The door to Niylah's Rec Room shut behind me as I cautiously made my way down the hidden corridor until I reached the end, poking my head out and looking either way to determine if anyone was in sight. When I saw no one, I stepped out into the main hallway and began traveling back to my room with the book Catch-22 securely in my hand. I smiled down at the blue book, turning a few pages into where the summary resided and beginning to read it as I walked, testing my multitasking skills.
Ahead of me — ahead of everyone, lay waiting for Echo to take down the eye so Wonkru could march on the valley. Most everyone's routines would stay the same, much like mine, but it would be brutal.
Just as Callan had promised, this morning, he had awoken Ethan once more to prepare him for his day with Gaia and all his classes. The past few days, Ethan could not stop talking about how his class was going to train in front of Octavia today. It did have Callan, and I worried, though, because of the possibility of Octavia putting Ethan, or really any of the kids, by her side, which would place them directly in the middle of this war. I didn't want to be in the middle of this war, let alone Ethan, so it did have me anxious, but I wasn't going to deny Ethan this excitement — something I shamefully admit he never really gets.
"What do you have there?" At the sound of Harper's voice, I craned my neck, looking over my shoulder, watching the blond fall in step with me.
I waved the book in my hand. "It's called Catch-22. Sounds kinda interesting, don't you think?"
The blond nodded. "Yeah, it does. Where did you get it?"
My mouth opened, and I had to resist the urge to tell Harper I had obtained this story from Niylah's Rec Room, still maintaining my promise to keep it a secret. Harper was always the person I told everything to, so being unable to tell her this, even if it wasn't crucial information, had my stomach twisting in odd ways.
"I just... found it." I shook my head, hoping that my lying skills were on par with Harper's ability to discern if I was telling the truth or not. The blond seemed skeptical, throwing an unsure look my way — Harper could always tell when something was wrong, and evidently, that didn't change after our six-year separation.
But like the good friend she was, Harper didn't comment on it, choosing to speak about something I would rather not discuss. Her tone was tentative, and her voice soft as she was careful with her following words. "I wanted to ask you... um, what did you say to Bellamy last night?"
"What?" I abruptly halted in my path, blurting the word out as Harper didn't notice my stopping until she was a couple of steps ahead, turning back to look at me with what seemed to be a guilty expression.
Harper sighed, clasping her hands together in front of her, seeming as though she was nervous to mention this sort of thing to me, like we hadn't ever had a conversation this severe, but we had. To me, it felt like talking to Harper about stuff like this would be the same, yet so different, especially when we were talking about a topic as severe as this, so I had no idea where this conversation would end up.
"I know he went to find you, and when he came back, he just — he didn't sleep at all last night. He was staring at the monitor with this blank expression on his face and—"
"So, is the eye down?" I interrupted, my ears peeking at the mention of the monitor that would be going off when — if — Echo got her task done.
The blond's mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish before she regained her composure. "Jo, I think you're missing the point. Whatever happened last night, Bellamy was distraught, snappy."
"Well, Harper, I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't care about Bellamy." I snipped. "Not one bit."
Once more, Harper let out a sigh, but this time, it was more serene, more sad. "I know. But I care about you and Bellamy. I just wanna know why he's acting that way."
Something clicked in my mind, my head tilting to return to eye contact with Harper. "Wait. So he didn't tell you anything about what happened?"
"No." She shook her head, clearing the assumption that Bellamy had told Harper about Alex from my mind. "I found you, hoping that you would tell me."
For just about as long as I can remember, I'd always told Harper every single aspect of my life — from the moment I met her, I was telling Harper who I was and why I was locked up in the Skybox. She was the one I could always say anything to and not be hurt or distraught by her actions, and she was someone who I always felt comfortable around. The day I told her I was pregnant, I remember feeling nothing but happiness and assurance that someone as caring as her was going to be by my side through it all. And it was the same way around with Harper always telling me everything. She told me about her and Monty, and she even told me when she didn't feel like living any longer. We were each other's rocks, wanting to lean on each other for support when telling each other things, but telling her about Alex was something that I could not admit, not yet, at least. There were a lot of aspects of my life during these past six years that I did not plan on sharing with anyone.
"I'm sorry, Harper." I despondently shook my head, coming to terms with the fact that there was one thing I simply could not tell the blond. "That's something I just can't tell you. I hope you can understand."
She shook her head at me, nodding her head dolefully, indicating that she did indeed understand before she even said the words. "I do. I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me."
