CHAPTER: 21
WEAK POINT
I forced my juniors to remove every poster of Sapphira hanging in the school. They did it without any reason, knowing fully who was under the jury.
Last night, I touched my lips as I stared at myself in front of the mirror. I never thought of kissing her but when she didn't back out, I too stood on my ground to push back.
I blush at the sight of the expression I made. It was awe. I thought of requesting and to more of an extent, begging for her to not go, not to leave me even if everyone told me I was being selfish or a manipulator.
But then I don't want to become like her previous lover who left a dent in her heart that she fought harder. How can I say to her that I like her? Even the thought of being separated from her just clogs my lungs to not breathe any further.
A knock on my bedroom door snaps me out of my daydreaming. I dab my face dry and walk to open it and find my eomma standing with a blue-wrapped square box in her hand. I look down and then at her. She offers a wobbly smile and gives it to me. I take it from her and open it to find a key.
I furrow my brows into confusion. "What's the key for?"
She steps inside my room and looks around. Her fingers glide over the books, pen stand, rubix cube, and others. "Thought of giving you a gift."
I want to scoff but keep silent. I just stare at her. My father gave me Glen Moray whiskey which he thinks is the best one. Unfortunately, my friends loved it more than I did and gulped down the three bottles he gave me. They weren't present yesterday, all day they had business planning that they forgot to even share a second with me. Father had to give me through his assistant who came to complete his task.
And now this useless key, which I have no idea where the lock is neither I am in any detective genre mode to search for the lock. Eomma just wants to fulfill her duty like she did for the past twenty years. An accidental pregnancy led her to a miserable life and sometimes I have full belief they don't like to celebrate my birthday just because they find me not worthy. A reminder of their miserable story of connection due to a mistake.
I absentmindedly clutch the box a little tightly to create a dent at its edges. "What will I do with this key?"
She just smiles at me, nears me, and hugs me, the familiar warmth of home residing in her embrace dumbstruck me. "It will be a key to your future."
Future? What am I? An investment?
I was about to tell her to get out when she found the fountain pen I kept it close to the bedside table and grabbed it, the one Sapphira gave to me.
"It's so beautiful." That's what I thought when I found it. Without looking at anyone's gift knowing fully my friends will be giving me a box full of condoms, I unwrap the box Sapphira gave to me. Even the pink ribbons and the gift wrapper are kept inside the drawer where I am filling the contents of hers. The first one is the coffee bean she uses, the pink scrunchies she left after doing the skateboard practice, the pink butterfly bookmarks she made idly while tutoring me, and even the almost finished perfume she uses are locked.
I absentmindedly nod my head. "Oh my God, did Sapphira give you this?" I furrow my brows in confusion and by the look of my face, eomma laughs. "Oh boy, I am your mother. Of course, I can see you inside out. Now, tell me did you confess your love to her?"
I scoff. "W-What? I don't salang her. I just geunyeocheoleom." Love her? Of course not. I just like her.
Eomma looks at me with sad eyes and a wobbly smile. She sits on my bed and pats her left side, telling me to sit. I accept her request and sit beside her.
She lifts her hand and traces my face. Her thumb finger dabs my cheek as she looks at me like the first time when I told her I loved her. I still do but not like the earlier one, this is a broken piece of love transaction I have no idea if she will accept it or terminate it.
"You have such a meos-issneun face. Sapphira will be at a loss if she doesn't have you. You are a gemstone, nae adeul. And it will be a waste to see not shining like a bright star. If you think somehow we pressurized you, do not just accept it, fight. Don't want to play basketball, only ballet, do it. No problem. If you think you are worthy of her, fight for her. Stand for when the world can't. Be a hero, show the world that it's not always the bad boy that gets the good girl, good boy too can."
I feel like an energy draining from me after she finishes her sentences. "W-Why are saying all t-these all of a sudden?"
Her fingers shake and I immediately hold her hand, wrapping her warm hand with my cold one. "You are such a precious adeul I am proud to have and I will make sure you know this from now onwards."
"W-What is going on, eomma ?"
She shakes her head. "Nothing you need to worry about. Come home after school. We will be having our family dinner and I profoundly apologize for not being present yesterday."
Something clicks behind my brain and I swiftly stand up releasing a scoff. "Really? So, you are now groveling to make up for the loss you had yesterday. It passed. The day passed and even the date for you to enjoy the stale leftovers. I am done being that consumer who always must enjoy stale feelings just because my parents weren't present at those times and places when I needed them!"
I shake my head, put the key inside my jeans pocket, and grab the bag to walk out of my room not bothering to have anything inside my stomach knowing fully I will puke if I have them.
