*Mori has an emotional flashback through the 1st half, Self blame
*There's a multi paragraph summary of the breakup with my ex fiancé. Coerced polyamory does not reflect healthy polyamory
~POV Mori~
As soon as Sinbad picked me up I felt a wave of relief that I would get back to the Palace safely. Then I realized I could smell him and it finally clicked in my head what I had agreed to. And just like that I lost the ability to perceive how much time was passing as he carried me back.
I felt Sinbad's voice through our contact as much as I heard it. "Are you really going to hide the whole way back?"
"Mhmm!" He smelled good. If it wasn't for his metal vessels pressing into me, I'd be extremely comfortable. This was too good to be true! How was any of this allowed to happen?? He has refused to use marriage politically for over a decade even though it's the strongest method for a Kingdom to guarantee peace between different countries which is his entire life's mission. That's how much he hates the idea of getting married. Why would that King want people to think we were together?? The only way this made any sense was if Sinbad had somehow actually fallen in love with me! This was fanfiction, right? So anything was possible? I was allowed to be a little greedy? It took all of my will power to not wiggle my feet.
What could possibly attract him to me romantically? He called me 'Beautiful.' No, he's met many beautiful people around the world, and he was never romantically interested in any of them. Was it because I can feel the waves? I definitely get the feeling that he views me differently because of that. If it makes him see me as an equal that wouldn't be a bad starting point for a relationship... But he sees being able to feel the waves as something special.
There was a sharp paint in my chest. Regardless of why, if he does really feel that way about me, I have no way to live up to his expectations. Sinbad expects greatness. I already know how that ends! 'I need to tell him I changed my mind and to put me down, but-but-' I could feel his warmth. Just like on the ship, I felt distinctively safe in Sinbad's arms, and I was actually fully conscious to enjoy it this time! 'I don't want him to let go! But I can't handle this right now! Why can't I just be happy??' My heart beat was already creeping up my throat.
Sinbad invited me to enjoy the moment with him. "And here I was hoping I could finally give you my full undivided attention."
The reference to my new rule told me to disprove the hope that was straining my damage heart. I spoke past my hands, "That's only because I'm the only available option right now." I needed to shut this feeling down asap for my own safety. How could I think he developed feelings for me when he is the Womanizer of the Seven Seas??
"That's not true." His warm tone was so genuine I believed him. "I've wanted to have you all to myself since I first saw you this morning." The waves were adding the exact meaning to his words that I was afraid would be there. "But every time I had a chance, you left before I could talk to you." My stomach went cold. This is why I had been avoiding him. "I actually wanted to follow after you the first time you left for the festival." He sighed and I couldn't breathe. "If Hina hadn't distracted me while I was following after you, I know we would have spent the whole night together."
I took a few slow breaths through my hands before I could respond, and when I did I could hear the growing desperation in my voice. "Why do you suddenly want to strengthen the rumors?" I knew the reason. "Who in their right mind would believe you're in love with me when you asked me to join a bunch of call girls only a few hours ago!?" Sinbad changed his mind about romance? No. I knew this pattern. Even if he loved me now it was only a short term novelty. He will break me down and give me just enough attention to keep me following after him even after his feelings dry up because I'm useful. My chest ached with the exact pain I knew would follow the hope he built up in me. "I get that you're a womanizer but, I..." Even more than my anger at Sinbad, I was disappointed in myself for repeating my past mistakes. "I didn't expect you to- ask me to do that." Damnit. I sounded distraught. I was, but I wanted to hide it. I was going to lose what little respect he had for me. My eyes started to burn from the tears threatening to escape.
The King came to a halt during my rant and said nothing. Every time someone calls him out on something he can't honestly deny, he doesn't answer. That was actually something I liked about him. Even his lies have a bit of truth to them, and when he can't find a truth to twist he doesn't say anything at all. I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath, and sighed. Even he knew I was right. This is who he is and how he treats people. He didn't actually see me as special.
His silence only strengthened my will to defend myself. "Not to mention: you promised you wouldn't say anything that sounded like genuine romantic interest in me!" I should have called him out when he first said he wanted to strengthen the rumors; it felt like a damn confession!
Sinbad's voice was quiet. "You're right. That was one of the rules..." There was no reason for him to sound so shocked.
