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Hyunjin didn't want to feel anything anymore, nothing whatsoever. He wanted to be numb and soulless so he wouldn't have to hurt the way he does right now, sitting here in a large office in front of a man he had just been introduced to moments ago and hearing him chatter about how great they were going to take care of Felix and how Hyunjin should not have to worry at all. Chan is on his right, sitting next to him and conversing with the other man that was supposedly Felix's new caretaker and doctor; Seo Changbin, that's what his name is, or so Hyunjin is assuming, he's not very present in the minute to remember his name or how good he is, he doesn't care.
Eyes settled on his hands that were rested in his lap the boy slips back into the comfortable-but-not-to-him chair and numbs out any other sound. Felix has just been admitted into this facility nearly an hour ago, and since then, Hyunjin has been sitting here and waiting for this man to allow him to meet Felix. he's angry that they didn't even let him talk to Felix before they admitted him here, Chan was smart to do all of this during Hyunjin's work hours. he wanted to be informed and he feels enraged to know that no one even considered letting him know that Felix had been moved
he found out through Seungmin when he went to visit Felix this evening and even then he didn't manage to catch a glimpse of the boy, he was cornered by these two doctors who have been chewing his ear off since. he doesn't trust them, these men and their good nature, it seems too much of a masquerade to Hyunjin and he doesn't know if he should even let his Felix stay here. he knew Felix had made the decision but he also knew how easy it was to persuade the brunette, he was extremely gullible and will never say no to anyone, especially to the people he knew and loved, and Chan just so happened to be one of them and as much as Hyunjin despised that fact he didn't take any action against it, he knew it was immoral of him to be even feeling this way. perhaps Felix's ethics have really worked on him.
another reason Hyunjin was suspicious was that the previous night when Hyunjin had asked Chan the painful question; "The treatment isn't working, is it? He's dying, right?" the answer had not been pleasant in any way possible "I'm not sure, Hyunjin" was all Chan said and it was enough to wreck all of Hyunjin's senses and leave him as the ghost as he was now. silent and utterly faded. "So, Mr. Hwang?" comes an unfamiliar voice and tugs at Hyunjin, striving to bring him back into the real world and it succeeds when Hyunjin looks up and cocks a brow
"Should we go visit, Mr. Lee? It'd be nice for you guys to chat before your departure"
Changbin is the one speaking and Hyunjin remains silent for a second, his words not sounding coherent to Hyunjin's dizzy mind. seconds later, when Hyunjin finally understood and registered Changbin's words, his eyes enlarged just slightly "Departure?" he questions, visibly perplexed. "yes, I presume Doctor Bang had informed you of our rules. you can converse with Mr. Lee until our visiting-hours end, then, you must wait for another Sunday to roll by before you can visit again" he says with a smile, it's cheeky and assuring but nothing about it assures Hyunjin
the raven head looks over at Chan who is sighing and looking down at his lap "how many fucking things are you keeping from us? what--" before Hyunjin can raise his voice further loud and be disrespectful he is silenced "Language, Mr. Hwang" Changbin's voice is stern and it catches Hyunjin off guard when he looks over at him, taking a few seconds to calm his frothing anger regarding all the matters that have sprawled before his feet within the last night as he sighs deeply and turns to look at Chan, remembering Felix's teaching of staying calm "You meet me outside" fortunate to Changbin, Hyunjin didn't fight back and respected the infirmary's rules
