Vernon laughed as we all sat down at the table. I looked to see Mingyu pushing Seungcheol and Jeonghan at the end because "Mommy and Daddy need to sit at the head of the table."
I guess this is just the kind of thing Mingyu does. I look around and see everyone talking and having fun. I smiled, they're so easy and fun to be around.
"You seem less nervous now, how are you liking your first outing with the family?" I heard Vernon ask. I looked to see him smiling at me.
“It’s been a lot of fun! Everyone is so fun to be around and I had boba for the first time!” I told him.
Vernon smiled more, "Good! I'm glad," he said. The table was quieter now that we were all sat down and everyone was talking to each other.
Everyone is so comfortable with one another, easily able to talk. It's calming in a way…
“I’ll definitely miss you all.” I looked down at my lap. The table got quiet suddenly… Did I just say that out loud?
I felt Seungkwan put his hand on my shoulder, “Chan, We’ve been through this multiple times. We’re not gonna leave you. Everybody likes you. This isn’t a joke. This isn’t a long con or anything. You’re a part of our group now and you’re here to stay.”
“He’s right! I wouldn’t have introduced you to anyone else if I knew you wouldn’t be liked!” Jeonghan said.
Joshua then spoke up, "They're right sweetheart, we all like you and you're already one of us. I already told you we don't get rid of people! After Jeonghan adopts someone they're stuck here!!"
"Yeah! You can't leave even if you try to!! You're the best dancer I've seen at Tiger Pounce in a long time, you think Soonyoung will let you leave? You're kinda tied into all of our lives now and you can't get out!" Minghao added.
They’re lying… They’ve got to be… The moment I start believing them is when… But… They wouldn’t do that… They’re all too nice and kind and loving… Maybe I should…
"And you?"
I looked up to see the waiter there holding his notepad and pen. HE’S ALREADY TAKING OUR ORDERS!?
“I… um… I…” I stammered out. I didn’t even look at the menu! Dammit Chan! Why didn’t you at least glance at the menu!? I scrambled to open it and pick the first thing I saw, but I didn’t have a good grip on it so I dropped it. I froze as I just looked at it on the ground, feeling a lump in my throat. Don’t cry… it’ll make it all worse…
“He’ll have the fried squid with spicy sauce please.” Seungkwan said before he picked up my fallen menu and put it on top of his, ordering for himself before handing the waiter the menus.
I smiled gratefully at Seungkwan, relief washing over me. Seungkwan gave me a smile back as everyone else ordered. As soon as the waiter is done taking everyone else’s orders, he leaves.
“So… how often do you all hang out?” I ask. I don’t want them to continue from earlier, after me messing up like that, they might not want me in their group anymore…
Minghao got excited, "Oh all the time! As much as we can! Seungcheol made a rule that we should hang out like this at least once a month, but it's usually more when we think of something to do. Speaking of! I want to go swimming! We should all go tomorrow!!"
Swimming!?
“Yes! I haven’t gone swimming in forever! Let’s do it!” Seokmin exclaimed, getting excited too.
I don’t know how to swim!!
“The pool shouldn’t be too busy tomorrow since the carnival is still in town.” Jun added.
I should really… but then they’d be disappointed…
Vernon smiled, "That's true! I'd love to go!" He glanced over at me.
I can’t disappoint Vernon…
I gulped, “Y-yeah… I’d love to go too!” I smiled. I hope I was able to hide my panic good enough.
"Perfect, we'll all go tomorrow then!" Soonyoung said, happily clapping his hands together.
I’ll just sit on the edge and not actually go in… No disappointment for anyone then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I heard Vernon stand up and looked over at him, "I'm gonna run to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
“Same.” I heard Seungkwan say, then they both walked over to where the bathrooms are.
I saw Seungcheol looking at the table, "So is everyone done?"
I just nodded, glancing down at my empty plate. I don’t want to say anything and make him mad. He’s the leader of the group and serious faced and stern looking and just over all intimidating… Mingyu calls him the dad of the group and maybe that means he’s… like my own dad…
“All of the plates look empty, I’m gonna ask for the check.” Jihoon said, I watched as he was looking for the waiter and giving a small wave when he found him. Jihoon just nodded when our waiter noticed and signaled to him that it’ll be a second.
I stopped watching and looked around. Jihoon doesn’t yell and demand the check right when he wants it? And everyone is okay with waiting? That’s totally different from…
Minghao looked at all of us, "So what all should we pack for tomorrow?"
