THE GRANDSTANDS looked like a post apocalyptic nightmare. I could see lost property on the bleachers; jackets, hats and even someone's headphones laid sadly on the hot concrete floor; forgotten and semi beat up.
Rubbish was sprawled across the floor like people were incapable of putting their wrappers in the bins provided. If only the wind had been the culprit of the trash filled bleachers, maybe then would I have understood its untidy nature.
People had gathered round on the field to congratulate the team on their victory—and just like always, Mara Jace was the MVP, scoring the winning point that secured their fifth win.
I watched my step and hoped to God that I'd make it out alive without tripping on a half eaten hot dog or the endless stream of confetti and bright blue pom poms that belonged to the cheerleaders. "Is it really that hard to clean up?"
"No, but are you really surprised about all this?," Ellie nudged my shoulder and smiled. "I couldn't find you when the game started," She added, followed by a deep sigh. "I'm sorry you had to sit all by yourself today. Did you enjoy the game?" She threw an arm around my shoulder and joined me on my adventure to the bottom of the stairs.
I glanced over at the huddle of people that had pushed their way through to congratulate my best friend. "I'm not surprised," I answered. "But aren't we all grown to be leaving out our trash? Besides, look at this place? It looks like a dump!"
Ellie pressed her head against my own. "Look, of all things I'd expect you to talk about, trash is not one of them—I mean look where we are," She jabbered. "Our best friend just won a match! Another one may I add. Let's skip the trash talk."
"Alright. So what do we talk about?" We reached the bottom of the stairs after what felt like ten minutes. As tiring and endless as it seemed, it all seemed to wash away at the sight of Mara Jace.
"Mara."
My brows furrowed. "What?" My head snapped in Ellie's direction. "Wh-why do we need to talk about her? I mean it's just Mara isn't it?" I didn't need a doctor to tell me how it sounded, it sounded squeaky and almost deafening—like a rat being chased on the New York subway.
My hands turned into tight fists in the pockets of Mara's jacket. "Calm down Ratatouille it's just Mara," She chuckled. "She won the game," She reiterated. Ellie looked way too happy as she tugged on my sleeve. "And this belongs to her."
I swallowed long and hard. "The rat is called Remy," I chided. "Ratatouille is the dish," I couldn't help but feel heated. "And yes this is her jacket. She lent it to me last night. I felt cold."
I have no idea what came over me. Part of me felt iffy about how I reacted. "Remy or Ratatouille it's all just the same!" Ellie threw her hands in the air.
"It really isn't." I sighed.
"Speaking of which," Ellie stops in her tracks and looks at me dead in the eye. "Where were you last night? Where did you run off too? With Mara."
I let my shoulders sink. "I was supposed to be at school but—" Ellie rolls her eyes and says, "No, just get straight to the point, Mason." She smirks.
"We went to my favourite diner across town. It's really not that serious. You should know this by now. It's not like it's a date or anything we're—"
I feel a pair of arms snake around my waist, making me jump from the sudden sensation of skin to skin contact and that familiar warmth..
"Hi." Mara rests her chin on my shoulder, hands perched on either side of me and smiles. "How did I do?" I feel my heart leap out of my chest, adamant to make a forward roll onto the ground below me and out of my body. Maybe then I'd be a heartless human being to be taken both literally and figuratively and stripped of any emotion.
Mara hadn't struck me as the affectionate type. Not until this stupid agreement I made with her to be a wing man for her unreciprocated crush on a girl I didn't know existed till she couldn't stop blabbering on about her all day every day.
I wasn't sure how I felt about the girl. I hadn't met her at all. Truthfully, she felt like a made up ghost story that Mara made up if not for Ellie's excellent social skills and a knack for knowing all the gossip that goes around campus like the flu.
Until we made our contract with predetermined rules, I realised something oddly familiar the night we discussed our fake dating trope.
From the moment we decided on attending each other's social engagements, to walking in the halls, and flirting with each other like we were twelve and in love, it felt like a scene out of To All the Boys I Loved Before. Kudos to Jenny Han for getting me to watch an entire coming of age rom-com without turning it off. Watching a movie without complaining comes rather rare for me.
But if I'm being truthfully honest, it was definitely a movie come to life. I'd say it was my own silly Y/N moment, or whatever they call that these days. I felt a lot like Lara Jean; in some fake contractual relationship with Peter Kavinsky that was never meant to happen. Fortunately for Lara Jean, my sister pulled an athletic boyfriend with half a brain and the ability to socialise outside.
Yet in my unfortunate case, my Peter is played by none other than the champion of the season; Mara Jace Kim in all her glory. Which then poses the question: how the hell did we get here?
"Hey there champion," I chuckle weakly. "You certainly kicked ass out there today. Like always."