"It's okay." I smiled lightly. "If the roles were reversed, I would've done the same thing."
Harper chuckled. "I'm sure you would've."
I started to walk so Harper and I were shoulder to shoulder again, and the two of us resumed walking down the corridors of the Second Dawn Bunker. This was what I enjoyed about being with Harper; we didn't have to talk or anything to be happy around one another. Just being in each other's presence was enough.
"Do you wanna come back to my room with me? I was gonna drop the book off and head to the mess hall." I asked as we turned a corner.
Composedly, Harper shook her head. "I wish I could, but I have to go back to the computer. Take my turn in waiting for the eye to be down."
With a disappointed but understanding frown, I nodded at Harper. "See you around."
"See you around." She grinned before departing down a separate hallway, heading in the opposite direction I was.
❣︎
Based on the amount of protein splattered on the metallic tray in front of me, it was sufficient to say that the hydrofarm was on its very last legs, and they were wobbling, ready to break at a moment's notice. Everyone knew this already, but I didn't truly grasp how totally screwed we were from it until I saw the food on my tray sitting there, staring me in the face.
I sat alone at one of the many tables that sat four in the cafeteria, near the middle of the room, I would say — not by choice, that was. The fork in my hand was gripped loosely as my hand absentmindedly scooped some food up and put it in my mouth, barely replenishing my body. My eyes were cast all around the room, observing people as they sat and talked; most I heard conversing about the oncoming war. Some were even discriminating against Octavia's order that the food brought yesterday be burned — I made a mental note to think about whether I was to tell Octavia about this.
My eyes had just wandered down to the tray with half of my food left when I heard the chair in front of me move, its legs scraping against the floor before I heard a body settle into the seat. I had the foggiest idea of who it was just based on the presence they brought and the tenseness that flowed out of their body.
Peering up through my brows, I was met with the sight of Bellamy sitting across from me; his hands clutched together as they rested atop the metal table. My eyes narrowed at him as, in a split second, I retrieved the gun strapped to my thigh, clicked the safety off, and aimed it in the direction of Bellamy under the table. No one had seen or heard me do this, only Bellamy, who sent me a tested glare, seeming not to believe that I would actually use the weapon concealed beneath the table.
Finally, I tilted my head up, glaring harshly at Bellamy. "What the hell are you doing? I remember telling you I was done talking to you."
Bellamy didn't appear to care about that or the fact that I had a gun aimed directly at him, out of his line of sight, as he smugly said, "That's fine. You don't have to talk to me."
"Whatever you're playing at, it's not going to work." I adjusted in my seat, grasping the gun in my right hand just a little bit tighter, turning my knuckles just a little bit whiter, my following words more reminiscent of an animalistic growl than anything else. "Need I remind you that I have a gun aimed at the things that helped create our dead child."
Bellamy simply shook his head, the atmosphere growing much more edgy when he whispered, "You're not going to shoot me."
"Would you like to bet your life on that?" There was a particular demented tick in my voice. "Get away from me."
"I think I deserve to know what happened." Bellamy contended, leaning closer across the table, both of us knowing precisely what he was referring to without any further context.
"No, you don't." I argued firmly.
"Stop doing that."
I rolled my eyes. "Doing what?"
"Stop making it seem like it wasn't my child that died, too." Submissively demanded Bellamy. "Making it seem like he wasn't as important to me as he was to you."
"Well, I only make it seem like that because that's what I think." I countered, my finger hovering over the trigger for a split second before remembering I had no justifiable reason for killing the man before me. No matter how much I wanted to, and I really wanted to right now, I couldn't shoot him, so pulling the gun away, I placed it back in its home on my hip.
"Jo, you know that's not true." Bellamy claimed. "You are making this way more difficult than it needs to be."
In all the time I had known Bellamy Blake, he was never a man to push on things you didn't want to talk about. He was always careful and there for you if you did want to talk, but he wasn't going to force you. However, today, it seemed that version of Bellamy had not shown up, given that he would not leave me alone about Alex even after I've repeatedly told him I wouldn't let out any more information. He was annoyingly persistent and very, very insufferable, which was another thing I never knew Bellamy Blake to be par from the first few days on the ground. Once I got to know Bellamy, he never was annoying to me, yet here we are six years later, and that was the only accurate word I could come up with that described him without using any curse words.
