07:02 AM
Date: May 12th 2018
Location: Safe House
Harry Styles
It's dark out, but I'm staring straight ahead into oblivion.
There's always something about what lurks in the night, whether there is someone who is always watching you.
They anticipate your every move. Waiting for something to snap.
It's another full moon shining upon me. Everytime I look at its fullest point, there's no wonder why I can't take my eyes off it.
The paranoia has controlled me ever since I've been trained to kill. Trusting people is harder than it looks like.
And it reminded me everyday that beautiful things don't always appear in plain sight.
They simply don't last forever either.
"You going to finish that or what?"
I swerve my attention back to the right side of me. Sloane grins as her huge brown eyes question my silence. I don't know how long I've been staring at the moon for as my ice cream is left untouched.
She decided to stop by some liquor store right near her lookout point of the beach before heading back to town.
We sit on the hood of my car, just sitting under the neon signs of the store.
"Don't tell me you're finished already."
"I guess I'm good at two things now." She smiles again.
What a little freak you are.
I nudge her with my shoulder. "Remind me the next time I take you out and we can see how good you are holding onto the rear view mirror." I say bringing my nose closer to her ear.
She lets out a small giggle, awakening a thousand more butterflies in my stomach. She put on my jumper back as well, covering her from the breeze that continues to flow at such a late time; hair flies as she tries to push it behind her ear.
"But are you okay though?" She asks me.
I nod. "Yeah."
"I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting tired before we head back to town." She takes another spoonful of her strawberry ice cream and looks at the moon.
I take a glance at her side profile and see how gorgeous she looks in the dark. I want to lick off the ice cream that stains her lips and kiss her until there's no more oxygen to breathe in.
Her eyes widen at the moon, despite the heaviness of her eye bags that have yet to be gone. She told me she's never had a good night's sleep in a while. But I remember those constant nightmares are what plague her.
She told me earlier that most of them are memories that have traumatized her. That abusive ex piece of shit is rotting in a jail cell due to my pick-pocketing but he deserved to be punished for what he did to her.
I know she'll never find it easy to rest, but I want to help her out so badly.
I want her to know it's okay to battle these demons, because I did too.
"Can I ask you somethin', stranger?" I ask her.
She looks down to me, abandoning the moon.
"Sure, what is it?"
I clear my throat. "It's okay if you don't have to answer this but..when you said that-your nightmares were about really bad things that you never saw, do you know what they are about?"
There's a long breath that she inhales. The sudden mood changes quickly and I feel like I regretted what I said.
"You know what forget what I said-
"It's alright, Harry." She takes ahold of my hand and clutches it before putting her ice cream to the side. "Don't be sorry for asking me. I know you're concerned about me and why these nightmares of mine keep recurring."
She looks down at my jumper, fiddling it with the loose edge that is becoming unraveled. I don't want her to seem like she's a burden carrying all of her guilt but at the same time there's something in me that is curious to know.
She has her good days and her bad days. Then again, there's a side of her that feels like she can't breathe or act right.
"Most of my nightmares I remember being there physically and back at my old house before I moved to Greendale. Other times they could just be me in a situation where I can't break away from them. But I-I think they just deal with what I wish didn't happen or what could've if I was there."
"What do you mean?"
"The dreams-or nightmares are about my parents." She says in a low tone. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can almost imagine them when I was little and finding them dead. There was one where I was playing hide and seek with them and when I went to go search for them, all I could see was bodies of them-m on the floor." Her voice begins to shake. "Other moments involve me running through a house on fire or seeing them slip away into the flames as they pushed me outside so both of them could save me."
A tear slips from her eyes as she uses my jumper to wipe it from overflowing. I squeeze her hand tighter, using my thumb to brush her knuckles.
"It was until I started getting them practically back to back nights. I tried every prescription med a doctor gave me but memories are really too powerful to fight back. All I could do to get rid of them was just pull all nighters and become an insomniac or take naps during the day to regain my hours. Now I just feel defeated every time I try."
I use my hand that is intertwined with hers to tug her closer to me and wrap my free arm around to hug her. She brings her lower half to mine and I kiss the top of her head gently.
"Even on your darkest nights..I still see you shining so bright, Slo. These nightmares don't define who you are. You are so much more than that. " The wind picks up her hair again as I brush it away.
"I-I don't know how to overcome something that I couldn't have control over. Falling asleep is easy for you but for me-
"I think you are the strongest person I know, Sloane." I interrupted her. "I don't care if I lose my sleep too. I'd rather punish all those demons in your sleep and make sure I keep a light on for you. Find a strong medication for you. Or hell I'd stay up and watch you because that's what I like to see you in your purest form."
