December 31, 2016.
Thirteen - Emma
New Year's Eve in New York City is always a disaster. It was never controlled, it was always unbridled chaos. Tourists flood Times Square, there is never enough room on the sidewalks to fit everyone. The subways were overwhelmed, you couldn't go anywhere without feeling suffocated. This year was no exception.
Emma decided this year may actually be worse as she was looking out her window at the streets below. Car horns were coming from every direction. She needed to start heading towards Taylor's, towards the party, but she wasn't sure how to maneuver the crowds. She could drive, but it would probably take hours. She could walk, which would also probably take hours given how many people were outside. She could try and squeeze onto a subway, which wasn't a long ride but would be extremely crowded.
She knew the subway route to Taylor's apartment like the back of her hand. At some point it had begun to become second nature. It was only a couple stops away, so standing in the large mob of people didn't sound that bad.
It didn't sound that bad until she got on, when she started to think about calling Taylor and saying she couldn't make it to the party. She was crammed in between an elderly lady and a man that had to be almost seven feet tall. Emma assumed they were related. They had the same nose and the lady kept calling him 'little Johnny' even though he was twice her size.
It was hard to hear on the train, barely anything was audible over the noise from the train itself and its passengers. Emma swayed with the crowd every time the train stopped or moved in a slightly different way.
She was thankful when she finally got off. The subway station was relatively empty and the walk didn't take long once she made it out. It was only a couple of blocks. The streets were no busier than normal, likely because they were nowhere near Times Square.
The man in the elevator recognized her. There was a list for the night of who was allowed to be sent up, so she wasn't sure if it was her specifically or if there were photos attached to the names.
"Good afternoon Emma."
"Good afternoon Gregory."
They nodded goodbye to each other when Emma got off the elevator.
She walked down the short hall to the door at the end, the only door. The door was propped open with a wooden block so Emma knocked softly and walked in.
Taylor was setting out a stack of plates and silverware on a table. "Hey Em."
"Hey babe." Emma tried out the word, a weird feeling lingering on her tongue. "Anyone else here?"
"Just you and me." Taylor finished setting the dishes up and walked over to Emma. She hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. "And the cats are around here somewhere."
"What would Freddy think about you leaving the door open like that?" Emma asked her, looking back at the still open door. It hardly seemed safe. Even if there was a man in the elevator controlling who goes up, there were still plenty of people who would take the open door as an invitation inside, not all of whom have well wishes.
"Freddy's home with his family, what he doesn't know won't kill him. Besides, Dean's downstairs and everyone who is coming into the building tonight has had a background check."
"What's mine say?" Emma couldn't help but be curious.
"I don't know. I told them I didn't want to know unless it was something they deemed dangerous, which I knew wasn't going to happen. I want to get to know you from talking to you, not from a background check."
Emma didn't know what to say to that. Instead, she changed the subject back to the party. "What can I do to help you set up?"
"I think I'm good, I've got everything I need put up. Actually, can you check how much time the ovens got left on it? I've got cookies in."
Emma nodded and walked to the kitchen. The cookies in the oven still had another three minutes, but the cookies on the plate next to the oven were completely done. Emma grabbed one, letting the chocolate chips melt in her mouth. They were perfectly soft and delicious.
Taylor walked in as soon as she'd gone to grab another cookie. Emma turned around with her mouth covered in chocolate and another cookie in her hand. "How are they?"
Emma sat her second cookie back down and turned around to wipe the chocolate off her face. "Absolutely terrible. You shouldn't serve these, I can take them off your hands for you."
"Leave my cookies alone." The oven timer went off and Taylor put on an oven mitt that had pictures of her cats all over it. She pulled them out and sat them on top of the oven so they had time to cool. Emma was eyeing them, thinking about going for one the second she could without burning her hand or Taylor seeing. "Those aren't for you, they're for the party."
"I'll be at the party, won't I?"
"Yes, but you can't eat them yet."
"Okay. I'll wait." Taylor nodded and turned around to go back to the living room.
She must have somehow sensed when Emma turned around to reach for another. "Really?"