"Is there anything we need to buy? Vernon could drive us to the store on the way home! I just gotta remember not to let Channie drive the cart." Joshua joked, winking at me.
I felt myself blush at that, “You and Vernon don’t have to drive me home! I can walk, it's okay!” I said quickly. I really, really don’t wanna…
Jeonghan looked at me, “Chan, that’s an hour walk!”
Jun frowned at me, "Plus the sun is setting soon! It'll be dark!"
“I’ll be okay! I walk home from Tiger Pounce, remember? It’s just an extra half hour!” I said. Please just…
“Which I don’t want you doing anymore! The town isn’t safe after midnight Channie!” Soonyoung said, frowning.
I heard Minghao gasp, "You WALK home that late from Tiger Pounce?! That's so dangerous Chan!"
“I’ve been okay so far! Plus there’s sticks!” I argued, please calm down guys…
“Sticks? Chan, you’re joking right? They’d break before you even pick them up.” Jihoon told me.
“Then I’ll just… rocks?” I questioned.
“Rocks… you mean the tiny pebbles?” Jihoon said back, crossing his arms.
“I…” I can’t think of anything else…
“Channie, please… We just want you to be safe.” Seokmin pleaded.
“I will be… I can just… run home?” I said, hopefully that works?
"And bring attention to yourself and maybe be surrounded by a gang or something?! You're not very strong Chan, I don't think you could fight off a bunch of people! You probably couldn't even win in an arm wrestling match with me!! It's too dangerous!!" Mingyu said, frowning and looking at me.
“I’ll just wear all black and put a hoodie on so I’m not as noticeable running home. Don’t have to fight if I can blend in with the dark!” I said back. There, now…
Wonwoo snorted, "And then get hit by a car when they can't see you crossing the street? I hate when people wear all black and walk at night it's so dangerous!"
“Then what about I get one of those yellow vests? For nighttime walking?” I questioned, please let them accept this
Jun raised his eyebrow, "I thought the point was to not bring attention to yourself so you could run home without having to fight someone off?"
I gotta think of something, I can’t be a burden to them!
“Um… go kart?” I tried, the only thing I can think of.
Joshua threw his hands down, "NO YOU'LL CRASH! I've heard all about you and go karts, remember?!"
“But…” I was then cut off.
“LEE CHAN YOU ARE NOT WALKING HOME BY YOURSELF!” Jeonghan yelled.
“I’ll be okay!” I then stood up to leave, “I promise I’ll text the group chat when I get home and everything will be okay!”
"I thought we already agreed that you call me for a ride anytime you need one?" I looked over to see Vernon right beside me.
“We did?” I asked him. I don’t remember actually agreeing…
"Yeah in the car while we were driving to the mall. We decided you would call me any time and if I'm asleep you can call Jeonghan or Joshua." Vernon said, giving me a stern look.
“But that’s being a burden! I can’t do that to any of you! What if I wake you up and you all decide to leave and… please just let me walk home.” I begged.
“Chan, the crime here all happens at night, what if you’re someone’s next target or something? You won’t be a burden to any of us, I promise you that.” Seungkwan said.
Vernon then held his phone up in front of me. I gasped, seeing Vernon with a bad looking black eye. He looked miserable…
"This is what I looked like after walking home at night. I got ganged up on and beat up until I passed out in the street. And that's ME. I can't imagine what they'd do to you. Please Chan let us drive you, you will never be a burden."
Joshua gasped sadly, "Vernon you didn't have to…."
“Who…” I started, before shaking my head, no, don’t be a burden! “I… I can’t ask for rides home… I just… can’t” I sat back down and looked down at my lap. The less of a burden you are Chan, the longer they’ll stay.
I heard Vernon sigh, "Everyone here has given each other rides. Everyone would rather give you a ride home than a ride to the hospital. We'd rather be woken up by you asking for a ride than to be woken up with news that you were kidnapped or murdered Chan!!"
I clenched my fists, “Maybe that’ll be for the best then!” I exclaimed, both of those are better than being all alone again! They just don’t get it!
I heard Jeonghan start to cry, “No it won’t be! Channie, aegi, please we want you in our group! Please let someone drive you home!”
WHY WON’T THEY LISTEN!?
