For the next few weeks, life carries on smoothly as I take on my duties of head maid in Esterpool. The first few days are a struggle as I acquaint myself with the more complex duties Alba once took on and also continue to heal from my injuries. Alba is as nitpicky as ever of my work, despite having no more authority over me, but Asteria is kind and patient, helping me to understand my new duties as often as she can.
I spend my days serving the princess and keeping everything in order at the estate, and I spend my evenings writing letters to my mother, none of which are as shocking or intricate as the information I am sure Kiana is sharing with her. However, after our last encounter, I can no longer afford to avoid writing. Though Mama's tone in the letters she sends me often conveys a sense of displeasure, I can tell she is at least satisfied that I am making some progress.
For the first time since arriving to Esterpool, I feel at peace. No longer am I living in the maids' quarters where I am subject to the mocking and violence from the other maids, nor do I have to deal with Alba's stern and controlling attitude. Rather, I spend my days with the princess, going on walks almost daily and enjoying casual conversation, as if she were a friend of my own. Though I would hate to admit it to my mother or sister, I feel more safe and comfortable in Esterpool right now than in my home country, where the threat of violence from the Magnuvians was a daily struggle.
I wake on a new day and immediately go to dress the princess, as has become custom at this point. Asteria is already awake, making my job easier, and afterwards, we share a brief breakfast downstairs before departing. Asteria is off to have a meeting with her royal guards to interview some new personnel. I, meanwhile, go off and perform various duties around the estate, occasionally crossing paths with some of the other maids. We are polite and courteous to each other, but I know they must speak badly about me back at their living quarters. Maria has confirmed it herself.
"Good morning, Fe," Maria says. I am on the top floor of the estate when we cross paths. She is carrying a heavy laundry basket.
"Good morning," I respond. "Doing laundry today?"
Maria nods. "I'm on my way to the princess's chambers to put some away. Are you going that way too?"
I shake my head. "No. I'm off to get something to eat."
"We should eat a meal together soon," Maria says as she walks past me. "How about in a few days?"
I nod in agreement. Though occasionally we spend some time together, it has been rare for the two of us to sit down and chat over a meal since I have become head maid, even though I promised her it would be a regular occurrence.
"I look forward to it," I say.
As she walks past me, a guard stops Maria in the hallway. "A letter for the princess. You said you were on your way to her chambers, right?"
Maria nods. "Just set it on top of the basket. I'll be sure she gets it."
I wave to Maria as we depart and head toward the kitchen for my mid-day meal. I eat slowly, now having more time to savor my meals during the day. Though head maid comes with more responsibilities, I also have more free time in the day compared to when I was a regular maid, and, most days, have no idea how to fill it. Usually I spend my extra hours in the company of the princess, which my mother would be pleased to know, but I oftentimes wonder if I am bothering Asteria by keeping her company so often. I keep looking for other activities to partake in, but life at the estate is rather boring, as Asteria has said herself.
It is already the early afternoon when I finish my meal and wrap up a few more chores. I wonder if Asteria will be upset that I am delayed in coming to escort her on her walk. I feel a growing excitement in me as I unlock the door to her room, wondering what it is we will talk about today, and whether any of it will be important enough to disclose to my mother in the form of a letter. I have already set aside time this evening to write to my mother about whatever fruitful conversation comes up during my walk with Asteria today.
When I open the door to Asteria's chambers, however, she is not seated on the couch, waiting to greet me like normal. Instead, I find her seated at her desk in the corner. It is rare to see her sitting there, as she does not often write to anyone, but as I step inside, I realize she is reading the letter that Maria delivered to her earlier in the day. I pause, wondering if I should give her the privacy to read and return later, but then, I see her shoulders shake, and hear slight sniffling.
"Asteria?" I ask quietly.
She spins her head around, clearly not having heard me enter. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, and she quickly places the letter down on the desk and attempts to compose herself, even if she does a miserable job at it.
"Oh. Fe. I did not hear you enter," she says somberly.
"Is something the matter?" I ask, growing closer to her.
Asteria shakes her head, glancing at the letter. "Ah, just some old drama from back home."
I open my mouth to question what the contents of the letter were, but I stop myself from asking such a question, remembering that as friendly as we may be, it would be rude to ask the princess such personal details. Instead, she leaves her desk to sit on the couch. I follow her and sit across from her, watching her continue to wipe the remaining tears from her eyes.