-
Our famous Elite group is in a very thin alignment and when I entered the school's entry I understood that even the thin thread that tied us got snapped.
Posters of Natasha and the new girl, Madeleine kissing each other are attached to several pillars as I walk past each one of them. My eyes move to Isaac who is waiting for me at the entry gate. He straightens his lean posture and walks towards me with a mock salute to me and according to him, it's his way of showing his acceptance of my presence.
I furrow my brows into confusion about the look of smug across his face as he saunters beside me to the locker section.
"What's the look on your face?" I ask him. He just shrugs as he brings out the clothes used for sports period and I pull out mine too.
There is a shrill cry behind us and we quickly turn back in search of any crime scene to witness only to find Natasha tearing apart the posters one by one with a look that could kill several species if that was legal enough. She glares at those girls who are laughing and giggling together.
"Why don't I make your smiley face always intact by decorating with punches?" She seethes at them making them stop reacting, even going to dig her stilettos into one of the girl's Converse shoes.
"Natasha."
If this is a slow-motion movie epic scene, I can say this is the best scene I will ever witness. Madeleine strides with much of a calm composure and stops in front of her but we didn't lose the clip where Natasha's face flushes in deep pink as her eyes widen and lips stretch to a millimeter upward.
Their height is one of the most comical sights. Natasha has her aura, and we expect her to stand taller but here we find Madeleine standing taller with at least five inches to her.
We watch the intense scene of how they are debating through their eyes. Madeleine's eyes darken as she might have found something in Natasha's that makes her fist clench.
"Why are you here? Didn't you find the satisfaction of disrupting my reputation?" Natasha seethe.
Her opponent puts on a calm smile and looks at her with indifference. "I have no say in the things that happened. I don't own it, don't disrespect me with these silly issues. If I commit one, it will be labeling our relationship which, unfortunately, for you, seems tedious."
Natasha's eyes widen and red blotches appear near her neck and cheeks. "How. Dare. You. To. Disrespect. Me?"
Her gritting does not affect Madeleine as she bends a little and places a firm kiss on her lips. "The show seems over. I hope you, the audience got the best angle to put the next posters." With that, she walks away.
"Is this a scene I should have captured?" Jack, the most famous basketballer on our team asks. We, I mean only I jerk, meanwhile, Isaac looks at him.
"Didn't you have your practice session?" He asks.
Jack pulls out books and shrugs while throwing his cloth bag inside the locker. "I finished early. I will just go and do a few homework that I forgot yesterday."
We furrow our brows into confusion. Jack isn't a guy who unintentionally does anything, especially studies. He takes joy in watching his parents crumble while he stands proud with his red marking nearly five out of six subjects, excluding the literature subject.
So, watching him walking towards the library sends a sudden displeasure. We witness Eleanor, Sapphira's friend walking in the same direction he left and start to connect the dots.
"No way." I scoff.
"Yes, way. At least one of us is going into a relationship and I will have a free meal course while requesting their couple treat." I glare at him and elbow his abdomen.
"Let's go to the next class."
-
As expected, Sapphira didn't come to today's class. I eye the empty bench where she always sits and the block of pain stabs directly at my chest. I felt a sudden urge to rub the chest area but couldn't do it, knowing full enough I too am at huge fault for her sudden degraded emotional stage.
I shouldn't have kissed her. I rub behind my neck as I doodled all through the classes. By the end of the period, my mood changed even more and I didn't want to go home.
Taking the route to my house, I passed by the Sunshine Café but found Sapphira absent which led more a breakdown of my mental state.
I am at a miserable level by the time I reach home. I pull out my phone and type quickly,
me [6:45 pm]: are you okay?
Do take care of your health if you don't feel like replying. I can understand.
I do not understand. But for her betterment, I can accept even the crumbs she throws my way. Tucking the phone behind my pocket, I open the door only to be greeted by a strong aroma of spicy food. I smile and am about to greet Maria when I find eomma in the kitchen.
Confusion spikes in my brain as I watch her gracefully doing the job. Ahnjong is a woman who never even if her depleted state will let the world know she isn't powerful. She exerts her dominance through her skills and currently, that surprises me the most.
When she looks up and finds me standing with a shocked face, her determined face breaks into a full-blown smile. "Nae adeul is back." She approaches me and hugs me tightly before going back to what she was doing.
"If I still remember correctly you loved eating Chalupa, Chile verde that you love to have with kimchi, Samgyeopsal. I also can list a few others but that will be heavy so we will wind it up with soju. How does that sound?"