I stood back up, “So what? You can get sick of me quicker? Or leave me in…”
Seungcheol suddenly slammed his hand down on the table. I froze, "Lee Chan, you will not walk home alone as long as you are friends with us. This is a family and no one is leaving anyone. Got it?"
I’m in trouble. I overdid it. I snapped. I looked at everyone else. They all look upset, worried, and frustrated. I messed up… I sat back down and hugged myself, making sure not to look at anyone again. I ruined it… They all hate me now… I made Jeonghan cry… The one who introduced me to everyone and made my life better… I messed…
Seungcheol suddenly stood up and is coming over. I made him extremely angry… He’s… he’s gonna hit me for snapping like that… I saw him move next to me and I felt myself flinch, making myself small and shrinking back towards Vernon and away from Seungcheol. Just like I used to when my dad…
I then felt Vernon pull me into his arms and hug me tightly. Why is he…? Doesn’t he hate me now too? I don’t…
I saw Seungcheol’s feet backing up, "I'm not gonna hurt you… I would never…" he mumbled as he walked back to his seat.
The lump in my throat is back, I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to stop the tears before they came. I then started sniffling before losing the battle as tears started to slip down my face, “I… I’m sorry…”
I felt Vernon rubbing my back as he pulled back, Someone else hugging me now, "Sweetheart we just all care about you and worry about you. Please listen to us when we're trying to get you to do things for your safety. We all love you and we don't want you hurt, you're never going to bother us and we're never going to leave you."
I just buried my face into Joshua, nodding a little bit. I need to calm myself down… I’ve already caused enough problems… Maybe I should just let them drive me home from now on and stop fighting them on it…
I heard someone get up then, "Well… how about Jeonghan, Joshua, and I go to the store and get stuff for tomorrow then… anyone need anything specific?" Seungcheol asked.
I felt Joshua shake his head before he let me go, Vernon holding onto me again. He helped me up, which I'm thankful for because I feel like I'm shaking so badly. I leaned into him, hiding from Seungcheol.
I made everyone upset… I ruined it all… Why isn't he hitting me? Is he waiting to be out of public like my dad did? Waiting for Vernon to let me go? I don't understand…
"Be careful driving home…" I heard Seungcheol mumble as he ushered us all out of the restaurant. He sounds upset…
Vernon helped me walk out and over to his car before opening the door for me.
I got into his car, looking up to tell him I'm sorry, the words dying though when I see Seungcheol getting into his car behind Vernon. He looks so sad… not angry at all…
"Who hurt him?" I heard Mingyu ask someone before they shushed him.
I hurt Seungcheol… I hurt everyone…I’m horrible… I don’t deserve to be in their group. I don’t deserve their kindness, or really anyone’s kindness…
"So, wanna go get some ice cream?" Vernon asked me.
“I made everyone upset…” I trailed off, I don’t deserve ice cream. Why is Vernon being so nice? I hurt everyone. They’re all upset with me.
Vernon sighed softly, "They're not upset AT you… We're just worried about you Chan. You always talk about bothering us and us leaving you. When are you gonna realize we're not like that and we actually love you?"
I… But… I don’t get it… Do they actually…?
Vernon then gently patted my head, "So, about that ice cream?"
“Yeah… ice cream sounds good…” I say, Vernon then starts driving.
Why is Vernon still being nice to me? I should be getting yelled at by him right now for snapping like that at everyone… For making Jeonghan cry…
We got to a drive thru at an ice cream shop I’ve never been to before. Vernon looked over at me, "What kind do you want?"
“Chocolate please… it’s my favorite…" I mumbled.
"Mine too!" Vernon said before pulling up, ordering two chocolate cones. He handed me the one before he drove over to the park nearby.
I don’t deserve ice cream. Why am I not being yelled at? Screamed at? Hit? Kicked? Something other than ice cream?
Vernon then parked, "You better eat it before it starts to melt!"
“Why didn’t Seungcheol hit me? Why do you all still care about me? I don’t understand…” I asked quietly. I need to know…
"Hit you?! Why would he hit you?! He was gonna hug you Chan?? We love you! You're a part of our family now!! We all like having you around because you're funny and sweet and you fit in with us! You make all of us happy to be around. We love having you to talk to and I enjoy showing you everything you missed out on like Spider-man and cotton candy! You're like the last missing piece of our crazy puzzle, Chan. You fit right in and complete us."