"Are you sure you are in shape to go for a walk?" I ask.
"Perhaps not," Asteria admits. "Would you mind making some tea, Fe?"
"Of course," I say.
I briefly excuse myself to fetch some hot water from the kitchen. When I return a few minutes later, Asteria is looking more composed, and the letter is now out of sight from where she left it on the desk. I say nothing and slowly pour some tea for the both of us, figuring that if we are not going on a walk in the garden, some afternoon tea is an adequate substitute. Slowly, I hand the teacup on its platter to the princess.
"It's very hot. Blow on it," I say.
Asteria nods and blows for a few moments before taking a small sip. I sit down across from her and take a sip from my own teacup. The tea here in Magnuvia is more bitter and bland compared to Landiani, but I have grown used to the flavor after a few months.
"Are you feeling any better?" I ask.
Asteria nods, but she remains quiet. She sets down her teacup after another sip of tea and lets out a long sigh. "Did you ever have to worry about marriage back home, Fe?"
Immediately, I stiffen. If the contents of Asteria's letter were about marriage, then the mission is immediately jeopardized. I begin worrying already what I will say to my mother. Even if Asteria is not first in line, marriage brings about heirs, only increasing the number of people we would have to kill. The thoughts immediately begin running through my brain, and it is only when I notice Asteria staring at me, I realize I have not yet answered her question.
"No," I respond. "Growing up as an orphan, I was mainly focused on survival. I had no time for romance. There were no prospects for me out there, especially given my low status."
"But were you ever interested in anyone?" Asteria asks.
I shake my head truthfully. Though I may not actually be an orphan, I was too busy training with my mother and sister to think about anyone. Even though men like Vasa had desired me over the years, I never seriously considered any of their affection, nor did I have much of a mutual interest in them. However, I keep these thoughts quiet, still curious to hear if Asteria has been assigned a suitor.
However, Asteria only takes a sip of her tea again, and after an uncomfortable amount of silence, says, "Did you know that some Magnuvian queens in the past took female lovers?"
I have taken a big sip of tea as she says this, and I painfully swallow, afraid I might spit out the contents of my drink. I hold down a cough rising in my throat.
"N-No. I was unaware," I say.
I wonder now where she is taking this conversation. Is her father marrying her off, or is there something else on her mind?
"It is not written about much. I had to look deep in personal journals of past queens and forgotten history books for that knowledge. Many had husbands, of course, for political purposes, but their true partners were women," Asteria says.
I can only do so much as nod and listen. "Interesting."
"Do you...do you know anyone like that in Landiani?" Asteria asks.
"Yes," I say. It was not as common, but I sometimes saw two men or two women walking hand-in-hand down the marketplace or playing in the surf of the beach. And though it has been many years since we've had such a visitor, I remember Taika occasionally bringing home men for dinner when I was growing up, though none of them ever stuck around long.
"Does this have something to do with the letter you received?" I wonder.
Asteria does not nod or shake her head. "The letter is from an old friend of mine named Elena Mills," she says. "She is the daughter of a high ranking official. Fe, perhaps...could I tell you a story without any judgment? I would love if you would just listen."
I nod. "Of course."
Asteria nods and takes in a deep breath. Slowly, she begins to share a tale:
Once there was a princess. She thought she had it all; a loving father and mother, a throne that would soon be hers, and a baby brother that she would soon be able to share all her love with. But then her mother tragically passed from an unpreventable illness, and that was the first day the princess realized her life was not the fairytale she thought it would be.
The princess grew up as bravely as she could, but her father was unimpressed by her kind nature, and her brother outshone her at everything they did. The princess spent most of her days wandering the halls of the castle, feeling lonely and missing her early childhood days when her family was all together. She had a maid who watched over her and cared for her deeply, but it was not enough love to make up for all that was absent.
The maid, seeing the princess's loneliness, invited the children of a few high-ranking families to the castle to play with the princess one day. Most were spoiled and stuck-up, visiting only out of a sense of duty. However, there was one little girl that was different from the rest. Her name was Elena.
She had brown curly hair, pulled unevenly into pigtails, and warm brown eyes. While the other children were polite and respectful, Elena was carefree and loud and immediately asked the princess to play a game with her. The princess was shocked by this attitude; never had anyone spoken to her so casually, and for a moment, she was perturbed, but then, as she played more with Elena, she realized she enjoyed being treated as an equal.
