As I grab my suitcase from my closet packing anything and everything crying while I stumble across some of Karson's things , this blue hoodie of his holds so much memories from the first time we made love in the back of his pickup truck underneath the moonlight.
it was also the first time he told me he loved me . I wanted my first time to be romantic and even though the back of a rusty pickup truck wasn't romantic I wouldn't have changed anything about that night
The feeling of his hard cock press between my center the sweet yet tender pain of him going in and out of me from me pressing my nails onto his skin moaning in between each stroke from the discomfort yet sweet pain , to him tenderly kissing me , whispering "oh fuck" into my ears as he's about to release on my stomach , feeling the white sticky thing on my belly indicating that , that was the end of something beautiful.
After Karson help to clean his semen off of me he threw me the blue hoodie for me to wear , I looked at him stunned at the time because Karson was never the one to share his clothes at least so I've been told.
After getting dressed we hop into his truck and sat there until he pulled me closer Kissing me repeatedly telling me he loves me after each kiss and I knew we'd be together forever after that night but boy who was I kidding?
He was so sweet after that constantly asking if i was okay if I was in pain bringing me chocolate & flowers every Friday night , spending almost everyday together buying me food & other stuff , going on dates even though there isn't much to do here in Jamaica but we make use of what was given to us being born here on this beautiful island, I love it here the beaches, the food, the people , my people.
I definitely will miss it here for Jamaica is all I've ever known it's been my home for the 25 years of my entire existence and saying goodbye to my home will certainly hurt me but it will cause me so much more pain if I stay.
If I could go back to that night I would tell my sixteen year old self about the heartbreak she would be facing today , I would have warned her about the terrible things that's happening to her now . But looking back knowing what I know now would I have done things differently? Would I have stayed away from Karson ? Or not become friends with Stella ? Uggghhh fuck them , screw them I said angrily throwing the hoodie against my wall.
I still can't wrap my head around how we went from perfect to him marrying my best friend , not returning my text or calls.
how could they do this to me? I don't understand what I did wrong , where i went wrong with the both of them.
if i could just speak with them to understand why they did what they did.
What drove them to betray me like that.
Is this the price I have to pay for only wanting to love and be loved ?.