Tw! Death and cancer
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I sat tensely at the breakfast table with Papa Nihil and my two younger brothers, waiting for something in particular. I was so nervous I could hardly breathe and had to tug at my clothes. I couldn't wait long enough for that door to open.
"Primo?" I heard Papa Nihil's questioning voice, which made me look up. His stern gaze seemed to stare straight into my soul.
"Yes, Papa?" I cleared my throat a bit so he could hear me.
"What's the matter with you? Where are your table manners?" he asked sternly, making me look uneasily at my eaten bun.
"Sorry papa, won't happen again." I explained politely, whereupon he just nodded.
"There's someone in love, how disgusting!" I suddenly heard my brother Secondo's voice saying next to me, so I kicked his leg to make him shut his mouth.
"Ouch!" Secondo bumped his knee against the table top so that it wobbled completely.
"Boys!" cried Papa in his stern voice that made us both look at our plates in silence and not move aside from breathing.
"What's the matter with you two today?" Papa asked sourly and looked at us expectantly. I looked at Secondo. If he didn't come up with a good excuse right away, I'd kill him right there. We both knew my secret, but if he broke his promise and told Papa, he'd probably loose his head before he could say "Satan." However, ever since he hit puberty, Secondo has been super busy and never thought about the consequences of his actions.
Secondo caught my warning glare before glancing nervously at Papa, trying to stand up to him.
"Primo is in love!" he shouted and immediately jumped up from his chair to flee. With an angry face, I grabbed his arm so he couldn't move away.
"Come here you little rat!" I shouted, whereupon Secondo screamed in fear.
"Boys!" Papa Nihil shouted, but we both ignored him while I tried to hold on to my little brother, who was spinning like an eel in my grip. I just hated him so much.
"Boys!" Papa yelled as he stood up and slammed his palms on the table. Secondo and I both jumped and I heard Terzo gasp in shock. I immediately let go of Secondo and we stood side by side, looking at the ground in front of us,
"Sorry, Papa." we both said together and I hoped that was enough.
Nihil sighed in frustration before slowly but gracefully sitting back down in his seat.
"If you both don't stop immediately, you'll get a penalty!" he threatened us through narrowed eyes.
"Did you understand that?" he asked and we both nodded.
"I couldn't you." he said angrily.
"Sorry, Papa." we repeated in unison before Nihil finally gave a hand signal for us to sit down again.
"Papa, can I go?" asked Secondo, whereupon Papa nodded. However, I could tell from his look that I didn't have the same privilege.
My brother immediately got up and left the dining room. A tense silence reigned in the room and apart from the ticking of the clocks and Terzo's smacking, nothing could be heard.
"What was that about, Primo?" asked dad after a while. His voice was calmer than I expected.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, Papa. My feelings just got the better of me." I confessed, scratching my arm nervously. No matter what came next, I don't think I liked this conversation.
"What exactly got you so angry?" he kept asking and I wished inside that he would stop. I felt his gaze clearly on my skin, as if he were slowly burning it off with his eyes.
"That... that he didn't just shut up." I stuttered and Papa laughed lightly.
"Oh my son, something like that shouldn't upset you." he put a hand on mine. With the other he motioned for a ghoul to pour him more wine.
"Someday you'll be the next Papa Emeritus, my son. Then there will be no more secrets in your life. You'll be lucky if the entire Ministry doesn't know who slept in your bedroom last night." he sat up and took his glass of wine with him.
"Papa... isn't it... exhausting when your personal life is completely gone?" I asked uncertainly, whereupon he just shrugged.
"You will get used to it and learn to even enjoy it." he took a sip.
"And what if I don't want to?" I asked softly and he almost choked on his wine.
"Primo!" he cried in horror. "Of course you do! You're going to be Papa Emeritus!" he was beside himself. I realized he was about to say something else, but then the dining room door opened and Sister Imperator entered.
"Papa, you have an appointment soon." she said calmly. Her gray eyes scanned the room and, as always, I was surprised by her presence. There was something... confident about her and she was the only person who could say something against Papa.
"I'm coming!" Papa murmured, putting his glass down on the table.
"We'll talk about that later." I nodded and with that he walked to the door. Before leaving, he turned to me once more.
"Oh Primo: Don't worry too much about "love" because it only distracts you from your task. Sooner or later it will pass anyway." before he could say anything else, Sister Imperator cleared her throat sternly and gave Papa an annoyed look before they finally disappeared, leaving me behind.
My heart grew heavy. Would my love for her really fade away? Was it really all for nothing? I couldn't believe that!
I sighed deeply before my gaze wandered to my little brother, Terzo. His entire mouth was full of chocolate, almost dripping onto his clothes.
