Eyes, the gentle color of warm almond. Skin, nearly like the softest of cotton. Smile, bright as the sun. He is my new life, my new meaning, he's my little Noah. My very own Noah Prince Jackson.
My very own angel.
"Morning Mama..." Michael greets me, slowly sitting upright in the guest chair across from me.
Shifting in my fairly uncomfortable hospital bed, I give him a faint smile before whispering a weak "good morning". When Michael frowns, I knew he would begin to question my current state. I don't mind, but I could do without questioning this early in the morning.
It's Seven in the morning and only a twenty-four hours since I gave birth to my sweet little Noah. It hurt, it hurt like hell, but hearing his weakening wail and holding him for the first time, made it all worth it. My little Noah is worth it. To heighten my elation, I finally agreed to begin wedding planning. Michaels concern for Noah being brought into a stable home really sent an memory lapse when he held Noah for the first time. I knew then and there, I'm ready to finally be, officially; Misses Jackson.
"Are you okay babygirl? Can I get you you something?" Michael's voice soften, even straining a bit as he hovers over me.
I sigh heavily, highly irritated.
My hormones are everywhere. My stomach is still pretty huge. My lower half is completely sore. I'm just a hot mess. I know Michael wants to help, but he's adding insult to injury.
"No..." I dryly exhale.
"I-I know you're just moody-"
"Michael... Hush" I cut him off, turning away from him.
A sigh from his side is loud and clear before he begins to move. It only takes a few minutes of subtle movements before slender fingers are around my waist and his chin is resting lightly on my shoulder. I want to push him away, but I then again, him trying to hold me feels inviting and comfortable.
I'm just an oxymoron, but fortunately for me I have a future husband who doesn't mind.
"Where's Noah?" I ask, suddenly remembering that the little one is no longer inside of me.
"Debbie is watching him in an incubator with a few other newborns..." He pecks my cheek.
I sigh in relief. I would love to be holding my little Noah, but I'm exhausted. I'm just not feeling too well. I just want these postpartum pregnancy effects to hurry up and allow me to be me again. This is a huge pain.
"I love you Jess. I have to tell you something..." Michael sighs, seemingly squeezing me tighter.
I wince for only a few seconds before he quickly pecks my cheek and shoulder repeatedly, serving as a loving and sincere apology. I gladly accept.
I remain silent, still very much enjoying the warmth of his hold. Taking notice of my silence, Michael sighs heavily and continues with his statement.
"They're back and they were at Neverland a few hours ago..." He exhales once more, seemingly bothered to explain the occurrence.
"Who? Baby, what are you talking about?" I question, carefully turning on my back while he shifts his position as well.
He glances at my IV regrettably then glances his hands. I know all too well what his expression is hinting, but I rather him just come out and say it. I actually love the fact that he is even stepping up to tell me without lying. He has definitely grown from sage.
"The Chandlers. Jordy and June were at the gates just demanding to see me..." He pauses, glancing at me for a reaction.
When I don't reply, he sighs and continues.
"Bill said there were cameras lurking around so he wanted to go down and try to... You know.. 'Solve the problem'. Know how he is, I just offered to do it myself. I didn't have the kahunas to tell them no upfront before, so I figured I'd do it now..." He pauses once more, still glancing at me as if checking if I was following.
I am. I very well following this disastrous story. As in following, my blood is slowly but surely beginning to boil. They knew all too well that I was in the hospital, giving birth to Noah. Yet still, they bring it upon themselves to harass Michael for whatever reason. I don't understand these people, it's a shame. A crime shame.
My poor Michael.
"So I went. And well I told them to leave and long story short, June says she's pregnant and has nowhere else to go. Jordy is scared to return home and they refuse to go to the authorities... I have her some money and told them to check in a hotel or something. But-"
"You agreed to help them?" I jump to the punchline, watching him carefully.
His disheveled curls and even dissolving makeup, can't even describe the guilt in his eyes. He's tired, most certainly from mental frustration. I'm sure it took him a lot to build up the courage to tell me. I admire him for that, but I refuse to advocate his decision to continue helping those Chandlers. I don't think I can deal with that.
I know I can't.