"So I did great?" Mara held me so close that I could feel her breath against my neck. Gosh. A moment like this should not cause my heart to work in such irregular conditions. "Are you proud of me? I did my best for you out there. I knew you'd be watching. Had to make you proud."
I turn around with utmost haste. "That shouldn't have to be something you need to ask, Jace. When have I ever been less than proud? Everyday I feel this way for you. You're a superstar, MJ."
My words had formed an instant smile on MJ's face. A warm and genuine smile that caused my heart to thrum violently against my chest.
"You always have the right words to say, don't you? And look! You're wearing my jacket," Her smile turns into a sheepish grin. "It suits you."
I shake my head in disapproval. "It's yours, Jace. It's not meant to suit me," I answer. "But I'll admit that it's certainly comfy. And it smells really nice."
El purses her lips and raises her brows. "Well, you know what, I think I'll catch up with you two 'lovebirds' later," She winks. "My friends are calling me I suppose they miss me already..." El turns on her heels before I had the chance to curse her hame for lying in the most public setting. No one called for her. And lovebirds, really? If I didn't love the kid I'd smack her.
"It's your favourite, right?" Mara cups my face and squishes my cheeks. "Gosh, you're adorable."
I furrow my brows. "My favourite?"
Mara nods. "My perfume. You said it you liked it once after I switched from the old one I used to shower in," She chuckles. "I don't use anything else. If you like it then I love it that much more."
I felt my cheeks flush. "You're seriously wearing a perfume that I said smelt really nice on you?"
"Now it's my turn to say that this shouldn't even have to be a question. If you like it then so do I and I'll wear whatever my girl wants." She adds.
I felt the sky drop above my head. There's only certain moments where affection came natural to the girl, but flirting came almost too naturally.
While my role is simpler than most, it came with a lot of physical attributes I didn't know where critical parts of a fake dating trope. But based on my bookish personality, it should've been crystal clear to me that this all should've been 'typical' dating behaviour that would turn peoples heads.
We established each other's boundaries from the moment we could say words other than 'mama' and 'papa' and it had always stuck with us as we grew older. We hardly had issues and it felt great to have somebody that I could be around. Mara and I were perfectly happy with being in the same space without talking—it's what we've grown accustomed to. We hang out at each other's places and do our own thing. It might be my favourite thing to do these days. In any case,
whatever really happens, we're alone together.
"I'm your what?...." I must have blinked enough to make her notice. "I mean...uh..." I shook my head and wiggled out of her hold on me.
"You're my girl," She reiterates. "Always."
"Ah. Yes. Of course." I answer timidly, almost shitting myself in the process because what the hell is even going on anymore? Get a grip!
I find myself in her presence more often that not. It's a lot different now than what I'm actually accustomed to. We see each other every day at school—the usual. But I'd sometimes find her at my house with dinner. Lately, my dinner seems to come with a fresh bouquet of flowers, and not the cheap kind. On school nights we find ourselves out and about with no particular destination in mind. And while it's the very opposite of what my mother tells me to do, if it's Mara it's 'ok'.
It's the impromptu dates and mixed signals that have my head spinning like the clothes in my washing machine. And by the day's head I can only hope to wring out the wave of questions that float around in my head to be left to dry on the laundry line and shrivel up into nothingness.
I can't lie to myself. This is above and beyond what I signed myself up for. It would be too late to back out now and tell my best friend that this has all been a mistake and we should break up.
And this is where the crowd laughs and I bury myself in the pile of tomatoes they've thrown at my head. I'm in this contract and under no circumstances am I allowed to break it.
Not until it all works out in Mara's favour. Which, in my opinion, seems to be working. Slowly, but surely. Mavis seems like she's interested in Mara these days; though Ellie thinks it's all in my head.
"You did really well." I smile proudly. A big part of me wishes that I could get on with my day and get away from Mara before I turn into mush. "Congratulations on the win again. I'm proud of you. I know I said it earlier but I really am, Jace."
Mara grabs the hem of her jacket and pulls me into her arms once again. "You're my biggest fan."
I nod. "Mhmm. Why wouldn't I be?" I cup her cheeks. Whether her target audience was standing around or not, it would draw heads, it would create commotion—the exact thing that would turn into a much bigger thing. "I'm your biggest fan, MJ. Always have. Always will." Her lips turn upward as she presses her forehead against my own. "I hope you know how amazing you are." I feel my heart beat rapidly against my chest. It's a feeling that's gotten stronger every day since that moment. This is all contractual, and while I know what's real in my head, my heart seems to think of this as something bigger.
Murmurs of, 'are they a thing?' and 'i knew they weren't just friends they didn't seem like it' filled the air as quick as my cheeks began to flush red.