I blinked, taking my eyes off the ice cream and looking at Vernon, “You all really do mean it? You’re not gonna leave?” I then felt a drip on my finger, looking over to see my ice cream starting to melt, “Oh!” I started to lick it to keep it from dripping everywhere.
I heard Vernon laugh softly, "Of course we mean it Chan, do you think we're bad people who want to lie and hurt someone? We really really do care about you and your feelings and your well-being. A lot."
I caught up to my melting ice cream and continued licking it. I listened to what Vernon said. No, I think they’re all too good for me, way too good… But… just for right now… I wanna enjoy Vernon’s company.
Vernon finished his ice cream, looking over at me, "Wanna go sit in the park for a bit? Look at the stars and the sunset?"
I've never been to the park before without my parents! I felt myself smile a little and nodded, “Yeah! I’d love to!”
Vernon smiles as he gets out, then I unbuckled and went to reach for the door as Vernon opened it. I got out and let him lead me over to the park. I looked around at all of the playground stuff. The slides, bars, and the swings. I noticed Vernon is now sitting on one looking up at me, “I’ve never been allowed to play on a playground before…” I then sat down on the swing next to him, “I’ve always wanted to play, especially on the swings…"
Vernon looked at me surprised before smiling, "Well, now there's no one to say you can't. Do you know how to swing?"
I shook my head, thinking about it and how even if I had gotten the chance to I wouldn't have been able to swing, “No, I don’t. I’m scared to go too high and…”
Vernon cut me off as he got up, "I'll help!" He went behind me, gently touching my lower back and starting to push me slowly.
I giggled, swinging was a lot of fun! I felt my hair move back and forth with the swing as Vernon pushed me. I went slightly higher as Vernon kept pushing me, but I really don't mind. I trust him to not let me fall.
"If you kick your feet up when you're going down, then push off to go up, you'll be swinging yourself!" I heard Vernon say.
But… wouldn't I kick him? I don't want to hurt him, even by accident. I glanced back at him, “I’ll wait until you move to try it. I don’t wanna hit you.”
Vernon moved to the side, staying close, but not to where I'd accidentally kick him. I did as he said…
But…
I stopped, “I like you pushing me more…”
Vernon giggled and moved behind me again, pushing me again, "I like it better this way too…"
He pushed me on the swing for a bit before stopping, helping me off the swing before leaning in close and poking my cheek, "Tag, you're it!"
I stared after him before feeling a smile break out on my face as I started to run after him. I caught up to him as he sat down on the one slide, "You're it!" I ran to another slide and went down.
Continuing to run, I saw the monkey bars and went over to the second platform. Sitting down on it just as Vernon reached the next platform over. He looked across them at me before grabbing onto the bars and starting to climb across. I waited until he reached the last bar before standing up. The second he landed on the platform I bolted.
I heard Vernon laugh before he yelled out, "THAT WAS MEAN!!"
“NOT MY FAULT YOU TOOK THE COMPLICATED ROUTE!!” I yelled back before laughing, I came to a rock climbing wall and stopped.
…It’s pretty… high up
No! Vernon's gonna catch up! I reached out for the first thing…
I gasped as suddenly I felt Vernon's arms around my waist as he pulled me off the wall and holding me slightly up in the air, "GOTCHA!"
This is so much fun! I love playing on the playground with Vernon! I feel free and happy and is this what it's like for little kids!? I can't stop laughing!
I heard Vernon chuckle before sitting me back onto the ground.
"You're it.." he whispered into my ear. I felt myself shiver a little. That was…
Wait… I'm it!
I smiled and turned around to run after him, seeing him standing at another platform. I ran right for him, opening my arms wide before reaching him. I hugged him tightly to myself.
Vernon chuckled happily as he hugged me back just as tightly.
This is what safe feels like… I snuggled closer to him? I…
I felt Vernon's head on mine, and he isn't letting go… I guess that means he isn't bothered by me snuggling closer…
I held onto him. His arms are safe and secure… I feel like nothing can hurt me anymore…
I heard Vernon chuckle, before he mumbled, "Seungkwan was right, your running hugs are the best feeling ever…"
I felt myself blush and pulled away from Vernon a little bit to look at him, “He… said that?”
Vernon blushed and looked away, "Yeah he just said he uh… really sees you as a little brother and then told me I should get a running hug from you since they're the best, that's all!"