"Yes, just for a little while. Jess... She had a previous miscarriage and is worried about her baby now. I couldn't just not offer something. It's just for a little while. I don't understand the pain of loosing a child, you do. Maybe you can help her through this pregnancy. It's only temporary babygirl. Afterwards, I'm done..." He pauses, brushing his hands together for emphasis. "Done." He adds, stealing my hand.
I sigh heavily, taking in every word. I had no knowledge of June's previous miscarriage. Due to the fact that I've been there before, I can understand her concern. I was and still am the same with Noah. She doesn't want to relive that nightmare. I get it. But, what I don't understand is why she doesn't turn to a family member for help. Why Michael?
It just doesn't make any sense.
"Just be careful. I don't want you being dragged into their little...whatever okay? Noah is your child, not Jordy. Please remember that" I stress, gently squeezing his palm against mine.
He sighs and nods, pecking my cheek tenderly.
"I promise, I'm not going to dig a hole for myself... Not this time." He assured me, giving my lips a peck this time.
I press my lips together, still eying him carefully. I love Michael with every fiber of my being. Yet even still, should he ever return to that place where he chooses the Chandlers over his family, again, I don't know if I'll stick around to wait it out again. I wouldn't create nor surround such a atmosphere around Noah. It wouldn't be fair to him.
"I trust you Michael, I really do. But-"
"No buts... Leave it as that. You trust me. I love you Jess and our love our little Noah even more" He smiles, gentle nudging his nose against mine.
I couldn't help but return his pearly smile when he slowly pulled away. God knows I love this man, but I'm still praying hard that his promise will go on, unbroken.
Please, let it go unbroken.
_______________
"Have you told him? I mean this is a very serious decision" Debbie stresses, following me out of Noah's nursery.
It's been an entire month since birthing my angel. It's been an entire month since the Chandlers decided to make a great return. Within the past month, I have slowly began to regain my body. Pregnancy is no joke. Your diet is terrible and your mood is everywhere. It's been a battle, trying to break the habits I gained over the last nine months and then the following month. Therefore, I called Debbie and asked a favor.
The favor; aid me in my body recovery as well as my emotional recovery. I don't expect any miracles or anything, but I just want to bounce back to my previous self; before baby Noah. Of course Debbie elatedly agreed and began to set to work almost immediately. And now, a month later, I'm enjoying my progress.
I've been so proud of my progress that I have finally made a decision to go back to dancing. Yes, Jesse Rose is going back to her roots, again. I've been away for far too long and I miss dancing. This time, I want to take Michael up on his offer of connections. I want a new manager and publicists. I just want to be back out there. I need to be back out there.
Only thing is, I haven't told Michael yet.
I'm sure he expects me to be a typical stay at home mother, although there is nothing wrong with that, my desire to continue as a dancer has never died. I've always wanted to go back to dancing. I hope he understands. When I do decide to tell him.
"I mean I want to, but we've been pretty tied up with little Noah. And then he's still helping out June and Jordy and-"
"The Chandlers? He's still bothering them? What was their excuse this time, the family dog died?" Debbie scuffs, shaking her head at the possibilities.
I sigh heavily, remembering what Michael has been telling me:
"She's pregnant. She doesn't want another miscarriage, please understand..."
He constantly reminds me of this. He says that very line, every time I begin to protest or question his actions. I can only sigh and believe every word. I understand having that pregnancy scare, but that doesn't mean that every time you need money or loose a set of keys, that your excuse has to involve being pregnant and fearing another miscarriage.
Call me callous, but the excuse is getting old.
"Exactly. I love my Michael... But the mans heart is too golden for his own good. And you know what the worst part is? He actually invited them over for dinner!" I exclaim, livid with the unexpected given invitation.
Of course Michael didn't tell me, with good reason. He knows I don't have much of a liking for the Chandlers. I feel they are manipulative. What person who doesn't hear from a supposed friend in so long, pops up out of nowhere asking for help, and never once asks why that supposed friend never returned calls or emails; it's fishy and I see a wide ocean.
Debbie plops onto the theater seat and glances away from the little snacks she was admiring in her ziplock. Gazing at me with pure disbelief, she tilts her head to the side and shakes her head.
