Shifting back into a normal life was nearly impossible.
Everyone went back to LA, except for Sam. He was still here and helping us get situated into a life without Colby.
The kids, minus Juniper, were back in school which was a huge step.
I was terrified to have the kids be away from me since everything that happened but I knew I needed to make that step if we were ever going to heal.
"Sissy, I don't want them to go today." Juniper said as I put her jacket on her. "I know, love. They need to get back to school though." I said quietly.
"It's bad enough you aren't going." I said and smoothed her hair back.
I knew she would eventually have to go back but I planned on that happening after Christmas break.
She was in kindergarten so I didn't think she would miss anything super important.
"What if the bad guys get them?" She asked as I frowned. "Nothing is going to happen to them." I assured, although I couldn't promise that.
I trusted myself fully to keep them safe, but when they were away I couldn't protect them.
I had to just trust the school.
"Are we ready to go?" Sam asked as I nodded. "Yeah, let me go get the others." I said then turned to leave the room.
"You guys ready?" I called out. "Carter is making fun of me." Jenna said as she and her twin brother came down the stairs.
"Look at her sweater, Jule. It's so big on her." Carter said as I nodded. "Well it's Colby's so..." I mumbled causing Carter's face to fall.
"Oh...uh..Sorry, Jen." He said as little Sam came down the stairs behind them. "It's fine." Jenna said then looked at me. "It's okay that I'm wearing it, right?" She asked as I nodded.
"Yeah, it's okay." I said with a reassuring smile. I knew that Jenna and Colby had a pretty good relationship, but I didn't think she would miss him so much she wanted to wear his clothes to school.
I guess it was her way of coping.
"Alrighty then, let's get you kids to school." I said with a reassuring smile.
They've been back for a couple days now but I was already looking forward to Christmas break. Since Colby's passing I've wanted to hug them tighter and longer.
You just never knew what was going to happen.
I was grateful for Sam for sticking around and helping me adjust.
It reminded me of when Colby left and he was helping me get settled into normal life.
He was always like a brother to me, making sure I was well taken care of even when Colby was around.
I remembered one time when Colby was mad at me, he left me alone in the garage above the office. Sam came upstairs and was pissed at Colby for what he did.
I felt bad for keeping him from his life in LA but he didn't seem to mind too much.
We all piled into the car then drove to the older kids' school. I felt the familiar nerves bundling in my chest as Sam pulled up to the curb.
"Okay guys...have a good day." I said and looked back at my siblings. "Love you, Jule." Little Sam said as he opened the door.
"Love you, Jule." Carter and Jenna said at the same time. "I love you guys." I said as Juniper blew them kisses.
Once they were out of the car, I sighed and looked over at Sam. "Ya know, I understand why Colby wanted to leave to do this." He said causing me to chuckle.
"Yeah, it's so exhilarating." I said then looked back at Juniper. "How about some breakfast?" I asked as she nodded, before looking out the window.
"Can you just swing by McDonalds or something so we can grab some breakfast?" I asked as Sam nodded. "Yeah, for sure." He said then started driving.
After stopping at McDonalds we made our way back to the house.
"What did you want to do today, kid?" I asked and unpacked Juniper's breakfast. "Cuddle." She said as I smiled. "We can cuddle and watch a Christmas movie." I said as she nodded.
Christmas was in three weeks which was sort of looming towards us. It was usually supposed to be a fun and relaxing time but since we've been in a cloud of sadness, it just wasn't going to be as magical.
I was going to try my best to make it happen though.
"Wanna join?" I asked and looked at Sam. "Yeah, sure. I love a good Christmas movie." He said with a shrug. "Great. That's what we'll do then. Eat your breakfast first though." I said as Juniper nodded and took a bite of the pancakes I cut up for her.
"I'll be back." I said then went to leave the room. I was honestly feeling really sick lately from the pregnancy but I didn't want to make a big deal about it.
Even though everyone knew I was pregnant now, I didn't want to address it.
All the joy that was surrounding a pregnancy was gone since Colby wasn't here to share it with me.
When I got upstairs, I ran to the bathroom and threw up. "Ugh." I groaned out, shakily holding my hair back.
Luckily the sickness didn't last too long, because I knew Juniper would worry if I was gone too long.
By the time I got back downstairs, Juniper was almost done eating and Sam was making something.
"What are you doing?" I asked and sat next to Juniper. "Making hot chocolate for our movie." He said and looked over at me. "You don't have to do that." I said quietly as he shrugged.
"I want to." He said as Juniper looked up at me. "Don't tell him to stop, I love cocoa." She said as I chuckled.
"Okay, kid." I said then started cleaning up her breakfast. Once it was cleaned up we made our way to the living room so we could watch a Christmas movie.
Juniper ended up choosing the Grinch but fell asleep about thirty minutes in.
"That didn't take long." Sam said with a laugh, pointing to her. "It usually doesn't take long." I said then stood up so I could grab her a blanket.
"You're gonna be an amazing mom." Sam said as I shrugged. "We'll see. It's gonna be hard doing it on my own." I said as he sighed.
"He'd be so proud of you." He said as my eyes watered. "I'll be back." I whispered then grabbed our dirty mugs then quickly made my way out of the room.
I went into the kitchen and started washing the dishes while I cried. I have been trying so hard to keep myself together so that everyone could heal, but sometimes I would crumble.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you." Sam said as I shook my head. "It's not your fault. I'm just fragile." I said and turned to face him.
"You're grieving. It's okay to cry, Jules." He said as I nodded. "How have you been feeling?" I asked as he sighed.
"Upset. I really do miss him but I know he would have chosen himself over the kids." He said as I shook my head.
"He would have been so mad if it was the other way around." I said then wiped my cheeks.
"Do you know how long you're gonna stay? I know you probably wanna get back to the gang and Kat." I said as his face fell slightly.
"We uh..we broke up." He said as I frowned. "Oh I've been so selfish." I said and brought my hand to my mouth. "No, you haven't. We broke up a couple months ago." He said as I scrunched my brow.
"I thought she was still living with you guys. She was so upset about you getting kidnapped that she fled to Canada." I said as he nodded slowly.
"We were keeping it cool. She was still living in the house but we weren't together. I broke up with her so she was still in love when I was taken. I'm not surprised she fled to Canada." He said then started drying the dishes.
"So as much as I would love to get back to the gang, I'm happy to be here as a distraction. Plus, you heard Colby. He wanted me to take care of you." He said as I nodded.
"You've been doing a great job. I'm sorry that I killed your best friend." I said, causing my heart to ache.
I tried to push out of my mind that I was the one that killed Colby, since it was incredibly painful to think of that.
I was surprised Sam didn't fucking hate me for doing it.
"You had no other choice, Jules. Remember that." He said as I nodded then dried my hands off.
"You should go back sooner rather than later though. I don't want the kids to get too attached." I said as he nodded.
He went to open his mouth but before he could there was a knock on the door, causing me to flinch.
"Who's that?" I asked as Sam shook his head. "I don't know. Stay here." He said then made his way towards the front door.
I went back into the living room so I could be with Juniper, in case something went down. I was relieved when Sam came back into the room.
"What's that?" I asked and looked at the piece of paper in his hand. "It was taped to the door." He said as I cocked my head to the side.
"What does it say?" I asked as he unfolded it, his face shifting with confusion.
"Sam." I said as he looked up at me with a blank but slightly fearful face.
"Once you're involved, there's no going back. Watch your back, Juliana." Sam read from the paper, as my blood ran cold.