Felix stared at the letter his sister had sent him. He'd asked her for advice. Of course, all she said was to talk to Changbin. Clear up what was infecting his mind. How could he? His fingers touched his lips. The same ones Changbin had kissed so longingly; so vigorously. Their moment had been one of fiery passion. Felix could barely remember what had happened other than the elder's demanding action.
It had happened and then it was over. A fleeting, impulsive, possessive thing it had been. Felix had once again forced himself to avoid Changbin. He was afraid if he saw him again he'd make a fool of himself. If he leaned in for another kiss, would he be left desperately waiting or would Changbin return it just the same as he had a few days prior?
His sister may be right. He should go and see. Even if it scared him he needed an answer, otherwise he'd make a mistake. Changbin had kissed him. There was nothing left to doubt. On the off chance something did happen and Felix's heart broke, he'd run to Jisung. That had always been the plan.
His eyes widened as a glimpse of their argument passed through his head. Changbin had mentioned Jisung quite a few times. Was he jealous? Was that why he had been so upset when he saw him; why he had chosen to ignore him because of an irritation caused by Felix's relationship with the Lord? Felix bit his thumb with a smile at the assumption.
He should stop making them. Changbin didn't like them. It was hard for Felix to stop, however, when the elder never gave him a thorough answer to anything. He beat around the bush more often than he didn't. Felix set the letter in his hand on his bed and exited his room. He told Anna he was heading off and would be back in the next few hours. No matter what he was getting an answer out of that man. Even if he had to force himself to stutter out a question like a fool, he would do it.
He took Charming from the stable and fixed him up for riding. Before he knew it he was standing in front of the Seo estate, hands clenching Charming's reins for dear life as he stared at the doors. He might have jumped the gun. He felt his stomach whirl with anxiety. He didn't even know why. It was ridiculous to be acting like he was.
He had suddenly been so confident and now he was back to his cowardly self. What would he even say? 'Changbin, I'm in love with you,' was too direct. It left him wide open to a punch to the heart. He didn't know what else would get the point across. He didn't have the guts to kiss Changbin and allowing himself to be weak and tender with him felt too hard as they were.
"Excuse me?"
Felix glanced behind him and met the appearance of a shorter lady. Her long black hair was tied in a ponytail with a beautiful midnight blue silk ribbon. She was stunning. "Pardon me. I don't mean to trespass. I have business here," he stated kindly with an apprehensive smile.
The lady tilted her head. "With Sir Seo?" she questioned.
Felix winced at his title. He'd long ceased calling Changbin with it. "Yes. Is he here?"
"He rushed off to the Han manor not too long ago. He should be back relatively soon if you'd like to wait for him," she said.
Felix glanced back at the doors. Should he? "I could come back tomorrow. I don't want to infringe on anyone's time. I know there's always a lot of work to be done."
The lady smiled at him. It reminded him of Rachael. Another reminder that he missed her. "You seem quite nervous."
"A great deal so," Felix replied. Why was Changbin at Jisung's? He was making this even more difficult for Felix. If he had been here the brunet would be able to get it over with as quickly as possible. His eyes searched the female's before him. He needed some sort of direction. "I can't decide whether to listen to my head or my heart."
"And what situation calls upon that decision?"
Felix's face burned at the query. He shouldn't be talking about his feelings for the man of the estate so casually. "A feeling that causes anguish and distress. Others call it love. I find it's more of an affliction. A plague if you will," he told her.
"Then it's neither a matter of the heart nor mind, sweetie. Those will trick you," the lady answered.
"Then where does one find a solution to this dreadful problem?"
"In the gut. What is yours telling you now?"
"I'm anxious to the point I may vomit," Felix confessed. His face wrinkled in disgust at his words. Still, it was the truth. He felt queasy.
"Then I'd say you have your answer." The woman stroked Charming's neck gently. She called one of the workers and they scurried over. "Would you do Mister Lee the favor of leading his steed to the stable?"
Felix watched the interaction in slight surprise. "Yes, right away, Lady Seo." His face paled as the name registered in his head. Oh, how the lord abhorred him. He had just confided his romantic feelings to Changbin's elder sister thinking she was a maiden of the estate. He should crawl into a casket and wither away to nothing.
Lady Seo turned back toward him with a light giggle. "Don't be embarrassed. You've already told me. Nothing you can do about it now."
Felix pressed his hands to his face out of shame. "Please forget everything I've divulged with you Lady Seo. I didn't mean to confess such things to you. You must be revolted."
"Should I be? There's nothing wrong with falling in love. It makes no difference to me if it's my brother or not. And please, call me Changmi." The young man peeked through his fingers. She was far more relaxed than Changbin. "Should we have some tea while we wait for his return?" she asked with a sweet grin.