"Stop it." I lowly demanded, my eyes catching on a man who passed us, waiting for him to be out of earshot to speak again. "Stop playing the victim. You don't get to be bitter, and you know why?"
"Why?" Bellamy raised his eyebrows, his forehead creasing, not seeming to really want the answer.
"Because you left me here. You locked me in my room. Abandoned me for six years. I had to handle everything on my own." My voice was ticking up an octave with each new sentence, but I stopped, gaining stability before continuing. "You left the child here. You left your child."
I know that the man before me had to understand the implications of his actions six years ago; Bellamy had to have known it wasn't going to end well even if he did come back. If he did, we probably would still be in this predicament, having this tempered-filled conversation, but just maybe it wouldn't involve talking about our dead child. My mind dared to think that had Bellamy stayed in the Second Dawn Bunker, then Alex would be sitting here right beside me — would that be something that changed? In the back of my mind, I could hear Abby's voice telling me that no one could've prevented or predicted what happened, but it didn't cease these kinds of thoughts. Was Bellamy to blame for Alex's death? — I hated the man, but I wasn't sure it went that far.
Bellamy let out an exasperated breath. "Because I was trying to protect him. I could not live with myself if I let you and that baby die in Praimfaya."
"Well, Bellamy, guess what?" I sneered, pounding my fist against the table. "I have to live with myself every day knowing that I let my child die. And let me tell you. It is a sick feeling."
Hurt flashed across Bellamy's irises for a split moment. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to be there for you. If I had known—"
"But you didn't, and neither did I. And I don't ever wanna talk about it again, so if you are not going to shut up about it, get the hell away from me." I spat venomously.
"Please, Jo. I just wanna know how he died." He begged, the pleading look in his eyes cracking the wall surrounding the part of my heart that wanted to beat for Bellamy Blake.
"You know, you are making it incredibly hard to resist the urge to pull my gun back out and shoot you right here." I told him, the utmost truth in my words, which he seemed to pick up on.
"Just tell me how old he was, at least." Implored Bellamy, and that was my breaking point.
Standing up harshly, my chair screeched loudly against the floor as my hand returned to my gun, intending to shoot Bellamy in the shoulder — I still couldn't kill him even though fighting the desire had become undoubtedly impossible, and he was making it astonishingly easy. "I swear to fucking god, Bellamy—"
I was forced to stop my movements and whatever harsh words were going to come out of my mouth next and take a deep breath when Clarke and Monty approached the table. Both's eyes were darting between Bellamy and me, reading the tense atmosphere based on the way my hands were clenched — one dangerously close to my gun — and steam was practically bursting through my ears, as well as the apprehensive look adorning Bellamy's face. For a long moment, I stood there staring down at Bellamy, almost daring him to say another word, especially in front of people. Then he did something I didn't know he was capable of; he made the right decision and shut his mouth.
Clarke and Monty each took a seat when the thick air settled slightly, the blond moving to the chair beside me as Monty sat beside Bellamy. There was this look on their faces that said something was utterly and horrifically wrong — like they had just seen the devil himself. It was only when they started explaining what they were doing that morning that I understood why they held that expression.
In all honesty, it was hard for me even to hear what they were saying and process it through my mind. They claimed that in the back room of the hydrofarm, human testing was occurring, and if that couldn't get any worse, it involved the worms that we had encountered in the wasteland. Clarke and Monty found that those parasitic worms were being put into defectors to see how long they could last in a human body, dead or alive. It was a baffling revelation, and I couldn't believe that Octavia somehow could be a part of it — the Blake girl may have done and still was doing questionable things, but I didn't think she would ever do this. What would all this mean in the long run? The dreadful question was swirling in my mind like it was in a never-ending whirlpool.
Bellamy was just as baffled as I was. "My sister would never approve of human testing. I don't care how crazy it's become down here." He refused, and my eyebrows scrunched in irritation at his last note; the urge to pull out my gun again was hard to resist.
"You do not know what has happened down here for it to become, as you so colorfully called it, 'crazy'." I reminded, the annoyance at the man across from me still steaming on the back burner in my chest.
Sighing, Bellamy muttered, "Well, maybe if you would just tell me, I would know."
He wasn't referring to the crazy as in Wonkru; we both knew that — he was referring to my adamant refusal to tell him how exactly Alex passed away, unbeknownst to the two people with us. And the way he brought it up again, even though I had told him numerous times not to, had my body stiffening, my words mirroring my demeanor. "Bellamy, if you mention one more word about..."