"Okay, fine. I'll leave them alone." Emma made a show of putting the cookie back before grabbing it again the second Taylor left the room.
When Emma went back into the other room she found Taylor standing up on a chair fiddling with a decoration. "Is your friend coming? Amanda."
Taylor and Amanda hadn't officially met. They had crossed paths before, but it was on a long night and lots of weed and alcohol were involved. "No. She's in California with family, she should be back in a couple days. Would you get down from there? You look like you're going to fall."
Taylor took her time getting down, making sure the decorations were perfect first. "Would you rather me let you do it? Miss falls off a stool and has to shave her head because of all the paint in her hair."
"That was one time."
"Okay then. You tripped over a chair and broke your nose."
"It was dark. I couldn't see." Emma was scowling now. She knew Taylor was right, but the stubbornness in her wouldn't allow her to admit it.
"You fell off a horse and broke your wrist."
"Hey, you know that's not fair! To start off I was seven, and that horse was the devil's spawn. That thing was an ass."
Taylor laughed the same way she does every time Emma says the word 'ass.' She says it sounds funny when Emma says the word the American way with the full British accent. "It wasn't a donkey."
"It was still an ass!" Taylor laughed again. She was poking fun, Emma knew this, but she still got defensive over the fact that falling off that spawn of satan wasn't her fault. "He had it out for me too. I think it was because I named him trilly. It wasn't on purpose though, just a misunderstanding."
"Okay fine. It was an ass. Come help me get the champagne out."
Emma nodded, glad to stop talking about the monster that her parents had the nerve to call a horse. The champagne didn't take long to get out. They set the bottles on a table that was already lined with gold rimmed flutes.
An hour later Taylor was going around the room introducing Emma to each of her friends. Emma would shake hands with whoever they were speaking with and then give Taylor the 'what the fuck' look.
"You didn't tell me you knew Selena Gomez." Emma whispered in her ear.
"I forgot I needed to."
Emma continued to say the same thing with a variety of different big names. Taylor always had the same response. By the time they had gone around to everyone it was almost eleven thirty.
Emma sat down on a couch and Taylor patted her leg. "I'm going to get some champagne, want some?" Emma nodded. Despite Taylor being gone for all of two minutes, Emma's thoughts swirled around her head. Taylor had introduced her as 'my friend Emma' to everyone. Except for one girl, but that seemed besides the point.
Taylor sat down beside Emma on the couch, handing her a glass. "You okay?" Emma whipped her head around to where Taylor was now sitting.
"Yeah, sorry." It wasn't a complete lie, she was okay. The answers to her questions are what could make her not okay, but for now she was blissfully ignorant.
Taylor leaned over to the coffee table and grabbed the television remote, changing the channel to the one where they live streamed the ball dropping. "I'm going to go get a cookie. Would you like one?" Emma nodded, allowing Taylor to get up and leave the room.
The minutes ticked by and Taylor didn't return from the kitchen. People had come by and talked to her, people she hadn't thought she would ever meet. A pretty blonde girl, the only one Taylor had introduced Emma as her girlfriend to, had made polite conversation about how Emma and Taylor met.
When she left Emma was alone again. By now she'd had enough. Emma got up, leaving her drinks and belongings behind on the couch, to go find Taylor. She wasn't in any of the rooms Emma had thought to look in. Emma finally found her in the kitchen, talking in hushed tones with Tree. Her eyes brightened when she saw Emma. Tree looked between them and left, walking back out towards the party.
"I was looking for you. It's almost midnight, you're going to miss the ball drop." Emma walked over and kissed her on the cheek. It was a gesture that could be seen as both friendly or romantic, but Taylor still pushed her away.
"We shouldn't do that here."
"In your home?" Taylor nodded, leaving Emma with numerous questions. She could only bring herself to ask one. "Is that why you didn't introduce me as your girlfriend?"
Taylor nodded again, but this time she spoke too. "No one really knows."
"Other than Karlie?"
Taylor looked taken aback, confused by the name as if she wasn't the one who invited her here. "Yes. She knows, but no one else in there does."
"Oh. That sucks."
"What do you mean?"
