"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay up with you... There is nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until I die, and after your death I will still protect you."
—Elizabeth Gilbert
Eight days passed since they left Polis, but they were no closer to finding a solution to the wave of radiation heading their way.
When they returned to Arkadia, Thomas was waiting at the gate to ambush Astoria with a tight hug. She huffed about it, yet still she found herself gripping onto him as though he would slip through her fingers. Then she pulled back and studied the nursing black eye and bruise on his jaw. He complained and tried to push her away—claiming that he felt great, and that helping Raven and Monty save the world was so cool!—but Astoria didn't let up her worry.
It was her job to care for him and ensure that things like what happened with ALIE, and a chipped Jasper, didn't happen. She failed, but she wasn't going to let it happen again.
He acted as her shadow for the days that followed, only rushing away when Oran offered to teach him to wield a sword (something Astoria wasn't too happy about, but her brother promised they would only use the dulled training ones. Truthfully, Astoria would sleep better at night knowing that Thomas could protect himself). When she was given a moment alone, she spent it with the others brainstorming ways to save humanity. She hadn't had the time to pick up a book in days, though she wasn't sure if she would be able to read if she tried.
After four nights of waking up throughout the night from dreams that made her body shake with sweat, she pulled on a pair of sweatpants—they belonged to Bellamy, and she was sure he wasn't aware she had stolen them—and a hoodie before shoving her feet into her boots and not bothering to tie them. She had been seeing Bellamy's bloodied face beneath her and hearing his Trigedasleng pleas for her to stop. That night, her subconscious had twisted the memory. Her knife dug through his skin and summoned horrible cries and chokes from him. Even when she knew it wasn't real, her cheeks became sticky from tears and her hands took hold of her sheets. She needed to see him.
Her breathing was laboured and much too fast as she moved through the halls of the Ark, her arms crossed and one hand holding her sleeve to wipe at her face. Let them take care of you; Kane's words echoed through her mind and almost seemed to bounce out of her ears to pound on the metal walls around her. They were taunting her. Calling her weak.
Having people around you that care makes you strong, not weak.
Perhaps if she wasn't so tired, she would have done what she usually did and pushed away the need for comfort, but she needed a good, uninterrupted night of sleep. She knew that it wouldn't be possible without seeing with her own eyes that Bellamy was fine; she knew that having him next to her would make it much easier to rest.
She wasn't sure where they stood, but she knew he was just as confused as she was. Were they supposed to return to what they were before she broke his heart? There was so much they needed to properly speak about, but it was not going to be an easy conversation. Though, Astoria wasn't sure she'd be able to keep a distance between them any longer. She was going to die soon, and every day that past had her feeling worse and weaker. She just wanted to spend the rest of her time on Earth with those that she loved.
Hopefully, he would feel the same. For the past four days they hadn't spoken privately, but surely that was because they were both so busy—not to mention the child that has been hanging off her arm. They weren't ignoring each other purposely, were they? That kind of pettiness wasn't something Bellamy would do, and he was never nervous about speaking his mind to her previously. Normally, she was the one who pulled back from sharing her feelings.
When she reached his room, she shook her arms and her sweater dropped over her hands. Strangely, having most of herself covered made her feel safer. Apart from the books and her friends, Astoria liked the clothes from the Sky People most.
She huffed and forced herself to focus, but it took another minute before she worked up the courage to knock on Bellamy's door. Once her knuckles rapped over the metal she took a step back, and suddenly felt horribly foolish.
She was coming to his room with red eyes and puffy cheeks to ask him for comfort after a nightmare? What was she thinking?
She would have turned and quickly rushed back to her room—to grab a book and a flashlight to spend the rest of the night atop the Ark or in a tree just outside the walls—but before she could move her feet the door was opening, and Bellamy was squinting at the light that came from the hall. He rubbed his tired eyes and tilted his head slightly at the sight of her. He looked exhausted—even more so than she did. His torso was bare, and it was clear he had thrown on the first pair of pants he found in the dark from the way he was still buttoning them up. His eyes had trouble adjusting to the light in a way that would have made Astoria smile if she didn't feel so guilty.
Of course, he was sleeping. It must have been close to four in the morning.