Clarke's gentle hand on my shoulder had me trailing off, reminding me that the blond and Monty were here in our presence, and one knew about Alex while the other did not. "Desperation has a way of making the unimaginable a necessity."
"Still, if she weaponizes those things and sends them into the valley, then Echo, Raven, Kane," Bellamy glanced in my direction, "your brother," and then in Clarke's, "your Mom."
"Not just them." Monty spoke up, my head veering in the direction of the Green man. "All of us. Unleashing an invasive species on the last arable land on earth is a monumentally bad idea."
I shook my head, my hands threading together on the table. "There's no way Octavia knows about this. I will admit she has done some controversial things, but this? She couldn't have sanctioned this. I have to believe that."
Mine and Octavia's relationship has always been built on understanding and trust — a well-known fact. I had to trust that the Blake girl wouldn't be this desperate to do such a horrendous thing, such as using human test subjects and succumbing my brother, our people, to the threat of the worms. These were lines I had to believe she would never cross, but in the back of my mind, there was a blinking red light warning me. But I didn't listen to it.
Running his hand through his darker, hickory curls, Bellamy let out a very exasperated breath. "Even if Octavia does know, she won't listen to me."
Clarke's blue eyes turned to me. "Jo, will she listen to you?"
"I don't know." I shook my head honestly. "She says she wants my input on things now, but I don't necessarily believe she'll take my opinion into consideration."
"What about Callan?" Monty asked. "He seems pretty close to her."
"Even if you could get his attention with this, he's been by Octavia's side all day. You'd never get him alone without raising suspicion." I denounced, my train of thought running along the tracks in my mind, thinking until a lit lightbulb practically shone over my head. "You need someone she's trusted for a long time. Someone who has taught her everything she knows and whose opinion she'll actually take into account."
My head turned to where Indra sat across the cafeteria with others, having just been released from Medical after her injuries were tended to. The other three did the same, all following my line of sight until they found the former Trikru woman. She was the only person who I could think of that I knew for a fact Octavia would listen to about something as disastrous as the worms were.
Bellamy stood up, his eyes set on the woman as Clarke advised, "Be diplomatic."
"Yeah." Bellamy nodded unconvincingly before walking towards Indra.
The action had me humorlessly chuckling in my seat, humming, "This should go well."
Clarke tilted her head, looking at me with concern. "Why?"
"Ignoring the fact that Bellamy is the least diplomatic person I know as of late—"
"He was there when Pike shot her and killed three hundred of her people." Monty finished, the two of us looking at Clarke.
"I'll go with him." The blond concluded after a moment of thinking.
"And I'll relieve Harper." Monty declared quickly after.
Just like that, everyone had dispersed from the table, leaving me sitting there with the half-filled tray of food before me. Letting out a low huff, I grasped my fork, sloshing my food around as I said to myself, "And I'll just, you know, be left here. To sit and finish my stupid food that consists of not much stupid protein."
❣︎
Based on what Monty and Clarke had described, I knew that the human testing was bad; I just never thought that it would be this brutal to witness the dastardly sight firsthand. Two metal tube-like places housed the defectors who had been succumbed to the treachery they were in. One, the woman, was dead, the worms having penetrated her stomach, and they were squirming all through the open portion of the corpse; it looked just as horrible as I remembered from the sandstorm. The other, the man, was still alive with the worms torturing him as they burrowed inside his torso, longing to be let out.
He was in agonizing pain — I knew that, and I knew that was why Indra reached her hand through the sterile gloves connected to the chamber and began pushing hard down on the man's mouth and nose. Eventually, his life ended — a better ending than the one he would have obtained had he stayed alive. I felt terrible for the man in all seriousness; he was seeking a better life, and in doing so, he was subjected to grotesque human testing.
"Yu gonplei ste odon... Tarik from Louwoda Kilron Kru." (Your fight is over... Tarik of Shallow Valley Clan.) Indra said when the moaning and resisting stopped from beneath her hand. Soon after, beeping noises came from the keypad on the wall outside the door, and I knew it was Octavia because Indra had requested to see her. "Let's get this over with."
Indra rounded around the capsule as I turned to face the door. Bellamy and Clarke, who both stood beside me, followed my movements. We all stood there watching the door be opened by Cooper, who halted in her tracks when she saw Clarke and Bellamy asking what they were doing here to Indra. Callan came in next, and then Octavia followed, slowing her movements before Indra as her eyes glanced to Bellamy and Clarke. I didn't miss the questioning look she threw at me, wondering what this was about and what I was doing here.
