It's been a few weeks since the last time I saw Tommy, it's like he's avoiding me. I'm starting to think his idea of keeping me safe is to just stay away completely and I don't know how to feel about that, especially since I'm starting to have feelings for him again, not that my feelings for him ever left to begin with. I haven't seen Polly in a while either, every time I see her in public she looks very disheveled and rushes from one place to another, I wonder what has happened to her.
It's been a long day at the store, many people have stopped by and picked up their usually things. I was stocking the herbal mixes when the door opened, I looked behind me and saw Arthur.
"Hello Arthur, lovely to see you," I say with a big smile, I haven't seen him since I got back into town.
"Hello love, I'm here to pick up some cigars," he said.
"Good thing I got a box with your name on it," I say with a smirk.
Arthur just laughs and walks up to the counter and sets his money down.
"Here you go," I say smiling.
"You know Ivy, it's so nice seeing your lovely face again," he says picking up his cigars.
"It's so nice seeing yours and your families faces as well, I missed you guys," I say.
"Well I have to get going gonna go to the ring for a bit, but I want to invite you to the Garrison reopening," he says.
"Oh it's already fixed up," I said happy to hear it was finally ready.
"It's back sweetheart, better see you there," he said walking out the door.
I didn't have anything planned for tonight so going to the Garrison will be fun. I obviously haven't been since I was younger, the times we all had there were definitely moments I'd never want to forget. The Garrison was also one of the first moments Tommy and I really had a moment.
Ada and I have been at the Garrison for hours now, drinking, dancing and talking. Her brothers were supposed to be here a little while ago, but they still haven't showed so we continue drinking, and I am getting very drunk. We decided to dance again, a few of the men put me and Ada on the tables and we've been twirling up here for a bit. I feel myself getting dizzy and lose my balance, I start to fall but someone catches me, it's Thomas, I look up to find his eyes and he looks angry.
"How did you get up there Miss Collins?" He asks.
"Oh you know, climbed up," I said giggling.
"You and Ada are going to be the death of me," he said setting me down, too soon if you ask me.
"You just might be the death of me Mr Shelby," I say.
"And why might that be?" He asks looking into my eyes.
I gulp and start to walk off heading to the bar.
"Another one Harry," I say leaning onto the bar for some support.
"Harry she's cut off, so is Ada," Thomas said in a stern voice.
"What that's not fair Thomas," I say with a huff.
"And on that note I should get her home," Tommy says reaching to grab my hand.
"What about Ada I can't leave her," I say looking for her.
"Arthur is taking her home as we speak," he says leading me towards the door.
Once we get out the door I start to lose my footing and Thomas had to help me up. He looks very annoyed but decides to pick me up, and carries me home. He smells so good, I've always had a little infatuation with him and only my sister Martha knows that.
"Here you go Ivy," he says setting me down.
"Thank you kind sir," I say laughing and trying to open the door.
"Here let me help," he opens the door for me.
"Thank you Thomas, have a good night," I say and kiss him on the cheek and head inside.
I think of that time at the Garrison very fondly, after that night Ada asked me if I remembered anything and I said no since Thomas was in the room with us. I don't know why but I never wanted him to know I remembered that night, I especially didn't want Ada to know I had kissed her brothers cheek. After that night, Thomas and I had more little encounters which obviously led us to confess our feelings to each other.
I'm so excited for my night at the Garrison right after I close the store I head straight home and begin to get ready. I'm still not used to my short hair so my mum helps me style, some pin curls. She also helps me pick out a nice dress. I put on my shoes and head for the door.
"Ivy don't get into too much trouble," my dad says from the kitchen doorway.
"Don't worry dad, I won't," I say laughing.
"Don't be too sure, when you're around the Shelby's you become someone else," he says.
"Maybe when I'm around them, I actually become myself," I say.
"Just be careful, love you," he says and heads back into the kitchen.
I rush to the Garrison clutching my knife handle in my hand, still not that comfortable walking around at night, but it's a pretty quick walk. I make it pretty fast and head inside.
My eyes grow big as I take in the new look, it's very gold. I look around and this place is very full, it makes me happy to see people still love coming here. I spot Arthur behind the bar and head over.
"Could I get a beer sir," I say as I step up.
"One glass coming up, it's on the house Ivy, " Arthur says with a wink.
He hands me the glass and I sip, and smile at him.
