'Tell me if you're uncomfortable at any point. I don't want you to feel that way.' Jan assured me as we prepared for the first shot. He had me pressed up against a wall, ready to aggressively make out with me the moment the cameras started rolling. I could feel my body preparing to feel his touch, tingling with anticipation, tensing with avidity.
It felt like we were just stood there forever; my arms wrapped around his neck, his hips and knee keeping me in place, with hands on the wall either side of my face. Yes, it was practically a prison, yet it felt so freeing. Refreshing.
Eventually, the cameraman began to count down from 10. We made final adjustments to our posture; I shut my eyes and let myself relax as he leaned in closer to me, his scent gracing my senses and his warm exhalation intensifying along my collarbone. 'Good luck.' he whispered almost seductively into my right ear, causing me to bite my lip gently and tilt my head upwards.
'Take One.' the director announced, as Jan finally closed the abyss between us, which had been so small yet so large all at the same time. I allowed his tongue to enter my mouth, our passion taking us deeper than anything that could have been achieved with an actress. He completed me; we fuelled each other's devotion, adding coals to an already roaring flame. Removing one of his hands from the wall behind me, he wrapped it into my hair, somehow managing to bring me even closer despite our already interlocked state. He ended the first kiss, so quickly pulling me into a new one, allowing me a scarcely a moment to gasp for breath, before we plunged into each other again. Pressing our foreheads together, the sweat that was beginning to bead on his forehead transferred to mine, heating the moment. His lips gently caressed mine as the kiss became less frantic, more relaxed, less like we were acting and more like we were just a normal couple, which we pretty much were. My head spun endlessly with all sorts of feelings.
Until we broke for air.
'And, scene.' someone shouted from across the room. Ringing began in my ears, almost blocking out the words I was hearing; dizziness destroying me more than Jan had.
'Jesus.' the cameraman exclaimed, rewatching the film on the preview screen while snapping his fingers. 'That was great. More of that.'
How could I complain?
We repeated the scene a few times in different locations around the room; sometimes with his hands around me, or on my face. The atmosphere calmed gradually after that first scene, becoming more loving than desperate. It took us practically half an hour of almost straight kissing to get the footage that was needed. To say I was acting would be a false statement - everything I had done was so genuine, so real, from the moment our mouths collided to the moment we broke away, half-passed out. All of my actions were met with praise; the director clasped his hands together in delight every time we cut the scene.
'Now, you two, on the bed.' he gestured, mainly at the huge king-size mattress in the centre of the room. 'This is where the magic happens. We want chemistry, lust, everything you've already delivered, but so much stronger. Let it come alive.'
I nodded, looking at Jan, who was still smiling brightly at the crew. 'Lokvanj, are you feeling okay? You look red.' he asked, squeezing my hand lightly.
'I'm a little nervous.' I admitted, feeling my palms become damp with sweat.
'Water?' he called out to nobody in particular. The member of the crew closest to the mini-fridge opened it, selecting a brand-new bottle and bringing it to me. I didn't want to admit that I wasn't thirsty - there were other reasons behind my anxieties that I wasn't too keen to share.
'We will take it as slowly as you need.' he comforted as I took a few sips from the bottle to be polite, and his words were enough for me to muster up the courage to set the water down on the bedside table and lie down on the mattress. It throbbed with my heartbeat, which intensified the closer Jan got to me. I imagine that even a professional would have felt vulnerable in this position, as the cameras edged closer, the shadows of the small crowd covering me like a thick fog.
'Let's do it.' I said suddenly, newfound confidence and adrenaline preparing me. Jan moved quickly, it didn't take long before he was over me, so close to my face, as I panted for breath.
'You're going to do great.' he told me, taking my cheek in his hand and stroking it gently.
'Action.'
He was on me again; pressing me deeper into the bed, an action I knew would create indents in the mattress long after we had left. My eyes tried to flutter open, weak with desire, but stayed shut, as he pursued me with his tongue. Limply open, my mouth interlocked with his, the need in the moment taking both of us over completely. I knew that I needed more, wrapping my arms in his tee and bringing his chest closer. After a few seconds, I sensed it was time to move upwards and remove his shirt, which was pulled and distorted in places due to the force of my hands. Barely breaking the kiss for a second, I forced it over his head, and let my lack of strength sink us back into the bed, melting into it. My hands tangled into his thick hair as he cupped my right cheek, beginning to tease me with roaming fingers. I could have been dead and gone to heaven and I would not have known the difference.
'Scene.' The director cut, but Jan was not finished. He ended our embrace in his own time, taking a few extra seconds before looking up to him for feedback. We adjusted quickly, knowing our time was limited before we started looking suspicious; untangling ourselves from each other, we moved to sit on the edge, legs hanging off of the bed.
'Last part - we're all going to leave the room now. The cameras will roll but not observe sound. We just want to get some raw interaction of you two, an actual conversation. Can you do that for me?' he asked, and I was more than happy to oblige, already moving myself towards the headboard to settle down.
'Enjoy, you two. Nothing too sexual.' With a wink, he left the room, snapping his fingers to bring the camera crew with him. It was just us, alone. I could've sworn I heard Jan utter 'SSF' under his breath, but when I looked to him, his lips didn't appear to have moved.
'How did you find that? I wasn't too hard on you, right?' He suddenly flooded me with a million questions, all of which were perfect examples of overthinking: everything had been fine, I would have indicated if the answer was otherwise. My own self-growth made me proud - knowing that I could've spoken up if I felt that something was off.
'I loved it. Its not something I would usually do, and definitely not with anybody else.' I told him, edging closer to rest my head on his chest.
'It was strange to me - Bojan always gets this kind of shoot; the rest of us have other tasks.' he explained, telling me about his previous brief for the filming, which mainly consisted of joking around with the rest of the boys, rather than doing anything too serious.
As though he had summoned them, a stampede of feet suddenly rushed down the corridor next to us.
'That was good?' I heard Bojan shout from outside, completely out of breath.
'Let's just run that again.' someone said, and the guys exploded into chatter, which got louder as they passed by the door. Instinctively, I looked over, to where Kris and Jure were stood right outside, looking at us. Without saying a word, Kris held up my camera and snapped a photo of us, before grabbing Jure and running. Bojan passed us next, winking, as Nace rolled his eyes at him and smiled at us.
'They seem... different. Like they've all suddenly decided to tolerate me.' I sat upright now, using the headboard as my new rest.
'They have nothing against you, they just want to annoy me.' he gestured down at himself. 'It's just something we do with each other, but it's only for a laugh.'
'Oh.' It did make sense - it wasn't like I'd done anything to them. And the way Bojan had defended me before, despite not even knowing who was in the right in the situation, spoke more volume than anything else he'd said.
Now I rested my head back onto the pillow underneath where I was sat; Jan joined me, and we just stared up to the ceiling in silence for a few moments.
''I know that shoot wasn't originally ours, but it felt like it should've been.'
'I agree.'
'You know what the best part was?'
'What?' I turned now to face him, letting myself adore his eyes, the way he spoke, the way his face crinkled gently when he smiled.
'Everything is clear. I want to be with you, to take you out, dance with you, love you. I want us to be together, properly.' He tucked a fallen strand of my hair behind my ear, which he smoothed down to stop it from falling out of place. It looked like he was about to continue, but I interrupted him, breaking out into a full grin.
'Can you kiss me again?' I asked.
Needless to say, there was no more conversation after that.