A/N: How are we enjoying this story so far? Any theories on where Eren is? How are we feeling about it all? I want to know!- ian :3
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January
It's been two months now since Eren disappeared. No one has any clue where he is except Armin, of course. But Armin keeps on telling us to not worry. No one is worried anymore. We've just kind of left it to him. What else can we do?
Colt and I have still been pretty steady. We're pretty exclusive. But not official or anything. We're taking our time but I'm enjoying whatever time it is with him and his family. Colt's actually not a bad person. I mean, for what he said to Armin and Eren at the party months ago, yeah. That was a bad choice. And of course, I talked to him about it. Armin still hates his guts. Again, understandable.
I hung out at Jean's house with the rest of the friend group as we all played Uno. It was a very competitive game. All losers took shots. Colt and I sat next to each other, laughing at Connie and Jean yelling at each other over the rules.
"Since when could you put a PLUS TWO on a PLUS FOUR?!" Jean exclaims.
"Bro since the new rule changed! Don't be a pussy and pull the six cards," Connie tells him.
"Dude...YOU CAN'T DO THAT," Jean emphasizes.
"Yeah Connie, I don't know how you learned Uno, but you can't do that. You have to grab four cards," Armin hops in. Jean looks at Connie, amped up. Connie's eyebrows creased with skepticism. He looks at Sasha, who took a sip of beer.
"Sash, search it up," He tells Sasha. Sasha sighs before pulling her phone out and typing. After reading she announces the verdict.
"Back in 2019, the official Uno Twitter account confirmed that you can't stack +2 cards and +4 cards–" Jean howled in victory before laughing in Connie's face. Colt and I watched as we laughed at Jean's passion.
"Pull those four cards bitch," Jean mocks Connie. Connie groans before grabbing four cards bitterly. We laughed.
The game finished with Jean winning, which made Connie bitter but it was better that Jean won since he was putting his blood, sweat, and tears into the game. The group aside from Jean took a shot of tequila before cleaning up after ourselves. I helped Jean with dishes as Colt and the rest of them helped out in the living room that we occupied. Jean and I laughed as we did dishes and put away food.
I figured I'd be a good wingwoman and ask him about his dating life and talk up Mikasa since I knew she kind of had some mindless little crush.
"So Jean," I begin. He looks at me before rinsing one of the cups in his hands.
"Y/n," He replies, waiting for me to speak. I chuckled.
"Are you interested at all in a relationship? Something serious?" I ask him. He chuckles mindlessly before glancing at me.
"Aren't you with Colt?" He asks.
"Wh–I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking for...A friend," I elusively tell him. He nods.
"Ah. Makes sense now. Well, right now...Probably not. I'm having fun. Still young," He tells me. I mock him as he laughs.
"That's valid. What if someone had a crush on you? Have you ever had that happen?" I tease him. He huffs.
"I don't think I've ever had someone explicitly tell me that they had a crush on me, nah," He replies. I nod.
"And you're not interested in anyone, right?" I ask him. He smiles as he looks at me.
"Nah. Well, actually...That's what I've been wanting to talk to you about," He tells me casually. My eyes lit up.
"Yeah? Who then?" I ask him eagerly. He laughs at my persistence before responding.
"No, it's still no one. Sorry to burst your bubble. I just wanted to tell you something stupid," He tells me. I sighed before wiping down the kitchen counters.
"Say it then," I tell him, a little bummed out. He chuckles nervously.
"I actually had a crush on you when I first met you. Which is stupid because...I dunno. And I know you're Colt's girl so obviously, I'm not that kind of guy. But I just thought it was funny because in retrospect, you're a good friend but I would not date you," He teases me. My face shifts into discomfort. A bit awkward. I give him a small smile before chuckling to break the silence. Maybe I won't tell Mikasa about this...
Colt and Mikasa walk into the kitchen with smiles on their faces, looking at the both of us.
"Colt and I just arm wrestled. You guys should've seen it," Mikasa says in between laughs. I looked at Mikasa with a genuine smile since hers was so contagious. I look over to Colt before approaching him and putting my arms around his neck before kissing him. He puts his hands gently on the small of my back as he kissed me back.
"You're brave for challenging Mikasa to anything. Who won?" I ask before pulling away from Colt to talk to Mikasa.
"Of course I did. Colt was close though. I won't lie," Mikasa tells me. I chuckled. Jean chuckled at the retelling.
"Jean, we're done cleaning the living room. Is Y/n done cleaning with you?" Colt casually asks Jean. Jean turns his head and looks at me. I wait for an answer.