I spot Polly off in the corner talking to some men and head her way.
"Polly it's lovely seeing you," I say setting my hand on her shoulder.
"Hello Ivy," she says, I look at her face and she looks like she hasn't slept in ages.
"Polly what's wrong," I ask very concerned for her.
"I don't want to talk about it, I just want to have a good night tonight without anyone asking me if I'm okay," she says sipping her drink.
"I'm just worried Pol," I say,
"Don't be, I don't need you to pity me Ivy now please let me finish talking to these lovely men," she says and turns away from me.
Polly has never talked like that to me before, something must really be wrong, but if she doesn't want to talk to me she doesn't have to. I walk off back to the bar and take a seat. I sit there sipping my drink until I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around and see Ada. I scream and hug her tightly.
"Ada, what are you doing here?" I ask when we let go.
"Tommy asked me to come see the Garrison reopening and also try to talk to Polly," she said taking a seat next to me, Arthur slid her a drink.
"I tried talking to her, but I don't even know what's wrong," I say.
"She's been looking for her children, Tommy finally tracked them down, her daughter Anna has passed, but Tommy went to meet her son Michael and his adoptive mum turned him away, so Tommy had to tell Polly all that and she's not taking it well, understandably," Ada said, and it made me feel so bad for Polly.
"That's terrible Ada, I wish I had known when I talked to her earlier," I said looking towards Polly still flirting with those men.
"It's not your fault love, but wish me luck I'm gonna go try and talk to her," she said getting up.
"Good luck," I said, once she was gone I drank the rest of my beer and ordered another.
Once I had a couple beers I began to realize I hadn't seen Tommy all night.
"Arthur, do you know where Tommy is?" I ask.
"Yes, he's in the back room," he says pointing to a doorway.
"Thank you Arthur," I say and head towards the back.
When I get back there I see Thomas holding an envelope, waving it over his lighter.
"What are you doing back here, there's a celebration happening out there," I say, making my presence known.
"I know," he said shortly.
"What's wrong Thomas?" I ask.
"Nothing to concern you Ivy," he says, putting the envelope in the flame.
"Who sent you the letter?" I asked walking closer to him.
"Grace," he said, the letter almost fully burnt and lays it onto a plate.
"You aren't gonna read it," I asked sitting next to him.
"No, I have no desire to," he said leaning back.
I know he's lying, he's only burning it to try and move on, but it hurts him.
"Thomas, have you been avoiding me," I ask, changing the subject away from the letter.
"I've been trying to keep you safe," he said looking at me.
"You staying away isn't keeping me safe," I say.
"Well you are the expert of staying away," he said no emotions in his tone.
"Fuck you Thomas," I said getting up.
After I left Thomas in the back I had a few more drinks, I've danced with John and Ada and now I'm back at the bar downing a few more drinks, trying to forget the things I feel for Thomas, even after what he said to me earlier, the feelings I have for him are still there. He is starting to fill every thought I have again, just like when I was younger, he's consuming me again. I try and stand up again to go back to Ada but I lose my balance, but someone catches me and of course that someone had to be Thomas.
"I got you," he said holding me steady.
"Let go of me," I say trying to get out of his hold.
"I think I should get you home," he says trying to pull me back to him.
"I don't want to leave I want to talk to Ada more,"
I say looking for her.
"Ada went home to Karl a little bit ago Ivy, let me take you home," he said, and this time I don't fight him.
"Please don't take me home Thomas, I don't want to wake my parents," I say, knowing I would be too loud.
"I'll take you to mine then," he said heading out the door putting my coat on me.
We head to his house in silence, just like that one night many years ago I have no balance and he picks me up. When we get there he opens the door and carries me up the stairs. Once we're his room I'm hit with all the memories we had in here, I don't know why I didn't just go home. He lays me in his bed and begins to walk away.
"Tommy, please don't leave," I say.
"I'm just gonna get you something comfortable to sleep in," he says looking back at me.
"I don't care please come here," I say rolling over in the bed to make room for him.
"Ivy I don't think that's a good idea," he says slowly walking over.
"Please," I beg, and he finally lays down.
We stare at each other for a while until I finally say something, "Thomas I miss us."
He just stares at me so I say something else, "I think about you all the time Thomas, every waking moment it's you, I wish I never left."
I began to doze off but I think I heard him say, "I wish you never left too."