Hours later he had trudged back to the city.
There was something in his heart that wished that Leah was there, beside him. Talking to him. Just talking, was that so bad? No. No it couldn't be, he wasn't... He didn't even like her, she always wanted to fight him and seemed to do nothing but tease him. So why did he like her, then? It didn't make any sense. Nothing made sense anymore.
He didn't know how to talk to girls. The only girl he'd ever known was his mum. So all his knowledge of them was based on her. Or, at least, what was left of her.
The road back was the same as the one there, maybe a little longer and much more boring without Leah. But it gave Ryan time to think. Think about everything that he had seen and heard, the days he had spent with her.
So much time that was treated like nothing to her. He didn't know how to think or feel anymore. His entire world had completely changed in less than a week; how was that even possible?
He remembered those scars on her back, her screams as he saved her life. The sickening feeling when... when he thought that she was gone. How she looked when he put offered the necklace to her, his imagination and reality being so far apart.
That feeling - that brief second - reminded him of Alan. He couldn't save him. He could only take the pain away from him.
The way she ran off, away from him. He swore to himself, for what felt like the millionth time. He had only ever felt so protective over Alan. He barely knew Leah, why was he acting like this?
Of course the answers to his questions were obvious. However, he was ignorant. Stupid, even, to some of these simple concepts. Things that were barely mentioned among the other lessons of building fires, finding water and where to look for some food.
Things that his mother tried and failed to teach him when under the stress of stitching up what was left of her family. Of her home.
Ryan took longer than expected to find the tumbled down shack, by the time he saw the boarded windows and familiar door that barely held on by its hinges it was already nightfall. He still didn't want to go in.
But he did anyway, because he knew that he needed to apologise to Leah and make her understand that it was a mistake. A stupid, dumb mistake that she misinterpreted as being... like that. Yeah. It was absolutely Leah's fault this was happening, not Ryan's. He didn't offend her, she offended herself.
He went through what he would say in his head a few times, then he entered.
"'Ello, stranger."
"Heather." Ryan wasn't expecting that. But it wasn't suprising that there wasn't any kids around. "Gonna kick me out, then?"
"No." The grey dragon told him. "No I think you need to stay."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Really."
Ryan approached her and sat down opposite. After sharing a few meals with her, he saw what Leah meant. That although Heather was a bit of a bitch - to him especially - she could melt down by just looking at one of the kid's faces there.
She was also the only person most adamant on making sure that he didn't stay another night. And he had already been there for three. "Why the change of heart?"
"Oh no, Ryan." She leaned towards him. "I think it's about her change of heart."
He felt something stir within. It was probably his empty stomach. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Leah didn't need to tell me, so don't blame her. I've been around the city enough to see what it looks like."
"... I still don't get what you're talking about."
"You don't?"
"No."
She chuckled, opening a bottle of clear liqueur. "Whatever you say."
There was a long pause. She took a sip or two straight from the bottle, gasping in relief as it ran down her throat. Ryan shuffled a little in his seat, unsure how he felt about her saying something like that, about her even talking to him without some insult.
With a gesture, she offered a bit of the alcohol. He snatched the bottle, taking a quick slurp before returning it.
It was strong stuff. The kick that ran down his throat and spine almost knocking him off his chair, but the heat afterwards felt much better. He tried to swear colourfully, but all that came out was a whispered gasp and tears that threatened to go down his cheeks.
"By the way," Heather chuckled. "It's a tad strong."
"Thanks," he wheezed. Then he coughed a little more before taking another few sips.
"Did ya know many girls?"
He shrugged, taking lighter sips of the drink before handing it back. "Yeah I used to. Most of them being my mum."
"And I guess she liked the sparkly stuff."
A pause as Ryan allowed the alcohol to warm his throat. "You could say that."
"Into that lovey dovey bullshit as well?"
"Yeah." He leaned back; hearing his mother's voice as she held his father closely. Like he might run away from her at any time, or disappear. "She liked the lovey dovey bullshit."
"Well Leah ain't like that." Heather leaned in, holding the bottle loosely by the neck. "You wanna bring attention to yourself for being a pompous ass, keep going. Maybe then you can get outta my hair. But if you want respect from 'er, it's earned, not bought."
"You sound like her."
She took a swig from the bottle, then passed it back. "If I do then she's gettin' smarter."
"She told you, then."
"Told me what?"
His eyes glanced everywhere but those eagle eyes, taking another small sip. "What is this, twenty questions? The necklace."
"Necklace? Now what would Leah want with a necklace?"
He blinked. Unsure why she wouldn't rat him out or tell Heather about it, and suddenly curious as to that fact. "I guess... I guess she didn't tell you, then."
Heather leaned back. Taking the bottle in one of her hands before taking another swig. "She doesn't really wanna see you tonight, young Ryan. Maybe it'd be better if you just slept down here tonight."
