Mr. Satan: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, DragonBall GT, and DragonBall Super are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Shueisha, and Akira Toriyama. Pleease support the official release.
"That idiot... he's dead meat." Spade deadpans flatly.
"I say we let him go for it." Adam suggested. "If he dies, those humans can just wish him back with the Dragon Ball."
"You mean WHEN he dies." Shadow corrected.
The bull faunus rolled his eyes. "What's the difference?"
"He killed a reporter for not saying his name right." The ultimate life-form replied. "What makes you he won't he won't get annoyed by this so-called 'World Champion'?"
Scourge scoffed. "World Champion my ass. He doesn't have the slightest clue who he's dealing with."
"Understatement of the year." Yuma sarcastically states.
We cut to an announcement, trailer style and epic music.
Community Announcer: A challenge from a monster...
Perfect Cell: I'm making an *announcement*!
CA: A promise from a hero...
Mr. Satan: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug. You. Are.
CA: In one ring... to decide it all.
"I'm getting hyped yet I'm not at the same time." Nora admits.
Perfect Cell: (from far away) Are you filming up there?
Epic music turns into rock music and the background turns green.
CA: Join us as it all comes together... AT THE #CELLGAMES! ONLY ON ZTV! With your boy, Jimmy Firecracker, reporting live on-site, as the mighty Mister Satan, takes on the sinister Cell, in a no-holds-barred fight, for the fate of the world!
We cut to Goku and Chi-Chi's house with Chi-Chi and Ox King watching the announcement on the TV.
CA: (from the TV) Will it be humanity's last stand!?
"Guess we'll just have to find out then." Knuckles stated.
We cut to Kame House with Chiaotzu, Master Roshi, Puar, and Oolong watching the same announcement on TV.
CA: Or will the devil get his due!? (cut to King Furry and his guards watching the same announcement)
We cut to green background.
CA: Find out this Sunday at the Cell Games! (music stops) Presented by HETAP.
"You can't forget your sponsor." Ruby announced.
OPENING SEQUENCE
We cut to Goku's house, military music starts playing, then cuts to Goku getting ready inside.
GOKU: (singing) ♩Got my wristbands on and my boots are tied, gonna get my friends and fight a bug guy♩ ♩Doo-doo-doo-today is fighting day'♩ (music stops)
"Who woulda thought that Goku is a pretty good singer, for a fighter at least." Manic noticed.
Yang glanced at the ex-heiress. "You must have a good amount of competitors in the singing contest, Weiss."
"You mean Cell and Goku?" Weiss questioned. "Goku seems to have above average singing talent. As for Cell, he's more closer to my level, as much as I hate to admit it."
Chi-Chi: (runs out of the house) Goku!
Goku: Hey, Chi-Chi! You comin' with?
Chi-Chi: What? No! I... (sighs) Look, you already died once. I can take that. I can make peace with that. You're a fighter, and to be honest... it's why I fell in love with you. But Gohan? Not Gohan, not our baby boy.
"Wow, that's... this is a pretty good moment." Blake noticed, thinking this is how her parents were like when she didn't leave the White Fang.
"She's just worried about her son." Summer said.
Goku: Chi-Chi, come on, don't be like that.
Chi-Chi: (disappointed) Goku.
Goku: If Gohan dies, that means the world's doomed anyways, so what will it matter?
"Way to be supportive." Ren sighs.
"I can't believe he said that." Pyrrha said, shocked.
Weiss sighed. "Don't be surprised."
Ox King and Chi-Chi stare at Goku in shock.
Goku: Okay, for the record, we know that I'm not great at this.
"That much is obvious." Knuckles uttered,
Goku: But you know what I'm good at?
"Not being a father, that's for sure." Weiss said.
"And a terrible hero." Neera adds.
Chi-Chi: Leaving?
Goku: Fighting! (runs and pops out)
Chi-Chi: (grunts)
Sonic snickered. "He's good at leaving AND fighting."
Ox King: Maybe I'll get lucky, and Cell and him would just kill each other.
Chi-Chi: (high-pitched) DADDY!!!
Ox King: Sweetie, I can only afford to support two Saiyan mouths, and you've got a bun in the oven.
We cut to The Lookout with Future Trunks, Gohan, Piccolo, Dende, Mr. Popo, and Krillin. Goku pops in.
