"Are you gonna be okay going in there? We don't know how much damage there is." Nate said as we got out of the car.
"Nothing can be worse than what I just saw." I mumbled then went led the way.
Honestly, I needed nothing more than to see my siblings more than ever.
I needed to hug and hold them even though there was a lot of damage control I needed to do.
When I got to the door, I could hear the commotion that was happening inside. "No, Carter! It hurts!" Jenna screamed from the other room.
To my left was two big puddles of blood that were smeared, showing someone was dragged through them and towards the kitchen.
I felt my heart stop as I rushed that direction only to stop when I got to the doorway.
Jenna was sitting in a chair while Corey held her arm with a cloth. He was covered in blood of his own and had a pale appearance.
Devyn was sitting in the chair next to her, a far off look on her face. She was also covered in blood but wasn't being tended to, which meant her injuries weren't nearly as bad.
Sam was sitting on the floor with Juniper in his arms as he rubbed her back. I could hear her sniffles from here which broke my heart. Carter was sitting next to Jenna on the floor, holding her hand.
Jenna was the first person to notice me, her eyes filled with pain and fear. "Jule." She whispered causing them all to look up.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered, looking at the chaos that was surrounding us. "Sissy." Juniper said as she looked up.
"Where's Colby?" She asked as my heart shattered. "I'm so sorry." I repeated, starting to cry again.
They all stared at me with confusion and disbelief as Nate, Jake, and Sam silently went to tend to everyone's wounds.
I was frozen with grief and sadness as all of the kids looked at me. Juniper burst into tears as she stood up and ran to me.
I sobbed and crouched down so I could pull her into my arms. "Julia.." Little Sam said as he came over to hug us. "I'm sorry." I sobbed out and held Juniper tightly as she cried into my chest.
It was so hard to process what was going on, even though I was supposed to be staying strong for the kids.
It was nearly impossible to stay strong this time.
I cried with Juniper and Sam for a minute before Carter came over and joined the hug. "Is Jenna okay?" I cried out and looked over at her.
"I'm okay, Jule." She assured as I nodded and tried to get myself together. "Corey, Devyn?" I asked, my voice cracking. "We're as good as we can be." Corey said as Devyn held her thumb up.
"I'm sorry." I whispered as Juniper looked up at me. "Is Colby never coming back?" She asked as I shook my head. "No, sweetheart." I whispered then closed my eyes. "Why?" She asked with so much innocence it made my heart ache.
"We're gonna get everyone situated then we're gonna talk, okay?" I asked, trying to keep myself together. "Okay." Juniper said then laid her head on my chest.
"You're all stitched up." Nate said as Jenna stood up. She had a knowing look on her face as she walked over to the hug pile that was happening between the rest of us.
"Come here." I whispered and opened my arm so she would join us. "You guys can go get situated in the living room, we'll clean everything up." Sam said as I shook my head. "I'll help...it's the least I can do." I said then pulled away from my siblings.
"Nah, Jules. Go ahead. We'll join you guys in a second." He said with a reassuring smile.
I was impressed by Sam's ability to stay strong throughout all of this.
I knew he was more used to death and dying but Colby was his best friend. I could sense how hard this was on him but I knew him.
He was going to take care of me because Colby asked him to.
"Okay." I whispered then looked at the kids. "Let's go." I said then guided them towards the living room.
I couldn't wrap my head around how scared they probably were about all of this, but I knew that I was going to help them through it as best as I could.
When I got to the living room I got the kids situated on the couch before I started pacing the room.
"What was that about, Jule?" Little Sam asked quietly as I chewed my lip, my eyes watering for the millionth time today.
I let my eyes flicker to the four siblings I loved so much.
My little brothers and sisters that I chose to keep alive.
"Go ahead, Jule. Tell them." Jenna said as I nodded. "Dad was involved in um...some scary stuff." I said, keeping in mind that I was little telling a five year old this stuff. "Dad?" Sam asked as I nodded.
"Yeah...and um..well.." I mumbled and shifted uncomfortably. "Colby was too and I guess I am also." I said as Jenna and Carter's face scrunched with confusion.
