It was 7:45 the next morning and I was waiting at the janitor's closet exactly where Matt directed. It was quiet and dark. I had no idea what me and Matt really were. Friends with benefits I guess. I had to ask myself if I was completely okay with that.
It seemed sad but wouldn't anybody do anything to kiss and cuddle with the person they love? I liked the feeling and he makes me happy so why not?
Moments later the door burst open and in a second I was pinned up on the wall and the lips I had just been thinking about seconds ago were on mine.
"Good morning baby," Matt whispered barely breaking away.
I pulled away. "So wanna talk?" His lips made a somewhat frown.
"No offence Abi, but is this your first time doing this?" I answered with a small nod. "Well, there's not much talking involved. We just... have fun."
I stared at Matt for a second before responding, "okay."
He started to lean in again when the morning bell rang.
"Looks like I have to go." I grabbed my bag and walked out.
I really didn't want to leave Matt. I love being with him but kissing him and feeling all passionate feels so wrong and sad when he has a girlfriend and it is just 'fun' for him.
Sometimes I wish you could make feelings stop. That way I could just like flip a switch and turn them off and not have to worry about him. But it was so the opposite, I cared about Matt more than I have cared about anyone since Malik. It sucks just to think I never cross his mind unless I'm giving him something.
I took my regular seat next to Jack and gave a weak smile to him.
"Everything okay Abs?" He leaned over to pat my arm. I nodded because I just hated people feeling like it's their job to make me happy especially when they're always happy like Jack.
Soon later, Matt walked in. He went straight to his desk in front of me and didn't say anything or look at me. He sat down and put his forehead into his hands.
I looked over to Jack who looked fairly confused at the situation.
"What happened?" he lipped without talking. I shrugged looking back over to Matt.
Mr. Arthur walked in, "good morning everybody. We will be carrying on from yesterday...Matthew, sleeping over there?"
"No sir." Matt lifted his head to sit up straight. Mr. Arthur kept talking while I kicked Matt's chair. Nothing. I tapped him on the back. Nothing.
What the hell?
Looks like I had another day to waste thinking about how to deal with Matt again. I really need something else to think about. This was getting too exhausting for me.
25 minutes before the bell, Matt left saying he felt sick. He was acting so weird. I started walking down towards math remembering we were the first class of the day in that classroom.
I opened the door not-so-shocked to see Bobby sitting on a desk while Matt was standing in between her legs while making out.
"Uh, excuse me. Could you leave?" Bobby rolled her eyes at me.
"Babe chill. We'll pick this up later." Matt winked at her pulling her off the desk.
He avoided looking at me as he walked Bobby out.
Okay, I am not doing this. I walked right out of the classroom before anyone saw me. I walked outside and took a seat on the bench in the green space of our school.
"A little too pretty to be sitting by yourself." I looked up to some blue eyes and brown hair.
"Declan," he said reaching out his hand to shake mine.
I shook his hand kind of confused because no one really shook hands these days.
"May I sit?" he raised his eyebrows and I nodded. I could use any distraction now.
"I don't recognize you and considering the school is not that big and usually all faces are familiar, are you new here?"
"A couple months but yeah I'm new."
He stared at me for a second biting his lip. He was really attractive but on more of a cute than hot side. He still had the resemblance of a somewhat baby face but still looked mature.
"Are you skipping? Assuming you're in grade 11. You usually don't have a spare unless you did summer school but since you're new.."
I just nodded again. "You?"
"Yeah. Wasn't feeling school today."
I laughed, "you're not the only one."
"Hey uh, this may be weird. But there's a party tonight and it's just a couple close friends but you seem like you could use the cheering up."
"On a Monday night?"
He laughed, "why not?"
"Okay." He smiled.
He took out a notebook and a pen and quickly scribbled some letters. He ripped the page out handing it to me, "here's the address. I hope to see you there. I have to go." He sent me another cheesy smile before standing up and walking away.
I stared at the ripped page for a second. Yeah. I need this.
I looked at the time and realized that it would be over 2 hours until my next class since lunch was after this period. I didn't want to sit around so I just went home instead. I needed some sleep if I could possibly be staying up late tonight.
I got home and jumped right into bed proceeding to scroll through my phone until I got tired enough to sleep.
