[OP] Randomly register an account. Posted on January 25, 2017, 23:03:21
By the way, someone asked me how I'm spending the Chinese New Year this year.
Don't worry, I won't be alone. My dad is coming back with his boyfriend, no, his husband, to celebrate the New Year with me.
I'm going to pick them up tomorrow, and we'll be busy exploring around, so I might not be online much in the coming days.
In advance, I wish everyone a happy New Year!
[1st Comment] Sky_high: I'm relieved knowing that Xiao Xi isn't spending the Lunar New Year alone!
[2nd Comment] You Song is the most beautiful: Xiao Xi, remember to visit us during the New Year!!
[3rd Comment] [OP] Randomly register an account: Okay (^-^q).
[OP] Randomly register an account. Posted on January 26, 2017, 23:28:32
After deleting my moments on WeChat and Weibo, I left my phone charging in the bedroom and went to the living room to have dinner with Da Bai.
While eating, Da Bai's phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID, then looked at me and said, "It's Pei Hao."
I quickly whispered to him, "Don't tell him I contacted you today."
Da Bai answered the call and immediately switched to acting confused and playful mode:
"Hello, Bro Hao."
"Huh? No, I'm still at the office."
"Xiao Xi? How could he have disappeared?"
"Huh? His leg is injured?"
"Weird, in Y city, if he has something, and he doesn't contact you or me, who else can he contact?"
"Could he have gone back to X city?"
"Don't worry, I'll ask him for you."
.....
I gave Da Bai a thumbs up, "Excellent acting, you deserve an Oscar."
"Stop praising me," Da Bai pointed to the phone, saying, "I feel like he's so anxious on the other side that he might call the police. If you don't call back soon, both your sister and the police will know you've limped away from home."
Anxious enough to call the police? I'm not so sure about that. When I left, I left a note on the coffee table in the living room, tucked under the ashtray. It said, "I'm leaving, take care of yourself. Xiao Xi." There was only this half-sheet of A4 paper and an ashtray on the coffee table, so he should have seen it unless he's blind. He recognizes my handwriting, and he only took away my belongings. Everything is pretty clear that I decided to leave on my own, and there's no possibility of me being forced or kidnapped in some melodramatic scenario.
In my imagination, Pei Hao should be upset initially after the breakup, given that even if it's a dog you've raised for five years, the owner would feel some resentment if it just left without a word. However, once that initial burst of frustration fades, he would likely realize that we weren't destined to live together forever, and it's better to end it cleanly now.
Who knows how many times Pei Hao thought about breaking up with me? Maybe every time he saw Fu Yan, his determination wavered a bit. Perhaps he's already rehearsed countless times the lines to say during a breakup, just hampered by various reasons that kept him from saying it. And now I've given him a suitable time and a full-fledged reason.
This way, we part ways, each finding our own happiness.
I looked at Da Bai, puzzled, and asked to confirm, "Are you sure he's really anxious?"
"No doubt about it," Da Bai flicked my forehead with his index finger, saying, "He's not only anxious but almost crying!"
This wasn't the reaction I expected, considering that after our previous argument and breakup, I left while he was watching, and he didn't try to contact me. Now, I've even eliminated the typical scenes couples enact after breaking up, yet suddenly he wants to find me? That's unexpected.
I pondered, not really understanding Pei Hao's thought process. I'm not afraid he'll call the police, but I'm concerned he might call my sister. Considering Pei Hao's attitude towards me these past days, I suddenly felt unsure if he would actually search for me everywhere. So, I limped back to the bedroom to retrieve my phone.
The screen was indeed flashing, and when the lights dimmed, I saw over twenty missed calls, all from Pei Hao. I must've accidentally put it on silent, which is why I didn't hear anything in the living room. I was about to call back when the phone rang again, still him.
I answered, "Hello?"
"Where are you right now?" Pei Hao's voice was urgent. Normally, he'd start the call with "Xiao Xi" before discussing anything.
Instead of answering, I asked, "Did you see the note on the coffee table?"
"Um..." Pei Hao hesitated for a moment and then whispered, "You took your things too..."
I adjusted my posture and said casually, "Yes, I decided to leave on my own."
Pei Hao's voice quivered, "Are you still angry at me?"
I shook my head, although he couldn't see it, "No, I don't feel much now. I think it's best to break up like this."
Pei Hao seemed to take a deep breath on the other end. After a moment's silence, he changed to a more assertive tone, "Where are you? I'll come pick you up."
I furrowed my brows, "Pei Hao, don't you understand? I really want to break up with you."
