Chapter One Hundred Ten
Eli
It's close to midnight when I arrive back at my parent's house. My pops is sitting in the kitchen at the breakfast bar when I go in for a snack.
I smile at him, "Hey pops."
"Hey son. Did you finish packing everything up?"
"Yes sir. It's all ready for the removal company tomorrow. I'll be glad to get into the new house. It'll be a new start. Something we're long overdue."
He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Something is wrong. My thoughts are only confirmed when he runs his hands through his hair.
"What's wrong, dad?"
He sighs, "She knows."
"Knows?"
I'm guessing he means Dani, but he could mean that my ma knows about Dani's past.
"Dani. She knows what you're working on. She's scared."
I let out a deep breath.
"I know. I've known for a few days."
"And you haven't said anything to her?"
"I didn't want to confirm or deny anything. I don't want her to worry about it. We've got it covered. We're taking extra precautions. It should be done in the next week or so."
"You need to tell her this. She's really frightened, Eli. She thinks they're going to do horrible things to you and then kill you."
"My team will be there. Actually, both teams from our precinct will be there. Greggson will have a team there too. I'll have a truck load of backup. It's not like I'm going in alone."
"You need to talk to her about this. She needs to hear that you're being extra careful. She knows better than anyone what these people are capable of, and that's feeding her fears."
"I don't want to bring all of her memories up, pops. She's been doing so well lately and I don't want to ruin that."
"I think you'll find it's already ruined. The fact that she's worrying about this has her mind in overdrive, I'm sure. I don't think you discussing it will make it any worse for her. In fact, it might actually lessen her fears about you getting hurt. She actually admitted that she's scared of losing you. She told me that outright."
"Really?"
He nods. Wow, Dani must really be scared to admit something like that to my pops. She struggles with affection and speaking things like that to anyone, including me.
Maybe he is right; maybe I do need to talk to Dani about this. She'll probably be asleep when I go into the room, so it'll have to wait until a better time.
"Eli, you need to talk to her."
"I will, just not tonight. What shift are you on tomorrow?"
"Early. I start at 5."
"You need to get some sleep, pops."
"I'm going now. I was just waiting for you."
I smile sheepishly at him. "Sorry."
"Not a problem. I wanted to make sure I spoke to you before you went to bed. Night son."
"Thanks. Night pops."
He heads to bed and I grab some leftovers from the refrigerator. I just need a quick snack, so I don't wake up hungry in the night. There's a plate with saran wrap on it. My name is written on it in sharpie; it's Dani's writing. She must have set dinner aside for me, knowing I'd be hungry when I got back. She was thoughtful enough to do that for me and at that thought, I feel a slight pang in my chest. I honestly thought I was doing the best thing by not telling her about my visit to Rikers and the raid. If she hadn't figured it out, then I wouldn't be thinking anything different. Now that she knows? Perhaps my pops is right and I need to talk to her. I'll do it tomorrow. It's late now and I need to get to bed.
I finish my food quickly, clean up my mess and head to the bedroom. When I walk into the room, Dani isn't in bed. Maybe she went to use the bathroom. I listen carefully while I change my clothes. I don't want her to walk in while I'm half naked. While that wouldn't bother me in the slightest, it certainly would bother her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable unnecessarily. After I'm changed, I sit on the bed, waiting for Dani to appear so I can wash up and brush my teeth. I wait a few more minutes, but no Dani. I frown. Something doesn't feel right.
I put my ear to the door of the bathroom, so I can listen for any indicator of what's going on. I can hear the shower running, so she must have had a nightmare. I wasn't here for it and that makes me sad. I wait a while longer, but when Dani doesn't appear after another half hour, I start to worry.
On the off chance, I try the bathroom door and discover it isn't locked. I frown again. That's extremely unusual. Dani always locks the door. I scan the room and notice vomit on the floor by the toilet bowl. She obviously didn't make it in time.
I clear my throat and call out, "Dani? Baby? Are you ok?"
The shower is still running, but even over the sound of the water I can hear Dani's sobs. I look through the shower curtain and I can't see her standing, so she must be sitting in the tub.
"Dani?I'm worried, baby. I'm coming over. I need to check on you."
When I pull back the curtain slightly, the sight that meets me nearly breaks my heart. Dani is curled up in a ball, under the water, sobbing. She's shivering uncontrollably. I don't know how long she's been in here, but the water is now freezing.
I shut the water off and call her again, but she just keeps shivering and crying.
"Sweetheart? Can you stand up? We need to get you out of there..."
She doesn't move or even acknowledge she hears me.
"I'm going to climb in with you, ok?"
I grab a towel and slowly get into the tub. Her breathing hitches but she makes no attempt to escape. That's a good sign, I think. She must realize it's me, not anyone else. I carefully wrap the towel around her shoulders and pull her close to my side. It's slightly awkward, the two of us scrunched up in the tub. While Dani is only around 5 foot 8 and of slim build, I'm not exactly small, standing at 6 foot 3 and being muscular. The combination of the two of us in a in the tub gives us limited space. We sit for a few minutes, silent. All I can hear is Dani's whimpers and her teeth chattering as she shivers.
"Dani? You need to change out of those clothes. You're freezing. Let's get you out of here, huh?"