Felix's uneasiness waned slightly at the sight. It felt like he had another big sister as strange as that sounded. He ended up agreeing and they found themselves in the estate's library. Felix had never seen a place so beautiful. There was a whole wall of nothing but books. Felix brushed his fingers against the leather spines with a bright smile. He'd long forgotten his anxiety. He was far too lost in the abundance of stories.
"I've never been anywhere so amazing," he said as he glanced over at Changmi. She was pouring tea into two cups.
"Changbin always brings books back from London when he goes. The ones with two dots are the ones he enjoys the most. If they have one marking he's read it and it wasn't satisfactory. He's quite studious. You'll find most of them are about astrology and Greek gods. He's obsessed with the moon," she said.
Felix searched for books with two dots on them. He stopped on one with a black cover. It had three dots. He pulled it out from its home and flipped it open. The title was something he couldn't pronounce. "This one has three."
"Really? Bring it over."
Felix did as asked and strode over to Changmi. He took the spot on the couch next to her and let her take the book. "It's German. Meine Sonne Und Stern. It means My sun and star."
Felix's eyes widened. "Changbin told me it meant to pick up a book," he whispered. He felt a blush coat his cheeks. "He always speaks in code. I can never get anything out of him."
"I think that's positive," Changmi giggled. "Anyone he truly dislikes is left with a blank stare and a one-sided conversation. He doesn't put any effort into things he finds a waste of time."
"He argues quite a lot with me."
"Perhaps he likes the reaction you give."
Changmi handed back the thick text and reached for her china full of tea. Felix looked around the room some more as he caressed the front of the book. "You said Changbin enjoys the moon?" he asked.
Changmi hummed. "He's got about a dozen paintings of the moon alone in this mansion. I dare say he's in love with it. He'd marry it if he could."
"Does Midnight ring a bell for you? Is there anything around Changbin with that name?"
"His mare. Her name is Midnight."
Felix sank in his seat. He was an idiot. It had been right in front of him. Oblivious. Even Changbin had said so to his face. "Lady Seo, your brother has returned. He has asked to see you." Changmi stood from her seat and smoothed her dress with a sigh.
"It was a pleasure meeting you, Mister Lee. I hope to meet again soon."
"If all goes well," Felix joked lightly. She offered one last smile before disappearing. Felix's nervousness came back full throttle and he down the tea in the cup he had barely touched. He hoped its relaxing effects would kick in before Changbin arrived. To distract himself he flipped through the book in his lap.
He wasn't able to read it. Some words made sense but overall it was indecipherable. He ended up examining the pictures inside instead. They were small and somewhat faded. Even so, Felix enjoyed them one by one. He noted that there were small messages written in German on a few pages. Most likely Changbin's handwriting. His fingertips brushed against a few letters with a smile.
Changbin was Midnight. He had been right in front of him the whole time. It was obvious now that he knew. He'd kept him at a distance with his incredibly antagonizing personality. He was close to Felix, but not too close. Midnight's letter popped up in his mind. Changbin had said he was afraid of something. He'd also said he hoped Felix wasn't too shocked when he discovered who he was.
Felix couldn't tell him he wasn't. Finding out that it was Changbin was the most surprising thing he'd experienced in Wolford. The man he'd fallen in love with at their first meeting was also the man he had tried so hard to resist. The man he'd spent three months fighting uselessly.
"No matter how many times you run your fingers over the page, you will not be able to decipher it unless you study the language."
Felix jolted at the voice behind him. His head whipped to the side and he came face to face with Changbin. His arms were rested over the back of the couch, his expression monotonous. Despite that, he didn't seem without emotion. His eyes shined from the reflection of the grand chandelier above their heads. Felix's heart sped up in his chest as he watched Changbin's gaze roam his face.
He was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows. A vest sat on top of it, though he'd released the buttons of their duty and let it hang open. His wavy hair was swept over allowing his eyes a chance to be shown off. He was handsome. Something Felix already knew but could never seem to say enough.
"What brings you to my residence?" Changbin inquired.
Felix closed the book in his hand. "Your sister is much different than you," he said, shifting the conversation to another topic. He wasn't ready to discuss the matter of his heart.
Changbin sighed and outstretched his hand. Felix placed the book in it. "Yes, she's much more patient as you've presumably seen." He stood from his position on the couch and headed over to the large wall of books. He pushed the one in his grasp back where it belonged. For a second he stood there. Felix assumed he was grabbing onto a moment to calm himself down.
He hoped that was what it was. "I think you're patient when you wish to be," Felix spoke. "It takes at least that to wait around three months for someone to find you."