She wasn't prone to disturbing others' sleep, despite how often Bellamy had told her to wake him up if she ever needed him. He grew panicked when he saw the frown tugging on her lips, and he copied the expression when he saw her glossy cheeks.
"What happened?" he questioned quickly, almost worried that someone had hurt her. It nearly sounded like a demand, but he contrasted the harshness in his tone when he took steps into the hall and took Astoria into his arms. He expected her to yank free.
Instead, she leaned her head against his bare chest and began to listen to his heartbeat. He was just down the hall, but somehow, she still missed him. They saw one another every day, but they were holding back from acting how they truly wanted to around one another. After Pike, after he found out she had been lying to him, and everything that happened with ALIE and the chips... they weren't the same. Nothing was the same.
Still, it almost felt impossible to feel anything but love for him. There was no one in Arkadia, or any sector they had mapped out, or anywhere hidden in the stars, that calmed her racing heart the way Bellamy could. No one could make her feel the way Bellamy did.
It was terrifying; realising that her home wasn't Arkadia, or the trees, or her village. Her home was him.
"The nightmares are back," she finally whispered, and for once her voice was small and fragile.
He was the only person she allowed to see her so vulnerable. She never allowed herself to break and crumble when anyone else was present. Still, it had been a while since she came to him sounding so helpless.
Being at Arkadia—living in a place where she felt safe enough to sleep full nights—had slowly fended off her nightmares, until they no longer ruled over her. Part of it had been due to Bellamy's presence. He would wake her up if she was whimpering in her sleep and calm her down when she woke up screaming. He held her and hummed softly until she was able to fall back to sleep.
They both knew what caused them to suddenly reappear. It made Bellamy hold her tighter and shut his eyes.
"I'm sorry..." Astoria's breath tickled his neck as she mumbled the apology into his skin. It made his heart twist inside his ribcage. He never wanted to hear her apologize again. "I shouldn't have woken you up..."
Based on the things they had gone through in the past month, Bellamy didn't need to guess what her dream had been about. It made him feel worse. "Come on."
He slowly guided her into his room and let the door shut behind them before he left her side to flip on the lamp beside his bed. A yellow tint covered the room and she nearly jumped when he softly took her hand to tug her forward from the entrance. He allowed her to set her own pace and was surprised at how vulnerable she was allowing herself to be. When she sat down on his bed, he kneeled in front of her to tug off her boots before running his hands up her legs to rest on her thighs.
When he met her eyes, he released a small huff and wished there was some way to transfer all her grief to someone more deserving. He would take the heavy load onto his own shoulders if he had to, if it would only make the chance of a smile gracing her lips higher.
He slowly raised one of his hands up to brush the curly hair from her eyes, and when he settled on her cheek, she nuzzled it into his palm. He wondered if it was calming her as much as it was him.
Her voice was uncharacteristically small, "Why didn't you fight back?"
Clearly the question had been burning on her tongue for days; she was quiet and shaky. She didn't know if she wanted an answer.
How could he nearly let himself die at her hands? How could he rationalise his decision to leave her with the weight of taking his life?
Bellamy opened his mouth to speak, but only a breath of air came out. Then, he shook his head and tried again. "Everything that I've done to hurt you... I couldn't..." he stopped himself, almost as though he didn't want to go on. "I couldn't hurt you again. Even if it wasn't you, or if I would've died..."
She frowned; he hated it.
"I've hurt you too," she clarified through a whisper. Bellamy sighed in near despair, but couldn't take back the conversation before Astoria stopped him. "I have. Since the beginning, Bellamy, all I've done is bring you pain. I told you I didn't care; I said you meant nothing to me when all you wanted to do was help. I left you outside the dropship to die... I tried to sacrifice myself countless times despite you and everyone else telling me it wasn't an option, I... I refused to tell you that I'm going to die, and I robbed you of your chance to tell me you loved me over and over again—"
"Astoria..." he tried to calm her, but her name from his lips only sent her farther into a spiral.
Her ramblings continued; "No, Bellamy, I... I broke your heart because I was a coward and then... then I almost killed you—"
As though that was the last straw, Bellamy took her face completely into his hands and forced her teary eyes to meet his. "That was ALIE. Not you—"
"It felt like me..." She whispered through her shame. No longer did she have the strength to fight against her tears. "I was in the City of Light, like all the others, but I swear... I could see what I was doing. I could feel each hit, and feel you pushing against me... but I couldn't stop it.