"Yeah, she's good. Mika, can you help me dry these dishes?" Jean asks Mikasa. Mikasa nods, accepting.
"Jean, I could've helped–"
"Nah. It's fine. You two lovebirds get out of here," Jean lightheartedly tells me. A tang of disappointment. I watched him before looking at Mikasa, who looked at me with a gentle smile. She nods.
"It's okay. Go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow," Mikasa kindly tells me. I nodded before Colt and I held hands, approaching Jean's door and leaving.
In Colt's car, he adjusts himself before driving. I look at him before speaking.
"Something weird just happened when Jean and I were in the kitchen," I state, already speaking to the point where I have to tell him anyway. Colt's eyebrow raises before looking at me.
"Yeah? Like what?" He asks calmly. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Well, Mikasa had this stupid little crush on him but it wasn't a big deal since we all know how Jean is," I begin. Colt chuckles.
"Right," He chimes in. I sighed.
"So I figured since I got him alone, might as well see where he's at in terms of dating and if he was interested in Mikasa basically. But I didn't name-drop. Just...Hinted that someone that isn't me might like him," I explain. Colt nodded as he drove.
"But he said he wasn't interested in dating since he was still young. Whatever. But then he...Kind of confessed that he had a crush on me when we first met...And then he said he would never make a move because of you but in retrospect, he doesn't like me anymore," I tell Colt. Colt barely reacts before laughing. I nudge him.
"What? What's funny?" I asked lightheartedly while he laughed. He sighed before speaking.
"Nothing babe. It's just...Let's just say that I could tell," He replies with a chuckle. I chuckled.
"Could tell what?" I ask. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I dunno. The boys there look at you a little...different. Except for Armin. But he better fucking not," Colt expresses his dislike for Armin. I roll my eyes.
"I don't think Jean and Connie look at me like that," I rebuttal. Colt scoffs.
"You're forgetting the biggest one. Eren," He tells me. I sort of flinched at the sound of his name since it's felt like years since I've heard it aloud. I look at him and scoff.
"Yeah right. Eren and I weren't like that. Ever," I tell him. Colt chuckles before glancing at me. He puts his hand on my knee and rubs it.
"You're so oblivious. It's cute. Well, anyway, I can't say I'm surprised. Look at you," He compliments me. I smile before chuckling. I lean into him and give him a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah but now my thing is; Do I tell Mikasa? Like...How do I go about that?" I asked Colt for advice. Colt sighs before shrugging his shoulders.
"I think you should tell her. Just so that you have no skeletons in the closet. It's not like Jean liking you at one point was your fault. If you feel guilty keeping it from her then just don't," He simply tells me. I nod. I guess it is that simple. No need to overcomplicate things. Then, I'll tell her at the next chance I get when I see her again.
"Wait, are we going to my house or your apartment?" Colt asks.
"Your house. I want to sleep peacefully without a drunk Mikasa stumbling into the apartment," I joke. He chuckles before switching lanes on the highway.
"Alright then. I got some comfy pajamas for you," He tells me.
✩✩✩✩✩
I woke up on Colt's bed, completely comfortable and buried in his thick comforters. I sighed before stretching and opening my eyes. Colt was still in bed since we both had been drinking last night. Although, not heavily. I groaned quietly as the sun shone through his curtains. I turned away from the source of light before looking at Colt, who was on his phone casually. I poked him before he looked at me. He smiles.
"You're up," He tells me quietly. I stretched again before rubbing my eyes and opening them slowly.
"Yeah...Hand me my phone please," I tell him. He reaches for my phone before handing it to me. I yawn before checking my phone. I see a text from Dad. I groan before tossing my phone on the bed. Colt chuckles.
"What? Work?" He asks. I sit up before sighing.
"Worse. My dad," I reply. Colt smiles before grabbing my phone and handing it back to me, urging me to read the text. I grab my phone and open the text. I look at him.
"He wants me over today before break ends. You wanna come?" I ask him. Colt sits back up and looks at me.
"You want me to?" He asks. I scoff.
"I'll go crazy if I'm alone," I tell him. He rubs my warm back with his cool hand before speaking.
"You're still having those home problems? Jesus...It's been around since I met you," He comments. I chuckle.
"Way before that. But yeah. Thank God they divorced. Probably would've killed myself," I half-joke. He nudges.
"Don't say that. Your clothes are in the dryer. We can go after they're done," He tells me. I lean my head on his shoulder before kissing it and getting up.
"Thank you," I tell him before leaving his room and heading to his bathroom.