She beams in full enthusiasm but I don't. I am still trying to find out the reason behind her actions. I need affirmation of her deeds to be non-beneficial. Can't a son doubt her mother who neglected him for sixteen years?
My skepticism might have been too revealing when I saw her smile diminishing slowly. She rounds the kitchen counter and walks to hug me. "Please, please. Tonight let's all be a happy family."
Happy family? What is a happy family? I don't know even the term 'family' that she is blatantly using. She pulls back and cups my left cheek adoringly like she never knew how to hold me except to break me apart.
"You are such a good adeul. I am so proud to have you."
Where were these words when I so craved before? Now, I want to scoff and just feel left out like they do. They even separated from the only person I started to grow my feelings for. I want to roar and claim what rightfully is mine but the earlier mental torment of silencing becomes too louder for me to speak for myself.
I just want to close my eyes and sleep. Just sleep forever.
I silently follow her to the dining table after I have my shower and change my clothes. Dad had been sitting when we entered and stood to help her to set the meal but when I offered to help, they neglected it.
Eomma serves the food and Dad helps her to bring the courses near her. After we all have taken our seats, we close our eyes and thank God for offering us another day of life. After the prayer, we slowly start to dig in. I was in my fourth spoon when Dad revealed the actual reason behind the fake dining.
"I hope you are not talking to that middle-class girl."
The hold of my spoon tightens as I want to retort by saying she is the girl I like and maybe furthermore, the only girl my heart will be given just to spite him more but I bite my tongue and nod my head.
"How was your birthday party? And why didn't you invite Natasha?"
I look at him with the same eyes he has. "It was fine and it's my birthday, I invite who I want to."
"Like how you invited that girl?"
I glare at him and just when I am about to talk back, eomma intervenes. "It's his choice what he wants or not, Daniel. If he thinks Sapphira is the one to be invited, let him be. If he thinks Natasha is not worth it, accept it." My eyes widen by listening to her taking my side. Eomma doesn't look at me and glares at Dad. "I had to request him to have dinner with us. Respect that."
Dad grumbles back but doesn't say anything in return. I quietly eat chile verde and look at both of them. The elephant in the room is presumably being ignored but I can't not when I feel something big is approaching.
I sip water but when no one speaks anything and tries to act like we all are a happy family I explode. "Why are we acting like we are a happy family? Where were you both when I needed to have this special moment? Why now when the very last thing you both can do is just be back after giving nonsense hopes of telling me we are together? Are there any cameras where this show is going to get a podcast? Are you going to make money-"
"Your mother is in her third stage of cancer." My stunned expression allowed Dad to continue his monologue. "She has been suffering from breast cancer for the past two years. We somehow coped up last year but now after the wrong medication, stage one jumped to three. We had mammography screening and biopsy tested too where they resulted in her suffering from metastatic breast cancer."
I stutter in replying. "What about surgery?"
Dad solemnly shakes his head. "We did that. The result was fine except the medication did a shitty job. The surgeon and the hospital are somehow suffering from legal allegations and heavy loans after what they did to my wife." He walks to her side and when I look at her, I find her crumbling.
My eomma never cried. But I found her crying, and sobbing while holding Dad's hand.
"What about chemotherapy or radiotherapy?"
"I won't do that," Eomma states. She shakes her head. "I have already done a shitty job by being away from you. I won't lose another opportunity to be with you. I am nearly to the secondary cancer that won't be curable."
"It will be!" I exclaim. "Of course. You will be treated. Why are you losing the opportunity?"
She smiles through her tears. "I was being selfish before but I am the happiest woman right now knowing my adeul is not like me and I also know it's because of her too. I am happy you met her, happy that she was there when we weren't. I know we weren't good parents but we are lucky to get such a handsome and humble male we proudly can tell is our son."
I am stunned in silence. Tears gather in my eyes and am still unable to fall. They are seeking permission from them to show their vulnerability. When Eomma finds the restriction, loud sobs come out from her and when she nods, they fall. Like Nigeria Falls, they transparently showcase how sad they are. My visions blur as I cry, spoon clattering down the floor from my loosened grip as I cry.
"Come here, son." Dad softly says.
I stumble as I stand and walk near to them only to find Eomma tugging me towards her and hugging me on the other side, opposite Dad.
We cried.
We fall together.
For the first time in my life, I can tell that I too have a family.
-
This is the saddest part I have ever written. I need emotions to pour through my body to feel them and if I don't, I can't write. This is the vulnerable part of the story that I just don't want to somehow write, I want to feel the lines telling how hard it is to actually cry, beg, and finally feel loved. Thanks if you are still with me to continue the story. Love you!