Goku: Hey guys! Ha-ha, y'all ready for the- (looks at their faces of worry) for, for the... tournament. Wow, did someone die?
"Not yet." Amy sadly said.
"Way to lighten the possible mood." Tails sighed.
Goku: Oh gosh, where's Yamcha?
Krillin: Nobody's dead!
Piccolo: Yet.
Goku: Then why are you all so glum chums? Come on, today's Fightin' Day!
Krillin: Goku, last time I fought Cell, he basically Tambourine'd me.
"Nah, it was Frieza who did that. Or was it Dr. Gero?" Yang questioned.
"No, it was Raditz. Poor little Raditz." Nora mourned.
"Let's just say it was everyone and call it a day." Pyrrha suggested.
Piccolo: And he's gone through two transformations since we fought so...still trying to come to terms on that one, really.
Krillin: Long story short: We're basically just going for moral support.
Goku: Oh, I know. But I'm just so excited guys! I finally get to *punch him*! Right in his handsome face!
Piccolo: Why do you keep calling him handsome?
"Why does he keep calling him handsome?" Silver asked along with Piccolo.
Goku: Because that jawline don't lie, and neither do I.
"He's gotta point." Nora admitted.
Goku: Now let's go, I don't want nobody getting a swing at Cell before me.
Krillin: Ah, sure. Like anyone else would be dumb enough to show up...
We cut to the Cell Games arena, with two reporters on a plateau, and Cell in the middle of the arena.
Jimmy Firecracker: Jimmy Firecracker here, live on the Cell Games, presented by HETAP...
"Oh look, here's someone who's dumb enough." Spade pointed out
Jimmy Firecracker: because apparently nobody else could take this job, -
"I wonder why." Coco sarcastically said.
Jimmy Firecracker: -but don't worry about me, because Jimmy Firecrack corn, and he don't give a f*ck! He'll take any job, he'll take every job, he'll take *your* job!
"I wonder if he'll take on a Huntsman's job?" Ruby wonders.
Oscar shook his head. "He doesn't look like the fighty type."
Jimmy Firecracker: And speaking of jobs...nobody else is here yet. Will Jimmy Firecracker have to get in that ring!? Does Jimmy Firecracker gotta come down there and *slap* that perfect jawline!?
Mr. Satan pulls up in his car to the arena.
Jimmy Firecracker: (offscreen) It looks like Cell has saved the wrath of Jimmy Firecracker as his first opponent has arrived. (onscreen) I'm receiving words that. This. Is. Him. Folks. (offscreen, Mr. Satan gets out of his car) The man, the legend, the winner, of the 24th Martial Arts Tournament, Mr. Satan!
Perfect Cell: Maybe shouldn't have made this an open invite.
"Is that a sense of regret, I'm sensing?" Sonic mentioned.
Jimmy Firecracker: (offscreen) The champ has stepped up into the ring. Better update that TV-PG to TV-MA, cause you're about to see a full-blown massacre! (Mr. Satan tells the news reporters to come over) Wait, what this?
"He's trying to look cool and failing miserably, that's what." Nine deadpans.
Jimmy Firecracker: (onscreen) The Champ is calling us down. Come on, Larry! What do I always say?
Jimmy and Larry run over to the arena.
Larry: (while running) Where there's smoke, there's firecracker, Sir!
Qrow chuckled. "Funny. I said the same thing when Yang destroyed a bar."
"Hey! Those guys were pestering me!" The blonde-brawler defended.
The camera zooms in on Mr. Satan and Cell.
Jimmy Firecracker: (offscreen) YER. GODDANG. RIGHT!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, sir! What do you have to say to your adoring public?
Mr. Satan: First, to all the kids at home. (Puts cape over chest) Do *not* recreate the violence you are about to see.
"Yeah, no." Ruby stated. "I'mma do what I gotta do!"
"Oh no you won't." Yang interrupted. "Not without me."
We cut to a town watching Mr. Satan give his speech, they start cheering.
Mr. Satan: (from the tv) Unless you buy the new *MR. SATAN ACTION FIGURE*! ON SALE NOW IN STORES EVERYWHERE!
"So homicidal minors are acceptable then?" Blake confusingly questioned.
We cut back to the arena.
Jimmy Firecracker: And why, Mr. Satan, have you come here today?
