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These past days have been hell for Hyunjin, being away from Felix for a week was bad enough but being away from Felix for 15 days was a blazing inferno for him. Nothing could get worse than this, not even seeing his father on a jolly day so you can imagine just how bad Hyunjin was having it. The reason why he hadn't been able to see Felix was because he was at a point in his treatment that he couldn't see anyone else, It was strict and Hyunjin had no other choice but to be departed from his beloved. It was killing him greatly, he couldn't eat, sleep, or focus on anything whatsoever, he missed Felix like a maniac but he was also worried sick for the brunette, he hadn't heard his voice let alone seen his face for these fifteen days and he's not sure he can take it anymore
And the only thing keeping him together was the little updates he got from Chan every once in a while about Felix's great recovery. He was glad, indeed was. But still, fear lurked behind his senses and somehow it was fairly difficult to get rid of it no matter how much Hyunjin tried. The two; Chan and Hyunjin, are still not fine with one another and their conversations are mostly incredibly short with Chan texting Hyunjin about Felix and Hyunjin sending thumbs-up emojis, not even taking a second to call each other. His job has been fine, he has told Junho that he needed time and the old man was graciously kind with Hyunjin's preposition and permitted Hyunjin to take all the time he needed to settle with this information he's thrown at his face.
Currently, Hyunjin was sitting on his motorbike after work ready to start it and go home before his phone rang and disturbed his actions causing him to halt his movements. he took out the phone from his back pocket and answered the call, placing the device on his ear he waited for Chan to speak praying it wasn't something negative "Hello?" came the doctor's voice as Hyunjin cleared his throat before replying "yes?" he's always hated how mature Chan's voice sounded and he hated his own for sounding so young and stupid "can you come down to the infirmary?" it was very obvious Chan was hiding something in that tone of his, it was visible he was toning down his excitement and Hyunjin couldn't help but roll his eyes
but what does he have to be so excited? curiosity sparked in Hyunjin as he cocked a brow and quested the man on the other side "What for?" Chan took a few seconds before replying "I'm not supposed to tell you on the phone, Hyunjin just come around. I've sat on this news for the past three days I can't take any longer please just come quick!" The glass holding Chan's zeal broke and there he was nearly squealing as he announced the anonymous news to Hyunjin only perplexing him further before the doctor hung up, leaving Hyunjin just hanging there
The boy groans as he shoves the phone in his pockets, this time using the front one, and settles down on the bike murmuring curses under his breath. his heart was beating and he wasn't really sure if he was happy or extremely nervous. surely the news was about Felix but he just couldn't determine why he was so fearful. 'I'll know when I get there' he tries assuring himself when the wind sails in his hair and he takes off.
____
"I called him, he'll be here in a while" Chan beams to the brunette who sits quietly in his bed, too unsure of the truth and unable to comprehend anything of reality. this wasn't a faux portrayal of the universe's doing, was it? Felix can't tell if he, this, or anything else is even real at all. he feels numb but there's a little spark in his chest and he knows what it is; euphoria. even if he doesn't reckon his feelings he knows that he is grateful for whatever this is, a dream or a fantasy land it doesn't matter because at least he's living through it. all he needs now is Hyunjin, to see him, feel his touch, and hear his voice.
his eyes stare at his hands and he doesn't know how long has passed, if any at all. he doesn't hear Chan talking to him and he doesn't hear Changbin's sweet words either, none at all. it's like all of his senses have been blocked and he doesn't feel human at all. perhaps an hour has passed or perhaps more, Felix isn't sure. but time has surely drifted because Hyunjin is already walking up the stairs with trepidation in his heart and ringing in his ears, it happens when he's too nervous. as he makes it past the second floor Changbin is standing outside of Felix's room conversing with Chan and he immediately strides toward them
"Is everything okay? Is my Felix okay?"