Ignoring my boundaries was proof that he didn't actually respect me; I already knew that deep down. Hot tears pooled between my fingers on my cheeks. "I didn't place those rules to make the game more challenging, you know?" I did it to protect my heart from this exact pain I was feeling. I should have known it was a promise he'd only keep when it benefited him.
Sinbad's gentle voice only cut me deeper. "I figured as much. But Mori, I'm not playing that flirting game right now." The waves begged me to believe him. The fear of reliving patterns fought against the excitement and hope that this time could be different. "I can see why my past actions make it hard to believe me." Nonono. Don't say it! "I want to strengthen the rumors now because I only just realized that I-"
"ST-STOP!! Please." My voice was shaking with feelings too strong to properly show on my face. If I let him finish, I knew it would break me. It was my own fault I got hurt. I was just fooling myself, and giving myself excuses to be self-indulgent instead of protecting myself. No amount of rules in the flirting game would protect me from being swayed when I already liked him. I knew that. I thought that since this was a fanfic that things would work out for me at least a little bit. 'Damnit.' I took a slow breath. "I agreed to this because I can't walk and had a lapse in judgement. I don't like the rumors around us!" This was about more than just what Sinbad did. I had been triggered by memories of my ex-fiancé all day. I couldn't tell how much of my feelings were a trauma response. I needed to explain why I was so upset. "I was engaged once. Marrying him would have been the greatest mistake of my life. And it's a mistake I promised myself I would never make in the future."
"I... I had no idea."
"How would you know when I never told you?" My arms were burning from being in the same position so long. I dropped my hands from my face but didn't look at the person carrying me. Now that I had started, I couldn't stop pouring out the memories I had ran from all day. "He hadn't faced the reality of death until after we were engaged. His grandmother died, then my mom went on her deathbed. He demanded we go on break until my mom died, and barely a week after she did, he said that if I wanted to be with him, I'd have to accept him seeing multiple people. I was desperate for my life to not fall apart completely so I agreed, but it was a mistake. He basically stopped paying attention to me except to ask for help with his other relationships and things. On top of that, he didn't want anyone knowing he was engaged."
I could feel Sinbad tensing, and the waves moving around us.
Explaining this was helping me calm down. "It took 10 months for me to accept the truth -especially since I was in mourning. After I broke up with him, he admitted that he felt emasculate by my successes and hadn't wanted to be with me romantically for a long time -he just didn't want to lose access to me and knew I wouldn't want anything to do with him if we weren't in that type of relationship. He didn't even want to stay with his other partner for very long after I broke up with him."
[alt text: Close up and full body image of Sinbad holding Mori. Sinbad is in shock and there is a feeling of many negative emotions underneath. White and Black Ruhk surround them.]
I glanced at the man holding me. Sinbad was looking away, so I couldn't see his expression regardless of lighting. "You are a known womanizer even to people helping you with your dream. I like flirting with you, but I don't want to be led around by your lies. And I don't want to date ever again in general -let alone someone like you."
Sinbad's voice was void of emotion somehow. "I can see why." He didn't say anything else. I had studied his character enough to know that whatever thoughts he was having were intense.
My eyes started to water again from self pity and fear. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of this." I turned my head towards his shoulder in a poor attempt to hide.
Sinbad started walking again. "Why are you apologizing? I'm the one that got drunk and acted foolishly." Why did he sound so frustrated and genuine when we both knew he wasn't going to change? "I should be the one-"
"I read your Fate." I didn't mean to cut him off that time. "I've seen you tell these lies countless times. I know you're lying when you tell them to me." My voice was muffled by his clothes. I felt him tense again. It was a mistake to tell him this -especially that last part. I already told him yesterday I wasn't able to trust him. Why didn't the waves remind me? I felt the ability to talk leave me.
"No, Mori." I could hear genuine melancholy in Sinbad's voice. "I thought that because you read my Fate and flirted with me anyway that it couldn't possibly bother you. But I was wrong. You clearly set boundaries through the flirting game, and I ignored that you even felt the need to do that. I won't make the same mistake again. I am sorry."
.
.
.
Did Sinbad actually apologize without an excuse? This isn't how the pattern goes! -Not for my exes and certainly not for Sinbad! I couldn't process this at all.