As I stand, Dani's grip on me tightens and she lets out a cry. I whisper, "Shhh, I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I'm right here. I just need to get you out of the tub so you can get into some dry clothes. It's ok, baby. I'm right here."
I don't miss the fact that her nightmares have worsened since I went to Rikers and she figured out what's going on. Now is not the time to bring that up or discuss the situation. I need to get her calmed down and talking about any of that will only upset her further.
Dani's arms are wrapped around my neck, and as I extend to my full height I lift her with me. Now that she's uncurled from that ball she was tucked into, the cold air hits her and her shivering becomes more violent. She really needs to warm up. It doesn't help that the air con is on.
"Dani, I need to get you some clothes to change into. Can you just wait here while I grab something from the bedroom?"
She nods, but doesn't speak. I grab a few extra towels and wrap them around her securely before heading to the bedroom. As I pass the thermostat by the bathroom door, I turn the air con off, allowing the room to find it's normal temperature. I quickly grab some sweats and one of my old t-shirts and return to the bathroom. Dani hasn't moved from where I left her and her eyes are glazed over. I don't know if she's lost in a memory, so I approach carefully.
"Baby? I've got some clothes here. You going to be ok on your own while you change? I'm really worried about you..."
She hasn't said a thing since I found her, which isn't usually a good sign. Again, she says nothing and she makes no attempt to move.
I take a deep breath, and let out a low groan before I say my next words. "I can change you if you can't do it yourself, but you have to let me know you're ok with that."
Nothing. I crouch down in front of her and reach for her hands.
"Dani, I'm not going to do something like that if it's going to upset you. You need to give me some kind of sign to give me the ok."
She doesn't look at me. In fact, she doesn't even acknowledge my words. She simply stares at our entwined hands. I feel a slight squeeze on my hand and I watch her closely. I don't know if that was the sign I was looking for, so I have to clarify. I don't want to start changing Dani's clothes and then she freaks out or something.
"Are you sure you're ok with me doing this, Dani?"
She doesn't answer for a few seconds, and the with a voice that's thick and heavy with emotions and unshed tears, she whispers, "Please don't leave me..."
The emotion in her voice sounds like her heart is breaking and I don't know why. I don't know what set off this whole episode.
I take a deep breath as I stand. This girl is going to be the death of me. There's only so much I can control my body's natural responses and she really is testing my limits. I know she's not doing it deliberately. Heck, she's definitely not thinking straight because she would never allow me to do this otherwise. I start with her pants and I gently lift her off the chair to shimmy her soaked pants over her butt and down her legs. Which is easier said than done, believe me. As I pull them off her legs, I can't help but notice Babkin's initials that he carved into Dani's thigh. I involuntarily let out a growl in anger. How dare he touch her like that! How dare he touch her at all! At least he's never going to be able to hurt her again.
Before I get sidetracked with my anger, I focus on the task at hand. I try to reassure Dani while she's half naked in front of me. My hands are shaking a little, as I try to hold everything together. If Dani notices my anger, she hasn't flinched or panicked at it. Perhaps she's too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice. My hands glide over Dani's legs and I feel her tense under my touch. I can't help but notice just how beautiful she truly is. The last time I saw her legs like this, she was beaten to a pulp and covered in blood. I can see passed the scars and see the real Dani.
Once the wet pants are completely off, I grab the sweat pants and put them on her, before lifting Dani up to pull them up completely. Now comes the most difficult part. I have no idea how this is going to go. Let's be honest here, I'm a guy; this is the girl I love and I'm just about to take her shirt off. This is not quite how I planned this moment, but my body is fully aware of the situation. Because of this, I pause, trying to get myself under control. The last thing Dani or myself need right now is for certain parts of my anatomy to figure out exactly what is happening. That would make this so much more embarrassing and awkward for both of us.
I take a deep breath and manage to gather myself enough to whisper, "Can you lift your arms, baby?"
She does as I ask, but her eyes never lift from their focus on her lap. Her scarred body causes a pain in my chest because of everything she's been through. Despite trying to be clinical about this whole thing, I can't help but take in the slight before me. This woman is just perfect and beautiful. Her icy blue eyes captivate me. They hold so much emotion and they speak volumes if you just know how to listen to or read them. Her blonde hair and petite features almost make her look like a porcelain doll and I can see why men found her attractive.She has an air of fragility surrounding her, but also the determination and strength of a survivor. The combination is extremely beautiful.
After I slip my old shirt on Dani, I run my fingers through her hair and ask, "What happened, Dani?"
She shakes her head but still doesn't talk. Her shivering has lessened slightly, but not enough for my liking.
I reach for her hand and tug on it, "Come on, let's get you into bed and warmed up."
I help her into bed and I step away, just to go clean my teeth, when Dani frantically calls out, "Please don't leave me...!"
"Ok, ok. I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay right here. Shhh, it's ok."
Whatever that nightmare was, it seriously freaked her out. I will ask her about it, but not tonight. For now, I need to think about making sure she's warm and feels protected. I need to make sure she's settled before anything else. So, I hold her close and whisper reassuring words to her and kiss the top of her head repeatedly. I run my fingers through her hair for quite some time before I hear her breathing deepen. When I know she's asleep, then I allow myself to drift off as well.