Elena and the princess quickly became fond childhood friends. They would spend their days playing in the halls of the castle, and when they grew older, they would stroll in the local gardens, enjoy tea together, and share in each other's company. Elena made the princess feel seen and safe, and so it was no wonder that as she became older and entered her teenage years, her feelings for Elena transformed as well.
Though the princess grew up learning that she would one day marry a prince, the idea had never been fond to her. Though the boys of her childhood would blush around her and perform kind gestures, the affection was never mutual. However, when the princess was with Elena, she suddenly got a sense of what romantic love felt like. She would blush at the slightest affirmations, shiver when Elena took her hand in her own, and crave her companionship constantly, moreso than when they were children.
The princess's feelings for Elena grew gradually, and soon, she learned, so did Elena's feelings for her. One evening, after the princess ran out from a ball after her brother made yet another humiliating comment about her, Elena chased after her and danced with her under the moonlight on the balcony. It was there that they shared their first kiss of many.
With Elena, the princess was happy. No longer was she bound by a sense of loneliness that she had felt since her mother's passing. She spent her days exchanging kisses and sharing affection with Elena in private. Together, they loved each other in secret. The day Elena told her she loved the princess, the princess felt she could have died from happiness.
Though the princess was lost in a dream of romance, she was not unaware of the repercussions that could come if they were discovered. Her father was already contemplating if she was fit enough to be ruler given her shy and affectionate nature, which he believed made a weak ruler. There were already talks of suitors for her as she reached the age of seventeen. The princess tried to block these realities out and focus only on her love of Elena.
One day, when the maid went to wake the princess from her slumber, she found Elena in the princess's bed beside her. The princess was mortified. They had been discovered, and her daydream had suddenly been crushed.
"Please don't tell my father," the princess begged her maid. She knew it was an impossible chance, but somehow, the maid's love for the princess won out over her love for the country. She promised not to tell, so long as the princess stop seeing Elena.
But the princess was stubborn. Though she promised her maid this, she continued to see Elena in secret. They loved each other even more quietly, and for that reason, the passion of their romance began to fizzle out. Still, despite Elena's worries and the distance she had begun putting between them, the princess could not let go of her, and it was her clumsiness that led them to one day being discovered by her father a few months later.
Tensions had already been high between the princess and her father, but this was the final push he needed to remove her right to the throne. The princess was forbidden from seeing Elena again, and the princess was no longer allowed to continue living her normal life in the castle. Instead, with the maid who had cared over her, she was sent to a land far away in the country, where there was nothing but fields of meadow grass and growing crops.
It was there that the princess wasted her days away, wondering if Elena would ever to write to her. For a few short months, she did. Though she was forbidden from writing back, her maid would slip her the letter to read in secret, and the princess would do so. The letters lacked the love and warmth they once shared, and slowly, they began to fade, until, one day, they disappeared altogether.
Asteria's voice fades as her story comes to a close. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the letter she was reading prior to my arrival.
"This is the first letter I have received from Elena Mills in five years. In it, she shares the details of her recent wedding to a man I do not know. He is a soldier who serves in Magewell. She also shares..." Her voice cracks before she can finish her sentence, and she slowly takes a gulp. "She shares that she is expecting their first child together. You can imagine my surprise in receiving such a letter."
I sit there in shock, still slowly taking in all of the information Asteria has made known to me. I am at a loss for words.
"Asteria," I say concernedly. I reach out a hand to comfort her, but she shoves it away.
"No. Don't. It's okay. This is the punishment I deserve," she says sadly. Her gaze is turned away from me, and I can see the beginning of tears arising in her eyes again.
"That's not—"
"Take the rest of the day off, Fe," she says, rising from her seat. "I will have Alba take care of my duties for the rest of the afternoon and evening."
"Only if you are sure," I say.
"I am sure," Asteria responds.
I nod and rise slowly. I collect the empty teacups and make my way out of the chambers. Asteria is standing by the window now, staring out of it. I can see in the way she holds her arms to her body that she is withholding tears.
"I am truly sorry," I say as I depart.
Asteria does not respond, and the doors to her chamber echo loudly as they slam close.