HEy, guys, sorry for the hecka long wait! I've been focusing a lot on finishing Forget Me and editing Games so it can be published. I wanted to explode into this week's updates with updates for all of my books, and a crap ton of updates for this one, but that didn't work out. :(
I do have this one Phan oneshot for you guys, though, so, I hope it's enough for now? I know it isn't, but I hope you can forgive me for that. ^.^
Also, I can't post this on ff . net because I somehow accidentally blocked the url D:
I'll probably post it there tomorrow when I have access to a different computer.
Title: Crush
Pairing: Phan
Suggested By: FIRESasphire
Original Prompt: "Can you do another Phan or something with Pewdiepie in the next couple updates?" Oops, I'm late. D: My bad!
Genre: Fluff, I suppose
Song: "Crush" by David Archuleta (oh gosh I hope I spelled that right)
Warnings: nupe :D
Word Count: 1,227
There are hints, here and there. I know there are. And I've tried to hide them - trust me, I've tried too many times to make sense of anymore - but it doesn't work, it never does. I'm hopeless, and these subtle, subconscious hints I give off are not helping at all.
At some point, I started believing that, maybe, if he just happened to at one point realize what was going on with me, he would return the feelings. I started being a little more okay with these stupid hints that I can't help but drop.
Oops?
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush
What a rush
My stomach flipped, my head did this thing where it made all of my good memories with him flash before my eyes. I honestly thought I was dying at first, not gonna lie. But then the phone accidentally slipped out of my hand, and the sound it made as it clattered against the tile floor was somehow enough to get me out of my love-sick stupor.
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much
Just too much
He stuttered. Geez, he stuttered when he said my name! And he didn't even have a normal cause for being nervous - he was asking me if I'd want to go to the freaking movies on Saturday. But do you know what that is? That is a date-style scene.
Then again, he asks me to do stuff like this all the time - after all, we are best friends.
But he stuttered.
Then again, we haven't done much together in the past week or two - maybe this is his way of making up for ignoring his best friend.
But when I whispered, "Of course, Phil!" and I swear his breath hitched.
Then again, we're best friends.
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I've just got to know
I think it's kind of amazing how I can look into his eyes and honestly wonder if the ocean is somewhere in there or if maybe they were just scooped out of the ocean by God or something. I also think it's kind of amazing how sometimes I can look into his eyes and he'll just look right back into mine and it's like we have the same thoughts for those few moments, the same looks on our faces that a friend once described to me as the "I wanna kiss you" face.
I think it's kind of amazing, the way neither of us have acted on our thoughts yet. That is, assuming he's even thinking the same thing about me.
Geez, I hope he's thinking the same thing about me.
I think it's kind of amazing, the daydream I have sometimes where my love isn't unrequited.
I think sometimes I think too much.
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
I think sometimes I think way too much. I plan out every little detail of our could-be (more likely "couldn't-be," I suppose) relationship, from the short, sweet kisses we'd exchange in the morning to the stuffed lions we'd perch on the top of the wedding arch.
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
When the blushing and stuttering and heart racing first started, I had had to go online, ask the "llama army" what they thought of the weird condition I seemed to have contracted.
Dan Howell @danisnotonfire: "my heart is racing, i cant stop running my hand through my hair, and i feel like heaven just puked on me. what disease have i got now ohgeez"
Kate Lynn @mastershipper: "Dan, you idiot, you're in love! XD So, who is it, then? Is it Phil?"
I decided I was too cool to be using Twitter on a Friday night. I pulled up an incognito tab and watched Phan videos instead.
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way you do?
I hate to take things the way they shouldn't be taken. I don't want to see him blush, think it's because of me, and then be immediately let down when he waves shyly at the girl walking by us. I don't want to have to smile and pretend I don't want to rip the girl's throat out.
Sadly, the chances of Phil dating a murderer are even smaller than the chances of Phil dating me.
So I try to ignore it all.
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
Oh, I'm trying so hard! I don't have enough fingers to count all the times I've tried to push down this crap I'm feeling and replace it with tumblr or YouTube or Maltesers.
It doesn't work. It never works.
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging,
"Hey, Phil?"
"Yes?"
"Am I your best friend?"
Spending time, boy, are we just friends?
He scoffs. "Are you kidding? Of course, Dan! You've been my best friend for ages! We'll be friends forever."
Is there more? Is there more? (Is there more)
I hum, faking contentment. "Forever?" I want a different kind of forever. I want something that will truly last forever.
See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make
This into something that'll last
Last forever, forever
"Forever, Dan, I promise. Friends forever."
It's a chance I've got to take. Steeling myself for rejection and heartbreak, I force out the words, "How 'bout more than friends?"
"What?"
Why do I keep running from the truth? (why do I keep running?)
All I ever think about is you (all I ever think about)
You got me hypnotized (hypnotized)
So mesmerized (mesmerized)
And I've just got to know
"Do you ever think, when you're all alone, all that we could be, where this thing could go?"
Am I crazy or falling in love, (crazy)
Is this real or just another crush (another crush)
Do you catch a breath,
When I look at you,
Are you holding back,
Like the way I do,
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away,
"I don't... Dan..."
But I know this crush ain't going away ya ya ya yaaa
I blink hard, turning my head down and to the left sharply to avoid looking in his eyes. "I just- Phil, I have tried so hard to hold all of these crappy feelings back and just- just walk away. But I couldn't! I can't. This crush thing I've got going on isn't about to end, Phil, and I- I-"
(this crush ain't) going away ya ya ya yaaa
(goin' away) going away ya ya ya yaaa
"You can't ignore it any longer?" he asks softly, turning my head to face him.
"I'm sorry, I wish I could! But I can't."
(when you're all alone
All that we could be,
Where this thing could go)
Going away ya ya ya yaaa
"I can't either."