"You wanted to see me?" Octavia asked Indra.
My eyes couldn't help but dart to Callan, observing how his eyes yearned to see what was behind us, and I let out a sigh of relief at the fact — he didn't know what was going on here, thank god. However, the same couldn't be said for Octavia as my gaze traveled across to the younger Blake, her stance not faltering one bit.
"You knew about this." It wasn't a query Indra stated — she and I both already knew the answer.
Callan's brows furrowed from beside Octavia, his eyes moving across to me, searching for an answer. "Knew about what?"
I wanted to answer him — I so desperately did, but Octavia spoke before I had the chance to, and so I made myself a promise that after this, I would take Callan to our room and explain everything that has been happening while he's been with Octavia.
"Of course I knew about this. It was my idea."
Octavia stated so coldly that the words didn't even sound real against my ears. All the hope that Octavia wasn't below this standard was erased from my body. Not only had she approved of this, but this whole occurrence behind us was her idea. It was unmistakably shocking to me that Octavia was the kind of leader who made these sorts of decisions. Sure, I disagreed with some, but human testing was crossing a whole new line. "We're up against an army with superior firepower and every geographic advantage. This is how we overcome that."
"By releasing invasive worms on the last green place on earth?" I retorted back, raising my hand slightly and gesturing behind me.
"The worms." Callan breathed. "That's what this is?"
"What happens when your secret weapon destroys the valley you're fighting for?" Clarke threw back agitatedly at Blodreina.
It was Cooper who explained. "I ran some tests. The worms can't survive in a green environment for more than a few days, long enough to kill everyone in that valley they come in contact with before we get there."
"Are we really having this conversation?" Bellamy said temperedly. "Our friends are there, people we love."
With a simple shake of her head, Octavia claimed, "Acceptable losses."
I took an angered step forward. "My brother is not an acceptable loss."
Octavia merely ignored me, tilting her head back towards Cooper. "Cooper, check on the worms. Come on, big brother. How many innocent lives have you sacrificed, or you, Wanheda? This is no different. You were just trying to save your people. So am I."
From where she had been completing orders by checking on the worms, Cooper walked through the unzipped plastic, looking accusingly at Indra. "You killed him."
"No." Indra denied. "You did."
"Cooper?" Questioned Octavia, having utterly no clue what the woman was referring to.
"One of the defectors survived."
"Looks like we found something that's not acceptable." Bellamy muttered, earning a tested look from Octavia.
"Blodreina..." Cooper started walking to her leader, bumping shoulders with me as she went. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but the results were remarkable. The worms reproduced three times faster in a live body, and we need quantity as well as control."
Callan's eyes shifted from where they stared irritatedly at Cooper to Octavia, bafflement evolving on his features. "Blodreina, this is an insane plan."
"Octavia, you don't want to do this." Clarke seconded.
"Spare me your hypocrisy, Clarke. Miller told me about the man you irradiated in Becca's lab..." The Blake girl turned back to Cooper, demanding answers. "And just how long did your test subject survive?"
I could've scoffed at the word she used — test subject. This was one of her people we were talking about here. It was just one step closer to me realizing that Octavia didn't care about her people, only her power and winning this war.
"Long enough for a defector to board their ship and fly to the valley." Informed Cooper.
"Octavia, please, don't do this." Bellamy begged — he seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and slowly, Octavia turned to glance at him before looking directly at me.
"I don't want anything to happen to your brother." Her eyes darted in Bellamy's direction. "Or your friends, Bellamy. Not even Echo — please believe that — but this is war. Once we control the eye in the sky, we send the worms. Cooper, choose one of the elite guards to deliver it. It's time for Wonkru to go home."
Just like that, like this wasn't some unspeakable act that shouldn't be done, Octavia marched out of the room, followed by Cooper, leaving a stunned Callan in her wake at the revelation. What Octavia was going to do was one: destroy the valley and two: kill everyone in that place, including John, Kane, and one of my closest friends who went to space. It was here and now that I decided that I would do whatever it took to save the people that I love in the valley and somehow find a way to stop the war so that the people I loved who were here would also find a home.
Whatever it takes.
❣︎
A/N
pleaseeee let me know what you thought of this chapter!!! also we're moving kinda quickly through this season i feel like but imma try and slow it down some bc i feel like there's so much that still needs to be said.
well that's all for now
-annie