"I thought I was going to kill you—God, Bellamy, I almost did kill you! And I couldn't even scream at myself to stop. I wasn't strong enough to fight back against her and now every time my eyes close I see you begging me to break through and—"
She was finally cut off when Bellamy shook his head and pulled her off the bed and into his arms on the floor. Astoria didn't try to stop him; instead, she went limp in his lap as he brushed a hand over her hair and rested the other on the back of her neck. She cried into his chest and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, waiting a moment before finding the strength to loop her hands around his body.
Finally, something snapped; since she ended things between them weeks before, her heart had been filling and filling with sorrow and tears that were begging to be spilt out. Now, the coil was broken, and she allowed herself to be weak in his arms. She wasn't sure if her sobs were choking her because they were filled with so much grief, or if they were made worse by the relief of finally allowing herself to feel everything she had been holding in.
"I should've fought back," Bellamy whispered into her hair, holding her tighter as though she was going to slip through his fingers. "I'm sorry I didn't fight back."
She didn't move, or even hum, to let him know she heard his apology, so Bellamy repeated it. He kept her close and rocked them back and forth, waiting as long as she needed until her cries quieted and she fell asleep to his hushed apologies and Trigedasleng endearments. Then, he lifted her carefully into his bed and tucked the covers up to her chin. He hesitated only a moment before crawling in as well and pulling her close once more.
He didn't care that they had no label to clarify what they were to one another, and when she woke with the sun, she couldn't bring herself to either. They were together, and they were alive. That was all that mattered.
On the eighth night of being back at camp, a small group gathered in the Chancellor's office for another session of throwing around useless ideas and inevitable dead ends.
It was raining hard. Thunder pounded in the sky and lightning hit the grounds around Arkadia. Astoria stood with her eyes trained on the window. Normally, she found rain calming—when she lived in her cave (which felt like ages ago) the rain helped lull her to sleep—but now she wished for the sun to rise and the rain to soak into the ground to dry.
The storm was making everything gloomier, and she wanted to enjoy the time she had left.
"We've been at this for days," Bellamy huffed. After a few seconds, Astoria looked over her shoulder at him. "There must be something we're not thinking of."
He was moving towards the board where they had ideas scribbled down, and Raven rolled her eyes at his comment from where she was leaning against a table. Monty was pushed against one of the walls and Clarke stood in front of the Chancellor's desk like it was hers. Astoria sighed before taking a few steps closer to the conversation.
"What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?" Bellamy continued, but Raven shook her head.
"I told you, the meltdown started months ago," She explained again—Astoria didn't butt in to tell it had been Clarke that asked days before, because she knew correcting the mechanic would only start an argument. "There's no magic button to turn them off."
She was just as tired as the rest of them, and it was showing through her annoyed voice. Astoria grew even more tense at the idea of a fight beginning between them all. They had been teetering on the edge of a large one for the past eight days.
"Today, this isn't black rain," Raven continued, motioning to the storm outside. Black rain; Astoria didn't want to imagine how that would feel on her skin. She assumed it would be similar to acid fog, but would it hurt more or less? Would she even be able to tell in the moment? "But it will be soon. That's why we need to focus on riding out the radiation; finding somewhere safe and big enough to hold all five hundred of us."
"This isn't just about saving us," Clarke turned to face them. "I made a promise to Roan. It's about saving everyone."
Raven gave the blonde an annoyed look, "And that's why we need to tell everyone. Crowdsource it." Monty nodded to show he agreed, and it made Raven more confident to continue. "If there's another Mount Weather out there, the grounders will know about it."
"We asked Oran already," Astoria cut in, her voice calm and collected. She needed to keep the conversation neutral. "He doesn't know of any bunkers that could save us, and chances are the other grounders will say the same." She shook her head and paused for a moment, "But, even if there was, we can't expect them to tell us about it. They'll overthrow Roan and use it to save themselves."