"Oh, Fratello! Wait!" I hastily took a napkin and wiped my brother's mouth with it. Terzo was still so small that he couldn't see across the table.
"Well, that's all." I said softly when he was clean again and kissed his raven hair.
"Would you like some more for breakfast?" I asked, to which he nodded hastily.
"Toast!" he shouted immediately, happily raising his arms in the air.
"And what would you like on your toast?" I asked him and he seemed to think about it.
"Chocolateeeee!" he shouted and I had to laugh again.
"I just cleaned your mouth." I said amused, whereupon Terzo looked at me with a scowling face.
"But I want chocolate!" he said, bleating. I immediately raised my hands defensively.
"It's okay, big one! I'm on it!" I petted his head before taking a piece of toast and started smearing it with chocolate.
"Primoooo?" Terzo asked, tugging at my sleeve.
"Yes, Fratello?" my little brother stood on his chair so that it was a little taller.
"What is love?" he asked in his childish voice and tilted his head. I gave a small sigh and thought about how to explain love to a toddler.
"Love is... a feeling you get from another person that you really, really, really like." I finally explained while continuing to butter his toast.
"I like you very much! Do I love you then?" Terzo rested his head on my arm. I nodded.
"Yes... you love me. Love can be in the family, but also with other people that you have met or are about to meet."
"So... do I love every person I like?" he asked, which made me shake my head.
Of course, you loved every person you liked in a way, but that wasn't the kind of love I was trying to explain to him.
"Not quite. Love is a little more than just liking someone. Love is... when you really like that person. Much more than other people. But you can also love more than one person at the same time."
"That's a beautiful thing... love." said Terzo enthusiastically and I nodded.
"It is." I handed him his chocolate toast.
"Yay!" cheered Terzo and started to eat.
"Primo do you think papa loves us?" this question got me thinking because i wasn't quite sure if dad really loved us. He didn't act like that, but you loved your kids automatically, didn't you? But did I want to dispel my little brother's illusion that his Papa really loved him? That he wasn't anything special to his dad?
"I think Papa loves us." I said with a somewhat forced smile.
"But I love you." I said, making the little boy smile.
"I love you too, Primo!" he hugged me before sitting down and eating his toast.
Suddenly the door opened and a ghoul entered. He came over to me and bowed his head briefly.
"Primo, there is mail for you." I jumped up and took the letter from him.
"Thank you!" with that I sat down and opened the letter with a pounding heart.
Dear Primo,
I was finally there! I was at Cachlice Castle!
I finally got to visit the castle where Elizabeth Bathory lived!
It was so...mysterious, and it almost felt like her ghost was still wandering the ruins of the castle!
I wish so much you could have been here and explored the castle with me!
I promise you, as soon as you come to visit me in Hungary, I'll take the long journey again so that we can go there together!
I love you so much and I hope we can see each other again soon!
There won't be a sunrise that doesn't make me think of you.
love,
Your Y/N
I held the letter to my chest and sighed contentedly as I took in the love of her words. Y/N was finally able to fulfill this wish! I knew how obsessed they were with the Elizabeth Bathory story. Now the dream of seeing her castle had finally come true.
After breakfast, a ghoul brought Terzo into the garden to play. I rushed to my room, grabbed paper and pen, and thought about how to answer.
My beloved Y/N,
I am so happy to hear that you were finally able to fulfill your wish.
I would have loved to have been there to experience that with you, but unfortunately you know my father.
He would never have allowed me to travel to you.
I would love to see you again and hug you and just be with you.
One day I will escape with you. Far away where nobody can find us.
Away from my obligations as Papa Emeritus. Away from the Clergy and my dad.
Somewhere where you and I can be all alone, where no one knows us and no one has control over us.
Where we can just be who we are.
Maybe I would even choose a new name. Something like Paul or Fred.
No matter how, no matter where, the main thing is that you and I can eventually start our own family there.
I know this sounds weird, but I'd like to take my little brother Terzo with me so daddy doesn't turn him into an unfeeling monster.
Unfortunately, this is already too late for Secondo, who is already looking forward to the day when I decide to step down as Papa Emeritus.
If he could, he would even become Papa Emeritus I.
Terzo, on the other hand, is still young and innocent. I could offer him a life of love and affection.
I try to be there for him as much as I can, but it's difficult as I still have my own commitments.
Oh, Y/N, I'm so excited for Christmas so I can finally see you again!
So, like last Christmas, I can dance with you again, like the day we met.
Speaking of Christmas: I'm in the process of writing your gift for you so I can give it to you on time for Christmas. A little tip: It's a song!
I can't show you the tune, but I can show you the lyrics so you know what it's about.
I promise, as soon as you get here, I'll play it for you!
