Chapter 20
"No. Oh StarClan, no."
"She's waking up, Whisper. Isn't this a good thing? For the past quarter moon we thought..."
Two voices whispered softly above my ears. They sounded strangely distorted, as though I was underwater. There was an odd ringing sound in my skull, and my entire body felt as though it had been bashed against rocks. What happened...
"No, no, no." The first voice spoke again. It had a raspy tinge to it, as though the speaker rarely said much of anything, yet the voice was also brimming with emotion. "Spike, are you certain?"
Groggily, I tried to shift my weight, tried to stumble to a sitting position, but a blast of pain shot through me once more, and I resorted instead to merely trying to open my eyes. I cracked them open slightly, finding myself in almost complete darkness.
"Why are you so afraid of her, Whisper?" The voice belonging to Spike spoke once more. The speaker was evidently male, even though the voice was a bit high-pitched. He spoke calmly, as though trying to reassure
"Leave me," Whisper hissed through clenched teeth, as though she was in pain.
"I–" Spike began softly, only to be cut off with a snarl.
"Leave," Whisper repeated, this time she snarled.
As I listened to the sound of retreating pawsteps, sudden flashes of memory began to coarse through my mind. Everything I was dreading and had forgotten came down on me like a pile of massive, heavy rocks.
Littlepaw, Ripplepaw, Shadefang, Bubble, Puddle...I felt my claws unsheath, and dug them deep into the dry, coarse moss nest below my sprawled frame. Dewstar got all the power, it was raining harder than ever before, I tried to get my friends to run, then she came for us, and...hurled me off the edge.
"Am I dead?" I said in a hoarse, raspy voice, akin to that of Whisper's.
At the same moment that I spoke, the pangs of hunger seemed to wedge its way into my belly. My throat was parched, my fur matted. My left ear felt as though it was on fire, blazing furiously, and making every sound seem strange.
For several heartbeats, there was nothing but silence. I almost wondered if Whisper had left me to die in this dark place. The longer my eyes stayed open, the more I became aware of my surroundings. I was in a cave, so dark that few shadows seemed to exist. Stalactites and stalagmites surrounded the cavern. It was all so grey and dead, except for my nest of dry, coarse moss.
Then, I saw the flash of pale blue eyes in front of me. A cat was standing above me. It was too dark to tell what colour her pelt was, but I could have sworn her legs were trembling. Wincing with visible effort, I managed to get to a seated position, so I could have a better look at her.
"You aren't dead."
"What?" I tilted my head in bewilderment, and again, my left ear throbbed painfully.
The she-cat didn't look at me as she spoke once more. "In answer to your question, I mean. You are still alive."
I shifted my paws, shame washing over me. I felt as though I had abandoned my friends. I needed to get back to them, to make sure they were okay, even if that meant stumbling right back into Dewstar's paws. My friends meant the world to me.
"Where are we?" I said slowly. "Wh-who are you?"
The she-cat turned away. "You sound thirsty," she said in a guarded tone. "I'll get you some water."
Then she took a piece of my moss, and turned to travel deeper into the shadowy cave. Once more I shifted my position, but I felt too weak to move any further. My claws flexed in and out. I wanted to run. I had always liked running.
While I waited for Whisper to return, I began to groom my pelt. I expected it to be salty, but instead there was a strange scent on it. I couldn't place it, but for some reason it felt as though I'd scented it before...
"Here you go," Whisper announced gruffly. I hadn't heard her return.
She dropped a soaking pile of moss at my paws. Still eyeing her pale blue eyes warily, I settled down, and began to lap the water out of the moss. I relished the fresh water, lapping it up until there was nothing remaining. Then, I tilted my head to watch as Whisper grabbed something from the left side of the den in her jaws.
"Herbs," she grunted, dropping the bundle, and using her paws to open it. "For your ear."
"My ear," I repeated in bewilderment as Whisper got some green pulp on her paw, then turned to face me.
"Yes," Whisper said guardedly. "Your ear. If you don't want the infection to come back, you should sit still and let me dob on this pulp Puddle mixed up."
I stared at her then, slowly, I ran a paw over my left ear. Or rather, where my left ear had been. I retracted my paw instantly partly from the pain, but also from how strange it felt. I stared up into Whisper's stony gaze, and saw a glimour of something like regret, but as quickly as I thought I'd seen it, the emotion was gone.
