STELLA
Killian had a weird look on his face when I stepped out of the bathroom.
Tense.
With a sprinkle of anguish.
For some unfathomable reason, it made me flare with heat, something blistering hot and liquid hitting me in the abdomen so succinctly it made me dizzy. A tremor broke out across my exposed skin and I resisted the urge to pull on the beachwear cover up I had clasped in one of my fists.
The air grew thicker and hotter between us, the few feet of space that separated our bodies tangible and alive with a charged energy I couldn't put my finger on. But it was there and alive and wholly unnerving.
I cleared my throat, awkward and hot, and absently fidgeted with one of the straps digging into my hip. The bikini was new- a white, complicated number with a plethora of straps that intersected at my waist, hips, shoulders and between my breasts. It had been an impulse buy, what with not much time left for me between Christmas and travelling, so the small amount of shopping I did manage to complete had been hurried. Regardless, I managed to snag a few items suitable for a luxurious tropical holiday, one of them being this particular ensemble.
In retrospect, judging by Killian's hard expression, perhaps I could have spent a bit more time choosing something less... revealing. I was also sure I didn't have the body type to pull off so many straps that were smooshed into my soft rolls and I became abundantly aware of that fact now.
I adjusted a strap over my shoulder and averted my gaze. "I, uh..." I didn't know what to say that would break the tension stretching taut between us. How could I feel awkward about the way I looked and turned on at the same time? I fiddled with another strap, this one directly under the white bralette and hugging my ribs. "I guess it's a bit small. I'll... put on something else."
"No."
His voice, clipped, sharp and rough, made a shard of need scald me from the inside out. Frozen, I could only take in Killian as he stood before me, his eyes switching over my shoulders, my breasts, and every part of my body that was exposed. Right then, I felt like he was seconds away from stalking over and hauling me over his shoulder, caveman-style.
There was nothing directly indicative of this fact: it was merely my suspicion. A sixth sense that came alive with him before me, looking at me in the way that he was.
And, Lord help me, the idea wasn't offputting.
His eyes dragged back up to my face and when his gaze latched onto mine, a muscle in his jaw tensed. He made a gruff noise, a deep sound from the base of his chest, and pulled his lips tight. "No, don't," he repeated and some of the command had left his voice. "You look... good."
"Oh." I blinked, once, twice... the compliment was innocuous enough, but I couldn't help feeling that there was more meaning to it. "Thank you." I took a deep, steadying breath and clutched the lacy cover-up to my chest. Absurd, really, the sudden need to hide myself... this man had seen me naked a few days ago.
Killian glanced at the camera he had in his hand. "So... what do you need me to do? You'll have to show me how to use this thing."
I shook off whatever had settled between us, refusing to allow it to intrude on my conscience while I dealt with Killian. I needed his help and I was grateful for it- that's all that this was, nothing more. Nothing more would come of it. Determined, I moved over to Killian and took the camera from his hands, ignoring the charge of heat that shot through my fingers when our flesh touched at the brief interchange.
"I'll just set it up for you," I said, moving over to the patio outside. "All you need to do is aim and click." Doing just that, I tested the camera and the shot myself a few times before handing it back to him. "I just need a few in the pool and then it should be fine." I met his gaze, feeling uncharacteristically reticent. Normally, I did all this alone. I didn't have to second-guess what I was doing or how I was going to pose in front of an audience. I could just set a timer, get the shot, and be done with it. An audience made it somehow more personal... and from an outsider's perspective I could see how I would come off. And because it was Killian, I didn't want him to think of me as conceited as I strutted around the pool with a camera aimed at me.
"I know this seems absurd," I told him, "but I receive a lot more engagement from readers and followers if the photos I upload actually have me in them." Tossing my cover up on the nearest lounger, I held my shoulders straight and scraped my hair to one side, out of my face. "I also... well, I like showing other people that my body's not perfect and if that helps someone else grow comfortable in their skin, then that's all that matters."
I dumped my hands on my hips, squaring off with him boldly. I refused to cross my arms around my waist or suck in my tummy, but the longer I stood before him with that camera primed in his hands the more I thought about the stretch marks visible on my hips and waist. I couldn't tell what he made of my diatribe, his expression carefully blank and unsmiling.