Mr. Satan: Well, aside from being sponsored by HETAP, (cut back to the town cheering) Mr. Satan never backs down from a challenge, not when it comes to evil, (cut back to the arena) vile, wretched, comtemptible, (cut to the town cheering) wicked, monstrous... (cut back to the arena)
Perfect Cell: (while talking over Mr. Satan who is saying "...inhuman, dishonorable...") Definitely shouldn't have made this an open invite.
Mr. Satan: Nefarious!
We cut to Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Krillin, Future Trunks flying, and a few feet ahead, Yamcha and Tenshinhan.
Gohan: Oh, hey! It's Tenshinhan and Yamcha!
Goku: (stops) Hiya guys! How you doin'?
Future Trunks, Krillin, Gohan, and Piccolo stop next to them.
Tien: Just heading to the arena. Vegeta passed us earlier; flipped us off. So that was a good way to start the morning.
"Giving the Saiyan Prince's personality, it's really not that surprising." Espio mentioned.
"No, but it's still funny to see his reaction towards other people though." Sonia admitted.
Yamcha: Yeah, but we totally flipped him off back.
Tien: *I* flipped him off back. You just waved and laughed nervously.
"That seems about right." Ren said, nodding. "Tien is the only person who has the guts to get on Vegeta's bad side."
"I'm surprised he hasn't killed him yet." Jaune said, surprised.
Yamcha: Look, I don't have your mutually-sustained hate boner for the guy, OK!
Tien: I don't have a *hate* boner for him.
Yamcha: Dude, it's a pretty hateful boner.
We cut to the arena, Mr. Satan is still talking.
Mr. Satan: (offscreen) ...Painful, Iniquitous, Execrable... Villain. Like. You.
Town cheers.
Mr. Satan: Now what do you have to say to *that*!?
Cell stays silent.
"You're a bitch." Nora called out.
Mr. Satan: (mockingly) Oh, what's the matter? Satan got your tongue?
"I'm not gonna question how satanic that sounds." Tails stated.
Perfect Cell: (seriously) Are you sure about this?
"Cell sounds serious." Oscar said, surprised.
"He wants to scare him away." Glynda said.
Mr. Satan: (mockingly) Speak up, bug-boy!
Perfect Cell: You look like an extra from a budget porno flick. The kind where *everyone* gets tested afterwards, even the cameramen.
"Damn, that's one mighty burn." Yang admitted.
Mr. Satan: (surprised) Oh... um, you're-
Perfect Cell: Did they find you in the subway? Were you homeless? Did you get your start in bum fights?
Mr. Satan: (nervously) This is getting oddly personal...
"Wait, it's working?" Lilac asked, surprised.
Perfect Cell: Do you have any actual friends? Any relationships at *all*, that aren't about your money or your position?
Mr. Satan: ...I have a daughter.
Perfect Cell: (mockingly) Oh, that poor orphan.
"Ouch!" Carol giggled, mockingly being in pain from Perfect Cell's impressive insult.
Mr. Satan: (worried) Can we- can we cut to commercial?
Vegeta lands in the arena.
Jimmy Firecracker: Another man has just touched down at the arena! Uh-uh, sir! Are you looking to take on the terrifying Perfect Cell?
Vegeta: Get that mic out of my face, before I give you a colonoscopy with your camera.
Jimmy Firecracker: (worried) Message received, violent stranger! (runs behind the cameraman Larry)
"You mean, 'violent savior'?" Nora dramatically motioned.
Perfect Cell: (mockingly) Answer the question, Prince! Do you plan to take me on? Because I'm ready to throw down when you are, buddy. Come on, let's toss you through a mountain or five for old times sake. The old silent treatment, is it? Don't tell me you came all the way out here, just to stand around and look mean! (chuckles) Oh, I see, you took my advice, (Vegeta grunts) you're waiting for-
Android 16: (offscreen) Goku!
Perfect Cell: Hmm?
16 lands.
"Android 16!" The hyper-active ginger cheered happily. "Good to see you back in action."
Perfect Cell: My dear Android 16! How wonderful for you to join us today! Are you here for-
Android 16: Goku!
Perfect Cell: Of course! Your little murder crush.
"Must be a pretty hateful murder-crush." Carol mentioned.
Jimmy Firecracker: And another mysterious stranger has appeared from thin air! Where do these people keep coming from, and who does their hair!?