“Oh… He’s like my best friend…” I then sighed, after tonight's dinner I wouldn't blame him for hating me…
Vernon smiled and pulled away fully, "Mine too! Hey wait, if you've never been on a playground before, you haven't tried my favorite part!!"
“Oh!? What’s that!?”
"The merry-go-round!" Vernon said, taking my hand and pulling me to a large round thing with bars on it. Vernon motioned to it, letting me know to sit down on it, "It spins!"
All of the bars looked slanted, the highest parts in the middle and then all slanting down until they reached the edges, “Am I supposed to hold onto these?” I asked, grabbing the one closest to me and sitting down right next to it, looking up at Vernon to see if I was doing it right.
Vernon nodded and smiled, "Hold on!!" He exclaimed before he started running around it in circles. I grabbed onto the bar next to me with my other hand as well so I didn't fall off. It started to speed up and I couldn't help but start laughing. This is so much fun! It kept getting faster and faster until Vernon jumped on next to me.
I heard Vernon laugh also as we spun around. The merry-go-round started to slow down until stopping. I looked over as Vernon laid back and closed his eyes, "Dizzzyyy!!"
He's so cute… I giggled at him and laid down also, gently taking his hand in mine, “You must’ve not twirled around a lot when you were little.”
Vernon laughed happily, "Not much, just the merry-go-round. I never stopped getting dizzy! Did you twirl a lot? Are you not dizzy?"
“I twirled around all the time! Especially at night…” The only freedom I really had growing up… I sighed, “I’m gonna miss walking home at night…”
"Who said you couldn't walk home at night? We just said it shouldn't be alone!"
I just sighed, "It's just gonna make you all get sick of me sooner… I already made Seungcheol mad… I guess he didn't hit me cause we were in public…"
I felt Vernon put a hand on my arm, "Chan, why do you think he's gonna hit you? Seungcheol would, and will never… he was gonna hug you because he felt bad for scaring you. Who… who has hit you?"
A lot of people… Especially… “My… dad has… and some of the people I went to school with… Even friends before they left me… I was basically a punching bag in a way?” I told him. And this is where I find out that…
"Chan… that's horrible I'm so sorry… no one is going to do that to you here, I promise you that. The only time we've ever hit each other is when we're play fighting or something, and then it's never serious or hard or anything. Chan… I swear to you right now that if anyone hits you they will have 12 very angry people to deal with."
I won't be hit?
“So… Seungcheol will never hit me?” I looked over at Vernon. No way…
Vernon shook his head, "Definitely not. He would never! You think any of us would allow that anyway…?"
I blinked at him, “No…? Any friend groups I was in before never stopped it… Actually they all participated in it…” I then sighed, “And watched as my bullies shoved me into lockers…”
This is too good to be true…
Vernon sighed and rubbed my arm, making me feel a bit better, "Well we don't do that. No one will hurt you anymore. I swear on my life… I will protect you from any bullies!"
“Don’t swear on your life! I’m not worth it!” I sat up and looked down at the ground, “I love the thought that I finally found somewhere I belong, but I’ve been through this way too many times. There’s gonna be a table with only twelve seats and I’m gonna get kicked out because I don’t fit in and have to sit at another table all by myself while listening to you all laugh and talk!”
Just like back when I was in school.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vernon sitting up and looking at me, "Lee Chan, you will never go through that again. If there's a table with twelve seats, guess what? We will go get another chair. They're bench tables? Okay we'll all squeeze in. Someone can sit on someone's lap! I don't care, we will never let you sit alone. You are very much so worth it. We all care about you Channie. We want you around to talk and laugh with us. We would never leave you out."
I looked up at Vernon, and into his eyes. I want to believe him, I really, really do. I want to believe that I finally found a group of friends that like me and want me to be around them. I want to believe that they won't leave or kick me out. Maybe I…
No! I shook my head and went to get off the merry-go-round, “No… this has gotta be a joke… You all are too good to be true…”
I felt Vernon grab my arm gently, "Chan it's not a joke. We're not that good anyway, we all have faults and sometimes we argue with each other, but we're a family and now you're part of it. Shit, earlier in the bathroom Seungkwan and I made up from a fight we had a while ago…"
Wait… what?
“You and Seungkwan fought?” I asked him, scooting back fully onto the merry-go-round. The whole group are all best friends though?