Having survivor's guilt is not the easiest path of reducing trauma but rather from someone who practically has no loved one to look after her. Much to say from being gaslighted and abused by a previous partner, she deserves so much more.
And I want to be the only one to give it to her.
I just don't want her to run away.
I don't want to let her go.
And I hate to be the one to ruin it all.
Just like last time.
.
.
.
The sound of rain awakens me from my sleep. The outside of the windows are splattered with water droplets falling down like tears. Gray clouds cover the sky.
I'm no longer in Greendale, but somewhere far away where I can't be traced back to headquarters. It's a miracle I'm still alive.
My vision becomes a haze, trying to recall what went down last night. But what entices the warmth growing on my chest is a mess of dark brown hair tangled beneath me.
Sloane is asleep, deep enough for her to stay like this for a few more minutes. Her chest rises every time she breathes at a steady pace. She faces away from me as I find ourselves spooning underneath the comforter. Our lower bodies leave no space between.
I look closer, observing her softness. The bandage behind her back is attached along with the other on her collarbone. Our hands are still knotted, fingers touching our knuckles on the other side as if we're praying together. It's the moment I realized that I haven't let go of her.
I just want to embrace this feeling forever now. Because now we're both stuck to each other.
We fucked up the fate that was meant for us although I believe it brought me closer to her. Knowing how second chances are in this world, it was rare that there would be one for me.
Using my free hand, I brush away the hair that creates a veil on her face. Touching her again, it almost feels unreal. It was days and nights before I could even imagine what it was like to feel her skin against mine, lighting up a hundred tiny atomic bombs inside me.
When I saw her last night in that dress, I held all of my willpower and intrusive thoughts of peeling it off and knocking humanity back into her when she was acting cold and malicious. Not even my worst enemies of CASTA have ever compared to her deceptiveness.
And I'm glad to have to call her mine. My only enemy.
Time doesn't exist whenever I'm with her. It didn't feel like my world was about to end when it now became new. Only because she decided to stay.
We have to protect each other now. That's the scary thing to think about. We're now fugitives hiding and our identity can't be public nowadays.
I'll shoot everyone of my colleagues when my father notices I didn't do my job. He'll have to murder me first to get to Sloane.
But first I need to make a call. I just need to find her old burner phone that Roxy fixed for me. I roll out of bed quietly, leaving Sloane to sleep for a bit more. Her uncle's pajama pants that she let me borrow are puffed like a cloud every time I walk.
I know she put our clothes in the hamper in the closet, but she did seem a little timid when I saw her in here last night.
I switch on the lights and find the tall wicker basket with our clothes crumpled together. Searching through the pockets on my pants and it's not there. I go through my jacket and they're empty as well.
I didn't leave it behind because it was still in my pants when we escaped the winery. I empty out the basket and search through everything. That is until I see a sock that looks heavier than it should be.
And there it is when I reach in and it's there. She definitely knows I have it and I gotta tell her before things get out of hand. I peek back to the bed and see her figure still beneath the sheets, her face still in a deep slumber. I exit the bedroom, tip-toeing down the stairs and going over to the kitchen island made of dark granite.
Luckily, Roxy disabled the password when she fixed up. All the contacts are still in here which I've yet to guess who's number is who. I dial up the only number I've memorized in my time at SIDD hoping that they would pick up any second.
It rings until the 5th.
"Hello?" Their voice is groggy which means they're still asleep.
"Wake up Sleeping Beauty." I say.
"Harry? Yo man you're actually alive?"
"This isn't a dream, Car you should know the difference between that and your drugs."
"Oh thank the fucking lord." He mutters. "Where are you calling me from?"
"It's a long story, mate."
"Oh and I'm ready for it to be told. God, I can't believe your alive. What happened last night? Did you shoot her like I told ya too? Oh wait no tell me if you actually-
"Jesus fucking Christ, Carter. I'll tell you later but for now I need to know if Cade is with you right now." I roll my eyes in an annoyed mood.
"Yeah let me go get him." He says and dissociates himself from the line. I can hear muffling and commotion in the back, but it could be the echoes of the underground tunnels of SIDD. I stare straight into the patio doors where gray fog has eluded the pine trees that grow from afar.
I hear talking that I can't make sentences out of until Carter says "you're not gonna fucking believe it."
"Harry?" It's Cade now.
"Hey man, how are you doing?"
"Better now that my best agent is now alive and well. I thought you were gonna come back here last night once you finished her off." He says.
"I had a change of plans. Listen, I'm stuck in a situation right now and it's only fit that I tell you that apart from Carter."
"Wait wait.." He pauses. "What do you mean? And where are you?"
"Somewhere I shouldn't be."
"What do you need, man?" He asks.
"I want you to locate where this call is coming from, find me here and don't tell anyone else." I ordered him.
"Why? Are you in trouble?"