"He didn't! Why would he... I think it's time for a talk. I've heard about the little Chandlers and let's just say, they aren't quite Angels..." She trails, giving me a suggestive glance before popping a yellow M&M into her mouth.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. She obviously knows something I don't. I have knowledge of what I have seen and even gained knowledge from a hidden intuition, but if there's more than I have acknowledged, then I want to know.
"Debbie what are talking about?" I query, bringing my knees to my chest as I shift for a more comfortable seated position.
Inhaling deeply and sighing heavily, Debbie places her Ziplock on the ground and dusts her hands before glancing at me in contemplation. At this point, seconds have passed and I'm squirming in my seat already. I glare into her oceans after nearly two minutes of waiting before she giggles and begins to construe.
"Okay, so the Chandlers. June, Jordy, and Evan. They are known around San Diego, where they are from, for being petty scammers. From lying about someone withdrawing loads of money from their back accounts, to lying about a few missing online purchases. June and Evan have been in jail a few times because of these little petty crimes. Worst of all, they drag little Jordy into it...." She pauses, bending down to grab her Ziplock for a quick chew.
I take the little second to process her words. I'm sure Michael has no known knowledge of the Chandlers secret lives, or past life. As I ponder her words, my blood begins to boil once more. Not only are they using Michael, but they haven't been completely honest.
I know it wouldn't be easy telling a new friend about your criminal past, but when you're around this person claiming them as your friend a lick of honesty should be spared. Should Michael have backed away with the bewildering knowledge, they would've had no other choice, but to understand.
I just can't believe these people, and the fact that they are dragging little Jordy into, it's all sickening.
Noticing my new livid expression, Debbie wags her finger and shakes her head once more.
"Now don't start feeling sorry for that boy either, what is he now fifteen? Well, he's been quite the trouble maker since the age of ten. Petty theft at school. Terrible behavior towards teachers. He's a little tyrant himself. I can't blame him... With a temperamental father and a seemingly mentally unstable mother, I can understand it. But, that doesn't excuse it" She concludes, glancing at her watch before standing to her feet, Ziplock bag in tote.
"This whole family is all out of whack... Do you think she's lying about being pregnant?" I swallow, feeling absolutely terrible that Michael doesn't even know what mirages these Chandlers play for him.
"I wouldn't put it past them. I'm sorry Jesse, girl just keep your guard up. I-"
"Why in the hell didn't you tell me all of of this before? So much could've been prevented!" I suddenly snap, realizing her delayed information.
She shrugs then gives me a knowing glance before answering.
"After months of not communicating with them, do you really think I was going to come up to you guys and say, hey those chandlers are cons... Stay away? Besides, I thought Michael knee and was just crazy enough to continue entertaining them." She casually explains, leading me out of the in-home theater.
Taking a moment to mentally collect her reason, I nod and gift her an apologetic smile. When she giggles and swats her hand into the air carelessly, I smiled. I love how careless she is, and that's why she's my closest friend-my only friend.
"Anyways, Michael should be back and I can stop babysitting his soon to be wife and the angel. Speaking of, have you been wedding planning?" She asks casually as we stroll through the hallway, heading towards Noah's nursery.
I shrug, avoiding the most certain questioning gaze of hers.
I've honestly haven't started. Between dealing with Noah and training to loose baby weight, not to mention stressing over the return of the Chandlers, I just haven't found the time.
"Do you want to get married still?" She suddenly asks after a few minutes of my silence.
I slip into Noah's nursery and glance over at the sleeping angel. Debbie joins my side, her question still lingering in her expression.
"Yes, of course I do..." I trail, glancing at Noah once again.
"But..." Debbie pushes.
This is definite deja vu, Michael and I already had this conversation, three months before Noah was born.
"There's no but. I want to get married. I want to be Misses Jackson. Michael wants it too, he's worked so hard to prove it." I smile, reminiscing momentarily about all of his efforts over the past few months.
Debbie smiles, merely gawking at my seemingly stupid gaze into space. When I glance at her, she winks at me and nods approvingly.
"Okay, no lies there. So when?"