Vernon looked down slightly, he looked embarrassed, "Yeah… I had this girlfriend who treated me like shit and everyone hated her and Seungkwan was trying to get me to break up with her and told me she was treating me bad and I didn't listen and I fought with him defending her… but then he was right because the first night we performed at Stray Kids, she freaked out over seeing a gay couple and went on a full homophobic rant and I broke up with her then and there because well, I'm not exactly straight and neither are any of the others that I know of. That's the night I walked home and got jumped… She had her cousins beat me up for being a…"
“Let me guess… they called you a fag?” I blurted out suddenly. Sounded just like JooHun and Jang-Hyun, the two worst bullies back when I was in school…
Vernon let out an awkward fake laugh, before he looked away, "Yeah. Exactly… which, she called me too… I mean, she was a pageant girl, stuck up, and she required a lot of money and I had to do whatever she said to keep her happy… she'd argue with me over anything and even tried to come between me and Joshua… I just thought I was so in love that I didn't even realize it I guess… Seungkwan really was right and I should have listened to him but… the final reason we fought was because after all that I went a little crazy… I was going out to bars and sleeping in my car on the side of the highway. That's when I wrote Black Eye, the song you first heard from us. Everyone was really worried about me and I was pushing them away. I was behaving kinda like you earlier. I didn't care about my own safety at all, I thought it would be better if I just… wasn't a problem to them anymore… but it was the wrong way of thinking. Because they love and care about me. Seungkwan got so worried he kinda went off on me, saying she wasn't worth that reaction. He was kinda right but I just felt like my whole life flipped upside down and also, she kept me from going out with them so I hadn't been able to be close with them for awhile, I was worried they wouldn't take me back…" He fiddled with the hem of his shirt as he stopped talking.
“So that’s what everyone has been mentioning…” I gently took Vernon’s hand in mine, “It might not mean much now but… you deserve a lot better than what you went through.”
Vernon looked up at me, smiling softly, his smile is so beautiful, "Yeah… Thank you, Chan. That does mean a lot. And you also deserve better friends than what you had. I'm glad you found us…"
I shook my head, “I really don’t… My childhood was how my parents thought it should be… I don’t deserve anything… I just had to be the perfect child and ready for them to take their anger out on… Sit still, look pretty kinda thing you know?” You're an object Chan, born to make your parents look good. Born to be pushed around and a punching bag.
Vernon shook his head, "No one should be treated like that. You DO deserve things. You deserve the world. You may have had a bad childhood but now you got me to show you things like swinging and cotton candy, and you got daddy Seungcheol and mommy Jeonghan to show you what true parents are like."
I shook my head, “I don’t deserve anything, and my parents said that them locking me in my room and ridiculing me was how they showed their love for me. All parents are different though…” Like, Seungcheol and Jeonghan are loving and my parents are just… strict…
I felt Vernon squeezed my hand, "You do deserve it. That's not love Channie, that's abuse. I'm so sorry that happened to you… that's not right at all…"
Abuse? No, no way... My parents loved me, “It wasn’t abuse… it was just their unique way of showing love? What were your parents like? You seemed to have a good childhood being able to play with all of those toys you pointed out and being allowed to watch movies.” I asked him, I need to change the topic from my own parents.
"They were pretty normal until my dad died. Just kinda got to go play and really anything to get me out of their hair? I mean, I used to go to my grandpa's during the summer while they were at work so, I guess it was just… normal?" Vernon said, looking at me.
“I’m sorry about your dad… At least now we have Seungcheol… Who might scare me a little bit and I feel horrible for flinching but I just couldn’t help it and he looked so upset and…” I flopped back down onto the merry-go-round, I really hate myself right now, “I didn’t mean to hurt him…”
Vernon looked down at me, as he patted my arm, "It's okay, I'm sure he'd understand. Maybe you can do something to show him you're okay with him? He would never hurt you, you don't have to be scared of him. He's actually a total softie."
Even when I deserve to be beat? I sat up to ask, but then I saw something light up in the grassy area next to the playground. I gasped when I saw the light again. Fireflies! I got down and took Vernon's hand in mind, pulling him off carefully, “The fireflies are out tonight!”
Vernon smiled looking over at the grassy area, "Oh I love those!"
I smiled at Vernon, “Let’s go play with them!” I then pulled Vernon over and sat down on the grass, reaching out for one. It was just out of reach…
"Have you ever caught one?" Vernon asked me.