Chan doesn't persist and quietly gets up, Hyunjin does too "Thank you so much for your assistance, Doctor. Seo" His voice is low when he meets Changbin's eyes who answer him with a nod and allows both of the males to leave his office. once outside and away from Changbin's presence Hyunjin goes off like the ticking bomb he is "I knew I couldn't trust you! I knew it! What are you doing to my Felix? Why are you doing this? Do you want money? huh? Are you in some fucking illegal business?" his hands raise to grab Chan's collar as he spats his words ragingly
"Why did you bring him here, away from me? you're clearly-" "Hyunjin...this is not the place nor the time to be acting immature" Chan speaks through his gritted teeth when he grabs hold of Hyunjin's hands around his collar and glares into his eyes, trying to remain calm and shrug off Hyunjin from himself. the taller takes seconds, pouring lava into Chan's soul with his eyes before he reluctantly lets go of his collar "Just know that I will fuck you over if you hurt him, do you get that?" the threat is looming against Chan's senses who shakes his head in disbelief
"do you think you're the only one concerned about Felix?! I was here before you were, I have done everything in my power to get him healthy again. there is no one who wants him to live more than me"
Chan's tone is roaring but his voice is hushed, not to disturb anyone around them. veins have appeared on the side of his neck and it has reddened too, red lines occurring on his sclera while his eyebrows are raised and eyes are widened. Hyunjin stands there, fuming with wrath. he is seconds away from slamming Chan's face into the marbled wall behind them but he holds back, the face of his lover being disappointed by his malignant behavior and short temper flash through his mind and washes like water over a burning twig, making his inhale a deep breath and step away from Chan
collecting himself and his thoughts, yet before he can even exhale the sigh Chan is going off again "I have done everything I could to make you like me but all you've done is disrespect and disregard me and my attempts at warming up to you, I wanted to like you, I even did, still, I am deeply saddened to say this but I truly don't get what Felix sees in you, Hyunjin. I thought you were a shy kid with a nice heart, but man I might have judged you too wrong" Chan takes a step back while Hyunjin stands there, unable to say a thing. the doctor's words are sharp and bitter, stinging each time they echo in Hyunjin's mind
the elder man runs a hand through his hair and exhales a deep breath, looking down at his feet before he looks up "I brought him here solely because I know how little Felix has left and this, this is our last attempt at treating him" he mumbles through a shake of his voice as he blinks away tears that are threatening to fall. still, Hyunjin doesn't move, steady as a log of wood while Chan clears his throat and steps farther away from the frozen boy "I'll leave you to it, you should go check on Felix and then join me and Doctor. Seo in his office, there are some payments that need to be cleared and I'd like you to go over some paperwork...if not legal then as Felix's temporary guardian" he keeps speaking and Hyunjin does reckon his words but never really responds
just stares blankly, even when Chan walks away with a furtive look in his eyes and all that's left of his essence is the clicking of his heels Hyunjin still doesn't move, still as a statue the boy is rethinking Chan's words, repeating them in his mind like a hymn or an orison "I truly don't get what Felix sees in you--- this is our last attempt at treating him" there are way too many thoughts cramped up in his little mind and the voices keep getting stronger, the pain persisted as if someone was hammering a nail through his skull and his vision nearly blurred before he inhaled a deep breath and blinked incessantly, looking up from the ground and exhaling heavily. turning on his heels and making his way to Felix
he didn't have enough time to be sulking over the words of a strange man or whatever the hell was going through his mind, Felix's lack of days and this bizarre new treatment, everything was all too much and Hyunjin was sure he was at the very edge of collapsing. yet before he allows his knees to buckle and his heart to explode, he needs to be next to his beloved.
