Pairings: San × y/n x Hongjoong
Genre/tags: confession, secret relationship
Warning: cursing, pet names, fluff, flirting, [lmk if i miss anything]
Words: 2.6k
Disclaimer:
- this story is just made up
- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊
Note: nothing 🔞
*******
Ever since you've been hanging out with Hongjoong more than a year ago, you started to form relationships with all his member. They were all so welcoming and friendly with you that all of them became dear friend of yours. You even hang out with them when Hongjoong is busy with work and no tike to meet you. Then though the thing between you and Hongjoong ended, you still keep in touch and hang out with them.
You're still happy that even though the thing between You and Hongjoong was very vague at least you gained amazing people in your life. However, you cannot hide the fact that even after a few months, it still hurts. Because for you, he is special and you thought the 'relationship' you had was real. For you the hugs and kisses you shared when you visited him in his studio is magical. For you the 'I miss you' and the 'I can't wait to see you' meant more than it actually meant. For you, Hongjoong needed and wanted you. For you, the lyrics he wrote about love is about you. Coz' saw him wrote it all while you were on his lap after a make out session.
You thought, everything between you is serious. Not until a few months ago, the last time you visited him in his studio. He looked serious and very concerned. The second you sat down on the sofa behind his workstation, the first thing he told you was 'Sorry' and that he cannot do this anymore. That career is more important for him at the moment that he cannot commit with you and distract himself.
'Commit'
You laugh at the word. Because who were you kidding? In the first place, when you two started to hold hands and meet each other behind everybody's back, he already told you that commitment is out of the picture. That the thing between you is not going to last.
And yes, it ended just like that. Even you two just had a dry humping session the night prior the "break up" in his studio while he plays the melody he made just by thinking about you. Funny right?
Now months later in present time here you are, in their company where his studio is. Not to meet him but to celebrate them winning in an award show three straight times and then wrapping up their latest comeback.
If this happened months ago, you'd probably be standing beside him or behind him, waiting for him to tale your hand and include you in everything. That's how it was. A simple attention to you was everything. But now, you are just standing in the corner of the room watching them all go all out screaming, singing and cheering. You just stand there looking at Hongjoong, looking at every one except you.
It fucking hurts. But you need to smile and stop thinking about it. This is not about you. This party is for them.
You then feel sweet caress of your cheek and see San standing by your side. "Why are you standing here alone in the corner?" He asks, smiling.
"I just find it more comfy here..."
San notices the hint of sadness in your eyes. "Y/n... do you want to leave?"
"Huh? Where would I go?"
"Anywhere... not here... not here where you can see him."
You're head whirls to face him, "Sannie... you knew?"
He sighs, "Sadly... I do. You two never mentioned it so I assume it was nothing... but I know... he does stay in his studio to make music... but it got to often than usual when he introduced you two us... as a friend."
You look away, embarassed and felt exposed. "You must think that... I'm such an easy girl..."
"No, I don't."
"Thanks for trying not too... but... If you do... it's okay... I am though..." you are on the verge of crying. "I was just a side thing for him... nothing serious..."
"I said, I don't." He says again. This time his voice is low and stern.
You look back at him and see him looking at you with warm eyes. "Thank you..." you say softly
****
The party got more loud and all over the place. Wooyoung and Jongho got a bit competitive in playing games and doesn't even bother letting their teammates Yeosang and Mingi play. They are now just standing there cheering and everything while the rest of the staff are busy eating and relaxing behind them. Though the some of the managers are yelling as well coz it's an intense battle game.
The other members are just watching except San. Who is busy being by your side, hiding in plain sight.
"Why don't you join them?" You ask
"I want to stay with you."
"Why though? I'm boring... you should play with them..."
He pouts, "Why do you always ask me to go away?"
"Ahm...It's not like that..."
"Then what?" He looks at you with curious eyes. "Is it because hyung can see us talking?"
"No, of course not." You frown.
"Then what...?"