“All the time when I was younger! I also used to twirl around outside with them and pretend I was… well…” I felt myself blush. I then closed my hands carefully, but the firefly got away…
I heard Vernon laugh softly, "Pretend you were what?"
“Dancing with my prince charming…” I mumbled. I then noticed another one coming close. Reaching forward I went to catch it, but it flew away too quickly. I just wanna have one crawl around on my hands again…
I heard Vernon chuckling, he then leaned over to me and carefully put the firefly he had in my hands.
I watched it crawl around, smiling softly at it, “They’re always so pretty…”
"Yeah… so pretty." I heard Vernon say.
I glanced up at him. I should make Vernon pretty… well… prettier… I carefully moved my hands up and gently put the firefly on his nose. I couldn't help but giggle at him as he chuckled and his eyes crossed to look at it and then at me. He smiled widely. The firefly then flew away and he watched it go. How could anyone ever hurt him?
Vernon then looked back down at me, now he was a bit closer. I must've leaned forward or something by accident, but I can't pull away…
Vernon started to lean closer to me, making me blush softly. I felt my eyes start to slip closed as I leaned closer too. I don't want to stop. I want…
A firefly then flew between us, startling me as I jumped back. I reached out and caught it carefully, holding it and watching it crawl around my hands.
You're never allowed to date Lee Chan, much less kiss anyone.
My dad's words replayed in my head. He said it every time I got caught looking at people kissing. I don't deserve love… I don't deserve Vernon…
I smiled at the firefly, so free, it can do whatever and not get in trouble… “I would’ve given anything to be a firefly back then…”
"Well, I dunno about being a firefly but, now you can be anything you wanna be…"
I looked at Vernon, smiling at him, “Even a professional go kart driver?”
Vernon laughed, "Okay, well, maybe anything but that."
I laughed at his response, “Why not? I’d be famous! Go kart driver that doesn’t know how to drive! Strives for last place every race! I’d be a hit!”
Vernon chuckled, "You'd be lucky to even finish the race…"
“Well… yeah… Maybe after the first race I actually finish I officially announce my retirement?” I joked, the firefly in my hand then flew away, and I watched it go.
Vernon laughed, "Maybe… by then you'd be getting good though."
I shook my head, looking back at Vernon, “Professional go karting isn’t what I wanna do though, I’m happy being a dancer.”
Vernon's smile got bigger, "I think that sounds perfect. You're really good at it… I can't wait to see you dance more. It's so mesmerizing how you manage to move the way you do."
I felt myself blush again, “Well… I wouldn’t mind if you watched me practice at Tiger Pounce for a bit…” I trailed off, looking away.
Vernon chuckled, "I would love to!! Maybe I can start coming by and watching a bit, then walk you home? That way you still get your nighttime walks and you're safe?"
But that's not safe for him!
“But… What about you going home!? I guess if you parked at my place but… walking to Tiger Pounce?” I shook my head again, “That’s a huge inconvenience for you to walk me home after watching me dance for a bit…”
Vernon looked at me with a pout, "I'll just walk to Tiger Pounce then to your place! You don't live very far from me anyway, it's no inconvenience really, especially not if I get to see you dancing…" he trailed off, pout growing, like he wanted me to stop fighting him on it.
I blushed… he really does care a lot… But I can't let him put himself in danger again! I go to argue, but all of the words die on my lips as I looked at him. He looks like a puppy that just wants to be pet, “Well… I guess if you promise to be safe… then I guess it’s okay…”
Vernon smiled softly, "I could even park at your house and walk to Tiger Pounce in the daytime so I'm safer if you would want! Anything to see you dance more!"
“I like that more than you walking alone late at night. I don’t want anything to happen to you…” I trailed off, blushing again and looking away. I don't want him to ever be hurt like in that picture again.
Vernon raised his eyebrow, "Oh so it's okay for you to walk alone at night but when it's me you don't want me to?" He joked, looking at me all sassy before busting out laughing and smiling.
I smiled back at Vernon, “I love hearing you laugh… but yeah, I want you to be as safe as possible.”
Vernon blushed slightly, shaking his head, "Well, just know that I feel the same way about you and I'd be very upset if anything happened to you…" He then pulled out his phone and looked at it, "It's Josh… He was wondering if we were okay… I didn't even realize how late it was, it's almost 2am…"
It's that late!?