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walking inside the room Hyunjin is met with a floral scent before his eyes are met with the sight of Felix. a smile blossoms across his face when he shuts the door behind him, trying his best to not look like the trainwreck he was feeling as. It's a spacious place, the walls of this room are painted pastel blue, there's a hint of grey as well and it matches well with the darker grey drapes. there are paintings, decorative pieces, and a table by the window with a chair before it, a bed in the corner of the room ornamented with azure sheets and soft pillows as if it weren't an infirmary patient's room but a normal person's. it feels odd to Hyunjin but most likely warm and cozy to Felix considering it is unlike the hospital rooms he despises so much
"Hi, Darling" are the first words Hyunjin speaks to the boy since last night at which Felix smiles brightly, sitting on the bed with his legs curled beneath him and a book sprawled out before him. Hyunjin walks over to him "What're you reading?" he mumbles lowly, standing by the side of the bed as he hunches his back to get a better look at the book "Just a novel, it's boring stuff" Felix closes the book and Hyunjin chuckles lightly, aware that the boy was probably reading another one of his romance books he is so embarrassed by so he doesn't interrogate further
"Alright," the taller responds, straightening his back and raising his hand to pat the freckled boy's head adoringly "You feelin' okay now?" Hyunjin questions the glassy-eyed boy who nods joyously "How are you settling in?" it's a gentle question but the way Felix exhales gives it away he might not be too pleased "What's wrong?" Hyunjin asks further, brows furrowed as he sits down in front of Felix and cups his face with one hand "I can only see you once a week" he murmurs under his breath, looking down at his lap as Hyunjin sighs as well "I know, It's a bummer, but it's for the best so don't think too much of it. instead, focus on recovering quickly so Hyung can take you home" even if there was a storm going on inside Hyunjin and he knew it'd spill out now or later he still tried to assure Felix
and perhaps it worked because the brunette looked up with a vibrant smile on his face and nodded "I will do that, but before that--," his smile drops and it takes Hyunjin's heart with it "you have to re-do your promise" the latter is confused, his brows knitting together before he raises one of them "what do you mean?" "you have to take better care of yourself" Felix attempts at being strict but his voice is too soft and he's leaning into Hyunjin's touch, the one he was all too starved of. the raven head sighs slightly "I will, baby, don't worry" It's consoling, the way Hyunjin speaks and Felix feels it deep within himself; a flower burgeoning in the glamour of his soul
seconds pass and the brunette keeps his face leaning into Hyunjin's palm, eyes shuttering close at the comforting contact while Hyunjin smiles gently watching him in awe "how long before you leave?" Felix asks out of the blue returning the burn in Hyunjin's chest as the raven head's smile falters and he is soon overtaken by the realization that soon enough he'll have to leave this temporary and forbidden paradise behind and move on with his bustling life, stretch through it until he can return. and just the idea makes puke rise up his stomach, how nasty it sounds to be parted from Felix
he shakes the thought away with a clear to his throat and begins answering Felix "Soon, I presume" He answers vaguely, not too sure himself and it makes Felix sulk, look away from Hyunjin's gaze and ponder at the table away from him "don't worry, darling" it comes as a soft whisper when Hyunjin leans in and places a peck upon Felix's forehead "departure won't be long for I shall return to my lover hastily, hot on my heels I'll tear through time with my shining sword that I had conquered from a knight in silver armor, robbed him of his triumph and--" Before Hyunjin can go on with his nonsense rambling Felix had already burst into a fit of laughter, giving Hyunjin victory as he succeeds in wiping the sulk away from his beloved's face, smiling as well
Felix throws his head back, continuing to giggle like a child while Hyunjin breaks into a wide grin, a reflection overtook the midnight sky in his eyes and it resembled that of the rose from Beauty and The Beast, glimmering and stunning no matter how desolate and wretched it may be, what curse it holds or how its shine is soon to be dimmed. "How do you make up such stuff!" the boy sighs heavily when he starts speaking, striving to calm himself down "It is all grace to the love I hold in my inferior heart for you" Hyunjin licks his lips and chuckles at his own fatuity while Felix shakes his head
"you should be a poet, you have the potential for it"
Felix passes the comment, jokingly of course but it makes Hyunjin cackle before he answers "We'll die of starvation if I chose that career, only you find me anywhere near the greatness of a poet" even when speaking of his potential future or a parallel reality, still he never forgets to include Felix in it, because if he is mentioned then so will his darling be. Upon his statement, Felix giggles again, less cheerily yet still he is. and Hyunjin would be a liar, a dire man if he were to say this habit of Felix finding whatever foolishery he utters funny wasn't a healing kiss to his never-recovering wounds, that it didn't make him the happiest man alive.