"I don't know... Maybe I'm just... I don't fucking know..." you sigh
"We can go upstairs..." San says, "it's quiet. The dance studio is there... we can listen to music and dance... you dance right?"
"I don't..."
"Then I'll teach you basic..." San takes your hand carefully and leads you out of the party.
Both of you arrive at the famous dance studio where their dance practices gets filmed.
He opens the lights and reveals the all white room and mirrors. Then he goes straight to the computer at the corner to turn it on.
"What music you want to hear?"
"Anything you like... but if you're serious about teaching me to dance... maybe something slower?"
He smiles, showing his cute dimples. "Okay!"
While he's busy searching for a song to teach you. You on the other hand walks straight in the middle of the room after closing the door. You look straight into your reflection and begin to analyze how awful you look today.
Messy hair in a bun, a fitted black cropped top shirt and a black highwaist cargo pants paired with black boots too. Outfit looks nice yes, but your aura is so dark and down. You used to be excited when coming here but now...
The sudden music startles you. San then comes close, slides his hand to yours to make them intertwine and then tug you close to him. "Maybe... let this one go...?" He pulls off the ribbon from your bun, letting your long hair unravel. "So pretty..." he mumbles looking at you, all smile.
You begin to follow him move. You have no idea what type of dance you are even doing but you are so captivated by how he makes you dance and do it while smiling. He's such a sweet soul and a nice person. He is very endearing like what Hongjoong decribes him.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asks as he make you twirl and fall in his arm. "Do I look handsome?"
You snort a laugh, "Of course you are..."
He puts his hand behind your back and spins you until your back feels the wall. "Handsome enough for you to take a chance with me?"
Stunned. You look at San and try to process what he just said "S-sannie..."
He lets go of you, takes a few steps back and smile. "Shall we change the music to something upbeat?"
You question yourself if you heard him right. If what you heard was just nothing, that it meant nothing and your just taken aback and overthinking it. You swear he looked serious saying it but that can't be right. Right? Why would San say that? Why would he like you?
After he thought you a few basic dances, you said no and quit. Your body is not meant for dancing. You are very awkward and no flexibility. So, you just sat down on the floor, legs stretched out and watch him do his thing.
"Your lines are so beautiful, Sannie!" You say clapping.
Catching his breathe he falls down the floor and roll over until he reaches you. "Thank you... I've been practicing this routine for a week now..." then he places his head on your lap. "Yunho and I are planning to do it for tiktok..."
"That's cool... that would be cool and for sure fans will like it."
"Yeah... Yunho did so well making the choreo."
"And you did well, executing it. For sure he's happy that you're doing it with him."
"Yeah... he is..." he then closes his eyes and you could feel the tense in his body relaxes. "Y/n...?"
"Hmm...?"
He gets up and adjust his position to face you, "Are you feeling a lot better now?"
He's sweating but still glowing and looking so good.
"I am... thank you..." you smile and then proceeds to pinching his cheek. "You made me feel better."
He actually did. It was just for a short period of time but it made you clear your mind. He made you stop making yourself be horrible and dark. And finally after a few months, you've finally laughed genuinely. His jokes and his silly moves whilst he was dancing earlier made you really laugh.
"Aha! You guys are here!"
Both you and San snap your heads to look at the door. It's Wooyoung.
"Yah! We've been calling you... what are you two even doing?" He enters the room, holding a ice americano in one hand and paper bag on the other. "Why are you two sweating?"
"Who?" Yeosang appears from behind, peaking at the door.
"Sannie thought me how to dance." You answer as you push yourself up to stand. "And now I know, I don't have the talent to do it..."
"Noona, don't worry! You just need more practice if you really want to learn..." Woo says, "anyways, we're gonna go now... we have a schedule for tomorrow."
"Oh, okay... bye! See you again whenever." You say to the two.
"Bye noona!" Yeosang waves and follows Wooyoung to leave.
"How about you...?" You ask San, "Are you not leaving yet?"
"Are you asking me to leave again?" He pouts
You laugh, "Silly you... of course not... It's just... maybe your dormmates wants to go home and your ride..."
