MESS IT UP
ACT TWENTY-ONE! - ' treacherous '
date - 09 / 03 / 2023
IT HAD BEEN A LONG, treacherous six months with no contact between daisy and gracie. gracie's sheets had become her safe haven, her bed swallowing her up and beginning to fit her body like a worn-in pair of shoes. if it wasn't for her friends unannounced visits, food would never come anywhere near her lips. she stopped eating, drinking, taking care of herself all together. she looked as drained as she felt, and despite sleeping unprecedented hours her eye bags remained prominent and the shadows that slithered up her cheekbones posted a stark reminder of her lacking appetite. it was no help that it was some of the busiest months of her life, tour just beginning and her life moving at a speed she deemed incapable of keeping up with. despite her managers efforts to be incredibly supportive and nurturing, she wasn't able to let gracie throw away her entire career to rot in her bed.
however, she would still cancel shows with no explanation, and break down in the middle of songs. she got a tremendous amount of support from other artists and fans alike after a specific video went viral on social media of her singing the blue, only getting to the line 'i think you're everything i've wanted' before her voice hitches, being unable to continue. she buries her head in her palm, moving the microphone away so nobody could hear her quivering breaths, the crowd remaining a deathly quiet.
"i'm so sorry, i can't." her voice is shaky when she brings the mic back to her lips, and someone in the crowd screams 'i love you gracie'. she wipes her tears again, and inhales an influx of air, sighing it out. "oh, god," she pauses. "thank you guys, so, so much. are you okay if i don't sing the blue tonight? i'll take a suggestion instead." her voice still wavered, but she regained her composure to the best of her ability. she felt her eyes drifting towards the vip mezzanine, some kind of naive hopefulness telling her she would meet the sea-blue eyes she fell in love with all those years ago, but they were never there.
the blue magically disappeared from the setlist after that night, much to the dismay of many fans.
on a separate occasion, during a pre-concert q&a session, her body had a visceral reaction to a female voice calling out the word 'teddy'. she nearly broke her neck just to be met with a stuffed teddy bear, her stomach churning as she gave the most genuine smile she could, her fingertips wrapping around the soft fur of the bear. she hugged it tightly to her chest and let out a soft exhale, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "are you okay?" the words were mouthed to her by a teenage girl who was standing at the front of the barricade, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. gracie gave her a tight lipped smile, nodding quickly. "don't worry about me, baby." she mouthed back, the girl blowing her a kiss which caused a genuine smile, gracie mirroring the motion back at her. it seemed the only time she felt happy was when interacting with her fans, even though it tended to be the most daunting and stressful moments, which dulled the actual brief euphoria that was forgetting daisy's existence.
she found herself writing more than ever, and daisy was still her muse, as unfortunate as it was for her. her producers were being incredibly patient with her, having to do nearly a hundred takes of specific lyrics so she could get through them without breaking. it got to the point she was working with so much material her manager told her she might as well release some of it, telling her he was absolutely sure she could scrap together at least 6 incredible songs for an EP with the overflowing workload she was putting in.
it all came to a head in early september while gracie was sprawled on a forest green sofa in the studio, flipping rampantly through her songwriting notebook. her chestnut hair was messy, spilling over her shoulders in loose waves as she brushed it to the side, attempting to get it out of her face. her teeth were dug into her bottom lip as she scribbled lyrics out, hard enough the paper tore beneath the granite of her pencil.
she was so engulfed in scratching out pages she didn't realize her agent had sat beside her, a gentle touch to her back nearly making her jump out of her skin. she pressed a shaky hand to her heart, placing her notebook on her lap. there's silence for a few moments, the air stilling before growing tense. her heart pumps in her chest, tears pooling in her eyes, knowing exactly the conversation that was coming. she stares at the ground as she watches her agent through the corner of her eye scan the intelligible lyrics, frowning. she rubs gracie's back, straightening her own.
"gracie." her voice is soft, but still remains firm and professional. gracie doesn't move, her face remaining tilted downwards, shadowed by her hair. "look," her agent began, understanding she couldn't force gracie to look at her. "i appreciate how much work you're pouring into this, it's really, really incredible, but it's simply not healthy. you come first, gracie. these lyrics are truly wonderful, and these songs you're meticulously piecing together are masterpieces, but you're at the studio until 4 in the morning some nights, and then back at 7. i never see you eat, i never see you smile. i'm worried about you, we all are." her eyebrows are slanted, her lips pulled tight together as she contemplates what else to say.