"Stels, I don't think this is absurd." His lips curled just the slightest and his gaze dipped, so briefly I scarcely caught the movement. "And I think you're the most desirable woman on the planet. You should have photos of you looking amazing plastered all over the place."
He could have smacked me across the face with a dead fish and I would have less of a reaction than I did to those words. A frantic pulse erupted throughout my body and it was all I could do to ignore the burn pricking the corners of my eyes. I sucked in a breath, and then managed a garbled, "Thank you," to which he grinned, all boyish and swoon-worthy with nothing on but his dark-coloured swimming trunks hanging low on his hips.
"Should we get this over with?" Killian asked, gesturing at the camera he held between us.
For the next thirty minutes or so, he endured me coaching him through various ways to set up the perfect compositional frame and shot. His patience with me was something to marvel at as I told him countless times over to take the photo again because I wasn't satisfied with something- a stray hair, the way my eyes looked squint, my smile was 'wrong'. He didn't criticise or show outwardly any vexations, occasionally huffing a laugh at one of my own critiques.
I posed in the pool and out the pool, lying about on a lounger, with a huge sun hat, and without a hat. Standing, sitting, yoga-posing... I think Killian must have endured me in a hundred different poses before I decided that was enough.
The sun had dipped past the horizon by the time we had concluded, casting the sky in a blaze of pinks and oranges juxtaposed against the aquamarine waters of the ocean laid out before us. Still wet from a recent plunge into the pool, I padded inside and snatched up the bottle of champagne that was still sitting in the ice bucket on the coffee table. Turning back to Killian, I offered him a smile and raised the bottle. "Sundowner?"
Killian hesitated, not looking at me as he set the camera carefully down on a table next to one of the loungers. When he straightened, his eyes held a level of seriousness that levelled the light mood of a few moments ago. "Are you sure you want me to hang around, Stels?"
Rationally, I knew it was a bad idea. Having Killian around me constantly was a bittersweet sort of ache. It wasn't helping me get over him, being overwhelmed by a weird driving urge to want him around all the time yet knowing nothing would ever come from it. It left me confused, wanting and horny.
But he had helped me today and I liked being around him.
Even if it was bad for me, I knew I wanted him to stay.
Just for a little while longer.
He was here, and so was I- that was irrefutable, for reasons from the universe I couldn't begin to fathom.
After today, I silently vowed, I would steer clear of him and allow my battered heart to heal over completely. But for now... I'd relish in its ache just by his proximity alone.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I offered him a shrug, a smile, and then flopped onto my ass and draped my legs into the water of the pool, facing the magnificent sunset. I tipped my head back to him, adding, "Join me." And then I proceeded to try to uncork the champagne with my teeth.
He sighed and snatched the bottle from my grasp. "You'll ruin that pretty smile of yours when you have no front teeth," he grunted, dropping down beside me and dumping his feet into the water, too. "Let me do that."
A loud pop echoed across the water as he twisted the cork from the bottle, took a hefty swig, and passed it over to me. For a moment, we sat in companionable silence, shoulder to shoulder, sipping from a bottle of expensive champagne. I devoted myself to not thinking how romantic the context was- the beach, the sunset, the overwater villa sprinkled with rose petals and accompanied with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries.
To help, I opted for conversation. Anything to not dwell on the subject of Killian and I as lovers enjoying the Maldives... that notion became a little too painful to endure. "So," I hedged, setting the bottle between us and sitting back on my palms, "what made you decide to come to the Maldives now?"
I wasn't looking at him but I could sense him shift a bit, perhaps from unease. "It was Amber, actually," he admitted. "She suggested we book a holiday after South Africa. She found a promotion for the resort somewhere online and I went ahead and booked it." He shrugged, taking the bottle from between us and bringing it to his lips. "So, you see, definitely not stalking you, in case you were concerned."
I snorted, taking the bottle from his fingers. "I wasn't. I got the tickets and the booking for the resort only a few days ago. It was a close call- if I hadn't finished the other piece on Mongolia, I don't think I would have gotten this one."