"We got wrapped up in some very scary stuff and I'm sorry you guys were involved." I said and picked at my nails.
"Why were we involved?" Carter asked as I looked down. "Um...I was faced with a choice." I whispered then closed my eyes, feeling my chest heaving in and out with anxiety.
"I had to choose whether they killed you or....I..." I said then started to break down. "Oh god.." Jenna said then stood up and rushed over to me. "You didn't..." She said as I started screaming out in agony.
I couldn't say the words out loud but all of them but Juniper understood.
They knew what I did.
"I don't get it." Juniper said innocently. "Colby's dead, love." I said and looked over at her.
I watched as her face went completely white, pain filling her eyes. She didn't say anything before she was getting up and running away and up the stairs.
"Juniper..." I whispered and watched as she ran away. "You killed him?" Carter asked with disbelief. "I had to." I cried out as other Sam came into the room.
"Can you sit with them for a second?" I asked as he nodded. "Yeah, of course." He said as I sniffled and went to go find Juniper.
I knew she was going to take this the hardest, but I also knew there was nothing I could say to make it better.
I expected her to be in her room but when I went in there, she wasn't there. "Juniper?" I asked and looked around, walking from room to room.
It wasn't until I walked into Colby and I's room, that I could hear her muffled cries. I frowned and walked towards the closet, hearing her sobs.
"Juniper." I whispered, seeing her feet poking out from behind the clothes that were hanging. Colby's clothes to be specific.
"Sissy." She cried out as I sat on the ground. "Come here, love." I said then pulled her into my lap. "I don't want him to be dead." She said with a thick voice.
"I know..I don't either." I said and wiped her tears away. "He didn't say goodbye." She whimpered, looking up at me.
I felt my heart break even more, knowing that she was right.
When he left she was taking a nap. That poor girl thought she would wake up to him there, but really she would never see him again.
"I'm sorry, Juniper. I'm so sorry." I said and hugged her closer. I knew there was nothing I could say or do but I was going to try my hardest.
"He wanted me to tell you something, do you wanna hear it now or later?" I asked after a couple seconds of silence. "Now." She said and looked up at me with dewey eyes.
"He wanted me to tell you that you're the best friend he's ever had and that he loves you very much." I said as my eyes stung.
"Really?" She asked as I nodded. "Yeah, he also wanted me to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone." I said as she wiped her cheek, looking up at me.
"What is it?" She asked as I brushed her curls back. "You're gonna have a little niece or nephew." I said as she perked up. "Really?" She asked as I nodded.
"You can't tell anyone." I said as she nodded and held her pinky out. "Pinky promise." She said as I linked my pinky through hers.
"We need to go downstairs to be with everyone. I know it's gonna be hard to get through this, but we have each other." I said, not knowing if I was convincing her or myself to feel that way.
"Okay, sissy." She said as I stood up with her in my arms.
It was so hard going through this process, knowing how young Juniper was.
The other kids would struggle but Juniper was too young to understand a lot of things that were going on.
When we got downstairs everyone was now in the living room.
"Thank you for protecting them...I'm so sorry that you got hurt." I said to Corey and Devyn.
"It's okay, Julia. We're okay. I think those guys thought they were better shots than they were." Corey said as I sat on the couch with Juniper in my lap.
"Yeah. We're okay, Jules." Devyn said reassuringly. "You don't have to stay here if you don't want to. I understand that I've taken so much of your time already." I said with a sigh.
"Are you crazy? We're all gonna stay here until you're situated. None of us are going anywhere." Sam said as the others nodded.
"Jule..?" Jenna asked, causing me to look over. "Yes?" I asked as she sniffled.
"Are we gonna have a funeral for him?" She asked as my heart sank. "I think that's a great idea." I said as little Sam looked down with a sad look on his face.
"You okay?" I asked, even though I knew it was a stupid question. "He's not gonna be here for Thanksgiving." He mumbled as I nodded. "I know...I'm sorry." I said quietly.
"We'll be here though. All of us." Jake said and ruffled little Sam's hair.
It was a nice gesture, seeing all of them come together for me and my family.
Sure, it was a shitty situation, but I was so glad to have them here.
It's what Colby would have wanted.