I hope you will like it!
love,
Your Primo
Elizabeth
Underneath the moonlight of old hungarian skies,
buried in the blood-drenched earth,
These bars lands of ice,
She was an evil woman with an evil old soul,
piercing eyes emotionless,
a heart so black and cold.
Elizabeth, in the chasm where was my soul,
Forever young, Elizabeth Bathorii in the castle of your death,
You're still alive, Elizabeth.
When I was done, I put the letter on my dresser for a ghoul to take away later. Unfortunately, the song wasn't finished yet, but I was still satisfied with it.
I lay down on my bed and looked forward to the next letter I would receive from Y/N.
~time skip~
A few weeks later I was sitting at breakfast as usual. Y/N hadn't written a letter for a long time, which had never happened before. At least not as long. I was even beginning to give up hope of a new letter.
Maybe Papa was right and love passed quickly.
I sat with my head on my hand and stirred my cereal. The milk had already completely softened it.
When the door opened, I don't even look up.
The ghoul first ran to Papa before running around to me and putting a letter on the table for me. Immediately my eyes brightened and I opened the letter.
My beloved Primo,
My heart skipped as I read Y/N's letter.
forgive me for not getting in touch for so long, but I didn't have the strength to write you this letter.
My time is up, my love.
My heart stopped.
I've been unwell for a while, so we went to see a doctor.
I have cancer dearest Primo and I am going to die.
I wish I could change it, but unfortunately I have to leave you.
I wish I could spend more time with you, but unfortunately fate had other plans for us.
Unfortunately I can't make it until Christmas, but don't forget that I love you infinitely.
Every letter you will write me during my last days on earth will have a special place in my heart.
love
Your Y/N
Tears ran down my cheeks when I finished reading the letter and landed on the letter. I was shaking and my heart seemed to break.
"Why are you crying, Primo?" Terzo asked me, but I couldn't answer.
"E-excuse me," I whimpered, standing up. Without waiting for an answer from Papa, I walked out of the dining room and into my own.
I lay down on my bed and cried. Why did Y/N have to die? Why was Life so unfair with us?
I lay there for a while before there was a knock on the door. It opened hesitantly and Sister Imperator entered.
"Primo?" she asked calmly and ran towards me. I didn't answer her because I couldn't
"Is everything okay?" She asked. I passed her the note and we were silent for a while. She seemed to read the letter.
"Oh, Primo. I'm so sorry," she said sympathetically, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Can I help you?" she asked, but I just shrugged.
"If you can't heal her, I don't know if you can help," I murmured
"You know I can't do this" she said honestly and I nodded. Tears ran down my cheeks again.
"Oh, Sister Imperator, what am I supposed to do?" I asked desperately. I felt so helpless
"You should make the most of the time you have with her," she advised, which only made me more desperate.
"You know Papa won't let me do that" I mumbled and she nodded.
"But you have your letters" I nodded. She was right.
"Thank you, Sister Imperator," she bowed her head before standing up.
"If there's anything else, please let me know." With that she walked out.
I lay there in silence for a while, thinking about what to do, when the brilliant idea came to me. I would finish the song!
I immediately jumped up and sat down at my desk. The song would become unique. For her.
A few weeks later I rushed to our mail room. I finished the song for Y/N. There had been so many drafts and also so many disappointments before I finally found the right text.
I ran to the post office with a letter in hand. It was about to close, but I really wanted the letter to get to Y/N as soon as possible.
When I got there, I threw open the door and ran inside. The Sisters of Sin and Sister Imperator winced and looked at me.
"I have a letter that needs to go out!" I called and held it out to them.
Instead of one of the two Sisters of Sin, Sister Imperator took it from me. I looked at her confused. What was that supposed to mean?
"Primo, let's talk" She put the letter down and pushed me out of the room. Confused, I allowed myself to be guided and looked at her.
"Sister... What's that about?" I asked. Her pitying look let me guess what had happened, but I didn't want to believe it.
"Primo, Y/N died" she said and my heart broke into thousands of pieces.
"What? No... It can't be. I... I finished the song!"
"Primo" Sister tried to interrupt me, but I wouldn't let her.
"Y/N needs to hear the song! I need to see them again and play the song!" I was shaking all over my body, tears running down my cheeks.
"Primo!" Sister Imperator held me by my shoulders.
"Y/N is dead. I've got a letter from her parents" her words hurted so much that I fell to my knees, shaking.
"No!" I whimpered. "Not Y/N!" I held onto my heart.
"Primo, if there's anything I can do..." I didn't let her continue. I got up and ran to my room, where I lay back on my bed.
My Y/N was dead! I would never see Y/N again!
Hours passed and eventually I just lay there. Tears ran down my cheeks. I had skipped dinner. I wouldn't have gotten any food down either way.
Suddenly there was a soft knock at the door. I could only guess that it was Papa.