He questions, panting while his chest heaves. placing his hands on his hips Hyunjin licks his lips and stares at both of the men who looked at him first, then at each other before nodding and parting so Hyunjin could walk inside his room "You should go in" Changbin suggested and nervousness is walking all across Hyunjin's body "but it's not Sunday and-" Chan stops his unconscious speech from getting any lengthy as he places a warm hand on his shoulder and squeezes it gently "just go, Hyunjin" he smiles and Hyunjin imagines him as a maniac in a psycho-thriller movie, standing outside of a butcher house with his psychotic grin holding a machete but the raven head pushed away the sight and walked inside the room expecting everything and nothing simultaneously.
the door creaks open and Hyunjin is inside the room, shutting it behind him as his eyes pore over Felix who is sitting on the bed with his legs curled and staring at his hands, just gazing and gazing with no thought inside of his mind. Hyunjin walks over to the bed, slowly and steadily as he now stands next to the boy waiting for him to notice his presence but the brunette never once looks up from his hands so Hyunjin calls out to him "Felix?" his voice is as gentle and soft as sunlight on a winter morning. he waits for Felix to register it before the brunette looks up and stares at him, blank as he was before and it rises fear in Hyunjin
The boy lowers himself a little and runs a hand in Felix's short hair, gently knowing they'll break at even a harsh gust of wind. "Hi" It's a tiny murmur, not even audible but Hyunjin chalks it out to be a greeting as he smiles mellowingly "Hello, baby" he whispers back, sitting down to the brunette who has finally looked away from his palms and is now staring into Hyunjin's eyes, blankly still but it's an improvement. "what are you doing here" Felix mumbles once again as though he is not aware why Hyunjin was here. Hyunjin licks his lips, unaware of the answer himself "I'm not quite sure" he chuckles lightly and lets his hand slip to hold the side of Felix's face
"But I'm here" he smiles warmly at Felix who nods, still out of it. 'Maybe this is why they called me here, because something is wrong with my angel' Tears begin to brim in Hyunjin's eyes and the thought has just occurred to him, the sadness doesn't even take a mere second before draping over Hyunjin and drowning him in the blues of his melancholy. before the tears can fall down he sniffles and blinks them away, looking up and attempting to dry them off as he parts himself from Felix and removes his hand from the side of the brunette's face
"Hyunjin...I'm fine"
comes the whisper of Felix who slides his hand into Hyunjin's palm and caresses it, the raven head chokes on a sob and nods, still looking up so his tears don't fall. "I know, baby. you are fine" he assures both himself and the brunette "No...Hyun, I'm like fine-fine" Hyunjin sighs and turns to look at the brunette, his tears have gone away and he's forcing a smile on his face now. "mhm, you are, darling" he mumbles, holding onto Felix's hand and caresses his knuckles before the brunette speaks up again "No, Hyunjin, you're not getting me," Felix inhales a deep sigh but Hyunjin doesn't look up from their hands
"I'm healed. the treatment is over. I'm fine now, no more leukemia"
The words are like a bustling hurricane for Hyunjin, dawning over him before he can even address it. he stares at the brunette with lips apart unable to believe if this is real or if he's just picturing it. he's had this dream of Felix getting healed way too many times and he's not sure if this is just one of them. he blinks his eyes and tightens his lips again, licking them before he opens his mouth to speak "What?" he mumbles, Maybe this isn't a dream because most of the time he tries to speak and nothing comes out but he's sure he just heard his own voice, or maybe he's imagining that as well
Felix looks down at his lap and exhales a breath "I'm recovered, Hyunjin. the treatment worked and it's over too, I can go home. It's been done for three days and I had to stay here for examination and that's over too so I can like literally just hop out of here now"
The brunette can feel how heavy his heart is right now and it feels too much. he thought this day would never come and now that it's here he feels nauseous and just wants to hide and he doesn't even know why, Life has just about to be the way he's always wanted it to be and he doesn't want to live it, he doesn't want to get out of this room and surge the streets for the venture that is filled in them. he doesn't want to leave this bed and he does not want to face anyone. all he feels like doing is crying in the arms of Hyunjin and vanishing away into nothing. he's not sure where these feelings are coming from
Hyunjin on the other hand is baffled, he's speechless, mystified, bemused, and confused all in one single segment. he's not sure how to react, his most desired dream has just come true and he doesn't know if he should scream, cry, or laugh very loudly. "Felix..." Is all he can mutter through this bustle of emotions as he shifts closer to the brunette with his hammering heart and dizzy head, wrapping his arms around the boy and letting him melt in his embrace. His soul is blazing and he is just about to figure out if this is true or just a false fictional world "I really don't know if this is a dream or not" he mumbles lowly and Felix chuckles, The glass of his demeanor shattering alongside his fear as he replies Hyunjin with his face buried in the taller's neck
"Neither do I" Hyunjin smiles at his answer, rubbing his back up and down as he waits for their departed hearts to be healed in one another's embrace before he pulls away and begins talking. Bliss chippers all around them and both of the boys don't really care if this is a dream or fantasy because they're past the stage of paying mind and have fallen deep into the segment of enjoying whatever came their way, no matter how bad it gets or good, at least they had each other and in the end, that's all that'll ever matter.