"Xiao Xi..." Pei Hao's voice carried a sense of pleading, his volume rising, "I swear, I really didn't see you fall into the water that day. If I knew it was you, I
would've jumped in to save you, no matter what!"
I paused for a moment, getting to the point, "Then why did you only see Fu Yan that day and not me?"
Pei Hao fell silent and couldn't find an answer.
"Because you only had eyes for Fu Yan. Throughout these five years, your heart has belonged to Fu Yan." I chuckled bitterly, filled with irony. Pei Hao's deepest and heaviest blow was saved for last, and he wanted me to personally reveal that wound.
Pei Hao wanted to explain, but his words were disjointed in his urgency: "It's not Xiao Xi, Xiao Xi, there's nothing between him and me, we're just regular friends."
"Maybe you're genuinely just friends, but your feelings for him have never been ordinary. Pei Hao, if you like him, then treat him well in the future. I wish you both happiness," I sighed and lay back on the bed, closing my eyes, "I've been tired these five years. I've let myself go, and now you should let me go too."
Pei Hao's voice suddenly trembled, "Xiao Xi, I won't let go. Where are you? Can we meet and talk in person?"
I don't need explanations anymore. Right now, I just want to leave you, this failed relationship, and start anew.
I calmly replied, "Let's leave it at this. Don't look for me anymore. I'm doing well now.
Pei Hao's voice became more desperate, "Xiao Xi, I..."
I found this conversation tiring. It's endless if we keep talking like this, and there's no resolution. So, as Pei Hao was about to say something else, I hung up the call.
Pei Hao's call immediately chased after, unwilling to give up. I hung up again, and he called back. Staring at the continually flashing screen, I felt inexplicably annoyed and decided to block his number.
No more explanations, no more pretending you're reluctant to let me go. In this relationship, the one who couldn't let go was always me, the one deeply trapped was me.
After a while, Pei Hao's WeChat messages started pouring in:
"Xiao Xi, I've reflected, there are many things I've done wrong in these five years, and I'll change them all. Give me a chance to make it up to you, please?"
"Your leg isn't healed yet. Come back, and I'll take you to see a doctor. Let me take care of you. What if something happens to you out there all by yourself? At least let me help you recover from your injury before you leave."
"Xiao Xi, you can't just leave like this without a word. At least let's meet and talk things through."
.....
I held my phone and stared at the WeChat messages that kept popping up every few seconds, feeling a mix of emotions. What's the point of saying these things now? The words that couldn't be explained in five years, how could they be clear now? I admit you might still care about me, but any care you have immediately disappears the moment Fu Yan enters the picture.
Another message from Pei Hao appeared, but I didn't open it. Instead, I opened the menu, selected Pei Hao, and chose to remove him as a friend.
The world fell silent, and my heart felt empty. Let's end it like this. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. One day, we'll both find someone to spend our lives with, occasionally reminiscing about our reckless youth. However, that someone who will spend a lifetime with you won't be me.
[1st Comment] Wu Xue Tong Tong Tong: A good breakup, a perfect breakup, couldn't be more resounding!
[2nd Comment] A Yi Yi: Why do I feel like Pei is emotionally challenged? Even at this point, he doesn't know how to say "I love you" to you instead of Fu Yan?
[3rd Comment] Dreamme: +1 to the person above.
[4th Comment] Lift Receiving: The reason why the scumbag doesn't speak up isn't because of low emotional intelligence, but because he can't say it, as his true love is Fu Yan and not Xiao Xi.
........
[8th Comment] Young_wea: Let me speculate about the scumbag's thought process: "Ah, this kid likes me, and he's pretty cute. Well, since he's pursuing me, I'll agree to it for fun. He's good in all aspects, and being together is comfortable. But moonlight is the best; he's electric, radiant, and the only myth. Between the kid and the moonlight, of course, I choose moonlight. The kid is leaving me now; no, absolutely not. What will happen to me once he's gone, and who will treat me well?"
[9th Comment] 8Voooo: Cough cough, I want to say, I think Pei Hao does like Xiao Xi. If he didn't like him, he wouldn't react this way when Xiao Xi left.
[10th Comment] --A Dagger: Liking is one thing, but this kind of liking is just too cheap. Xiao Xi said it himself, as long as it involves Fu Yan, this kind of liking means nothing.
........
[18th Comment] Three Thousand Weak Water 08: I don't care who likes who, I just want to torture the scumbag! Xiao Xi, promise me, torture the scumbag to death!! Never turn back!!!
[19th Comment] AndyKK: Ah, I hate people who say they want to break up but still linger. The moment Xiao Xi blocked him, I was so excited that I finished a pound of crabs!