Luke was chosen as a Track-Hoe and now worked there, though we still ate meals together at the tree every day. Sometimes Newt would join too.
"So how's the Building going?" Luke asked in the morning. He then took a bite of his apple.
"Fine." I shrugged. "Still not good at it. But it's okay."
"Did those guys stop?"
"Yeah."
My answers were short and in a low tone. Luckily Luke either didn't seem to notice, or just didn't bother. He was quite oblivious if you thought about it.
Somewhere I wished people cared enough to have a deep talk with me. Maybe that would help and I wouldn't feel even worse every day.
"Well. I better go to work. Zart's waiting for me." Luke gave me a pat on the shoulder and walked away.
I exhaled and leaned my head against the tree, zoning off a bit again. The thoughts of it all being over floating everywhere again.
What have I ever done that's not worthless? Have I ever helped someone? No. I never did. My own thoughts shocked me again, but I didn't stop them.
Only Luke and Newt would notice. They would get over it, right? If I died.
I didn't get a long time to think about it; something else drew my attention. Luke was stomping toward the maze at an even speed, definitely planning to walk in there.
I jumped up, remembering very well he said he would never want to go into the maze. Running already, I shouted for him, but all he did was walk further until he completely disappeared into the giant walls.
It was unbelievable. He said he wouldn't go! Worry washed over me as I ran faster, hoping to catch up with him. But of course, someone interrupted me.
"Hey, Val!" Gally pushed me to the side and blocked my way to the maze. "The hell are you doing?"
I swallowed deeply, trying to find the right words. "Luke. He... he just walked in here, Gally!"
The panic came fast and I realized how much I cared about my brother. Would he care as much for me?
"Luke's supposed to be working and you too, Val. Come on." Gally took my arm, leading to me shaking him off.
"No. Luke went in there, I swear. We have to send someone after him." I told him. "Alby!"
Gally shook his head "Don't cause trouble. You're seeing things."
"No, I'm not. Why don't you believe me?" I raised my voice slightly.
Gally refused. "I'm sure he'll come back soon, if he even is out there. But we can't send someone after him. Just wait for the Runners to return. We don't want to lose anyone else."
"Lose anyone else?" I almost screamed as Gally started to walk away. "It's my shuck brother, I can't leave him! I'll go save him myself then."
But before I even got the slightest chance to walk closer to the Doors, Gally grabbed my wrist tightly and dragged me away from them. I winced in pain, knowing his grip would leave a mark. It made me wonder why he was even doing it in the first place.
"Let me go, you shuck-faced piece of-."
"Calm down." He commanded. His grip loosened enough to make it less painful, but not for me to escape. "Don't you dare make one step inside that maze. I don't care if your brother is out there or for what other reason. Just don't."
"You can't order me stuff like you're my shuck father!" I didn't yell it. That would be embarrassing, but by my tone I let him know how pissed I was. "Or family member, or anything close to that!"
Gally's face stayed blank. "Go to work, Valerie." A hammer got pushed into my hands.
I ended up working, eventually. But the end result looked like klunk... crap, a mix of some wood and nails smashed together as if the maker was drunk.
Worthless. You're worthless.
The voice shocked me. I looked around me, though inside I knew it had been just in my head. I really was turning crazy.
And it didn't stop. The thing kept repeating things I told myself sometimes. It mentioned Luke once. I wanted it to stop. All of it.
But instead, not with a clear mind, I balled my fist and punched it against the wall I had fixed. I swung in back beside my head again, then flew it into the wood. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
It got fuzzy, my mind. And the voice went away. Yet I kept punching. The relief felt nice, but it couldn't fix my broken self.
The pain in my fist and knuckles was numb to me. I didn't feel it. I saw blood spatter onto the wood. That gave me a slight satisfaction.
And then I got stopped. "Jeez, Val!" My arm got grabbed before I got the chance to punch again. "You're breaking your own shuckin' hand. Calm down!"
I wished to punch Gally in the face once he stopped me, but all I ended up doing was bite my trembling lip and hold back tears.
It was so hard.. to deal with unknown feelings. No one explained it to me, maybe no one felt it. Did only girls have it? Was it normal? To feel so miserable and worthless, just like the voice had said? To hurt myself on purpose and think about death?
Probably not.
"No." I shook my head when Gally tried to walk me to the Med Hut. He didn't nicely deal with me. He was the old Gally again. "Leave me alone."