"you're so funny" Felix gulps and turns around to adjust the pillows behind his back before he lies down, his back on the soft mattress as he faces the ceiling, arms over his stomach before he pores at Hyunjin "You can't lie down can you?" his tone is lilted with sadness and Hyunjin feels it too before he shakes his head no, Felix sighs but doesn't lament further. they sit in silence for a little while, just staring at each other and swimming in the bliss of their lullaby-breaths. the zeal of before is slowly dissipating but it's not bad or something they'd mourn. instead, there's something else that feels nice; the tranquil air that keeps them company, slipping inside through the open window.
"How is your new job?" Felix is the one who prompts small talk, cutting the silence in the room with his drowsy voice "Good, it's hard but I can pull through" Hyunjin licks his lips and looks down at Felix's hands which were sat on one another, just how badly he wanted to hold them in his own. "I'm sure you can but please don't be too harsh on yourself" Felix turns to his side, his eyes still onto Hyunjin who smiles "I won't, my flower, don't worry" was Felix supposed to behave normally just after Hyunjin had uttered this incredibly intimate nickname? he could barely breath let alone behave normally
his eyes are just slightly widened but not too much that they could be noticeable, his lips apart from where withers a mere gasp, and his cheeks are tainted the same color as roses that blossom in the midst of spring
"It's not physical exertion, just hard for my dumb brain to comprehend. the CEO is nice though, I don't like him he's too smiley and friendly but he's nicer than most people. I was supposed to be a silly little part-time proofreader for documents and emails but then he forced me to take on the position of a consulting intern and I told him I don't know how to do that and now he's made some employee of his teach me while I also do the initial job I came for. it's a mind-fuck honestly and I think he might even be on some sketchy shit to be so kind to me but I'm only there for the money so--"
Hyunjin's blabber goes on forever while Felix remains quiet and tries to drink down the nickname and all that Hyunjin's spitting. it's difficult, trying to keep up with Hyunjin and his track runner of a tongue while also boggling with the endearment but Felix manages it, of course he does, if not him then who else could keep up with this hell of a boy and his hell of a personality? the thought rises a quest in Felix, if he doesn't live then who will be that person that gets the honor of loving Hyunjin and being loved by him?
Who will be his last love? the one he keeps in his heart forever, at the memory of whom he'd smile and his soul would shine. the one he'd return home to and kiss, sleep next to, and dream of. the one he'd take care of unconditionally because that's what he does with Felix, or will he be different with them? Felix thinks. will he love that person differently than he does with Felix, perhaps he'd love them more than he does to Felix, the thought is bitter but Felix shrugs it away. he shouldn't be bitter about it, if he leaves then Hyunjin should love someone else and he should love them just the way he loves the brunette if not then even better. whoever it may be who gets to hold Hyunjin's hand each time they go out, who Hyunjin lends his jacket to when they get cold and ask them to keep it, the one he buys gifts for, and the one who he just can't stop admiring
Felix sighs and smiles just a little, whoever they may be, the one person Hyunjin loves if he ever leaves, they sure as life will be lucky.
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The number one worst thing in life is staying away from Felix, not being close to him and Hyunjin had already acknowledged that but what he didn't acknowledge was the second worst thing in life; coming home to an empty house, no sign of Felix sitting on the couch and reading his silly books or watching television, no scent of Felix's tea brewing further away into the kitchen and its warmth spreading all across the living room, no flashing smile of Felix and no forehead of his that Hyunjin can peck, no arms of his that will wrap around him and no ear of his that will listen to Hyunjin ramble about his day it was all just empty, solely.
and Hyunjin despised it, the dim lights he'd have to turn on once he gets back from work, the emptiness of the floor he sleeps on, now that Felix is away and he can't cuddle with him sleep has been difficult too. he hated the instant noodles he'd make every once in a while if he gets too hungry, though he never really felt like eating but he knew he had to keep his promise to Felix so he'd just force himself to down any edible thing he could see.