With a huff, Raven tilted her head. "Then just tell our people. We need more minds on this problem. On the Ark, people volunteered for the culling because they were told the truth and given a choice..." Raven stopped to contemplate her words, before fully turning her attention to Clarke. "A choice your dad died for."
Clearly, the words cut the blonde deep. "You think I've forgotten that?" Clarke hissed, and the anger in her voice caused Astoria to take a few steps forward.
"When we told the hundred, we thought Murphy killed Wells, what happened?" she reminded the group, eyeing them carefully in hopes of stopping the incoming fight. "Everyone freaked and Murphy almost died."
Bellamy nodded along to her words, "Astoria's right. We'll tell everyone the truth once we've found a viable solution. Without one, it'll start a panic."
"You don't know that," Raven huffed, planning to continue the argument much more heatedly.
Before she could, Monty spun around from where he had been observing a bucket being filled with rainwater from a leak in the ceiling. A leak they would need to patch up before the black rain began, Astoria added it to the list of things they needed to fix.
"That's it!" Monty perked up so suddenly it caused Astoria to jump.
Clarke only tilted her head, "What are you talking about?"
"Think..." he started to explain, eyes moving between everyone carefully. "Alpha Station survived for ninety-seven years in space through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations."
Astoria shook her head, "Could you explain that in a way that someone who's never been to space would understand?"
He waved his hands as though it was obvious as he focused his attention on the grounder. "The Death Wave is coming with all those things," he made it clearer for her, despite thinking it obvious himself. "All we have to do is patch up the ship. We're standing in our viable solution."
Then the boy smiled so genuinely that Astoria's heart twisted and clenched in her chest.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
Astoria had only ever travelled in the rover; she was grateful for that, because the larger vehicles seemed to drive much more roughly. She was lucky to be given the front seat beside Bellamy (though, Bryan, Harper, Miller and Monty didn't complain in the slightest from the back—a perk to being sick) and he tried his best to make the ride smooth.
When he couldn't avoid potholes or warn her in advance when a bad bump was coming, he settled on taking her hand and holding it tightly over his thigh. Astoria thought it made the journey much more bearable.
They reached Sector Eight soon enough, and they parked the truck just out from where Farm Station had crashed from space months earlier. Astoria hopped down from the passenger seat before grabbing her bow and keeping it in her hands, knowing the probability of running into Azgeda warriors was high; she was glad Clarke had given her a blood transfusion that morning.
"This is as close as we can get," Bellamy told the group as he shut the driver's door. Astoria rounded the front of the truck and moved towards the edge of the cliff with the others. "From here we go on foot."
"We get the machine and get out of here," Miller took over, not sounding happy about being on Azgeda land. Astoria couldn't fault him. "I don't want to stay here any longer than we have to."
Astoria found herself losing interest in his words. At the sight of the snow and trees—and the large metal station from the sky—she stilled and allowed a look of wonder to come over her face. She had never seen so much snow in her life (it snowed in Trikru territory once every few years during the colder seasons, but most of it would melt soon after hitting the mossy ground) and suddenly she felt jealous that she hadn't grown up closer to it.
Azgeda were a clan of batshit crazy maniacs, but their land was beautiful.
"Never been this far into Ice Nation?" Bellamy asked as he came to a stop next to her, watching her reaction with adoration in his eyes. He found the sight of her seeing the snow better than the snow itself. When she couldn't find the words and opted to simply shaking her head as a no, Bellamy smiled.
She was the only one admiring the view, however. Both Bryan and Monty grew solemn at the sight of their old home, and if Miller hadn't begun to do what they were there for, Astoria would've spent much too long daydreaming of playing in the snow like a child.
"Guys, we got a problem," he told them, and instantly, they were all crouched with their guns up to spy through the scopes. Astoria reached out a took the binoculars when Miller offered them to her, and she cursed under her breath at the sight of the white clad grounders in front of the station.
She did like how small they looked through the magnified lenses.
"They moved in," Bryan sneered, and Astoria couldn't blame him. "If it's the same guys who attacked us, with our guns we could take them."
Astoria found herself wanting to agree; the small, dark part of her mind that wanted revenge for Mount Weather and everyone else Azgeda had harmed.
"I'm sure we could," Bellamy spoke up, the calmness of his words causing Astoria to relax slightly. She realised how tight her grip was on the binoculars and passed them back to Miller. "But we didn't come here to fight."