"I wanted to be your new year's kiss." Emma said this in a joking tone, like a wistful Disney princess, but she wasn't joking at all.
"Will you come with me?"
Emma nodded, unsure of where they were going. She was trying her hardest to not ask questions. She wanted to be able to have the kind of blind trust she had seen from others. Taylor looked around and then led her down one of the hallways. It was dark, she couldn't really see more than a couple feet in front of her.
When Taylor opened the door at the end of the hallway, artificial light flooded the space. A set of stairs were in front of them, Taylor was already up the first one. They climbed up the flight of stairs, hand in hand, and opened another door that led out to the roof.
Taylor let go of Emma's hand and climbed up a ladder that let out on a small landing. Emma climbed up after her and looked around at the view of the city. You couldn't see much, a lot of the nearby buildings were much taller than the one they were standing on, but it was still beautiful. Lights were flickering around them, reminding Emma of the stars back home in London.
Taylor pulled out her phone and sat it in front of them, volume all the way up. The people on the livestream were standing in front of the ball, talking about how there was less than two minutes left until the new year.
"It's really pretty up here Tay."
"It really is. I come up here sometimes when I need some quiet. I think the view is extra pretty today." Taylor looked between her and the lights.
"Why's that?"
"Because you're here."
Emma smiled so big her jaw hurt. It was such a cheesy thing to say, but it still warmed her enough that the December temperatures barely bothered her. She blushed, thankful that it was still somewhat dark so Taylor wouldn't be able to fully see how red her face had gotten.
The people on the news started counting down. "Ten... nine... eight... seven... six..."
Taylor and Emma both started counting at five. "Five... four... three... two... one... happy new year!" They both shouted together, the moment making Emma feel like they were the only two people in the world.
Taylor leaned down to kiss her gently. "I wanted to be your new year's kiss too." Emma stared at her, trying to capture a picture in her mind that she would hold onto forever.
As much as neither of them wanted the moment to end, they needed to go back downstairs. There were thirty drunk people hanging out unsupervised in the living room. When they got back downstairs there was a broken candle on the floor, wax thrown across the wall. No one seemed to have a reasonable explanation for how it happened.
Taylor bent down to start picking up the glass, but cut her finger on a large piece before being able to pick up much.
"Go clean that up. I'll get this." For once Taylor did as she was told, heading towards the bathroom to rinse her finger off and make sure all the glass was gone. It didn't take her long. When she got back, people started to swarm around her and say their goodbyes. Some were already holding their shoes, being careful not to step on the glass Emma was still trying to pick up, others were still wearing theirs although it was obvious they would take them off the instant they got in the car.
Emma had picked up the last piece of glass when the last person walked out the door. She swept up the smaller pieces with a small broom from the closet.
"Need any help?" Taylor sat next to her on the hardwood floor. Emma shook her head and dumped the dustpan into a trash can. "Did you take the subway?
Taylor's question made her heart drop. She didn't know what that meant exactly. She didn't know if Taylor was hinting at her to go home or if she was just wondering. "Yes, I did. Let me help you clean up a tad before I leave." Emma started picking up bottles and setting them all on a table, unsure of where the recycling was.
"No, that's not what I meant. You don't have to leave. Don't worry about the bottles. I'll get them in the morning."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"What were you and Tree talking about earlier? When I walked in you both got quiet pretty quick. I've just been thinking about it, I don't know why." Emma looked at Taylor, trying to gauge her reaction to the question.
Taylor didn't laugh at the question. She didn't do anything that suggested she might give a lie as an answer. "We were walking about you actually. Our relationship. What I should do to protect you from the media and everything."
"You don't have to protect me from it. I know what I'm getting myself into."
"I'm not sure that you do. They can be vicious, I don't want you to get hurt. I've had the media ruin my relationship with way too many people that I care about, I don't want that to happen to us."
"What'd she say?" Emma tried to move on from the disagreement they were having, she knew she was never going to convince Taylor that she could protect herself.