"Did you do this to me?" I growled, getting to my trembling paws and taking a pace back.
Whisper's eyes widened. "No," she rasped, then her eyes seemed to harden once more. "It was from your fight with Dewocean...You're lucky you survived."
Her voice was cold, and I narrowed my eyes instinctively. "So you know her name," I said slowly. "You know what she did to me. Are you with her?" I whipped my head around. "Is she here? Are you merely preparing me for her?"
"No!" Whisper yelped. After several heartbeats, she continued, her voice sounding as though some cat was strangling her. "You don't understand," she rasped. "I saved you. I saw you fall into the water. I dragged you down-"
"YOU DRAGGED ME DOWN?!" I shrieked, anger and confusion warring in my mind.
Whisper looked at me worriedly, while I took yet another step away from her. "There was a cave," she said quickly. "The entrance was underwater. I knew it was the only way-" her voice broke off. "The only way to save you."
I stared at her in bewilderment. Whisper was trembling. She looked up at me, eyes wild, as though she expected me to strike out at her. Part of me wanted to. Conviction surged through me that she was the reason I had been separated from my friends, from every cat I cared about.
I took a step closer to her. "Where am I?" I repeated, spitting out each word, my claws flexing in and out.
Whisper lifted her chin, an act that would have appeared defiant except for the obvious sorrow mingled with bitterness in her gaze. Slowly, the she-cat got to her paws, and padded towards me. I held my ground, not stepping back. It was when she was within a mouselength of me, that I felt my blood run cold.
Her spiky fur was dark grey in colour, and scars ran deeply across her flank, including one particularly brutal gash along her throat. Silver streaks could be seen close to her ears and paws. My growl died in my throat.
"You are where the defeated go," Whisper said, her eyes glittering. "This cave," she gestured with her paw, "the darkness here is so great that there are scarcely any shadows." A shiver rippled along her flank. "I came here in hopes that she would not find me, and she has not. She thinks I am dead, as she thinks you are too."
Her voice seemed to crack, and Whisper looked away. When she settled her gaze back on me, powerful emotions seemed to be warring in her ice-blue gaze.
"I thought you died. I was sure of it, after all, Dewocean had you in her paws. But she didn't..."
"I know who you are," I said suddenly.
Whisper stared at me. I didn't know how to feel, whether I should run, or race into this cat's grip. Shock held my paws fast to the ground. This didn't feel real. This couldn't be real.
"You're Wolfstar," I said, holding the she-cat's gaze for the first time. "You're my mother."
Wolfstar made towards me, but I took a step back. I felt like a cornered animal, my back pressing up against the cold, grey stone, while my mother stared at me. Questions raced into my mind, a billion miles an hour: Why did she not come back? She's clan leader, isn't she? What did she think of me? Then, a more important question bubbled to my mind. What do I think of her?
As I stared into Wolfstar's expression, I could sense defeat. I could sense that she felt alone, isolated, like a monster who didn't know where she belonged. As I stared at her, I felt anger, but also a hint of pity.
"Don't call me Wolfstar," the she-cat said softly. "Call me Wolfwhisper, for that is my true name." She stared at something off in the distance. "They say I share the same name with another cat, a great cat from a far off clan, yet one whose history is long forgotten. Even so, I can't be called Wolfstar."
"No?" I tilted my head to one side, narrowing my eyes. "So you didn't get nine lives?"
The ghost of a smile flickered across Wolfstar's scarred face as she stared at me. "My daughter," she whispered as though relishing the word. "I did," added said, and her smile faded. "But when Dewocean threw me into the water, I was drowning. The lives slipped away so quickly that by the time I found this cave...I only had one life, the one I had been born with, left."
"She's Dewstar now."
Wolfwhisper seemed to wince as I said the name. "I guess it was inevitable," she meowed at length. "She was always the smarter, more ruthless cat of the two of us, when it got right down to it."
I stared at her numbly. "Puddle and Bubble say you run a group," I said quickly. "They also mentioned you were ill-"
Wolfwhisper blinked, "yes, those two did want to go on a quest together." She smiled ever so slightly. "I do find myself ill, daughter," again she said that word as though it made her happier than any cat in the world. "But it is more emotional than physical."