Bryan didn't have the same reaction, "They butchered us.... killed kids." For once, she didn't blame him for his hatred towards the grounders. "Our friends, our families."
"I don't like it anymore than you do," Monty shook his head. "But Bellamy's right. We need that machine."
"Uh, guys?" Harper's voice was shaky, and when Astoria and the rest of the group turned to see a grounder with an arrow pressed into the girl's neck, she jumped up with her own bow drawn.
The others had their guns up, and as the Azgeda soldiers began to speak to one another in their language Astoria moved her aim from grounder to grounder. There were too many of them, but she didn't loosen her grip. Even when Bellamy began to give them orders she kept her chin up and her weapon strung.
"Weapons down," he told them as he put his rifle on the rocks below them. When the others hesitated, his voice grew sterner. "Now!"
With an angered huff Astoria tossed her bow to the ground and let her arrow slip from her fingers. Bellamy had to tell Bryan one last time, but eventually even he put his gun down.
When Bellamy moved to reach into his jacket, a man yelled at him to stop and Astoria narrowed her eyes and took a step closer to the spaceman. "It's okay," he assured the grounders, nodding his head. "It's just..." he pulled out the wrapped Seal and presented it to the woman in charge. "Haihefa Roan kom Azgeda, don sen oso."
Astoria allowed herself a moment to admire how well Bellamy had taken to her language, before the Ice Nation woman turned to the rest of the grounds and swung back around to smack Bellamy across the face with Roan's Seal.
She barely moved before Miller whispered her name to get her to stop. She flinched towards the woman but stopped herself from attacking, knowing it would only make everything worse. Her hands went up to show she wasn't going to harm anyone, but her eyes spoke differently.
"Take all their weapons..." the woman spoke, looking at Astoria for a moment as though she was debating giving her a smack as well. "And let's introduce them to the Chief."
They bound all their wrists before pushing them down a rocky path and into Farm Station. It was grey and dark inside, but Astoria didn't spend time admiring it. Instead, she was eying every Azgeda man and woman that were taking them to their Chief. She already scraped three escape plans by the time they were pushed to their knees in front of a scar-faced man with greasy hair and chain clothing.
He took the Seal from the woman and examined it before looking to Bellamy. "Where did you get this?" He asked in English.
Bellamy took a deep breath, "King Roan." The Ice Nation Chief narrowed his eyes. "Skaikru and Azgeda are allies. He sent us to get a part of the ship—a machine."
"Haihefa Roan nou komba raun Azgeda kom thri yiron," the woman behind the Chief hissed. "The banished prince is not my king."
She whispered the last part to the Chief, and after a moment he pulled out the knife from his waist band. Astoria tilted her head in warning and Bellamy took a deep breath. "Look," he started, remaining composed. "If we'd come to take this place back, there'd be a lot more of us, and you know that."
His hands were tied but out in front of him, but the Chief still looked to the Azgeda woman beside him. "Teik jos dula klin, Dakiva," he told her, and Astoria slightly shook her head.
When he took steps towards Bellamy with his knife out in front of him, Astoria quickly began to fight against the man holding her and managed to stand just as the Chief yanked Bellamy up. She stilled when he cut the younger man free, and he looked to her as he spoke again.
"Breik in au," he demanded, and then they were all being released. Astoria took a step closer to Bellamy as he continued. "Where is this machine for the King?"
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
As they were led farther into Farm Station, Bellamy took the front of the line and Astoria remained at the back to ensure everyone was safe. Dakiva—the Azgeda woman who was far from happy about the cooperation between her people and Sky Crew—was walking beside her, a scowl on her face and her hand on the weapon at her hip.
When they stopped at a closed door, the Chief hesitated a moment before allowing it to be opened. Astoria tilted her head in confusion, finding herself growing uneasy at the thought of what awaited them. When the old man shared a look with Dakiva and the woman shook her head slightly, Astoria squared her shoulders and took a small step forward.
Finally, when the door was opened, Astoria tensed at the words the Chief yelled inside.
"Kampas, blinka daun!" he hissed.