I'm back in her warmth and while this jacket does its job, nothing could really compare to her. And while I think about everything wrong with this, Mara Jace asks a question that I hoped to hear.
"Do you want to go out later?" I can't comprehend a single thought with how close she is. I feel like I'd burst into flames. "Are you game?" I swallow the dryness in my throat. She doesn't seem to realise that we've been standing like this for minutes and our closeness had garnered an audience that was no lesser than entertained.
"Won't the other girls be looking for you?" I ask.
Mara finally pulls away. "I don't wanna be around them tonight." I knit my brows. Why wouldn't she want to spend time with her team? They won.
"Why? Aren't you happy that you won?"
She shook her head. "It's not that I don't want to." She answered. "I just wanna spend it with you." I feel my heart fall out of my ass. I'm not sure if I heard her correctly. "Mason? Did you hear me?"
"Huh?" I stare back at her.
"Are you ok?" She wonders. Those damn brows.
I nod. "Yeah. Of course."
Mara removes her hands from my waist and glides her fingers against my jaw. "What do you say? Will you go out with me?" She pulls me in and presses a soft kiss on my cheek. "Please."
I can't help but feel dizzy. "What?..."
"I don't want anyone else to have you."
⌗
I FIND MYSELF in the Ford Mustang for the third time this week. I've been in this car more than I've seen my parents all week. It's not even a joke. I saw mom once this week for three hours before Mara had whisked me away to the arcade.
"Where are we going?" I'm filled to the brim with curiosity. Mara has no intention of telling me our so called plans for the evening. She insisted I get in her car and ask no questions, but I can't help it.
"Are you deaf?"
Mara doesn't take her eyes off the road. "If I were deaf I wouldn't be able to hear you." She laughs. "I told you not to ask questions, Mace."
I cross my arms over my chest. "Can't a girl be curious?" I look at Mara; again, she doesn't break her gaze away from the road. "Just tell me where we're going. Please! Don't make me beg, Mara."
A devilish grin forms on her lips. "Don't give me ideas, Mace. I just might. Besides, you're cute when you beg." She smiles. "Should I?"
I knit my brows together and shake my head. "No. Absolutely not. I will keep my silence."
Mara bursts into laughter. "You're so cute."
"No."
"No?"
"I'm not cute. Don't say that!" I replied.
Mara takes a left down the road and pouts. "Hm, why not? You're adorable." She told me.
I shake my head firmly. "I'm not."
"What will it take for you to accept it?"
"Nothing." I answer firmly. "Don't even try."
Mara drives up the road towards a cabin in the woods. I can't remember if I've been here before but it feels familiar. "And if I do then what?"
I roll my eyes. "Why are you so persistent today? And where even are we? If we're sleeping in these woods I will literally murder you, Mara."
The car fills up with the sound of her laughter. "No, we're not sleeping in the middle of the woods, silly. We'll be spending the night here."
Mara points to the cabin in front of us.
"Are we even allowed to be in there?"
Mara nods. "Why wouldn't we be?" She removes her seatbelt and immediately leans forward.
"What are you doing?" This must be déjà vu. I remember this all so vividly. Before we drove to the diner across town the other day, she leaned forward and helped me with my seatbelt.
She unbuckles the seatbelt for me and smiles fondly. "Seatbelt." I don't think my heart has caught a break all day. I start to wonder if my heart's on a fitness grind to keep me on top of my cardiovascular health. It's now running at a ridiculously fast pace, to that I wonder, is this ok?
"Mara..." I say her name in a huffy tone.
I watch her inch closer towards me. I don't think I could ever get used to this. The air seems to run hot and I feel like I'd break a sweat. I soon realise that this isn't normal; this isn't normal when you have a perfectly platonic relationship with your best friend. This was something completely different. I don't even know what this is. But of course there's the more important question here. The one that sticks in my brain: what are we?
I don't know where this is even going. I don't even know if this is part of our plan. The agreement. I don't remember signing up for this. All for someone else's attention? I can't help but think that this is something unnecessary.
Mavis is not around. Not even close.
But then I remember that this is just who Mara is. She's kind and affectionate when she needs to be. She's loving—extremely loving. And more importantly, she's selfless. Unlike anyone I've ever known. But this has turned into selfishness.
I decide to tuck away those little thoughts that crawled their way through the deep crevices of my brain. This is nothing. Just friendly things that friends do because they're certainly just friends.
Bingo! I've found the answer. I take a deep breathe and open my eyes. There is nothing more to this than just two completely platonic friends having a night out after a big win for the team.
Ding!
When I look straight ahead, Mara's still within my breathing space. She doesn't move and I don't think she plans to. I feel her breath against my neck as she parts her lips to speak five words that turn everything I've ever known into dust.
"You look really cute, baby."