✩✩✩✩✩
We pulled into the driveway. Colt hasn't been here since we only moved about a year ago anyway. The house wasn't all that and I'm not ashamed of it but I'm not excited to show him around the house either. It wasn't a big deal. I barely liked being here as is.
Colt looks at me with a reassuring smile.
"You okay?" He asks me. I nod.
"Yeah. Just already annoyed," I reply. He nudged me before we got out of the car. We held hands as we walked along the sidewalk leading up to the front door, our boots crunching on the thin layer of snow.
I grab my keys in my pocket before unlocking the front door and opening it. I take my boots off at the entrance and Colt follows me in, doing the same. I closed the door and locked it before taking off my layers and looking around.
"Dad? I'm here," I announce calmly. I see him peeking out of the kitchen before seeing Colt. His eyebrows raised at his appearance before smiling. He laughed as he approached us.
"Colt? Jesus...It's been a while since I've seen you! You've grown taller," Dad comments on his height. Colt chuckles nervously.
"Yeah. Six-one now," He replies kindly. Dad hisses at the number before nudging him.
"You play sports?" He asks Colt. Colt nods.
"I do. I play soccer," Colt replies.
"On a team?"
"Yeah for my college. How have you been, Mr. L/N?" Colt shifts the attention off of him. Dad scoffs before laughing.
"I'm not old yet. I'm cooking some lunch now. You want some? Chili," Dad talks to Colt. I sighed before Colt looked at me.
"Uh...Sure. I could eat. Thank you," He nicely tells Dad. Dad smiles.
"Alright. Turn on the game. It's a rerun right now but the new game should come on in an hour," Dad tells Colt. Colt looks at me as Dad walks back into the kitchen. He chuckles at me as I roll my eyes.
"He hasn't even said hello to his own daughter," I whisper to Colt, not taking it too seriously since he was excited about Colt's presence. Colt hugs me and gives me a quick kiss since he didn't want Dad to catch us.
"Just relax upstairs. At least you don't have to argue with him. I'll be up after the game," He tells me. I chuckle.
"Oh well if that's the case, thank you for distracting him," I joke. He huffs with a smile before giving me one last kiss. We parted ways as I headed upstairs and he wanders a bit, looking for the living room.
I go into my room and lay on my bed, letting myself relax in the silence of my room. I sighed before looking around the familiar room. My comfort. Dark green accents in the room. My favorite color.
I flip onto my stomach as I casually fidgeted with the hair tie around my wrist. I observe the hair tie for the first time in its entirety. It's a regular black hair tie. But the rubber band inside the cloth stitching was broken, leaving the fabric of it to be stretched out and small. It had a small string tightly tied to it. I caressed the string thinking about Eren's motive for leaving.
I haven't had time to sit with my thoughts enough to understand why Eren left so abruptly. Armin says he's out for work so no one questions it but still, I can't find myself accepting that for an answer. What is it that Eren was doing? And why did he do it after our last interaction? Did I say something wrong? Why do I give a fuck?
It's not like I think about the weird energy Eren and I had the night of my birthday party. At least I try not to. It's kind of an afterthought at this point. He hasn't been around after the fact for me to even understand where we are. So I'm not going to torture myself with thoughts like that and he's gone. There's no point.
But...I can't find myself to be satisfied with my sex life now. And maybe I shouldn't have gotten so...Weird with Eren. Just because now my mind is wandering. Sex with Colt isn't bad. But now I'm just a little bored.
I chuckled at the reminiscing before I heard my name being called. I listen.
"Y/n! The food's ready," I hear Dad. I sighed before getting up and going downstairs. My Dad hasn't spoken to me yet. Thank God. I've been avoidant these past couple of months. For a reason. I just don't like confronting my issues. Haha.
I see Dad and Colt talking and laughing together as they held their bowls of chili, sitting on the couch and watching sports. I walk past them and make myself a bowl before eating at the table alone. The two of them together aggravate me. I don't know why.
I ate my chili quietly as I scrolled on my phone mindlessly. A couple of moments later, I see Colt walk past me before washing his bowl and sitting with me. He pokes me with his foot under the table. I look up from my phone and look at him as he smiles at me. I put my phone down and take a spoonful of chili before eating it.
"Come hang out with me," He tells me. I scoff.
"I don't wanna watch a game," I reply. He sucks his teeth.
"You gotta talk to your dad. Not saying it's your job but it's kind of putting me in the middle and it's a little awkward. He keeps asking about you," He tells me quietly. I watch him before sighing.
"You're right. Sorry for putting you in the middle. I'll talk to my dad," I reply. He chuckles.
"Not like I care about being in the middle. But I'm on your team babe," He tells me. I huff before smiling.