Moments pass and Hyunjin finally decides it's time to address the elephant in the room, inhaling a deep breath the boy opens his mouth to speak "I reckon this is reality" he is attempting to be calm and composed as he gently parts from Felix and looks at him, holding his face with one of his hands while the other sneaks to grab Felix's hand "I suppose" Felix replies, exhaling a deep breath and looking down before he looks up upon Hyunjin's voice "but...Chan said it might take three..." Hyunjin silences again and Felix understands immediately what he meant "I know...it's truly a miracle but turns out Channie Hyung rushing through the treatment did help after all" Hyunjin takes a second and two to calm himself down
the news is so sudden and as great as it is he's still having a hard time understanding it's real. he wants to cry, he can feel it deep within him and Felix sees it too finding it cute how the older is attempting to hide his emotions. it makes a smile flourish is his face when he notices Hyunjin clear his throat and look down as he tries to murmur a response without reacting whatsoever "Okay" is all he says and it's barely above a whisper, if he speaks with any more strength both his heart and body will just give out and he won't be able to take the weight of it
"You can react you know, don't suppress it" Felix chuckled slightly making Hyunjin huff and click his tongue "What suppress! I'm fine" he licked his lips and turned his eyes away before finally letting them fall on the brunette who was just sitting there and smiling, looking as gorgeous as he always does and Hyunjin's heart feels like it has just grown feathers and is ready to fly away into the vast sky. He'd missed this smile too much, and before a deep trail of thoughts could dawn on him a knock echoed on the door bringing them both out of their trances as they turned toward the door and allowed whoever it was to come inside
A second later, the door opens and Changbin walks inside with Chan behind him. The two men walk to the middle of the room and greet the duo "Have we broken the news yet?" Changbin questions and Felix nods lightly, looking at Hyunjin who isn't facing either of them and instead has his eyes on his lap. They are all at sea by his reaction but none of them comment on it as Chan begins to speak "then can we talk to Hyunjin for a minute?" The aforementioned looks up and then turns to gaze at Felix who is smiling just a slight amount and nods at him, encouraging him to go forward and converse with the man as the raven head sighs and gets up from the bed, walking out with Chan while Changbin stays behind with Felix.
____
"Come on, baby" Hyunjin's voice halts Changbin and Felix's conversation as he turns to look at the door and finds the raven head standing there, holding a folder of papers with a short smile on his lips. Felix presumes Chan has told him all there is he needs to know and now it is time for the two of them to go home, return to the house they share and create the worlds they were stopped in the middle of "Let's go home" Hyunjin's voice is breathy as he exhales a deep puff, striding toward his darling and letting a hand fall over his shoulder while the brunette stands up and pays a glance to Hyunjin before turning to Changbin
"Thank you so much"
Felix is at a lack of words, he planned this in his head beforehand but now that he's already spoken so much to the doctor and has shown his gratitude at least in a million different sentences he doesn't know how to portray it any better than just a simple thank you. the boy bows just the slightest making Changbin chuckle as the doctor places a hand on his head and pats it gently, much like an older brother would do.