When he realized I couldn't accept his apology, he added. "It looks like I have a long way to go."
After a while he continued. "Mori, I'm not the King Sinbad from your visions. During our dinner last week, you told me that I will repeat the worst mistakes of my life. I don't want that; I decided to find a new path." I had said that but was that really enough? "I discussed it with Ja'far, but it looks like it will be a much longer path than I expected." Sinbad's hands squeezed my shoulder and knee.
I looked up at the man holding me to try to find some answer in his expression even though I couldn't see his face. This would definitely explain the changes in the waves at least. But there was no way he'd accept that in such a short time. "Wh-why do you believe me?" I was surprised my voice returned.
The King stopped walking again so he could look down at me, and even though I couldn't fully see it, his soft smile made me freeze. "Because you've proven multiple times that your visions are real, and you can even feel the waves like I can. How could I not trust you?" He paused, and looked pained somehow. "It's like you said. I used to think these waves were a sign that I was chosen by Fate. But I'm not the only one." He took another deep breath.
I couldn't help but stare up at him. Did he mean it? His expression looked nothing like his normal mask. And the way the waves were moving... But he was Sinbad: egotistical with a god complex...
He continued. "Thanks to watching how you interact with the waves on top of your explanations, I have a better understanding of more ways I can use them to my advantage." Ah. There it is. "I want you to be right: that I don't have to dirty my hands for the sake of my dream. When I can't find the right answer, the waves direct me to the people that do. And this time, I'll listen to them."
My voice was lost to me again. I was barely comprehending what Sinbad was saying. Did he really mean it? Did he really talk to Ja'far about this?? His reasoning was off, but he said he was going to ask others for help. My vision was blurry from tears. I couldn't accept this new hope growing in me either. Was I actually changing Fate? Ja'far always pushes Sinbad to dirty his hands any time he wavers; how could he reach this conclusion so confidently??
The arms holding me lifted me, and Sinbad leaned down, pressing himself against me. He whispered, "I'm going to find a new path. One where my Beautiful Prophet feels like they can trust me."
I couldn't handle his words nor the look in his eyes when I could see his face. He wanted me to trust him? 'Why did he say it like that?? Did he mean it?? Even a little bit??' It felt like it might actually be safe to believe what he was saying, just like those times when he called me 'amazing.' But that didn't mean I had to act on it or try anything now. I was too overwhelmed. I turned my head and pressed my face into his shoulder to hide the tears I couldn't stop. It hurt to force words past the block, but I needed to answer him somehow. I managed to say, "Me too."
I wasn't eloquent or nuanced, and I was barely audible, but I knew Sinbad heard me and understood what I meant in how he whispered, "Thank you," back. He lowered me back out of the hug, and after a few moments started walking again.
Relief was washing over me as much as the waves. Even if this was just more of his manipulation, in this moment I didn't care. More tears escaped, rolled past my glasses and soaked into the white fabric pressed against my cheek. If Sinbad noticed, he didn't say anything. I was too exhausted to talk anymore. His words repeated in my mind; I wanted to trust that he really meant them. Both him choosing a new path, and that thing he said before I snapped and cut him off -that he wasn't playing this time, etc. That should have been good for me. Most people want their feelings reciprocated, but not me. Not anymore. Getting that close to someone again is frightening. I'm not sure how long it will take me to be able to trust someone enough to try again.
—
~POV Generals~
Ja'far, Drakon and Sahel decided to wait for Sinbad to get back with Mori. Ja'far would have stayed regardless because of his position, while the other two stayed because they were worried about their King. Sin was either going to return with Mori happily and possibly officially a couple or Sin was going to come back defeated after offending Mori more. What none of them were expecting was for Sinbad to make it back to the platform with Mori limp in his arms.
Ja'far was the first to rush over. "Sin, what happened?? Why is Mori unconscious??"
The King shushed him. "Calm down. They're fine. They just got exhausted and fell asleep." He was using his normal tones, but his smile was slipping, and he wasn't making eye contact.
"Oh, I see." It was rare for Sin to be like this. Ja'far spoke slowly as he decided whether or not to push his King for more answers. "I'll have an area set up for them to rest until they wake up then." He turned to go summon a servant.