Astoria was the last inside, and she stilled along with the rest of the group at the sight in front of her. Children; at least two dozen of them, all weathered and beaten into silence. Chains hung from their wrists and kept them at their stations where they worked to help keep the station powered.
"Do what you came to do," the Chief warned, looking to Bellamy with stern eyes. Astoria brought her attention to him as well and found his eyes sunken with more lives being added to his shoulders.
When Harper moved to get closer to the children, Bellamy reached out to stop her. "No," he whispered, but Astoria could see that he was fighting to remain still himself.
Monty distracted them all. "Up there," he pointed out, "The generator."
"Let's go," the Chief motioned to the stairs, and the group slowly began to follow him. Astoria kept her eyes in front of her, not daring to look at any of the little eyes.
Just as they reached the metal stairs, Bryan met eyes with a boy. "Riley?" he called out, the hope in his voice caused Astoria to tilt her head in worry. "Riley..."
"Bryan, wait!" Bellamy called out just as the younger boy grabbed onto Riley's shoulder and turned him around.
"We thought you were dead," he sounded both confused and relieved, but it was short lived as the Chief yanked him away.
Bellamy came to stand beside Bryan, and Astoria wished her weapons hadn't been confiscated upon entering the station. "Only the machine," the Chief clarified, "The rest is ours."
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
"I don't care that we're unarmed, we can't just leave them," Bryan hissed to the group as they stood around the generator as Monty worked on it.
Harper shook her head, taking on the job of talking sense into the boy. "We're in the coalition now," she explained. "So, we ask the King to free them. That's our best bet."
"Not if it means leaving Riley," Bryan didn't waste a minute.
Astoria remained silent, not finding any words to say. Thankfully, Bellamy was taking complete control of the problems at hand. "No, we won't, okay? But Harper's right." He took a deep breath, "We try diplomacy first. If that doesn't work, we come back with reinforcements for the slaves—after we take home the machine, alright?"
"Yeah," Bryan agreed begrudgingly.
When a little girl began to walk towards them holding a bucket of water in her small hands, Astoria felt her bones grow rigid and her blood cold. She must've been the same age Astoria was when she first left her village, and when the girl met her eyes, she couldn't look away.
Astoria thought of herself as a strong person; someone who would do whatever it took to keep herself and those she loved alive, even if it meant sacrificing others or doing things that would haunt her. Though, somewhere in the past few months she had spent with a proper family, her stone walls began to crack. She wasn't sure if she was strong enough to leave innocent casualties behind.
The girl scooted past them and diverted her eyes as though she was afraid to be caught staring, and Astoria became hot with rage at the thought of what had been happening to her since she was taken by Ice Nation. Her eyes moved to where Dakiva stood farther down the walkway, and she sneered at the woman. If Astoria still had her dagger, she would've thrown it between the grounder's eyes.
She only looked back to the group around her when Bellamy bent down beside her to grab a piece of cloth the little girl had dropped at their feet. Astoria narrowed her eyes as he opened it, and a deep breath was caught in her throat at the sight of the letters written in mud—MOVING US TOMORROW.
The word HELP was the largest, and Astoria kept her eyes on it as Bellamy addressed the others. "They're moving them," he informed them, and Monty stopped working for a moment.
Bryan shook his head, as though the note had made his mind up. "Hey, it's now or never."
"Are there any other exits in here?" Bellamy asked very quietly, and Astoria observed how Miller and Monty shook their heads as though they didn't want to waste time.
"No, this is completely sealed," Bryan began to explain, looking between them and missing the eyes of his friends that disagree with risking the generator to help. "Came down from space in here because its the most secure room in the ship."
Monty continued to work, "It's designed that way, in case the hydrazine blew."
Bellamy was clearly deep in thought, and Astoria tilted her head at him. "What are you thinking?" she asked after a moment.
He sighed and tilted his head, meeting her eyes. "We have a bomb."
Monty processed his words and stilled slightly, but it was Miller that spoke up. "Wait a second," he began, and all eyes turned to him intently. "The end of the world is coming, and you want to destroy the one thing that'll keep our people alive?"
"Yeah, not all our people," Bryan corrected sternly. "What about Riley?"
"I vote that we take it home," Miller decided on, and Astoria closed her eyes for a second at the thought of having to choose.