"i think it's best you take a break for a few days. go home, talk to your friends, talk to your family. eat something. take a walk. drowning yourself in work isn't going to do anything but push your problems deeper inside your head." gracie finally makes eye contact with her. "are you kicking me out?" she asks, her voice now firm as well, laced with confusion and possible frustration. her agent exhales audibly. "no, gracie. i'm just saying you need to take a break. we have everything we need for the EP. there's no more work that needs to be done-" she's almost cut off by gracie, but puts a finger up to stop her from speaking. "there is no work to be done. you have done enough. we will send you the final version of the songs, and let you decide whether or not you want to announce the EP today or some other time this week. for now, you need to go home and rest. i will postmates your favourite to your apartment, and i expect to get a picture of you actually eating it. do you understand?" she asks, gracie sighing. her anger had diminished from her body, being replaced with the gnaw of hunger that she had been pushing away for so long. "yes." her voice sounds defeated as she stands, leaving her notebook on the chair. her agent stands as well, opening her arms for her.
gracie collapses into her hold, her cheek smushed against the warm burgundy of her sweater as tears well in her eyes again, her sinuses burning. "i'll announce it today." her words were a strained whisper. her agent brushes a hand through her hair, whispering to her that it was going to be okay. to gracie, that felt like the furthest thing from the truth.
on the other side of los angeles, daisy had been doing quite the same emotionally, if not worse. she was fighting tooth and nail with matthews lawyers, pulling 48 hour stints where she wouldn't sleep just to go over every single piece of evidence she had collected, trying to convince herself it was foolproof, that he couldn't win again. every day felt the same, an endless loop of pictures and legal documents forcing her to relive some of the most anguishing moments of her life thus far.
she was terrified for her life the first time she left matthew, and she made it her prerogative to take everything matthew had, to make sure he could never hurt another girl the way he had hurt her.
it wasn't until early august the case actually began to move, much to matthews dismay. it was made easier by the fact daisy and matthew were not linked legally, they had no children, and no shared possessions. daisy was in court nearly every day, matthew choosing to plead not guilty, which dragged the trial on. daisy was prepared for every possible outcome, pulling out past complaints from women against matthew dating back to 2015, when he was still a minor.
the evidence stacked against him with each court appearance, his confident demeanour beginning to shift. his lawyers realized dragging on the case would not work in matthews favour, and landed on a plea bargain to have matthew plead guilty to second degree domestic abuse, and to dock off the attempted sexual battery charges in exchange for the guilty plea.
in early september, their final court date arrived. daisy awaited the sentencing with bated breath, feeling her legs give out on her as she collapsed into her mothers waiting arms when the judge uttered that the defendant was to serve 6 years in prison, with the possibility of parole after 2. her friends arms wrapped around her, having accompanied her to every trial date they could. rosie pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her cheeks damp with tears of relief. her stomach lurched at the fact it was truly over, this 6 year long journey going from friends to lovers to whatever they could be called now.
despite how swamped she was, not a day passed where she didn't think of gracie. she seemed to have a permanent spot in both her heart and her brain, a place she would always occupy. she knew she was in a tremendous amount of pain, she knew she wasn't able to pull herself out of bed most days. she knew gracie. she knew her better than any person in her life, perhaps even gracie herself. she had seen the videos of her breaking down, she had rewatched them what felt like hundreds of times. it may have been a way to inflict pain onto herself, to see if subliminally she could take gracie's pain away and fully burden it upon her own shoulders, but it never seemed to work.
it was a looming shadow, a searing, immobilizing pain that lingered in whatever she did and wherever she went. it tainted her thoughts, distorted her perception of the world around her, a visceral ache that reverberated through her soul. it gnawed at her like a physical pain, writhing and slithering in her stomach until she could hardly pull herself from her bed.
the distance weighed on her heart in a way it hadn't in nearly a year, missing the way gracie's perfume lingered on her clothes after she hugged her, the way her body looked while she was backlit by the refrigerator light, the way her skin felt under daisy's gentle fingertips. she missed the way her voice rang through her apartment when she walked through the front door, the way her eyes had sparkled when daisy asked her to dance to her taylor swift vinyl in her apartment living room, the gradual evanesce of light bathing the room in darkness long before the pair considered themselves finished. daisy pressed gracie flush to her body, her cheek against her tawny, chocolate brown hair. her laugh fluttered through the air, eloquently weaved into the soundtrack of you are in love. daisy spun her, socked feet against the hardwood floor, pulling her back in by the waist and pressing a loving kiss to her lips, pulling away as they kept their faces so close their noses touched.