"Mmm, so speaking of," Killian said slowly and I felt him turn to me, his gaze like an ardent caress to the side of my face, "what are you supposed to be doing for this job? Out of curiosity."
"You mean, what do I need to submit so I don't get my ass fired?" I chuckled slightly, swinging my legs back and forth through the cooling water of the pool. "It's a promotional piece for the resort primarily. I need to include as many details as possible about its offerings- daily. On top of that, 500 words each day and a select handful of photos."
"You'll manage that?"
"Yup." I gave him a glance out the side of my eye, silently adding to myself, If I don't have any distractions. But this time I wouldn't allow myself to get caught up in Killian again. We had been there, tried that, way too many times already.
I was a grown woman in control of my hormones.
The man smiled at me, flashing a set of white teeth as deep grooves appeared in his cheeks. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he caught my gaze, an errant gust of wind sweeping the thick locks of dark hair across his brow.
"Of course you will, Huxley. You're made of stronger stuff than any of us."
I doubted that, but the cadence of his voice washed over me like warm syrup and filled my head with bubbles. "It's not that hard to do," I mumbled. The sun had set properly now and we were almost covered in darkness as a few stars glittered merrily from the heavens.
I reached behind me, determined to keep certain thoughts at bay and the mood as light as possible, and snagged the abandoned camera atop one of the loungers. "Selfie, quick," I urged him, turning the lens towards us. He didn't protest, and leaned in close to make sure we were both in frame, so close the edge of his jaw brushed against my cheekbone. I snapped the picture and turned the screen towards us for a brief examination, grinning at the result. My hair was wet and curling limply over my shoulders, his windswept over his brow, a deep smile grooving his cheeks. Just looking at that still image had my abdomen fluttering wildly. Killian was too handsome for his own good. I set the camera back on the lounger.
"What's the deal with the selfie?" he asked, turning to lock me in his potent blue gaze. "Not that I mind."
I shrugged, not entirely sure why I had done that. Mostly, to rid myself of inappropriate thoughts of an off-limit guy. "We're on holiday in the Maldives. Figured moments needed as much documenting as possible."
He didn't say anything to that for a long time, considering me intently as he mulled over my words. Killian made a dismissive sound and studied the sky for a moment. He set the champagne aside and got to his feet, the muscles in his abdomen and chest bunching and rolling with no small amount of appeal as he did so. Looming over me, it was hard to curb my attraction. The man checked all of my boxes. In fact, if he had a few piercings and a mohawk, I probably would have thrown myself at him and begged him to toss me atop those rose petals on my bed and have his way with me.
God, that had so much appeal...
"I'm gonna head over to the main resort for dinner," he told me, oblivious to the forbidden thoughts churning through my mind. "What about you?"
I'm gonna head over to my rucksack and locate a small vibrating friend I packed so I don't lose my ever-loving mind. I shook my head, wet tendrils of hair sticking to the skin of my back. "I'll skip tonight and get a start on some of my work," I said. "I have enough content to fill in my quota without doing the dinner rush."
Killian moved off to the side, opening the small gate that separated the patio of our units. I thought it was a rather pointless contraption considering I could just jump into the water and swim on over to his side, but what did I know? I wasn't an architect for a luxury island resort.
He stepped through and closed the gate, turning back to me and regarding me with that same, intense, almost brooding look he sometimes wore. "Is..." his voice caught, roughening and dipping slightly, but then he seemed to correct whatever it was he wanted to say to me. "Are you alright, Stels, with... everything?"
With us.
I was caught off-guard by the question. I hadn't anticipated that either of us would bring up this topic again, believing it was laid to rest the night of Sadie and Sipho's wedding. I couldn't answer him, either, because I didn't know myself exactly how I was doing. I tried to smile, but the gesture felt tight... disingenuous. "I don't know." I hid my stiffness by taking a sip of more champagne, the alcohol settling with a dull burn at the bottom of my stomach.
"I understand." He gave me a crooked smile that was edged with sadness and made to turn away, but then he paused again. "I'll try to keep my distance, Stels. But maybe, if you think you can manage it, we could come out of this experience as... friends?"
He didn't wait for me to answer, leaving me with the possibility open between us, and I watched the muscles ripple across his shoulders and back as he walked away from me.