"Thank you, Felix. for being so strong and pushing through this. you were very brave" Felix has never been one that does well with compliments, even if they were meant as courtesy or given genuinely. the brunette shook his head with a soft chuckle and bowed once again making Changbin smile and nod his head, turning to look at Hyunjin who remained still. his hand slipped from Felix's shoulder to his waist, holding it protectively and it made the doctor shake his head while he stifled a chuckle, guiding the two boys out of the door.
the walk down the stairs makes Hyunjin's stomach queasy and he's not very sure that he can keep the explosive emotions inside of him anymore. his vision is blurring and he knows what is coming next but he doesn't want it to happen right now, he wants the clog in his throat to stop and the heaviness of his heart to go away but it's not happening and Hyunjin doesn't know what to do. He cleared his throat when they stopped in front of his motorcycle. Felix insisted Changbin doesn't need to walk them out as he was already aware he had gotten enough special treatment for being Chan's patient and he didn't want to hassle Changbin any further so the doctor remained within the building bidding goodbyes to the boys for hopefully the last time as a doctor-patient and hopefully for some time as casual acquaintances
while Hyunjin has just realized that he paced here on his motorbike and no way in hell is he making Felix ride that thing all the way back to home, especially now that he has just recovered from the treatment "Stay here, I'll call a cab" Hyunjin is about to rush his hand in his pocket but he felt Felix grab his wrist and tug at it "help me get on" the brunette murmured and Hyunjin sighed "baby, no. we-" the raven head tried to fix his mistake which was not his mistake at all but he's cut off by the brunette "Jin, I really, really wanna go home. and I'm not scared anymore" it takes a while for Hyunjin to stop staring at the brunette before he finally caves in and gets on the bike
"c'mere"
the raven head mumbled, scooting backward as he patted the front seat of the motorbike making Felix shake his head incessantly "mm no, no, not happening" the freckled shook his hands in front of his face as if Hyunjin had asked him to commit arson with him and all Hyunjin can do is stare at him with a fond smile on his face, the last time this happened this wasn't the Felix he had then, it was the boy who was too timid to open up and had his guards up but who he has now is the Felix that the boy truly is, and he is pretty adamant on not getting on the front side of the bike which makes Hyunjin want to bite back his smile before he speaks
"Are you getting on or do I make you?"
flashes of their past flickers before the two's eyes and Felix is trying his best to not crack and smile, he's trying to put up a banter after all but oh god time flies and he feels his heart melting when he looks into Hyunjin's eyes. the realization is dawning, he made it, they've made it. Hyunjin's eyes are so warm and inviting and all Felix wants to do is gaze into them all day long. who would've thought the two strangers who shared secrets would've become one another's everything, would be here standing so tall? A tear is about to shed his eyes as he is overwhelmed by emotions but he doesn't let it get the best of him, melancholic happiness, he doesn't want to be sappy and dramatic right now he just wants to feel normal with Hyunjin so he inhales a deep breath and rolls his eyes
"You could've done it then because I was lighter but-"
The brunette is cut off in his proud speech as he feels an arm under his knees and another around his waist and before he knows it or can even yelp he is already seated on the motorbike, he finally exhales and looks at Hyunjin who could not have had a more smug look on his face as he smirks and grabs hold of Felix's legs and wraps them around his waist keeping the eye contact Felix started the boy twists the key and starts the motorbike catching Felix off guard as the brunette gasps and turns around but the bustling wind makes him squint his eyes and he can't do anything but turns around and glare at Hyunjin with storms in his eyes who is smiling at the childishness of the other
licking his lips the raven head carefully took his hand off the hand gear and pressed it onto Felix's hair, helping him hide his face in Hyunjin's neck and pecking the top of his head while he does so. the brunette doesn't fight it and sighs when he can finally smell the scent he has been deprived of all this time, the scent that helped him fall asleep each night for the past few months but then he was suddenly bereft of it, and now that it's finally returning to him he could not have been happier. Felix lets out a deep sigh and Hyunjin does too, the two may not be aware that they were thinking of the same thing but they were; today is a daydream
____
Home is such a bizarre phenomenon, does it exist in places or in humans? does it exist in scents or touches? tastes or listens? what is a home? For Felix, home has always been somewhere to belong, like Hyunjin's arms or the crook of his neck, like his voice and mellow kisses or the way his natural smell's like a deep forest but his shower products make him smell like a bar of dark chocolate and its comical sense is home alongside the scent. the curve of his back when Felix wraps his arms around his frame or his silky hair that Felix can't stop running his fingers through, his eyes that are warm but dark, and lips that are just a paradise. his chuckles and his angry huffing at silly things. For Felix, Hyunjin is home.