Mr. Satan: Obviously, they're just hidin' behind rocks, waiting to make their dramatic entrances, and usin' cranes and wires, to make it look like they're flyin'.
"How does that tinfoil hat feel?" Yang chuckled..
Mr. Satan: Similar to the practical effects we used in (town cheering) Skygina II: Mr. Satan vs Dr. Boy-Man, in theaters Friday!
"IS there going to be a Friday?" Ruby questioned, concerned.
We cut back at the arena.
Perfect Cell: Will you be participating in the games as well, 16? Or, are you just going to sit on the sidelines like the Prince over here?
Vegeta: (grunts)
Sonic snickered. "Makes sense since Vegeta is a side character of this story."
Carol chuckled. "Maybe even more of a side character than Yamcha."
Yang burst out laughing. "Now that's disrespectful!"
Android 16: GOKU!
Perfect Cell: OK, are you seriously, just gonna say his name, over and over?
"Say his name three times and..." Blake whispered.
"What was that, Blake." Kali asked her daughter.
"N-nothing!"
Android 16: HE IS HERE!
Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Future Trunks, Krillin, Tien, and Yamcha fly toward the arena.
Perfect Cell: Hmm?
Goku, Gohan, Future Trunks, Tien, Yamcha, Piccolo, and Krillin land in the arena.
Perfect Cell: And our roster is complete. I hope this day finds you well, Son Goku.
GOKU: Slept a little weird on my arm, but, yeah.
Perfect Cell: I see you brought the whole gang along to witness our battle! Piccolo, Trunks... Tenshinhan.
Tien: (mockingly) Kiko-how you doin'?
Some of the students chuckled at Tien's playful attitude towards Cell.
Perfect Cell: Perfect. And Yamcha! What a surprise! How's it going man?
Yamcha: Oh! Uh, good. I brought towels and water bottles.
Perfect Cell: And like that, you've already contributed more than Vegeta.
"Anyone else smell smoke?" Carol jokingly questioned.
"No, why?" Weiss wondered with confusion.
"For the burn Cell dished out." The wildcat clarified.
Android 16: Hello, little duckling.
Krillin: He-hey, 16! Looks like they fixed up your dome real nice, huh buddy?
Android 16: Indeed, I am now operating at 100% efficiency. And for some reason register 10 kilograms lighter.
Krillin: Good on you, buddy, you look great.
Goku: Oh, hi! I'm Son Goku! Who are you? (stretches out hand)
16 looks at him and starts singing: Foreigner - I Have Waited So Long and doesn't shake his hand.
"Damn, I was getting into that." Nora cursed out when the song was cut.
Goku: (whispers to Krillin) This guy's intense.
Mr. Satan: Yeah, uh, I get paid for every second I'm on camera, so if we could just-
Jimmy Firecrack: (to Goku) Excuse me, sir! Are you or any of your freakish looking friends participating in the tournament today?
"Freakish?" Lilac repeated, frowning. "While I can understand Piccolo being green and Tien having a third eye, they're not freakish."
"You've forgotten that they'd land from the air." Neera mentioned.
"...Oh."
Goku: Oh, yeah! I'mma go punch that Cell a lot! In fact, if you don't mind, I'mma gun go do that right now!
Mr. Satan: OK, enough! (pushes Jimmy away)
Jimmy Firecracker: F*ck!
Most of the audience laughed at Jimmy Firecracker's response to being shoved by the 'world's savior'.
Mr. Satan: I am not playing second fiddle, to a bunch of gym rats, with too much time on their hands! *I* am the World Martial Arts Champion! And *I* will be the one to defeat Cell!
Goku: (gasps) There was a tournament? You won a tournament? I won a tournament! That means he's even stronger than Krillin!
Krillin: Wait, hold u- uh, why me specifically?
"You're the one with the 'Krillin Owned Count' system." Blake pointed out.
"It's also more of a feat than being stronger than Yamcha." Yang mentioned.
Goku: Dangit, and I really wanted a turn! Oh well, I guess we'll just have to let the champ handle it.
Piccolo: Are you for real right now?
"I'm with the Namekian on this one." Mercury agreed.
Emerald nodded. "Shouldn't Goku go first."
Adam scoffed. "That would be disrespectful for the 'World Champion'."
Goku: Yeah, he's the champ! He's got this.