Bryan shook his head, "No. Blow it up."
"I'm with Bryan," Harper added her vote, her voice showing that the situation hits her closely. "I know what it's like to be locked up and afraid." Then, she looked to Miller, "You didn't leave us at Mount Weather. We shouldn't leave them here."
Astoria remembered what it was like being trapped in Mount Weather; not sure if anyone was going to save her or if she was ever going to see the sun again.
Bellamy's eyes moved from the enslaved children to Astoria before he looked to Monty. "Can we build another machine?"
"No way," Monty shook his head as though the question was stupid. "The tech's too advanced."
He didn't stop working on the machine, even as Bellamy continued. "We have six months... we have Raven—are you telling me she can't figure out another way to make water?"
"Yes," Monty hissed, clearly wanting to work in silence. "Look, I know you want to make up for the things you've done—believe me, we all do—but we need to think of the big picture. Twenty-five people instead of five hundred. We're talking about the human race, Bellamy. We need to get this machine back to Arkadia. It's the only way."
"It's two to two," Harper pointed out, and Astoria closed her eyes for a second. She knew what was coming. "Do either of you want to make the call?"
The group fell silent until Bellamy finally looked to Astoria. They communicated silently as they each tried to come to a decision. Then, Astoria finally nodded her head after swallowing the spit in her mouth. She knew what Bellamy wanted to do, and she knew she needed to help assure him it was the right thing.
They made the plan as Monty continued to remove the machine from its fixed position, and when they finally carried it down the stairs Astoria led the way back to the door. She met eyes with the same little girl that dropped the note for help and felt her heart break at the thought that they all believed they were being left behind.
When they got into the hallway, Miller purposely shook the machine and Bellamy scolded him to be careful just as they rehearsed. When Monty told them to set it down Astoria stopped and turned to face them, watching as Dakiva walked up to them in annoyance.
"What are you doing?" She hissed, meeting eyes with Astoria who only tilted her head.
Monty leant down and fiddled with the machine, and the moment beeping began he shouted "Now!"
Then, Astoria and the others grabbed the Azgeda grounders and took them out. Astoria brought the face of the one closest to her into her knee; Bryan punched one across the jaw; Bellamy twisted one's neck and knee another in the chest. Then he grabbed Astoria just as she took out the last standing guard and pushed her towards the door before following.
"Run! Move, move!" he shouted to the others as they rushed inside, and the door slammed behind them just as the explosion sounded. Astoria, Bellamy and Miller pushed against the door to keep it shut, and when silence came from the other side Astoria locked eyes with Bellamy.
She nodded her head, and he did the same. They did the right thing, even if Clarke was going to kill them for it.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
For the first few minutes of the ride back to Arkadia, Astoria was silent from beside Bellamy. He didn't hold her hand (though, he did continue to avoid bumps) nor did he push when she didn't continue any other conversations he started. She felt guilty for being so silent, but she couldn't outrun her own thoughts.
Finally, she spoke, and Bellamy spared her a glance as the words left her lips.
"I'm not sure if I would've made the same decision I did today a few months ago." Her voice was barely above a whisper, despite those in the back not being able to hear her through the wall between them or the sound of the vehicle driving. "I would've done the selfish thing, and I wouldn't have felt guilty over it."
He took a minute to respond, but Astoria didn't over think it. "Most people would be proud of that growth," he pointed out, voice softer than normal.
Astoria wasn't so sure he was right. She shook her head, "I want to do what needs to be done to keep you alive, Bellamy. I don't know why I couldn't do that today."
"We'll find another way," he promised, but she knew he didn't have any other ideas. She just hoped Clarke and Raven had been thinking of backup plans. "To save all of us."
He meant her, she knew that, and—instead of telling him she couldn't be a priority—she smiled. She leaned her head on his shoulder and let her eyes close for the rest of the drive, getting the rest she needed after such a busy day with her disease.
translations:
haihefa roan kom azgeda, don sen oso... king roan of azgeda sent us
haifhefa roan nou komba raun azgeda kom thri yiron... king roan hasn't been to azgeda for three years
teik jo dula klin... lets get this over with
breik in au... let them free
kampus, blinka daun... slaves eyes down