"Maybe. But I can't let my location get off because it's far from where I should be. I also need you to grab a few things."
"Okay, okay." He takes himself off the phone and I can hear the familiar sound of typing bounce off my ear. "Okay, I have the location set and I downloaded it to my burner too."
"Good. If you can bring your medical kit." I whisper.
"Shit, you okay? I wonder what kind of damage that girl left on you."
"Trust me when I say it wouldn't be the first time. But just bring the kit and if you can and hopefully aren't caught..find where Carter keeps his stolen prescription drugs."
"Woahwoahwoah, why would I do that?"
"Because I didn't ask. Now can you please do it before you leave. And make sure you take the car and disable the tracker to it."
"This is a lot of chores for me, Harry."
"You'll be rewarded, don't worry mate. I've got a lot to clean up. So get on with it and be discreet. I'll tell you once I get you here."
"Alright. I'll be careful. See ya soon Harry."
I end the call by snapping the flip screen down. When I turn around, I'm now facing a set of amber eyes and blank stares at me. She wears nothing but a thin long sleeve shirt covering to the top of her thighs and my silver chain hanging from her neck.
Shit.
I'm paralyzed like someone just threw a grenade at my chest. Only this time, it's not real.
"Why?" She shakes her head in confusion.
"Look, Slo I only wanted to use it-
"Just so you can use it against me?" She doesn't let me finish.
"No. Fuck. I found it back when we first ID'd each other and before I knew what was going to happen. I swear, I never meant to use it against you."
"I don't believe you."
"You're gonna ask yourself a lot of questions before we get real serious, darling."
Her eyebrows furrow and her face is painted with disgust. "Then who did you call?"
I exhale a deep breath and close my eyes before turning my head away. "I asked Cade to come over and give you stitches since I can't have you injured for another few days. I also told him to not take anyone else with him and to be careful of traveling here."
"But why Cade?"
"Because he's done it before on me. And I can only trust someone who can't give away my location and to keep you safe from SIDD hunting us both down." I step forward and place my hands down to meet with hers. I take them, use my thumbs to grasp her knuckles and hold them.
"My oath to SIDD isn't worth like mine to yours." I whisper.
She tilts her head to the side as her eyes grow twice as big as they were. "What oath?" She says.
I stare back at her, trying to calm down my beating heart. I want her to know...even if she does forget me in the long run, it will be worth it.
"That you can trust me to be by your side, thick and thin. You have to know that I'm willing to sacrifice all the shit I did to let you survive. Because I have you back, I can't afford to risk losing you especially now."
"So it's a promise?" She asks.
"It's more than that. Call it what you want but it is sure to be mine when I'm a dead man."
A small smile lifts from her frown. Her cheeks flush instantly with pink. "I'll be sure to give them a favor in return when I silt anyone's throat for pointing a gun at you."
I let out a chuckle, drawing her body closer as I grabbed her from her waist. "Didn't realize you have a kink for throats, little freak."
"Let be known to anybody who tries to kill us both, 'cause I'm stuck with you now."
"Well you know what they say-till death do us part." My lips press against her as she wraps her arms around my neck. "I apologize for not telling you about your burner earlier. I know keeping secrets is no longer a thing between us so.." I reach back for the device and hand it to her. "You can have it back since it belongs to you."
"Thank you. But I already have a new one but I'll keep this just in case we need to go somewhere." She takes back her phone from my hand. "There's a small town just north from here where not even tourists stop by. But we gotta be disclosed and get new identifications."
"Seems pretty normal. I've done it way too many times." I say.
"Same here."
"I guess your name is different huh?"
She shrugs her shoulders. "Some information is still real but I had to switch up a few things."
"Like what?"
Sloane pulls away from me and goes over to the refrigerator. Her ass looks good in just one shirt which I can't keep my eyes off.
"You're gonna have a lot of questions when I finally realize how shocking they are babe." She opens the door and pulls out an orange juice container. "Over breakfast, of course." She smiles.
"I'm always hungry for more." I can't keep my intrusive thoughts winning. I stare at her, trying to tell her a secret message that hopefully relays to her mind.
"Don't even think about it, Styles. I'm being serious." She flips out a pan and grabs a carton of eggs.
"Better keep an eye out for you. You're already bruised and stabbed and don't need a third degree burn on your body next." I warn her.
"I'll be fine." She persists and heats up the pan on the stove. "So let's start with the hidden secrets shall we?"
"Okay what do you want to know?"
"Everything ."
A smile crosses her face, showing me a hint of daylight through the cold weather pouring upon us. I want to be the one to make her smile during all of her days with me.
Happiness was never measured by my moods but by someone who I couldn't keep my obsession away from.
I guess the odds do work out for someone who couldn't find love when they least expect it.