Lilac shook her head. "Does he not notice the difference between humans and aliens?"
Knuckles glanced at the water dragon. "Do you really need to ask that?"
Piccolo: I can't tell if he's serious, and that's very concerning.
"Yeah, you're not the only one." Pyrrha sighs.
Mr. Satan: Good! Now that we have rank all sorted out, I think it's about time I teach Cell, where he falls! Specifically at my feet, when *I*, Mr. Satan, end this little freak show, once and for-
Female Announcer: (offscreen from a helicopter) Hope y'all ready to get down and dirty with the three hottest stars from the Y Network!
"Who the fuck are these people?" Rosy asked with an annoyed tone.
Jimmy Firecracker: What's this? New challengers from the bitter rivals of ZTV!
Mr. Satan: (bitterly) Like we don't have enough knuckleheads hoggin' ma' spotlight!
Piiza: (offscreen) Comin' to you live from the Cell Games Arena. It's Piiza!
Piroshki: (offscreen) Piroshki!
Caroni: (offscreen) And Caroni!
Cell fires a ki blast at the helicopter.
Caroni: (offscreen) And we are...
(Helicopter gets blown up, and everybody is surprised, Cell smirks)
"Dead." Fiona (Sonic) flatly said.
"I think this is the first time Cell has done something good, for once." Anti-Tails noticed.
Jimmy Firecracker: (shocked) Did- did those people just die?
"Nah, he just gave them some fireworks for their entrance." Tock sarcastically said, before yelling. "What the bloody hell do you think, ya fucking think, wanker?!!"
Mr. Satan: Pfft, don't be an idiot Jimmy. Obviously, that was just an unmanned remote-control cargo robot with a voice record- (one of the bodies falls in front of him) AND FILLED WITH FAKE CADAVERS FOR ADDED EFFECT! I'll give 'em points for effort though.
"And I'll give him points for both foolishness and idiocy." Harriet commented.
Jimmy Firecracker: Mr. Satan ain't no one's fool!
Goku: Go champ!
Mr. Satan breaks a rock with his head.
Carol sarcastically gasped. "Oh my gosh! Wow! You broke a rock!!"
"Very impressive." Knuckles said in a sarcastic tone.
Krillin: If we're lucky, it'll be that quick with this Satan guy, uh?
Gohan: Krillin, people are dying, and we're just watching.
"Sounds like the summary of the series so far." Rebel stated.
Krillin: Yep!
Mr. Satan: Now, Cell... if that is your real name...
Perfect Cell: It's actually *Perfect* Cell.
MR. Satan: IT'S ACTUALLY GARBAGE! And Mr. Satan's gonna take out the trash.
Perfect Cell: Wait, you were serious!? You're actually gonna fight!? I thought you were just somebody's hype-man.
"So did I." Knux agreed.
Mr. Satan: I AM THE HYPE!
"Oh, shit." Neo winced, knowing that Vegeta is going to be pissed off by Mr. Satan using a line he used several episodes ago.
Vegeta: KILL HIM!
Mr. Satan: Now, try to get this on camera, Gary!
Larry The Cameraman: (offscreen) La- Larry!
Mr. Satan: Cause I'm gonna end this in a single blow, and it's gonna be: FASTER THAN LIGHT! SATAN PUUUUNCH!
Mr. Satan throws a punch at Cell, blocks it and throws him into a plateau, Mr. Satan slides down.
"Is he dead?" Spade asked.
"I hope so." Shadow admitted. "He was annoying and you know it."
There's silence and the scene cuts to the town that was cheering, which stopped cheering.
Random Dude: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
Half of the audience burst out laughing as the Random Dude's outcry of bloody-murder.
ENDING SEQUENCE
STINGER
We cut to 16 finishing singing I Have Waited So Long by Foreigner.
Android 16: HELLO, MY NAME IS 16, MAY I PLEASE KILL YOU?
Goku: (to Krillin) Hold on. (to 16) What'd ya say!?
Android 16: (looks the other way) Nothing. (starts humming)
Nora giggled. "Oh 16, you metal head."
"Is Mr. Satan dead?" Ruby asked.
Theo shook his head. "No he's okay."
"Damn." Scourge cursed.
"Well at least he'll know better than to randomly fight someone." Gong said.
"Not unless the fans want him to." Neera pointed out.
Lucy played the next episode