"I need to say sorry."
"You do, eh? Well it's your funeral."
Ryan wasn't sure what that meant, and in the end he didn't really care. He traversed upstairs, trying not to make too much noise and wake up the kids in the surrounding rooms. It didn't take long before he was in the doorway of Leah's room, working out exactly what he would say seconds before he entered. Hoping that the apology would be enough for her to maybe talk to him.
"Get out."
She was sitting on the bed, staring up at the stars above with a frown the likes of which Ryan was yet to see. Utter sadness and bitterness. The sky was glowing louder than ever, each star brightening the room in its own way but Leah wasn't as pleased with the light symphony tonight.
For her attention was entirely on the abuse of Ryan's stupid actions. "I said get out."
"I'm sorry-"
"What for?" She asked. "You don't even know why you're sorry."
"Yeah I do." He came a little closer. "I was... I was too fast, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I was just... relieved. Scared."
"Scared?" She sat up and turned to him, tears in her eyes. "You don't know the meaning."
"Leah?"
The girl looked down, then her body slowly followed as she curled herself up into a ball. Shivering a little in the night wind. "Just go."
Ryan felt that shame take him again, and from that moment he truly was sorry. For trying to take advantage of her pain as a way for him to... to try something that he really didn't know what to do. At least that's what he thought he did wrong. But he didn't mean it. He would never, ever do anything like that to her; not by force. He turned to leave, taking Heather's advice.
But before he did he gave Leah a blanket over her small body. Draping it over her shaking bones before heading out again, without another word.
****
"Get up."
Leah's voice sliced through any comfort Ryan was in. Even though it felt brief, bright sunshine was frying his sockets moments after she kicked him, sharp and hard in the stomach. The thud made him fall onto the floor off of the old couch; sparking laughter from the other kids. But the pain was nothing compared to the viciousness that Leah treated him that morning.
Her wake-up call consisted of that cold greeting and violent kick off of his sleeping pattern and basically shoving him at the breakfast table. Then by ignoring him entirely and moving as far as possible from him on the other side of the table.
The rest of the kids and Heather could feel her aggressive frustration. Little was spoken in fear of what it might have led to for the unlucky person to agitate her enough in the wrong direction.
It was only halfway through the thick awkwardness of this breakfast that Leah actually spoke to Ryan properly for the first time.
"Lower market today."
"Okay," He replied cautiously. "Where's that?"
"In the lower city, where'd you think?" She lowered her voice. "Fucking retard."
"What the hell's your problem?"
"You're my problem, arsehole."
"But I apologised!"
"Yeah. Well done, Sherlock, you officially said two words in the right fucking order! Shame you didn't mean either of them."
"I did mean it. And I don't know what's wrong with you today, but I am sorry."
"Why?"
"You know why. Because I..." his voice drifted off.
Everyone was staring at him; waiting for him to go on. But he didn't want to. He was utterly silent, with Leah boring her eyes into him; it was only her that he looked at. She was who he was talking to.
"I tried to give you a necklace."
She sighed.
"What? That's all I fucking did!"
Heather then interrupted. "Hey! Mind your language. Both of you. Worse than a pair of cats and dogs, I tell ya. Leah stop looking to far through the goddamn lines, he was only playing nice, even if he was retarded about it. And Ryan, get your shit straight before I straighten it out for you. Now get the hell out of here before you tear the goddamn place down."
****
Leah was a few steps ahead of Ryan, not slowing down or even acknowledging him for anything. She was fuming in front of him, her hair flying up in his face. "I don't even know what your problem is."
"What my problem is? You can talk!"
"Oh, yeah? Says the arsehole trying to... urgh!" Her arms flew up in frustration.
"What? I was just trying to give you a present."
"Hah! Just a present, yeah? Do you think I'm that stupid to not see what you're trying to do?"
"I'm not doing anything!"
"You were... I know what you were doing. I know, so stop trying to act innocent."
"Leah, you're overreacting."
"No I'm not! It was fucking obvious that you were going to... going to... It was just obvious, okay?"
He stepped in front of her, making her face him. Standing so she caught each word and wouldn't be able to ignore him for it.
"I swear that I wasn't trying anything like that. I was literally just trying to give you that necklace because I thought you'd like it."
"Well don't! Don't give me anything, alright? I don't deserve it."
"Yeah you do, there's a load of kids that you look after daily. I mean, you never sleep, barely eat. I... I thought you wanted it."
"You thought wrong, didn't you? Because I hate that kind of thing."
"Why? You're a girl, don't you like that kind of thing?"
She didn't answer. She was too angry to answer, so just stepped away from him, shoved him back a few steps before walking faster. Back down the path they were following, now more than ten steps ahead, down into the lower market.