That's a great question, when. I've been quite distracted lately and Michael is either busy with Noah, busy with his work, or busy with the Chandlers. Both of us have pretty much put that little thought on hold. It just seems like life has been constantly throwing us curve balls since Noah's birth. We're just trying to keep up.
"Soon... Hopefully soon" I exhale, taking one last look at my angel before gesturing for us to leave quietly.
Following me out, Debbie flashes me a hopeful smile and mouths "I'm praying for you", before turning on her heels and escorting herself out. When she's out of sight, I look to the heavens and whisper a silent prayer myself before turning towards our bedroom to prepare for tonight.
Thirty minutes and I'm nervously pacing the foyer. Since my discovery-intel of the Chandlers vile, criminal past, I have spent most of the day contemplating on how I will construe this information to Michael. How am I going to tell him about these people being complete, incognito criminals? I still haven't found an answer and they'll be here in thirty minutes.
Dear Lord, help me.
Permanently straightened hair, brushed into an elegant bun. Eyelids, dashed with midnight, liquid eyeliner. Cheeks, lightly pecked with rosemary blush. My attire; a simple fleece Antonio Melani pant suit, topped with closed-toe wedges. Although it's a pretty chilly December night, I still want to look decent. I think I did well.
Admiring myself in the mirror, I poke in my sterling studs and nod in approval of my completed look. It may just be dinner, but it's been awhile since we had guests and even longer since I've been able to play a little dress up. Any excuse is plausible, even dinner with the Chandlers.
Just as I'm exiting the bedroom, cries from Noah's room bring me back to reality on high alert. Noah isn't much of a fussy infant, but when he is wailing, he cries his little heart out.
My poor baby.
"Sh,sh... Mommys' here. Don't cry mama's angel..." I coo, gently slipping him into my arms.
His caramel face is blush red and his little almonds are tightly guarded by his little eyelids. Even when he cries, he's an absolute doll.
"Mommy loves you. Yes, mommy loves you..." I hum, carefully backing into his applewood rocking chair.
Slowly, his wails become whimpers, all until he finally falls silent, cooing mindlessly. A smile spreads my lips, a flutter warms my heart. And to think, I was afraid I'd never have this chance to hold my own child. It's a true blessing that I inhale every day and exhale with a prayer to be able to continue treasuring my little angel.
"Last time I checked she was getting dressed, I think" Scotty's voice rang through the hall, evidently nearing the nursery.
"Oh okay, great. That's good, real good." Michael answers, an elated hum obvious through his reply.
Sitting up, I glance at the sleeping Noah. I hate to move, he isn't too fond of being moved in his sleep. Nevertheless, I rather wake him while moving him than having Michael or Scotty waking him with their loud voices.
Quietly and carefully, I slowly stand from the rocking chair and stroll over to his bassinet. Sighing happily, I lower him into the bassinet and gently cover him with his fleece blanket, pecking his cheek afterwards.
As soon as I stand upright and turn to leave, Michael and Scotty enter the nursery. Both men stop in their tracks and glance at me silently, their eyes taking a moment to once over my outfit.
When they can't seem to find their words or return their eyeballs into their sockets, I let out a small giggle and walk up to them. Placing a gentle peck on Michael's lip, I smile widely.
Men.
"H-Hey babygirl. You look extra good today..." Michael chuckles out, blushing from embarrassment of his behavior.
Giggling again, my smile, if possible, widens before I turn to Scotty who has seemingly returned to his senses.
"Misses, you look... Lovely tonight" He compliments, earning a look from Michael.
"Thank you Scotty. You always look dashing. Speaking of..." I lull, returning my attention to a clearly unhappy Michael. "You look, handsome Michael. Delectable, actually..." I tease, giving him another peck for his confidence.
"Thanks babygirl. Uh Scotty, privacy please." Michael smiles sweetly, gesturing the unknown to Scotty before he walks off chuckling.
Once Scotty turns the corner, Michael gently clasps my waist and quickly glances back for any witnesses before tugging me against him. I open my mouth to question, but I'm quickly silenced by his lips. Right here and now, I melt in his hold. Something about Michael's kisses that can either make my knees buckle or my heart flutter.
I love it.
"I've missed these all day..." He smiles against my lips, pecking them once more.