"Yeah right," I tease him.
"I am. Trust me. I'd rather hang out with you," He teases my dad. I laugh before finishing my chili. I headed to the living room just to engage in small talk with him. Colt follows behind me and we sit alongside each other as I watch my dad. He gives me a small smile.
"Finally. How've you been? School's been alright?" He asks me casually. I shrug my shoulders.
"It's been fine. Got through midterms barely," I keep it short. He nods.
"Colt goes to a different college, right?" He asks the two of us. I nod.
"Yeah. I go to Marley U. I still live over there," He explains. Dad's eyebrows raised.
"And you go to Paradis to hang out with Y/N? That's a hefty drive. Even Marley to Forks is a drive," Dad tells Colt. Colt chuckles.
"Yeah well, it's worth it since it's Y/N," Colt gushes. I nudge him. Dad nods, a tad confused.
"You've been friends for a while, right?" He asks. I sighed.
"Colt and I are seeing each other, Dad. I know you were eluding to it so I just answered it for you," I tell him. Dad's eyebrows raised before nodding. Colt chuckles nervously.
"Oh. Wow. Well, Colt, take care of her for me," Dad tells him. Colt smiles before nodding.
"I will. You know me," Colt casually tells him. Dad chuckles before standing up.
"Y/N, come help me with leftovers?" Dad asks. I looked at Colt, who looked at me with reassurance. I sighed before standing up and following Dad into the kitchen. I grab the pot of chili before looking for Tupperware. Dad clears his throat before looking at me. I turn and look at him, confused.
"What?" I ask him. He shakes his head.
"...You know, your mom is due soon. Real soon. Next month I think?" He rhetorically asks. I nod.
"Yup. What about her?" I ask him. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I figured you'd want to talk to her again or something. Meet your sister when she's born. I have your mom's address and number if you want it," He tells me. I put the chili in the Tupperware before looking at him.
"I'm good," I dismiss him. He sighs.
"This is a bit excessive, no? I get your anger, Y/n. I do. But you'll regret not being there for your little sister in the future. Feel how you want but that baby didn't do anything to you. At least give yourself access to her. If your mother lets you. Which I doubt she wouldn't," He explains to me calmly. I put the lid on the container before looking at him.
"I appreciate the advice but I think you should let me handle it the way I see best. I mean, I'm honestly surprised that you got over it so quickly. Twenty years. And in the span of one year, she's pregnant. If I were you, I'd be seeing red. That's a betrayal. And maybe you're not feeling it but I am," I explain to him calmly. He sighs before nodding.
"I'm not minimalizing your anger, sweetie. I understand. I'm angry too. But what can I do? I'm not the boss of her. She's not obligated to me. She can do whatever she wants. And she's dealing with the repercussions with you now. Maybe that's her karma," He half-jokes. I huff.
"I know we have our rough patches and shit. And we have our own shit to work through. But I'm angry for us. And it's not right. I understand you too, Dad," I tell him. He watches me before pursing his lips, attentive. He nods.
"I get it. Well, just know you can always change your mind. Whenever you want. No one will punish you for it. I promise," He tells me. I nod before putting the chili in the fridge and walking back out into the living room where Colt was attentive to the game on the TV. I threw myself onto the couch next to him and we watched the game.
✩✩✩✩✩
It was finally time to go back to school since Christmas break was over. I was dreading it but I enjoyed myself on the weeks we all had off. It was fun. And I'm glad I'm getting myself back out there. Now I feel a lot better. Still not completely there but I'm getting there. Maybe because of school, I have something to constantly focus on. A distraction.
The snow fell silently and slowly as I walked to the cafeteria to meet up with whoever was there. I see Mikasa, Armin, Annie, Sasha, Connie, and Jean seated and casually eating. I approach the table before sitting down in an available chair.
"Y/n! Finally, you're starting to join us for lunch again. You getting back into the kick of things?" Connie asks me. I chuckle.
"A little, yeah. Sorry for being weird with you guys. Just dealing with shit," I explain. They nod, understanding.
"It's all good. I'm glad you're doing better now. I was a little worried," Armin tells me. I give him a small smile before looking at Mikasa, who smiled at me adoringly. I smile back at her, giving her reassurance.
My sight was gone when hands covered my eyes behind me. I was confused and a bit startled before feeling the familiar hands. I pull them off gently and turned, smiling at Colt's entrance.
"Colt? How are you here?" I ask him. He sits by me.
"I have a free period for two more hours and I figured I'd chill with you guys until lunch was over. Wanted to see you," He tells me before putting his arm around me and kissing my head.