Changbin slowly rotated his heels so that he faced Felix. He met his eyes and stared for a moment before giving a hum. "I suppose. What gave me away?" he asked as he approached.
"Changmi. She told me you love the moon and then translated Meine Sonne Und Stern for me. You told me it meant to pick up a book."
"And you were naive enough to believe a man you'd only met once. You should know better. Next time research it for yourself," the elder challenged.
Felix pushed himself up from the couch. "You could have just told me it was you."
Changbin stopped in front of him. "You wanted an adventure. I was merely granting that wish. I had no plans of falling in love with you."
He always had some way of pissing Felix off. "You—" Felix clenched his hand into a fist. "—You—" Why couldn't he say anything? "—You. . ."
Changbin confidently grasped Felix's chin between his fingers. His eyes stared directly into the younger's with no evidence of trepidation at all. "Me, me, me. Seo Changbin. The infuriating, provoking, vexing man you oh so despise." His thumb ran across Felix's bottom lip as a smirk took over his face.
"Are you frustrated? If so, take it out on me. The longer you fight with me the more time I spend in your mind. Think of me, darling. Even if you hate me, think only of me." Felix's legs shook beneath his assertive gaze and teasing words. "Understand what I have gone through from the very second you stepped onto that beach. Long for my gaze. Desire my lips. Seek my touch. For I have done it far too long on my own."
Changbin leaned forward. He flirted with him by keeping their lips at a distance where if they moved they would brush against each other. "You've no idea the efforts I have put in to resist you, Felix. And all for not, as you can see. So I concede."
Felix's throat ran dry and his eyes softened on Changbin's. Did he win? Just like that? Changbin fought him for so long, he expected another disaster to occur. "I don't believe in love at first sight," Changbin whispered. His eyes scanned the disappointment growing on Felix's face. "I still think it to be foolish and ridiculous."
Felix tilted his chin down as tears clouded his eyes. There it was. The tragedy. He felt so unfulfilled. After almost three months of trying to find him, he was left with nothing to show for their little game. It was all futile. His heart cracked. Had it all been a lie? Had his feelings changed?
Changbin's fingers ran along the side of his face and captured his cheek in his palm. He lifted his head gently so their eyes could meet again and he took a step closer. He placed his empty hand on Felix's hip and tugged him near. Their faces came an inch away from each other. So close that Felix could feel Changbin's breath tickling his skin.
"But I do believe I've found myself in love with you," he added just as quietly.
Felix's teary eyes widened as hope blossomed in his chest. "No," Changbin stated. His thumb stroked the younger's cheek tenderly with a loving gaze. "Your infuriating personality that questions everything I do, I can't live without it a day longer. You have every one of my emotions. My love and anger. My jealousy and joy. They are yours to take. I am yours to take."
Changbin pressed his forehead against Felix's. "That is if you'll have me."
A few tears dropped from Felix's eyes and he placed his hands on either side of Changbin's neck. He let out a weak laugh at his words. If? There was no if. His decision had been made the day on the terrace. It'd been made the very second he fell into Changbin's arms in the creek. He was smitten with Changbin and he didn't care about keeping it locked away any longer. "I'd have no one else," he murmured.
The elder's eyes flicked to Felix's lips. His affectionate smile fell from his features as he leaned forward. His head tilted and Felix closed his eyes the second he felt their lips collide. He moved a hand to the one on his face and clutched it tightly as he sank into the other's chest. Changbin's arm tightened around his waist to bring him impossibly close to him. Their bodies may as well have merged beneath the lights.
Their kiss was romantic and passionate unlike the last one which was lustful. It left no room for doubt. Their love was real and their hearts felt it to no end. Their arms tangled around each other, desperate to be held against the body of the person their minds felt so inexplicably attracted to. Their fingers clenched whatever they could find in an act to make sure they didn't slip away from one another. They held tightly onto the moment.
The beat in their ears told them they were alive. The rush of blood to their cheeks told them they weren't dreaming. When they pulled away just enough to meet gazes, those too told them something. They spoke of the most desirable love, and it pulled them back into each other not even a second later. Felix giggled as Changbin's lips pursed against his in short-lasting pecks. He soaked in the texture of his fingertips across his jawline.
"I love you," he mumbled against his mouth.
"And I you, Meine Sonne und Stern," Changbin returned, pushing some of the younger's hair behind his ear. Felix's smile widened and he brushed his nose against Changbin's. An adventurous tale it was to fall for Seo Changbin. And yet, as Felix stood in his arms, he knew the adventure was nowhere near its end, for when you loved another, your story was infinite.