To my surprise Matt posted a picture of Bobby captured 'my girl'. I shouldn't be mad since he never promised me anything and he said we were only casual. But I can't help but feel hurt. I shut off my phone and closed my eyes and soon enough, I was asleep.
I woke back up at about 5:30 since I barely slept the night before. I got ready pretty casual since I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I walked downstairs to see dad sitting on the couch.
"Hey Abi, I checked in on you when I came home but you were sleeping." I nodded.
"Can I borrow the car for a couple hours. I'm just going to hangout with a couple people."
"Sure, I'll be doing stuff from home tonight. Just be back my midnight please. It is a school night and you can't skip tomorrow." I smiled taking the keys off the counter and heading outside.
I entered the address into my GPS and backed the car out of the driveway throwing the radio on.
I got there in about 10 minutes and it wasn't busy yet. Not even thinking straight, I realized I left pretty early. Oh well, someone has to be the first to arrive.
I got out of the car and knocked on the door and I heard footsteps behind the door. It opened and I met face to face with Declan
"Hey sorry, I was totally unaware of how early I was until I was here," I blushed.
"It's cool, come in for a bit."
We just hung out and watched some TV until more people started coming. A large group came at once which made things less awkward. Declan put on the music and we stood up and talked while people kept pouring in. I had never really been to a starting party before.
Soon the room was fully packed and it was difficult to hear Declan even though he was right in front of me. I had a drink in my hand and I was feeling a bit tipsy but I could control myself.
"So uh... I actually never caught your name as awkward as this is."
"Oh haha, I'm Abigail. I guess I never realized I never mentioned it." I blushed.
"Okay Abigail, and since we've known each other for about a good 6 or 7 hours I'd like to know what brings you here."
"Huh?" I asked.
"Well, many girls don't come to parties alone under-dressed, you still look amazing by the way, and also agree to come without asking much. You talked to me without warning and you don't seem like the type to skip-"
I kissed him. I pressed myself right against him before he could even finish his sentence. He was cute and he cared and I needed the comfort. I'd probably regret this tomorrow but maybe not. I put my drink on the table beside us as it was at hip level but kept kissing.
His hands roamed to my back pulling me in closer. For once I felt cared about by a boy kissing me and it was refreshing.
"Ehemm," a fake cough flew into my ears and I pulled away to see Matt staring at me.
I didn't know what to say. He directed his eyes towards Declan.
"Declan right? Yeah I just need to know where the bathroom is."
Declan gave him quick directions and Matt took one last look turning away.
"That's my answer isn't it?" Declan asked referring to Matt and all I could do was nod faintly.
"I need some water. Be right back." I walked away from Declan trying to find the kitchen.
I was walking towards it down a fairly empty hallway but a door opened and I was dragged by my arm into a room with the door shutting behind me.
It was pitch black but I could feel the presence push me against the door.
"What are you doing here?" Matt.
I pushed him backwards. "I'm having fun?"
"With him?" Matt sounded frustrated.
"Yeah with him, who cares?"
"I do." He stared deep into my eyes and his were a shade darker than I could recognize.
"Well, you shouldn't. Can I leave?"
"Abigail, what's wrong with you?"
"No Matthew, what is wrong with you?" I could feel him tense as I called him by his full name.
"Elaborate please." He responded.
"You ask to makeout with me and 2 seconds later you ignore me and then I find you making out with your girlfriend and again you completely ignore me. This doesn't even feel 'casual' any more and even if it did, I don't think I can do this." He stared at me in silence for a couple seconds.
"You said casual was okay.."
"Yeah but Matt I liked you. It was hard."
"Liked." He repeated.
"Yeah maybe Declan is good for me. You're with Bobby."
"I don't want to be." He yelled at me.
"What?"
"Oh Abi, don't be so clueless. I like you. I make it so fucking obvious and you stay oblivious. I've liked you since that first time I bumped into you. Your innocence is so damn sexy to me and I like that."
I was speechless.
"Then why are you with her?"
His lips quivered, "I don't want her to hurt you."
"I'm a big girl Matt. I won't get beat up by a 5 foot petite blonde."
"Then be with me." He half slurred.
It figures. He's drunk.
"Matt. I have to go. You don't know what you're saying."
And in seconds, I was out that door. It felt like leaving Matt all over again like this morning.