So, when he walked inside their shared apartment it wasn't as grand of a comfort as when Hyunjin slipped his hand into Felix's and dragged him inside gently, closing the door behind them. when the noise of it echoed and he felt Hyunjin's hand in his own smaller one that's when Felix realized he was home. A smile blossomed on his face as he looked up at the ravenette who took off his shoes and knelt down to take Felix's off not noticing his eyes on himself "I can--" Felix wasn't granted enough time to finish his words as his shoes had already slipped off of his feet and a strong arm has wrapped below his knees, he would yelp or squeal but he already knows what is about to happen
and just as he has presumed, another arm belts around his waist and he can't do anything but shake his head and wrap his arms around Hyunjin's neck who carries him further into the house "Oh look, I'm a big giant baby who can't even walk ten steps to the bedroom!" he sasses in a satirically saccharine voice and Hyunjin smiles at his words "exactly" Hyunjin responds and settles him down on the bed, before he answers the raven head worry fills his conscience as he looks around cautiously waiting for the bed to creak or him to fall to the ground "Don't worry I fixed it" the taller boy mumbles, adjusting the pillow behind Felix's back as he sighs in relief
but it doesn't last long because he's reminded of why the bed broke in the first place, red spreads all across his cheeks and it had been years since he's felt this warmth on his face as he looks down to stare at his face while Hyunjin has disappeared in the bathroom. the brunette licks his lips and looks around, not much has changed, he reckons and takes in every little detail of their room and realizes that the boy has been keeping the house incredibly tidy, There are no wet towels left over the place or shoes and socks, his hair brush isn't on the bedside, and Hyunjin's perfume bottle isn't by the windowsill (no one knows why he puts it there)
Felix smiles at the raven head and he has already returned only helping Felix's smile deepen "Here" he mumbles and settles next to Felix, grabbing his hands with his wet ones and cleaning them with wet stripes "Oh my god Hyunjin, what's your excuse now?" Felix groans and there's a lump growing in Hyunjin's throat but he pushes it down and looks up at the brunette, smiling gently "That you've just come back from the hospital and need rest" Felix is shooting daggers at the other boy "you do know that that's all I did there right? Besides I've been fine for three days, They just kept me there and all I was allowed to do was lie down" Felix complains and Hyunjin sighs
settling down the wet wipes on the side table and leaning closer to Felix, holding his hands "I'm sorry baby, just do it for me for the remaining day, and starting from tomorrow I will not bother you, 'kay?" the raven head questions with sincere eyes and Felix nods "you don't bother me" he mumbles through a pout and Hyunjin can't help but chuckle, leaning in to peck his forehead. "are you hungry?" the raven head asks, parting from the kiss and Felix shakes his head "have you ate anything?" Felix questions the boy who nods "I had a heavy lunch with that guy" Hyunjin doesn't need to explain who he's talking about because Felix has already caught onto the fact that he's referring to his boss.