"But I just kissed you not even ten minutes ago" I giggle within a whisper.
He bites his lip, gazing into my eyes before turning his gaze on my lips.
"That was a peck... I wanted more.... Like this..." He lulls, once again pressing his palms into my lower peck to compress our bodies.
Soon we're met in yet another blissful kiss, which leads to him also asking for an entrance. Happily I accepted, only for a few seconds. After our second joined tongue roll, I break out kiss, pressing my palms firmly agains his chest.
"Aren't they... Aren't they here?" I pant, licking my lips.
Still seemingly mesmerized by our previous smooch, Michael nods mindlessly.
Suddenly, my heart sinks and the mood is diminished. We have dinner with the Chandlers. A dinner that I am sure to not enjoy.
"Then we should go..." I sigh, removing myself from him altogether.
When he sighs defeatedly, I took it as him feeling a little hurt by my reaction. It's not necessarily Michael that I'm angry with, I'm angry with the Chandlers for leading him on. They are taking advantage of his open heart; I don't like it. In all honesty, I won't accept it. If Michael won't tell them, then I will.
Although his hurt is a bit visible, Michael forces a smile and takes my hand in his, leading us out of the hallway and downstairs into the kitchen. Upon entry, my eyes meet hers. Almond and filled with fabricated elation. Quickly I break out gaze, unfortunately catching the gaze of Jordy. His eye are also almond and fabricated with elation. I could scratch both of their eyes out.
Sensing my agitation, Michael whispers for me to "play nice" before greeting June and Jordy with a warm smile and even releasing my hand to hug them.
Disgusting.
"Wow... Looks like the baby weight is shredding off of her!" June compliments, easing past Michael and Jordy, who are now engaged in a conversation about the las test pyrotechnics.
I force a smile through clenched jaws, allowing her to wrap her arms around me before forcing myself to speak as well.
"Thank you." I simply reply.
Oblivious to my not so fond reply, she giggles and rubs my wrists with her palms, squealing excitedly. I nearly swat her arms away when she begins to absentmindedly construe the "blessings" of pregnancy.
Calm Jesse, calm.
Once she releases my wrists, I try to discreetly let out a sigh of relief. It's taking me so much not to give this woman a great smack against those overly tanned cheeks of hers. For God's sake she nearly resembles an orange.
"Jess... Come sit..." Michael calls, furrowing his eyebrows at my absent gaze.
Forcing yet another smile, I inhale and exhale deeply and join them as they walk through the dining room. Upon entrance, I am greeted with the wonderful smell of many different cuisines. Imported fruits, fresh vegetables, foreign meats, and delectable sweets. You would think we were dining with the President and First Lady, and not crooked cons like June and Jordy.
Oh how I wish.
As soon as we are seated; Michael adjacent to me, June and Jordy seated directly in front of us, June begins small talk about how she and Jordy have been enjoying their hotel. All the while she speaks, I exchange quick glances with Michael, hinting my annoyance. When his abnormally large palms meet my covered thigh, I instantly calm down.
I know Michael wants me to play nice, but he wouldn't be so willing to if he knew about their little secret-their dirty secret.
"So June, how many months are you?" I ask, trying to hide my malicious tone.
I've noticed no growth in June since I saw her four weeks ago. She's already a pretty full figured woman, but even still I would've noticed a little growth or something. She's supposedly nearing four months; supposedly.
Shifting in her seat a little, she glances at Michael, who is also patiently waiting as well as Jordy who seems taken a back by my question.
"Um, what is it now, November? I should be going on three months..." She smiles, glancing down at her plate of fruit.
Wrong answer.
On that, Michael and I chorally glance at each other then furrow our eyebrows.
"I thought you said you are almost four months..." I push, eying her carefully.
"Yeah June, last time we talked you were three months now going on four" Michael chimed, disappointment not too far away in his tone.
June keeps her poker face, nodding at our confusion before answering.
"I am... It's just... This darn pregnancy brain of mine. Sometimes I forget Jordy's name... Ha-ha" She brushes it off, taking a bite of her pineapple slice.
Restraining from slapping the smug look on her face, I exhale deeply and glance at Michael who doesn't seem too convinced himself.