The group glanced with smiles but Armin didn't give him a happy expression. He looked annoyed at his presence. Because they sat across from each other, it was a bit awkward. There was no hiding the tension between the two.
Colt shifted in his seat as I talked to Mikasa and Connie casually. I felt him move a bit but didn't think anything of it. Connie glances at Colt before I turned my head and saw his creased eyebrows.
"Armin, is there a problem you have with me?" Colt finally says something. I sighed before nudging him.
"Colt. Stop," I quietly tell him.
"No. It's just weird. Like we've been coexisting for a couple of months now and you just can't stop fucking glaring at me like that. Do you think you scare me?" He combatively asks Armin. Armin scoffs.
"You definitely don't scare me if that's what you're thinking," Armin replied, feeding into it. Annie watched them, not involving herself. I sighed. So I was alone in trying to de-escalate.
"Armin, stop," Mikasa speaks up. Colt huffs.
"What's your issue with me? Or are you too pussy to say it?" He asks Armin rhetorically.
"I wasn't the one splayed out on the floor looking like a little pussy. That was you," Armin argues back calmly, reminding everyone of the Halloween party. Colt nodded.
"You snuck me. Bet if it was a fair one, it'd be different. Is it because I'm with Y/n? Are you jealous or something?" He questions. I groan.
"Colt, can you fucking not? His girlfriend is sitting next to him," I tell Colt. He shrugs his shoulders, not caring. Armin laughs.
"I'm good. Not jealous. But you're doing too much. You're not our friend. Back the fuck off. No one wanted you here. Not even Y/n. Go back to Marley," He tells Colt.
"Armin, go take a walk with Annie. Annie?" Mikasa asks for her attention. Annie looks at Mikasa.
"Nah. Colt has a loose ass mouth. I wanna see what he's gonna do," Annie eggs it on. I roll my eyes.
"Seriously Annie. Can you not instigate?" I ask her. Annie scoffs.
"I'll do whatever I want. Tell your bitch he's talking crazy," She cops an attitude with me as if I did something. I sighed before leaning back in my chair. Mikasa stands up and nudges Colt. Colt refuses to pay attention to her.
"How am I doing too much? You can't let it go. Always glaring at me like you're doing something when I'm around. Clearly, you just want a problem for shits and giggles," Colt tells Armin. Armin shrugs his shoulders.
"Maybe." Mikasa pulls on Colt's arm and forces him to stand up. With her strength, she managed to pull him out of the cafeteria.
I watched as Mikasa tried to calm Colt down before I turned and looked at Armin and Annie casually sitting down, talking amongst themselves with smiles on their faces. As if nothing happened. I huff before speaking.
"Seriously, I get what he did at the party was fucked up but you already fucking snuffed him for it. What else do you want?" I ask Armin. Annie and Armin both look at me.
"Y/n, it's not about Colt," Armin calmly tells me. Annie nods.
"It's about respect. Seems a little foreign to you but the concept in this situation is very basic," Annie tells me. My eyebrows creased.
"Annie, why are you getting an attitude with me? Did I do something?" I ask her, thrown off and irritated. She shrugs her shoulders.
"Nah. Just by association. That's all. Clearly, you're more of Colt's girlfriend than Armin's friend," She tells me. I stand up.
"You know what? Fuck you, Annie," I spit at her. Her eyebrows raised.
"Say it again? Come closer, I couldn't hear you," Annie slyly tells me. I look at her angrily before walking around the table. Jean immediately grabs me as Armin stands up and stops Annie. Jean looks at me.
"Y/n, stop. Not worth it. It's Annie," Jean tries to be lighthearted with me. I huff, jerking away from his touch but failing.
"No. She's being a bitch to me for no fucking reason. I'm Armin's friend and also seeing Colt. They can coexist. Why is she trying to be so fucking divisive? It's annoying. Instigating," I tell Jean. Jean nods, understanding.
"I get it but it's not worth fighting. Both of you need to fucking relax," Jean scolds Annie and me. Armin nods, agreeing.
"Yeah, seriously babe. I can't let you hit Y/n," Armin tells Annie. Annie looks at him, puzzled.
"And why not? Is there something you wanna tell me?" She starts arguing with Armin. Armin laughs before shaking his head.
"Not because of me. Well, she's my friend so partially. But because...You know," He tells her. Annie watches him before rolling her eyes, calming down, and sitting. My eyebrows creased as Jean led me back to my seat.
"Because of what?" I ask Armin across the table. He looks at me before shaking his head slightly.
"It's nothing. I'm sorry Y/N. Annie is too," Armin apologies to me. My eyebrows creased before I looked at Mikasa and Colt. I sigh before rubbing my eyes.