"She said it's something we should discuss more when I start going out in public again. We would play it two ways, I could come out or we can be friends in public and whatever we want in private. I don't have to decide right now but I don't know what to do. I wanted to introduce you as my girlfriend to everyone, not just Karlie."
"Do you want my opinion?" Taylor nodded but didn't say anything. "I think that I would love to be able to be your girlfriend in public, but that doesn't mean right now or anytime soon. That could wait for whenever you're ready. You would get far more media attention than me in that situation, so you need to do that when you feel ready."
Taylor sighed and sat down on the couch. "Yeah, you're right." Emma sat beside her, running her hands through her hair. Taylor looked at her and then looked away, like she had something to say but was hesitant. "You could stay if you want. You don't have to, I just thought I'd offer in case you don't want to ride the subway home this late."
Emma considered the proposition for a moment. The thought made her anxious. She hadn't stayed overnight with someone, other than Amanda and her mother, since James. She'd had a couple of one night stands, but she always left right afterwards.
On the other hand she trusted Taylor. There was never a reason not to. Emma used to be a trusting person, and she missed being the type of person that didn't see the worst in someone the moment they met. "Yes, I'd love that."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, it's way too late to take the subway home on my own and I'm tired. I trust you, I'll be okay."
Taylor
Taylor was shocked when Emma agreed to stay. It wouldn't be the first time they had stayed under the same roof. It wouldn't even be the same time they had slept in the same bed. Bed wasn't the right word, they had fallen asleep on a roof, but nonetheless they were together. That night had involved a lot more alcohol, Taylor didn't know if that was something mostly-sober Emma would be okay with.
"Do you want to sleep in my room or in a guest bedroom?"
"You have guest bedrooms? I thought they were all for the cats. I'll stay with you if that's okay." Emma stuck close by her like a lost puppy.
"That's perfectly fine." It was more than fine, it's what Taylor was hoping she'd decide. "You do know I only have two cats right? Three makes you a crazy cat lady. I only have two, so I am not a crazy cat lady." She emphasized the not for good measure.
"You have two cats that have their own suites. I would say that in itself qualifies you to be a crazy cat lady."
They walked into her bedroom and Taylor got out two pairs of pajamas, one for herself and one for Emma. "Do you want to change in the bathroom? I've got some pajamas you can wear." Emma nodded, grabbing the pajamas from her and walking into the bathroom. Taylor changed while she was in there, putting on pajamas of her own.
When Emma walked out of the bathroom she took one look at Taylor and raised her eyebrows. "You really don't think you're a crazy cat lady? We both have on clothes with your cat's faces on them."
"Don't be mean, these were a gift." Taylor left out the part where she gifted them to herself, but that part really was just redundant.
"What about your oven mitt?"
"That was a gift too." Taylor walked over to her side of the bed and pulled the covers back.
"From who?"
"My, uh, friend. Maya, my friend." Emma wasn't convinced, which was completely fair considering it was a horrible lie. "Fine, I bought them for myself. I might have a slight problem, but it's not crazy cat level. I'm going to go brush my teeth, there's extra toothbrushes under the sink." They both went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth in silence. Emma eyed Taylors toothbrush, a pink electric toothbrush that had little cat stickers all over it. They weren't stickers of her cats, so Taylor would go to her grave swearing it doesn't count.
They stayed quiet until both were laying in Taylor's bed, staring at the ceiling. Taylor flipped over to face Emma. "What are you thinking about?"
Emma flipped on her side to face Taylor. "Honestly?" Taylor nodded. "What Amandas going to say when she gets back in a few days."
"What?" Taylor couldn't help but laugh. Out of all the things Emma could be thinking about, that one hadn't occurred to Taylor.
"We text each other when we get home and such. I told her I was going to a party earlier, so when I don't text her tonight to tell her I'm home the first thing she's going to say when she gets back is 'dear god Em, who'd you shag?' I can't exactly tell her that I was staying with my new girlfriend Taylor Swift."
"Why's that?"
"She doesn't know that I know you. Or that I'm dating you. She might actually kill me if she comes home from her holiday and I hit her with the 'hey Mandy, how've you been? Yeah, I've been good too. I have a girlfriend actually, her name is Taylor, she does a little bit of singing on the side. You may have heard of her. Taylor Swift, that's the one. We didn't actually shag, we just slept together. But not like we slept together... you know. Anyways, what's new with you?"