Ignoring our suspicious glances, June makes another effort of small talk, mentioning Jordy's new hobby for building model cars. To my surprise, Michael slowly engages in the conversation, responding laconically every now and then. All the while I sit back in pure disgust. This is what I didn't want. I don't know how, but they always seem to draw him back in. Either way, I'm going to put an end to it.
Right now.
"June, tell me something... Have you ever been to jail? Locked up for any reason? Ever been in a holding cell?" I suddenly ask, ceasing all future spared words.
June seemingly turns pale, her almond eyes darkening with a certain emotion that I don't too much care to decipher. I'm a trying to hide my smirk, I got her right where I want her; speechless and guilty.
"Jess what-"
"Yes..." June pauses, glancing at Michael." When I was younger. Why?" She counters, seemingly glaring at me
"Yes, why Jess?" Michael chimes, noticeably irritated.
I glance around at all three of them, anger building up. I want to stay calm, but I refuse to be made out of fool, by anyone: especially by a damn Chandler.
"You want to know why? I'll tell you why, because you son of a bitch..." I begin, pointing my index finger at June. "Are one lying piece of shit! How can you lie about a miscarriage? Huh? How can you fucking lie about shit like that?!" I screech as my eyes reluctantly begin to well.
It wasn't supposed to be my first accusation, but it slipped out. Never has June mentioned experiencing a miscarriage until the night she begged Michael for help. Not even once has it slipped through her lips that she once experienced undoubtedly the worst pain in life. Yet here she is lying about it. I don't take that lightly.
Michael gasps, glancing at June in disbelief before glancing at me for proof or further information.
"June... You don't even look pregnant. You're known for conning people out of their money. And you know the sick twisted thing? You drag your son in it too! And Michael..." I pause, glaring at Jordy. "He isn't no angel either. Steals and lies, just like his mother and father. And get this, June never divorced Evan. They were supposed to, but she never went through with it. Lying, cheating bastards. Get the fuck out of our house!" I snap, flipping my empty plate across the table.
Unfortunately, it misses June and lands on the floor with a ear piercing crash.
I don't even care, I just want these people out of here and away from us for good.
Michael quickly stands to his feet, hastily grabbing my wrist before dragging me out of the dining. I try to squirm away from him, but to no avail.
"You need... You need to calm down!" Michael hisses, gently pushing my against the stairs banister.
I roll my eyes, it's too late to calm down. My nostrils are flared, my blood pressure is high. I want them gone; for good.
"Michael if you don't let go of my wrist, so help me God I'll kick your ass after I'm done kicking hers!" I hiss in reply, snatching away from him.
Michael's eyes flash red, his chest is rising and falling rapidly-violently. He doesn't say a word for a very long minute, obviously trying to calm himself. When his head whips around towards me, along with his curls, I catch his eyes. Everything in his eyes gifted his secret emotions. Anger, exhaustion, betrayal, disappointment, the list goes on. I know he's frustrated, but he shouldn't take it out on me.
"You're not going to do anything... You're going to go upstairs and see if you woke up Noah. I'm going to tell them to leave and then we're going to talk" He seethes, glaring at me coldly.
"No... I sat back last time they manipulated you, I'm not doing it this time. They are evil and you're too fucking blind to see it. I love you too much to allow them to do-"
"Don't you think I fucking know that?! I know this shit! Just-Just let me handle it! For God's sake, you act like I'm some idiot child! I know what the hell in doing! Da-"
My opened palm makes great contact with his right cheek. My glare, just as cold and dark as his. My regret, there is none. Michael can be angry all he wants, but I refuse to let him talk to me any kind of way. I don't take crap from anybody. I love Michael, but I'm not taking crap from him either.
"Now you listen, I'll let you handle this mess, but if you ever... Ever talk to me like that again I swear I'll leave you ass before you can even get a chance to say I'm sorry, got it?" I snap, not even waiting for him to answer.
I quickly turn on my heels and proceed up the steps, not allowing the guilt of seeing him so pained bother me. He was asking for it.
I just want this to end, but I'm almost certain that this is the beginning of a war.
If that's the case, I'm ready to battle.