"Okay..." I said, feeling slightly relieved that my mother didn't seem exceptionally ill. "But about the group...Do you think you could take them into a battle against Dewstar? I-"
Wolfwhisper was already shaking her head, her eyes narrowing faintly. "I could not risk the safety of any of the cats who call this land home. They have all and a hard enough life. Dewstar would kill."
"But she's trying to take over the world!" I exclaimed, desperate for my mother to understand. "My friends-"
Wolfwhisper cut her off with a snarl. "My daughter?" She narrowed her eyes. "If you are anything like me, then cats won't 'befriend' you."
I gritted my teeth. "They have!" I said furiously. "In spite of the foxdunged Night thing!"
"Mousebrain," Wolfwhisper growled through clenched teeth.
"They don't care," I continued, fury building inside of me. "I think they like me because of who I am, not because of what some familial power is." Then, I paused. "You're the one who's being mousebrained!"
Wolfwhisper's eyes narrowed to slits. Suddenly, I saw a blue light giving the cave a faint glow. It came from my mother, and...me.
I felt the wave of fury coarse over my pelt, and my fur was standing on end. Claw her, claw he-No! A voice screeched in my ear. This is what Dewstar would want. She wants me to go mad like this. As waves of fury slammed into me, like the waves that had been pummelling me to my doom, I focussed on my friends. I unsheathed my claws, digging them into the rock.
My friends...They were what would help me get through this storm. Puddle, Bubble, Ripplepaw, my sister who I had come to love in spite of our differences, and Littlpeaw, the cat who had taught me how far a little love could go.
I felt the glow fading from my pelt. Without even thinking, I turned to my mother, whose face was bared in a snarl. Then, I padded towards her, and fell into her warm pelt in a tight embrace. I let my muzzle run along her coarse shoulder fur, as she had probably done to me as a kit.
Wolfwhisper's snarl seemed to fade away. It was a few heartbeats later when I realised that she too was nuzzling my shoulder fur.
"Ferretpaw," Wolfwhisper breathed.
"Mom," a shiver ran down my pelt, though not from the cold. "H-How do you know my name?"
Wolfwhisper let out a bitter laugh. "Guesswork based on something the cat I'm about to help you take down said while I was falling off a cliff."
"Did you just-"
Wolfwhisper dropped her paws from around my neck. She sat down on the ground with a heavy sigh. Yet, as she gazed into my own ice-blue eyes, a faint smile flashed across her face.
"You're my daughter," Wolfwhisper said softly. "I want to protect you. I see that now."
I sat down beside her. Instinctively, our tails seemed to entwine. "Dewstar's just a cat," I said. "Sure she's got a billion powers and nine lives, but she's got weaknesses. Her arrogance and entitlement, for one."
"You really want to defeat her," Wolfwhisper still seemed dazed as though she had never snapped out of the fury before. "You think I can stop her?"
"I think that you can help us," I said, staring towards the faint light at the end of the cave. "You know so much about her, and...well, you're my mother."
Wolfwhisper still seemed immensely shaken, yet she turned to me with determination. In the depths of her eyes, I could imagine the formidable warrior she had been, before Dewstar happened.
"What about my other kits?" Wolfwhisper interjected. "How-"
"'Kits?'" I echoed in bewilderment. "Ripplepaw's doing well. She's...she's your only other kit, though, right?"
Wolfwhisper blinked, then, rather hastily, nodded. "Yes, right." She shook her head. "It's just so hard to believe that I am talking to one of my kits." She stared with glazed eyes into the distance. "I always feared Dewstar eliminated the two of you."
For a long time after that there was silence. Then, slowly. I turned to my mother. I stared right at her piercing blue eyes, so similar to mine, the way she tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, almost exactly like I did, and the way she flicked her ears, like Ripplepaw did.
"You really will help us?" I said, my voice breaking as I stared into the eyes of the cat I thought I had lost forever. "Really?"
Wolfwhisper met my gaze, and nodded. "Yes, Ferretpaw." She stared at the ground, anger clouding her gaze. "I've been so foolish to think you were gone. To not even leave this cave, or check for confirmation. The truth is, I've been scared of what Dewstar would say to me."
"But no longer." Wolfwhisper stared at me, and once more a faint smile flicked across her face. "I won't ever abandon you again, Ferretpaw. Not on my life." She lifted her chin, "it's time to take down that liar."