"You definitely could tell her that."
"I think I'm going to look for a way to tell her I'm dating you without saying that. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if that makes any sense."
It didn't, but Taylor didn't tell her that. "Yeah, it does. I'm going to go to sleep. Get some sleep, okay?" Emma nodded and Taylor kissed her on the lips and then her forehead. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight babe."
Taylor woke up to Emma wrapped in her arms. She had slept in, but not nearly enough for how late she was up last night. She untangled herself from Emma, making sure not to wake her up.
Coffee. She wanted coffee. Taylor made her way to the kitchen, stopping to feed and pet her two furry daughters on the way. They followed her to the kitchen and jumped up on the counter to watch the coffee brew. Taylor sat on the counter while waiting, petting Meredith while Olivia curled up in her lap.
Emma walked in the kitchen, yawning and rubbing her eyes. "Good morning."
"Good morning. Do you want some coffee?"
Emma stared at the pot looking like she was considering it. "No, thank you. I don't really like coffee."
"Oh I know, you just look like you could use some caffeine. I might have some tea if you'd rather have that." She started rummaging through the cabinet that the tea would be in. She pulled out a box of green tea and held it up for Emma to see. "I have this if you want some."
"That would be lovely, thank you Tay."
"No problem at all Emmy. How'd you sleep?" Emma looked exhausted, but Taylor couldn't tell if it was lack of sleep or because of the night before.
Emma yawned again and leaned against the table. "I slept really well actually. It was really nice." Taylor didn't know what exactly Emma meant by that, but she hoped it meant being there with her. Taylor handed Emma her cup of tea. They both sat there and drank their drinks out of cat mugs in cat pajamas.
The rest of the morning was quiet. They cleaned up everything from last night, the bottles, wax, and polaroids all had gone in the recycling, trash, and a box respectively. They tried to sweep the glitter off the floor, but it was useless. It would stick around to haunt them for years to come.
They took a break while cleaning up the polaroids, taking a few extras at the station Taylor had set up the night before. They both posed individually, showing off the pajamas that were littered with Meredith and Olivia's face. They posed together, both wearing the goofy glasses that said the year. Taylor set the cats up on the table and at the goggles on them, snapping a picture of each of them before they moved.
Eventually they ended up on the loveseat. It was almost noon but they still weren't dressed. Taylor was sitting with her legs thrown across Emma. Emma was on the phone with Amanda mumbling incomprehensible things.
The first thing Taylor understood was "Okay. Love you, see you then."
Emma hung up the phone and groaned, throwing her head back on the couch. "Mandy's coming home tomorrow. She said she wants to go on a double date with whoever I was with last night."
"I would love to meet her but I can't go out anywhere."
"I know. I told her that, but she still wants to meet you. She said I should bring you to our flat. She's not going to drop this until she knows who you are." Emma put her head in her hands.
"Honey, it's not a big deal. If you don't want me to meet her, we can figure it out. If you're worried about me, I promise I will be okay."
"I don't know what it is. I do want you to meet her. Really you've already met, sort of. I don't know why I'm nervous."
Emma might not have known why she was scared, but Taylor did. If she and Amanda met, it would make it more real to Emma. Someone would know. Someone she saw every day, someone she lived with. Emma would be held accountable, not allowed the luxury of pretending it never happened if things went south. "I would love to meet her. We could have dinner if you'd like, or we can wait."
"Dinner is great. Is tomorrow okay? You could come over to my place and I could cook something."
Taylor nodded. "That sounds good to me. I'm going to finish cleaning. Are you hungry?" Taylor swung her legs off of Emma and stood up. Emma shook her head, standing up behind her.
It didn't take long to finish cleaning up, most of what was left was just a few bottles or decorations. Emma pulled down the blue backdrop while Taylor picked up all the polaroids off the floor and table.
Emma looked at the floor and then up at Taylor. "I don't think that glitter is ever going to come out."