gracie's eyes were creased, a smile seeming permanently engraved on her face. she looked into daisy's eyes with an adoration that was reserved for only her, held away in a locked box that only daisy had the key for.
the vinyl replayed, the outdoor chatter stopped, and the sun rose, but the girls stayed there; eventually having made their way to daisy's couch, falling asleep entangled in eachother limbs. they were entirely unaware of the world around them, simply bathing in the bliss that was the company of each other. for that moment in time, they were unknown. they knew each other to the point they felt the other was almost an extension of themselves, and every instance gracie fell deeper in love with daisy, she fell deeper in love with herself as well.
gracie arrived home a mere 15 minutes after the fateful conversation at the studio, and grabbed the soup that was waiting at the front door of her apartment. she walked inside, kicking her shoes off and greeting weenie, who was happily wagging his tail. she was thankful to him, as it seemed some days the only time she left her bed was to take him out. she reached down, rubbing his head as he leant into her touch, nuzzling his wet nose against her palm. she stood up, placing the paper bag on her counter and dipping her hands inside, removing the soup. she grabbed a spoon from her drawer, sitting at her kitchen table and placing the plastic tub in front of her, deeming it too much work to transfer the steaming liquid to an actual bowl. eating alone always caused the lingering ache to become far more prominent, but her hunger overwhelmed her and masked the sensation as she dug in, letting out a hum of satisfaction as the contents burned her throat.
after taking a few bites she grabbed her phone, which she had placed screen down in front of her. she swiped to the camera and took a selfie of herself with the soup, sending it to her agent to thank her for buying the food. almost immediately she loved the image on imessage, sending gracie a heart emoji and telling her to enjoy and just relax.
she sighed, placing the spoon down, her phone dangling in her fingers. she felt unable to actually type out and post an announcement and then proceed to interact with fans about it, and ended up sending the track list and a temporary cover to gracie's hq, a twitter account that helped her with everything she needed. they were more than happy to help, agreeing to post it and do whatever promo they had to so she didn't. they agreed to release it on september 8th, a day after her 24th birthday.
guilt had become to consume her, especially about releasing the song she had sung for daisy all those months ago. it felt like she was profiting off of their love, allowing other people into this vulnerable moment the girls shared together. it was like a window into her personal life, and it was smushed between all the other songs about how much pain she was in. it felt like a double blow directly inflicted at daisy, though it wasn't meant to be. before she had to ability to backtrack and overthink it more, her phone dinged with a notification from twitter, signifying it had been announced.
gracieshq just posted a tweet!
IT ONLY TOOK A few seconds for people to begin coming up with theories, freaking out over the sudden announcement, the cryptic and confusing song names. one person in specific was reeling in her bedroom, surrounded by all her friends but feeling isolated. her stomach ached, knowing exactly what this EP was going to be about, and not in the slightest ready for it.
daisy being able to hear, actually hear how much she had hurt gracie made her heart twinge, visibly paling at the sight of the announcement. she knew her curiosity would get the best of her, she knew she would end up listening. she knew it wasn't good for her mental condition, and it would cause her to spiral, but the choice had been finalized before she was even aware she made it.
the only thing she wanted to do was reach out to gracie, tell her that matthew was gone, show her how much she missed her and detail that she absolutely and utterly needed her. she didn't feel whole, and hadn't in six months. she knew she had to wait, to see if she could get a glimpse into gracie's mind from the songs, despite how painful it was going to be for her. this was just made all the more profound by a reply to the announcement, pointing out something that had completely slipped her mind in the absolute whirlwind that was the past few moments. she knew at least one of the songs would be about her, but she wasn't aware of just how open and obvious gracie would be. from the theory sprouting from the song title alone just minutes after the announcement was posted, it seemed she wouldn't be hiding it very well at all.
lola! @dacietruther • 3m ago
why do i have a sneaking suspicion that
willow isn't just a silly little song name...
2:12 PM • 2023-09-03 • twitter for iPhone
¨*:·.༺ ༻.·:*¨
QUINNS NOTES
IM BACK BABY!!!
who missed me :D
my poor babies it hurts to force
them to be broken up... big things
are coming though so don't worry
about them too much ;)
for context the album includes
the songs sinking by clairo, last kiss,
willow, and illicit affairs by taylor swift,
love song by beabadoobee, and the summers
end cover by phoebe bridgers!!!! for story
purposes pretend these songs were never
released and are all original!
anyway vote comment love me
thank you thank you thank you