And so he did, once I slid out of his arms. My steps soon turned faster until I was practically sprinting into the Deadheads. My hand did sting by the time, but I didn't care. No one else did either. I disappeared from work. No one cared. I hurt myself in front of everyone. No one cared except for Gally who was worried the wall got dirty by my blood.
I broke down in tears with my back against a tree. The wood of it scratched my back hard and it wasn't comfortable, yet I stayed like it and cried until no more tears were left. Until my voice was hoarse.
And no one cared.
Luke left me. My dream to be a Runner started to fade away. Maybe I should be a Cook after all. My hate for Gally came back. If he would've just let me go in the maze... My hesitation about Newt actually liking me got added in too. And all those thoughts, what could I do about them? No one cared. No one noticed.
No one would notice.
~
I never appeared at dinner. The same sentence repeated in my head again, no one would notice. I wondered how long I could disappear for them to notice.
Not long, apparently.
Footsteps and some voices got closer. Sticks cracked under their feet. I straightened my back and wiped the tears away fast. No one was supposed to notice.
"Watcha doing, shank?"
It didn't take long for me to realize it was Hank, Peter, and Henry. Carl wasn't with them. "Is the poor girl crying again?"
I saw the curiosity in Hank's eyes when he stared at my bruised and bleeding hand. He couldn't help to ask about it.
"Oh, I fought a Griever," I said.
"You did?"
"Actually I punched a hole in the Doors. You can hole through it now."
"What?"
"Or maybe it was because I punched Gally's potato nose off. I don't know. Can't really remember."
Peter sniffed. "Stop playing with us."
The other two agreed quickly.
"It's your fault Carl is locked up in the Slammer for such a long time now."
I scoffed, acting tougher than I was. Actually, I was frightened. "Then you shouldn't have locked me in that closet."
"Or you should've shut your mouth and not tell Alby about your poor little problems because you can't defend yourself." They replied.
"Mind to just leave?" I peeped very quietly. Then I took a deep breath and spoke louder, "No, actually. Just leave. Fucking leave me alone."
"We will. Just wanted to try one thing for ya, Valerie."
"To make you learn."
Fear washed over me. What did they mean and what would they do?
The answer to that question didn't take long for me to know. Before I knew it, Hank had grabbed my hands as Henry yanked me off the ground with one hand covering my mouth.
I cried out, chest tightening. It would be horrible if they locked me in a closet again. But they didn't. Instead, Hank forced me to move to Peter, who stood next to a small lake.
I got dropped on my knees in front of the water. My figure mirrored against it. I saw my red hair wave by the wind. More freckles had appeared on my face because of the sun.
Peter sat down on his knees, yet he faced me and not the water. His hand made its way to the back of my head as Hank still held both of mine.
And then it snapped. The water, the way they held me... but it couldn't be possible! They couldn't- they wouldn't actually drown me, right?
With a lot of force, Peter moved my head closer to the water. I used all my strength to push my head back, but knew I couldn't last long.
"I'm sorry!" I said quickly when my nose moved closer.
"You'll learn better from this."
A few disgusting names left their mouth as I got pushed closer to the water, my face almost touching it.
My chest already felt like it was filled with water. Tears burned in my eyes again. I had thought of death, but not in this way. I didn't want to die because some boys drowned me.
"I'm sorry!" I repeated, my voices filled with actual sorrow now. "I swear!"
But it didn't stop them. The tip of my nose almost touched the water. I could already feel a cold steam coming off it.
"Please, just stop!" I begged. A tear dropped into the water with a sound. "I swear I won't tell Alby again."
I struggled to resist the last minutes. I wondered if the Doors had closed and if Luke made it out. It only made me cry harder, so my grunts got changed by sobs. The only gingers in the Glade dying on the same day?
I kept begging the Builders to stop, shaking and crying.
And they obeyed. Hank let go of my hands and Peter stopped pushing my head. I let myself fall backward immediately.
"Did you seriously think we would actually drown you?" Peter laughed right in my face.
My cheeks got red in shame, making me look down. They still laughed at me loudly.
"Guess that was enough to make you learn." They added before rushing away, leaving me with wet cheeks and shaking shoulders.
~
A/N: Sorry if it's boring and slow. I promise things will get better/ more interesting soon!!