently.
"Um....do you need head?" I ask. She immediately bursts into laughter.
"I take it you like it then?" she asks, her wide smile still present on her face.
"Taylor, I love it. You're insanely talented...I'm sure you know that, of course...I can't believe you're mine..." I say seriously.
"Believe it, baby...I'm all yours" she says, setting the guitar next to her so she can kiss me. I kiss her back with no hesitation. She lays back down beside me, pulling me back into her as we continue watching the movie.
"I think it's brave how you're being more honest in your music...that makes you really vulnerable and to be vulnerable, you have to be brave....I'm proud of you, Tay" I say softly to her before kissing her cheek.
She squeezes me tighter against her body, "Thank you babygirl", she whispers in my ear before kissing it, making me squirm at the sensitivity.
The movie ends and we decide to watch Dirty Dancing. Admittedly, it is one of my favorites of all time, so when I quote almost every line, Taylor finds it slightly amusing.
"Hey....there is something I wanted to talk to you about..." I speak up, allowing the movie to continue playing in the background.
She sits up slightly and looks at me with a rather serious expression on her face but doesn't say anything. I can feel her body tense against me.
"Dakota has to be in New York in a few weeks, and we were wondering if you'd be okay with her staying here...?" I ask, suddenly very unsure as to what her response might be.
I feel her body relax, her muscles no longer tense, but her facial expression remains serious.
What was she expecting me to say? What other serious conversations did she expect to hear from me? I would never break up with her if that's what she's thinking. I literally just told her that I'm thankful to be her girlfriend.....Is it about what happened in Miami? About me seeing Amber? No. It can't be. She forgot about that. Right? At least I thought she did....
"She can't stay at a hotel?" she asks. I know she's serious, but I can't help but chuckle at her coldness.
"Well, she can...but I wouldn't mind if she stayed here. I owe her 'cause she's helped me a lot throughout the years." I try to explain.
"You don't owe her anything," she says like it's the most obvious thing, her tone still hostile, maybe not towards me but definitely toward Dakota.
"Well yeah, but I thought it'd be nice to repay the favor..." I admit.
Her silence speaks a thousand words, making me feel so small under her gaze.
"Or not. That's okay. I'll tell her it won't work out" I say, breaking our staring contest to look back at the movie, not being able to handle the pressure.
She tucks herself back into me, wrapping her arms around my torso possesively.
"She can stay with you, that's fine, baby. Don't forget who you belong to." she says softly before kissing my cheek and turning to watch the movie.
She definitely cannot stay with you and it's definitely not fine. I know better than that...I'm all yours, Taylor, you know that...
As the movie continues to play, I feel the air grow heavy, so I decide to speak up.
"You know I memorized the choreography for Dirty Dancing after I watched it for the first time..." I admit.
Taylor quickly sits up to look at me to see if I'm joking.
"Actually?" she questions, trying to hide her smirk.
"Yep!...maybe I'll have to show you my moves one day" I suggest. She nods her head and smiles.
"Definitely" she agrees, laying back down.
A few moments pass by before I say something again.
"Hey, Tay...."
"Yes, babygirl?" she answers softly, making my heart skip a beat.
"Can you play another song for me?" I request shyly.
She chuckles, "Of course, my love. Anything for you"
Okay, maybe I'm not the only one whipped for the other....
Author's Note
Maybe Key's right, they are on some domestic shit....what will their relationship be like when Dakota comes to New York? Will Taylor write any songs about Y/n? What plans will change for the summer? Keep reading to find out! As always, thank you so much for reading, commenting, and voting on my story! Y'all are the best! Stay groovy!
~~~~~
Hey y'all! I hope y'all are thriving! There's been a lot of voting and commenting on my story lately and it's really making my days! Y'all are the best, for real! Also, to the binge readers out there, are y'all good? Are y'all okay? Do y'all ever sleep? ANYWAYS...LOVE YA!!