"It's fine. I'm sorry too. To both of you. Shit got a little out of hand," I tell them. They nod. Jean sat back down next to Connie.
"Jesus that was intense," Connie jokes. Jean chuckles, nudging him. I stand up and leave the cafeteria to look for Mikasa and Colt.
I approached them as they sat alongside each other on some steps. Mikasa was speaking before Colt glanced up at me. He stood up and Mikasa followed after. Mikasa puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Y/n–"
"Why didn't you defend me? Why were you siding with Armin? You're gonna play me out like that in front of your friends?" Colt asks me suddenly. Mikasa puts her hand on Colt's chest, indicating for him to take a step back. My eyebrows creased.
"I defend you all the fucking time, what are you talking about?" I defensively ask. He scoffs.
"All you were telling me to do is be quiet and stop. And then letting Annie talk to you like that was crazy–"
"You clearly must be fucking dense because I a hundred percent defended you when Mikasa had to fucking drag you out of the room. And Annie and I handled it if it's such a big fucking concern for you. Why are you mad at me?" I argue.
"You'll defend me when I'm not there, no problem but when it's actively happening, you're mute? That's bullshit Y/n. I wouldn't do that to you," He rebuttals. I sigh before rolling my eyes.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Colt? What are you? Ten? You have to see me defend you to feel secure? What's your issue? You're mad at the wrong fucking person. I'm not doing this with you. You can go back to Marley. Don't text me or call me," I tell him, dismissing. He scoffs.
"Oh, so you're done with me?"
"No! Jesus. Go the fuck home. I don't wanna be around you right now," I tell him off before heading back inside the building. Mikasa followed behind me as I huffed in anger.
"Are you okay?" She asks me. I scoff.
"I'm fucking pissed, Mika," I keep it short. Mikasa jogs a bit before stopping in front of me. I stop and look at her. She moves some hair out of my face and we make eye contact. She nods, assuring me.
"Take a deep breath. In and out," She calmly tells me. I sigh before closing my eyes and taking two deep breaths. I open my eyes and she gives me a small smile.
"You're okay. He's just angry and being unreasonable right now. It happens. Not the end of the world," She reassures me. I nodded as we walked back into the cafeteria.
✩✩✩✩✩
At home, I relaxed in the living room with Mikasa, casually channel surfing. I yawned, bored at the mindless action of searching for something to watch. Mikasa nudges me.
"Historia's birthday is next week. She's throwing a major party. You've met her, right? I feel like you have but I can't remember," Mikasa tells me. I chuckle before nodding.
"Yeah at the beach months ago. I haven't been around her or spoken to her much since Halloween though," I reply casually. Mikasa nods, smiling that she forgot.
"Shit, I almost forgot about the beach. Well you know her parties are usually lame or really freaky and weird but this time around I'm sure it'll be fine since it's a birthday party. I'm sure people will keep it tame," Mikasa tells me. I nod.
"I'll go if everyone else is coming," I tell her. She grabs her phone.
"Okay. I'll text her and tell her you're coming. Is Colt coming or are you still mad at him about the other day?" She asks me. I groan at the reminder that Colt and I are on rocky terms. We're dating but I would consider that seeing each other. Not necessarily official. I think I'm just afraid to. Maybe something was just holding me back. I know Colt would but I'm just...My mind seems reserved.
"I have no clue. I'm still mad at him but I don't think I should give him the cold shoulder for too long. We still have to talk shit out but I'm at a point where I just wanna move on and not talk about it," I reply. Mikasa huffs.
"Not realistic," She replies. I look at her.
"I know. Boys are so complicated," I half-joke to dramatize the situation. Mikasa scoffs.
"Tell me about it. The other night when you guys left early, Jean was a little weird with me," She tells me. My eyebrows raised as the thought completely slipped my mind about what Jean and I spoke about. As well as what Colt and I talked about after. I blink before listening to her attentively.
"What happened?" I ask her, curious. She sighs before running her hands through her hair and shrugging her shoulders.
"Dude, I have no idea. He seemed a little down. Maybe bummed out. He asked me a question that was a bit too specific so I think he's talking about either me or someone else," Mikasa tells me. My eyebrows twitch at her statement.
"What did he ask?" I ask.
"He asked me what I would do if I felt like there was someone that got away. He said that it was dumb but that he can't help but wonder if he should've just...Jumped at the chance," She tells me. My eyebrows raised obliviously. Well, seemingly.
"And what did you say?" I ask her to continue. She sighs before answering.