A few seconds later the door opened and I heard small, clumsy footsteps. It definitely wasn't Papa.
"Primo?" Terzo whispered as he closed the door and then walked towards my bed.
"Primo, are you sleeping?" he asked, causing me to clear my throat.
"N-No" I said turning to face him.
Terzo had a small plastic plate with mashed potatoes, sauce and meat in his hand, which he placed on my bedside table. He carefully tried to crawl into my bed, but I helped him because he was very clumsy.
"Are you sick?" He asked but I shook my head. He looked me in the face and put a hand on my cheek.
"Why are you crying?" he asked and I sighed deeply. Children weren't stupid. They too could feel and see other people's emotions.
"Remember what I told you about love?" I asked and he nodded.
"The special people?" he asked and I nodded.
"Love is a beautiful feeling. But only until the person leaves you," I said and it was true. Love could be the best thing that could happen to you. It could heal your wounds and makes you see the best parts of yourself.
But it also could be the most hurtful pain you've ever felt.
Terzo looked at me confused.
"But why did the person leave you? Didn't they love you back?" He asked, tilting his head at me.
"Terzo, the person loved me, but Satan called them to him" Terzo's eyes widened. He knew what that was.
"So... Is the person in Hell? Where you can't visit them?" I nodded and felt tears welling up.
"That's stupid. Then they can't love you anymore," he said sadly and looked at me.
"Unfortunately that's true. At least until Satan calls me to him." I looked sadly at my little brother, who only understood half of what I said.
Suddenly Terzo came closer and hugged me with his little body.
"Then I love you now" he said and it touched my heart.
"I love you for me and for the other person" his words brought tears to my eyes and I wrapped my arms around him.
"I love you too, brother"
We paused for a moment before Terzo took the plate
"You weren't at dinner, so I brought you dinner!" He said and I had to smile slightly
"That's really nice." I murmured, even though I wasn't hungry.
"Ahhhh!'" Terzo said while filling a small plastic spoon with mashed potatoes. I sighed internally but opened my mouth. Terzo awkwardly put the spoon in my mouth so I could eat the mashed potatoes. And so we spent the rest of the evening until Terzo finished feeding me and was put to bed. Of course he left the plate in my room, but I didn't mind.
~decades later~
I was sitting in my armchair in front of the fireplace with many letters in my hands, which I was reading one by one. It was the letters Y/n had written to me. Every single letter meant so much to me. After Y/n's death I never found love again.
I hadn't wanted any new love either, because the pain of the loss would have been too great. I still had my brothers to cheer me up, after all. Even Secondo and I got along again at some point and got along without a fight.
Despite my duties, I'd managed to protect Terzo and make sure he admitted his feelings and didn't ignore them.
Now I was sitting here with my brothers after a long evening at the UN and reading the letters, as I so often do. During my time as Papa Emeritus I I had published Elizabeth and the song ear had become a success. I had adjusted the speed and the instruments. It was originally intended to be a quiet song, but the current version fitted better with how I felt thinking about the song.
I felt that my end was near. Soon I would be reunited with Y/n.
I didn't know why I felt that way, but there was just a feeling that told me that it was going to be my end soon.
And so I spent more hours and spent re-reading the letters that were so familiar to me and that I knew by heart.
~Copia POV~
I was standing in front of the graves of my three older brothers who had recently died in an accident. No one knew exactly what had happened, they had only found all three. Dead.
I held back a few tears and prayed to myself that the three of them would be okay in Hell.
The guests of the funeral all slowly went their separate ways and I was glad that I would soon be alone here. I was finally able to let my tears out and mourn for my brothers. Now it was just Papa Nihil and me, and if Nihil died... Then I would have the burden of Papa Emeritus IV.
"Are you a brother of Papa Primo?" Suddenly a strange voice asked next to me. When I looked up, I noticed the older person looking at me sympathetically. Their hands were shaking from old age and they could only walk with the help of a cane.
I cleared my throat
"Yes... That's me..." I said and gave the person my hand.
"I'm Cardinal Copia," I explained and they bowed their head.
"Nice to meet you, young man," they said, looking at me. The person stroked my hair and smiled.
"Primo's brother definitely has the same good genes as Primo himself," they joked and I looked at them confused.
"Excuse me if I'm so tactless, but how do you know Primo?"
The person smiled.
"I'll put it this way: there was a time when I was very close to Primo." They smiled before looking at the grave.
"Too bad the time is up" I looked at them
"May I ask your name?" I asked and the person looked up at me with a sad smile and tears in their eyes.
"My name is Y/n..."
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We will never know why Y/N is alive...
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It took me a while to write it and I wasn't sure how I wanted to end it so I decided that way. I hope it isn't too mean ^^'