These past seven days he's felt like absolute shit and going home wasn't helping whatsoever, so the boy decided it was best to work over hours (not really keeping his promise but oh well) he persuaded his oddly kind boss to let him work late and the old man finally gave in after much resistance. even if Hyunjin was still suspicious of the man he was grateful that the CEO was the way he was because if he hadn't then Hyunjin would never get this bigshot job and be able to afford their expenses.
Now that he made his way toward his beloved Hyunjin couldn't help but smile brightly at the idea of finally getting to meet Felix again, he hadn't had any contact with Chan but Changbin's assistant had informed him about Felix's recovery, the news had made Hyunjin relived and he was ecstatic to hear it. his thoughts were proven wrong and he was worrying much less about the little days Felix is left with"The days he's supposedly left with are irrelevant and inaccurate now so you don't have to fret" is what Changbin had told him earlier today when he called to let them know he'd be coming around
It's been a week since he'd last seen Felix and he was all too grateful about it, he can't stop beaming and squealing in delight when he finally steps in front of the room and relaxes his posture, sighing deeply as he holds tightly onto the flower bouquet and knocks sheepishly, playing around as if he wasn't Felix's lover boy but someone else "come in, please" Hyunjin feels his heart squirm upon Felix's voice when he twists the doorknob and finally reveals the sight of himself, catching a glimpse of Felix on the bed. the brunette looks up and his entire being is gleaming when he sees Hyunjin
"Hyunjinnie!"
oh how Hyunjin has waited every single hour, minute, and second of this past week to hear this beautiful voice say his name, yearned for it desperately and it was finally plated for him. he grins widely "Hello, Felix" he mutters gallantly, walking inside the room he closes the door behind and strides toward Felix who is getting ready to get off the bed but Hyunjin stops him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pushing the bouquet toward the brunette's chest. Felix looks down from the taller's face to the bouquet and blushes at the double-peonies, its magenta color reminds Felix of something that's bright and happy, like Hyunjin's smile. the three pink tulips in the middle adds to the beauty of the bouquet as the brunette looks up and smiles widely at Hyunjin
"what's this for?"
he questions, smile unfaltering. "for you, of course, what else" Hyunjin mumbles taking notice of Felix's short hair and smiles at them 'he's so adorable' he wonders to himself and it seems Felix had realized where the other's eyes were as he sighs and covers his forehead with his small hand "don't look at them!" he whines and a pout is subconsciously appearing on his lips making Hyunjin chuckle "why~ you look adorable" he compliments Felix and wraps his fingers around Felix's wrist departing his hand from his forehead where fell his now short bangs as he leaned in to press a kiss on it, gentle and chaste. Felix sighs once again and inhales the sweet scent of the flowers once Hyunjin pulls away
"thank you" he mumbles, smiling and nuzzling his nose in the flowers "Do you like them?" he questions and Felix nods immediately "The florist asked me if they were for my bride as a joke because these--" he points to the double-peonies "--are traditional wedding flowers" he utters, sitting down besides Felix whose gaze is still fixated on the flowers and he's caressing their petals now "what'd you tell her then?" the brunette didn't pay much mind to what he was saying as he was all too occupied by the sweet gesture of Hyunjin but the other boy's eyes were frozen on his face, admiring lovingly like he does always
"I told her maybe—if he agrees that is"
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it's been years, hasn't it? I am so sorry, like you don't even know how sorry I am for the delay! these days I just have not been feeling my best while writing this book, idk why but I feel like this work has kind of drained me, don't get me wrong I love it with my whole heart but I just can't bring myself to write this anymore hence why the quality of the writing is so poor, I can understand how annoying that must be for you as the reader and I'm genuinely sorry, I know how shit these chapters have been lately but apologize is all I can do, I have been trying to push through this block and write better for you but until I succeed, my apologies are with you each time your read a shitty paragraph (which will be the entire chapter lol)
with that being said, I love you, take care of yourself <3
p.s; The symbols with the countdown are there because we're under ten now and not because I was just in a silly goofy mood lolsies.