"I told him that I know what it feels like and the harsh reality is that if the time passed you, then that's just that. It's the end. You can't dwell on what could've been. Keeping that person close to you would be best. Admiration from afar. It's what's best for two people sometimes. No need to overcomplicate things," Mikasa tells me.
My eyebrows creased sympathetically at Mikasa. I grab her hand and caress it before huffing.
"So you're letting this crush go?" I ask her. She blushes before looking at me with raised eyebrows. She was caught off-guard by my question.
"Oh. Jean. Right. Yeah, just gonna let it go. It sucks because I know he's a good dude but...It's probably for the best," She tells me. I nod, rubbing her back sympathetically.
I felt a guilty conscious coming in just because Jean was probably talking about me. Especially after our conversation in the kitchen before Colt and Mikasa entered. I cleared my throat, getting ready to just rip the band aid off and tell her.
"...Well, this is a good time to tell you about the conversation Jean and I had before you and Colt came into the kitchen," I tell her, my voice small. Mikasa looks at me, slightly creased eyebrows.
"Yeah? What happened?" She calmly asks. I sighed.
"I just felt like I had to tell you because I would have a guilty conscious forever and it's not like it's my fault but I feel like I owe you that–" Mikasa puts her hand on my cheek and pinches it gently before chuckling.
"Firstly, calm down. It's okay. I could never hate you if that's what you're thinking. Just tell me," She reassures me. I give her a small smile. And it was subconscious. I took a deep breath before speaking again.
"I tried to probe Jean about his love life so that I could wingwoman it and put in a word for you and it just flipped into Jean lowkey confessing that he had a crush on me when we first met. And now I just feel bad because I don't want you to think that I'd ever go for Jean because I know that's–"
"Y/n. Relax. It's okay," Mikasa interrupts me calmly with a smile. I look at her worriedly.
"It is? I figured you'd be upset because I know you had this tiny thing for Jean," I reply. She chuckles before shaking her head.
"It's barely like that anymore at this point. He's hot. I'd fuck. But the tiny thing I had for him was tiny, Y/n. I'm not in love with him. And plus, it was obvious that he was into you. From day one, I knew. And I don't blame him," She teases me. I chuckle at her comment.
"But...Weren't you bummed out that you let the crush go?" I ask her. She nods.
"Well, yeah. A girl can fantasize but when reality hits, it's a bit of a bummer. But I knew we weren't ever going to be a thing. It's okay," She tells me. I give her a small smile before hugging her. She chuckles.
"I love you. And you're a great fucking catch so sucks to be him," I assure her. She laughs.
"I love you too. Now we have to figure out what we're wearing to Hissy's birthday party. It's next week but this is major buzz. Hissy throws shitty parties but her birthday parties are the exception. Always," Mikasa explains to me. I chuckle.
"Geesh. This is serious business then. Let me go talk to Colt before I plan on doing someone else," I joke. Mikasa laughs as I stood up and went into my room to speak to him privately.
I sighed as I laid on my bed, preparing for the conversation that was about to ensue between Colt and me. Confrontation sucks. I do it often but...I hate it every time.
I press Colt's contact number and call it. It rang twice before he answered.
"Hello?" He answers awkwardly. I sighed as I stared at my phone. It laid on my bed, on speaker.
"Hey. You wanna talk now?" I ask him.
"Yeah. This shit has been going on for too long now so..." He trails off.
"We didn't talk for two days. You make it sound like two years," I half-joke. He huffs humorously.
"Feels like it," He replies. The end of my mouth twitches at his cute attachment to me. I sighed again before speaking.
"I'll tell you where I'm coming from and why I'm upset with you," I start.
"Got it. All ears, go ahead," He tells me. I nod to myself.
"When we aren't physically together, I tend to not talk about you because I know how Armin feels about you and he's my friend. But if you ever came up in conversations negatively, I always shut it down or defended you. And me having to explain that to you as if you felt like I don't do that bare minimum for you, irks me in itself. Because why would you think I don't have your back at all?" I rhetorically ask.
"I get it." He replies.
"And then, the entire situation in the cafeteria. Where I was coming from was that Armin would listen to me less because Annie was there and I wasn't going to attempt to console Armin or talk him off the ledge in front of his girlfriend because personally, it seemed a little weird. At the time and just generally, in the friend group, I'm responsible for you. Not in a literal sense but in the sense that I am the go-to person to speak to if you were to hypothetically bother anyone. So I minded my business by making you mind yours," I explain.
"Mhm," Colt hums, indicating that he was listening to me.