“Really!?” I pulled out my phone and looked at it, “Jeonghan hasn’t messaged me at all… he normally makes sure I’m home before… Maybe he went back to Seungcheol’s place?”
Makes sense if I hurt Seungcheol…
"Probably… Maybe that's why Joshua messaged, normally he doesn't ask anymore, but he probably knows I'm with you…" he trailed off as he sent him a message telling him they were okay and he'd be back soon, "I guess this means we should get you home. Big day tomorrow…" Vernon said.
“Y-yeah… home… Gotta rest up for tomorrow!” I stood up, reaching a hand out to Vernon to help him, “I won’t be able to return your shirt until then though…”
Vernon smiled, taking my hand and standing, "Guess you'll have to keep it, or you can come spend the night again if you want. Up to you!"
I'd love too! But… I don't have any of the things I need to go to the pool, or for tomorrow in general… Plus I don't wanna annoy Joshua, “Well… I won’t have clothes to wear and I don’t wanna intrude on you and Joshua more… Maybe tonight I should go back to my place? Plus, I should shower again beforehand…”
Vernon nodded, "Yeah probably, plus I don't have a swimsuit for you to borrow. So yeah, just return the shirt whenever, I'll bring yours from yesterday tomorrow to give to you."
“Sounds good!” I smiled at him, I then noticed that we're still holding hands…. I don't want to bring attention to it cause then Vernon might pull away. He smiled back at me, squeezing my hand and starting to lead me to his car.
It feels so right… I can't explain why or how or anything…
We got to the car, Vernon opening the door for me again. He's not letting go…
I carefully get in, making sure my hand stayed with Vernon’s for as long as possible. My hand feels like it was made to be held in his…
Vernon chuckled, slowly letting go, my hand feeling empty. He walked to his side and got in, glancing down at my hand.
I freeze, I want my hand in his so badly… but his driving… but… hand… driving though… but hand…
Vernon started the car, "So uh… Seungkwan told me you like skinship as much as the rest of us do… so would you be uncomfortable if I…" he trailed off, "I just… well my hand is… cold. Yeah, it's cold. So I was wondering if…"
“YES!” I blurted, taking Vernon’s hand in mine. Wait… I'm way too eager and my face feels hot. He's gonna think I'm weird. Calm down, “I-I’d be more than happy to warm up your hand…”
Vernon blushed and chuckled, "Thank you…" he said as he drove me home, it was silent except for the radio and car, but it's comfortable, not awkward. It was like that until we got to my apartment building.
Vernon parked carefully, before looking over at me and not letting go of my hand, "Well, here we are!"
“Yep…” I said, not feeling too happy about separating from Vernon for the night, but I need to. I need to shower and have a change of clothes and…
This sucks.
Vernon smiled softly, slowly releasing my hand before getting out, opening the door for me, "Your castle awaits, Princess Channie."
I look up at him, seeing his smile and then meeting his eyes. His beautiful eyes… so kind and caring and loving… I got out of his car. Why did I have to have a home? It's the worst thing in my life at this moment…
Vernon held out his hand to me, smiling softly as he jokingly bowed down.
I giggled, taking Vernon’s hand gently. He's a true prince charming. He's gonna make whoever he's dating very happy… Vernon started pulling me to my apartment door. We got there and we both stood for a second before he pulled me in for a hug.
I hug him back tightly. I really don't want to go into my apartment… I just want to be with Vernon… In his safe and secure arms and…
I felt Vernon rub my back gently, "I think it's time to go in, Chan… You need sleep for tomorrow…"
“Yeah… you need to sleep too…” I opened my door, sighing before stepping inside. I turned around and smiling softly at Vernon, “Good night… Get home safely okay?” Please…
Vernon smiled softly, "Goodnight Chan… I will be very safe. I'll text you when I get there but you better be asleep when I do." He turned, slowly walking to his car. I watched him until he got to it before shutting my door.
Turning around and leaning back against the door, I let myself slide down it.
This group of friends… they're so different from the others I've had before… I don't think they're gonna leave me or hurt me on purpose like everyone before… I should let my guard down around them.
And Vernon…
No Chan! This isn't a fairytale, and I don't deserve his love…
I got up and headed for my bed, picking up the one picture of Vernon I had framed and laying down.
He's never gonna go for someone like me. I'm just Lee Chan, the awkward dancer who doesn't deserve a happily ever after…
But…
I wish I could be his princess…
(~Brianna)