"That won't be necessary." Sinbad started walking towards the Palace steps.
"Wait. Sin, are you planning to carry them the whole way to the Palace??"
Their King didn't answer as he kept walking.
Sahel held her hands together. "Oh, it's worse than we thought."
Sin looked back at her with that stiff smile. "They're just sleeping. I promise."
Drakon clarified for his wife, "Not Mori. What happened for you to be making such an expression?"
Making eye contact with his old friend broke the cracked mask; Sinbad's expression fell. He didn't say anything, and after a moment looked down at the person in his arms.
—
~POV Sinbad~
When they first met, Mori called Sinbad a scoundrel, and yet she still chose to follow him. Mori knew his deepest regrets and what he was capable of, and yet she still chose to follow him. No, it was because he was going to repeat those mistakes if she didn't convince him to stop. She said she liked him, but Sinbad was probably the type of person she hated the most. Ja'far had told him that Mori admitted to having a strong sense of responsibility -a 'noble's obligation' or something like that. That was why she chose him. He could see that now.
When Sinbad had finally reached the platform he knew that it would be for the best to put Mori down so they could rest easier. They could climb the steps on their own or get help when they woke up. That was the most appropriate course of action. However, as soon as Ja'far voiced the same idea, the King knew he didn't want to put Mori down. After her rejection, it felt like the line between them had only gotten bigger. Her weight in his arms was the only thing connecting them, and he wanted to hold onto that link for as long as possible.
Drakon asked a question Sinbad didn't know if he could answer. "What happened for you to be making such an expression?"
Was he supposed to tell them that he made made her cry? That his Generals were right every time they warned him that being a womanizer would come back to bite him someday? That he got disappointed when Mori first told him that he never fell in love or got married in her visions? That he repeated that fact to deny his disappointment? Was he supposed to tell them how much it hurt when Mori said she hated the idea of being with anyone? So much so that she cried at the idea of people thinking they were together? And to make matters worse, even after learning how she felt he continued to carry her because he still wanted to strengthen the rumors that she was his. What else was he supposed to do? She didn't accept his apology. There was no fixing this since Mori had read how he was a womanizer his entire life and only hours ago Sinbad showed her directly that was exactly who he is. Even so, that didn't mean he didn't have other methods. He was a King; he had plenty of options to keep her next to him even if she'd never accept his feelings. But then she would hate him. How was he supposed to accept that inevitable Fate???
The waves directed his attention to the worried expressions of his trusted people. 'That's right.' He just told Mori that he would start trying to rely on others when his back was against a wall; that was the best way to avoid repeating the same mistakes. And he didn't want his Beautiful Prophet to have any more reasons to call him a scoundrel. "I didn't stand a chance from the beginning." Damnit. "Mori was once engaged to a man that took advantage of her. And when she finally left him," admitting this hurt in a way he never experienced before, "she promised herself she would never be with anyone again." Let alone someone like him. "She told me when I tried to tell her I..." How could he say it now when Mori wouldn't let him tell her?
Mori stirred in his arms. There hadn't been many people on the walk back, and now there were a handful talking very close by. She would wake up soon. Maybe that was for the best.
Mori said that she couldn't read her own Fate so she had no idea how her existence would change things. He had been ignoring that part all this time because it was convenient for him. He didn't realize how much pride he had in not wanting to get married or fall in love. And Mori had rejected him multiple times, so he didn't want her to be wrong. The chuckle that slipped out of him was pained. To think it was Mori rejecting him so openly that would make him fully accept what he was feeling. There's no reason for a rejection to pierce his heart like this if he wasn't longing for the opposite. Even Sinbad knew that.
((So... uh... See you in a month when I finish the next chapter?
Not a lot of art in this one because I didn't want to draw the PTSD attack.
Gosh I need to practice drawing Drakon more. It shouldn't take me 3 hours to draw his face.
Also, I've officially reached the point were this fic will start directly conflicting my false truths and fears, so I'm not sure how quickly the next arcs will be written. I have the next chapter (the last of this arc) all written already, so I can get straight to drawing the art for it this weekend! I'll try not to leave you guys on this cliff for too long ;3 I hope to take less than a month this time))