"When I walked outside after almost getting into with Annie, I didn't want to argue with you. I was going to console you because I felt like I should've been the one to do it instead of Mikasa. And when I tried to speak, you jumped down my throat with accusations. And I don't like when someone puts misplaced anger on me. Like any other normal person wouldn't like it. I know you wouldn't like it. So I was upset because of the build-up of issues. I didn't want to speak to you," I finish. Colt inhales sharply.
"Yeah. I understand. And I see your point of view. At that moment, how I was feeling was that you didn't prioritize me over Armin. And because of the issue we have, it felt like you were picking a side that wasn't mine and it pissed me off because I felt like I was being played out in front of your friends. Not a good feeling," He explains. I nod.
"Right but do you think that was an impulse thought? In retrospect, is that how you really feel?" I ask him. He hums, thinking about my question.
"Probably not as intensely as I phrased it. But I think the theme of it applies still," He admits. My eyebrows creased. He couldn't see me though so I reacted with expressions.
"You think that I don't prioritize you?" I ask him for confirmation.
"Sometimes it feels like that. At least a month or two ago, you were super disconnected. And maybe that was how you were with everyone but I still felt the most ignored. If that makes sense. I know you love Mikasa and that's always going to be important to you. I don't care about that. But I just see how much you like to be around everyone else and I just never see that excitement when you're hanging out with me alone. Kind of stings, you know? So when that shit went down, I was just angry and said shit like that. But I feel like the theme of why I was angry was something I was avoiding. It needed to be talked about though," He tells me. I nod.
"Okay. But you know that I'm not obligated to you at all Colt. This has been consistent between us but you're holding a mentality of someone who's in another step of a relationship with me. And maybe that's where we're a bit on different pages," I tell him. Silence for a moment before he spoke again.
"You see this as a casual thing and less of a potential to be something serious then? Is that what you're telling me?" He asks me. I pursed my lips, not wanting to be as blunt. I tried to sugarcoat it a bit but I guess I have to be more straightforward.
"I think that we aren't officially together so I don't owe you the loyalty of a partner. But I respect you as a person and because we're casually seeing each other and involved with each other, I owe you the respect in that degree," I rephrase it. He huffs before scoffing.
"So you're not thinking about being in a serious relationship with me? At all? Just a simple yes or no," He tells me. I sigh.
"Colt, this feels like you're leading me to a cliff just to push me off. I can't answer that without both of us being satisfied with the answer. I like you. I like being around you. I like our connection right now. Why isn't that enough?" I ask him in rebuttal. He sighs.
"Because I like you more than you like me and that just doesn't work. The only reason I never jumped at asking you to make it official is because you've never been completely there. All these months. You've just been somewhere else. And I can't understand it. Did I do something to you?" He asks me. I sigh.
"No. You didn't do anything."
"Are you seeing other people then? Anyone else I should know about?" He asks, grasping at straws for an answer. I close my eyes and put my head down before lifting it back up and answering.
"...No. There's no one else. There's no explanation satisfying enough for you. I'm sorry," I reply. He sighs through the phone.
"...Alright. Well, I'm sorry for being an asshole a couple of days ago. I didn't mean it. I was just angry at the wrong person. It won't happen again," He tells me, wanting to end the conversation.
"Yeah. I'm sorry too. I never intended to make you feel like less than. You're important to me, Colt. We go way back," I tell him.
"Right. So what now? What is this?" He asks, dismissing my sympathy with a tang of annoyance and skepticism.
"We're...Y/n and Colt. I mean, I'd like to keep doing this shit with you. Whatever it is. If not then it's fine. It's up to you," I roll the ball in his court. Silence ensued for a moment before he spoke.
"Okay." That was all he said. No distinction or confirmation. Just a simple 'Okay'. I nodded, slightly confused but I didn't want to push his buttons for further confirmation.
"Okay...Well, Historia is throwing a birthday party. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me," I tell him.
"When?" He asks, still a little annoyed. I ignore it since he's acting like shit is fine.
"Her birthday is next week. I think the fifteenth," I reply. He huffs.
"Are you dressing nice or is this a slutty occasion?" He asks. I huff, chuckling.
"If it's Historia, I'm fairly sure it's a slutty occasion," I lightheartedly tell him.
"Then I'm coming." I chuckle to myself at his blatant possessiveness over me despite the tough conversation we had.
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A/N: How are we feeling about Colt? Neutral character, right? I'm trying to make him in a way where he isn't disliked but he isn't necessarily liked either...Just a blurred line of a character is what I'm making of him at the moment. To make it a little better in Eren's absence because I know yall miss your man 😩😩LMAOO but just a little more and he'll return I promise! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you next Saturday :p- Ian :3