"I can always take a cab home. I want to stay with you longer."
Hearing him say those words make you smile. You suddenly felt important and wanted. But weirdly enough this is different from how you felt with Hongjoong.
With Hongjoong, its always with such rush. He does not have a lot of time so you adjust your time for him. And when he needs you, you gave in. If he wants to make out, you do it. If he needs a cuddle, you give it. If he needs someone to sleep with on his couch in his studio, you are there. It may sound bad like its all about sensual things, no its still more than that. And Hongjoong is not a bad person. It's just that, what you had with him is not established.
Then with San, it feels warm when your with him. You know you haven't had that much alone time with him like this but when you do hang out even with the other member, San is always there taking care of you in his simple ways. He's always present and attentive to you. He's a sweet, kind and a gentleman. You may not always express your appreciation to him but you do, appreciate him. He is a good friend. A good person.
"Y/n..."
"Hmm...?"
"Can we--"
Before he could even finish his sentence, Hongjoong suddenly enters the dance practice room startling the both of you.
"Hyung..." San says
"Seonghwa and Mingi is waiting for you..." Hongjoong says to San before glancing at you. "Let them know if you'll going with them or not."
"Okay. I'll call them."
"Okay." Hongjoong finally looks straight at you. "Do you want us to give you a ride...?" He asks
You pause for a few seconds trying to absorb this. It's been so long since he directly spoke to you. It feels weird and awkward.
"She's staying with me hyung..." San answers for you then takes your hand to squeeze it. "I'll take care of her..."
"Ah, really... okay..." hongjoong sounds so nonchalant like he's trying so hard not to care. "It started to rain so..." he glances at you again then your hands with San. "Be careful going home..."
"We will." San answers
You exhale very loudly the moment Hongjoong closes the door and left. You've held your breathe without realizing it.
"Crap..." you mumble as you stumble and then carries on to holding on to San's body for support. Meaning, you are hugging him.
"You still are affected by Hongjoong hyung..." he says
You shake your head and tighten your embrace. "I don't want to anymore... I need to move on..."
His hands then snakes around your body and hugs you bag. "Does this make you feel better? Hugging?"
Nuzzling your face on his chest and taking in his scent. "A little...? I miss hugging someone... I miss... the feeling of..."
"That bring me back to what I was about to ask you..."
You lift your chin up to look at him, "What is it?"
"Can we try?"
You blink multiple times, "Try what...?"
"can we try to hang out... go out... date... fling... or be super close... or whatever you want to call it."
"W-wait... what?" You move back. "Sannie... are you... are you trying to fuck me?"
"What?"
"I know you might think I'm easy... but..."
"No! Not that... I don't think of you that way... please no..." he looks worried that he cannot convey what he wanted to say. "I meant... I want you to try to date me... but I'm not sure what you wanted... so I gave you options... whatever you want... I just..." he pauses for a bit before continuing, "I like you y/n... I've liked you for quite a while. However, you are with hyung and I didn't want to interfere with your relationship with him because I can see how you look at him... I know you love him... but now... I want to take a chance and risk it."
"Why... me...?"
"What do you mean why you?"
"Sannie... you know I've dated your member... and probably fucked him and all..."
"So? It's not my business who you loved or liked before me... all that matters to me... is you and me. Our present and our future. If you agree on taking a chance with me."
"But... what if... I can't give you what you deserve coz' San... I'm still not 100% okay..."
"I'm okay with it. Whatever you can give me, I'll accept it. I will give you everything I can with no regrets until you can love me back the way you can. And if you can't... I'm okay to... just.. let me be with you and I'll be your crying shoulder and still be your friend..."
You are getting emotional and shock on what San is willing to have and do for your attention, for you.
"If you need someone to be your rebound... just to heal... pick me... chose me... I'll accept even just that..." he adds
"I will... think about it...If its alright with you?"
"No worries... I understand."
San caresses your cheek wtih his knuckles. "No rush..."