seconds pass and they sit like that, close to each other and in silence. it's comforting that they don't have to say anything, they can just stay in their thoughts and the other person does the same but they still are next to one another because lord forbid distance tries sneaking between them. after a while Felix is tired of this spacing so he pats next to him and looks into Hyunjin's eyes "Come lay with me" he mumbles and slides down so he can lie peacefully while Hyunjin crawls to his unofficial but silently dictated side and lays on it, wrapping an arm over Felix he lays on his side while Felix lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. Both of them sigh in relief at the contact, so thankful that they can hold each other like this
The feeling is divine, it feels so right to be next to Felix like this and it feels incredible to have Hyunjin's arm around himself, The two boys are utterly grateful to be back in one another's embrace. life is a tough crowd but they finally have each other now, all of the bumps on the road have disappeared, and surely the obstacles must've not ended but at least for now, everything feels perfect. stars twinkle outside, September slipped like sand through finger cracks, and October is halfway done, Where does the time go? The thought makes Hyunjin finally face the happenstance
the major turning event of both his and Felix's life, he has been suppressing these emotions but he can't anymore. the clog of his throat has gotten tighter and he has his eyes shut but he can feel his eyelashes dampen as he grabs tightly onto Felix, who slips his arm below his head and helps him nuzzle his face in his neck while he cards his dainty fingers in Hyunjin's silken hair. smiling gently with his eyes closed. Hyunjin's praying the brunette doesn't know he is biting back insanely agonizing sobs but who is he kidding? the boy would know if something is going on inside Hyunjin's mind even if he was on the other end of the universe
Their connection wasn't just people who found one another in a lifetime, they were something else, their connection was celestial and unexplainable. Felix waits, patiently for the thread to break because he knows his' is just about to. he places a gentle kiss on Hyunjin unaware that this is what will break the beaking thread as a loud sob echoes in the quiet of their bedroom and he sighs deeply, relieved that Hyunjin isn't closing his emotions off anymore. his hand runs to place itself on Hyunjin's revealed cheek while the raven head shifts closer to Felix if that is even possible and hides his face in his neck, sobbing like a child while Felix closes his eyes again and rests his face against Hyunjin's hair
"I'm fine, Hyunnie"
he mumbles and the sobs get louder, his own patience is running low. he's not sure how long he can hold back before his castles finally crumble. fucking hell the boy is strong, he has dreamt of this day since he discovered the news even if he didn't show it. he has been imagining being healthy and having recovered, being free of this fatal disease and here he was not just blessed by a healthy and long life but a loving beloved too, a beloved who makes him the happiest in the world and who loves him like he's brand new each and every day. a beloved who is his everything and for whom he'd trade his life for, the life he's begged so much for.
Hyunjin wants to stop crying but he can't, he's too happy, way too happy. the days he's counted don't need to be a factor he fears anymore, he doesn't need to grab his chest in pain at night because he woke up from a nightmare of Felix passing away. he doesn't need to fear the ticking of the clock anymore because Felix is fine now, he's recovered and nothing can part them anymore. his Felix isn't hurting anymore, he's happy and healthy "Yes, darling, yes you are" He mumbles, parting himself from the brunette's neck and placing his lips on his forehead leaving a sweet and delicate kiss before he pulled away and stared into Felix's eyes, watching the unshed tears glimmer and it makes a smile blossom on his face, he's not the only one crying tears of happiness
in the midst of staring an unsaid question is asked by Hyunjin for which he never used his words and to which Felix's answer has always and will always be the same; Yes. upon the confirmation with his delighted eyes, Hyunjin leans in and attaches his lips to the brunette's. and after what felt like years their lips were finally against one another and it felt better than all of those times they'd kissed before, heavenly and indescribable. something so grand it could never have been put into words. the insurmountable bliss of kissing Felix and the vast euphoria of kissing Hyunjin was something neither of the boys could ever exemplify.
Their lips moved against one another, softly and gently while their souls levitated and in between that kiss is when Felix's thread broke and he began sobbing with his lips still connected to Hyunjin's a smile rose on Hyunjin's face as he kissed Felix deeper, holding the brunette's face and turning his own to the side just so he can kiss the latter better. lips molding and moving so perfectly that Hyunjin doesn't want this minute to end and Felix doesn't want anything else. It's the best feeling they can ever feel, stellarly ecstatic
and oh how much they would give for this to last forever, and perhaps it just might.