Nina came into my life unexpectedly. After struggling with too many issues, it was as if the Sun itself had walked into the room. She was bright, had a wide smile on her face, warm eyes and a presence so sweet that it was impossible not to notice her.
Sebastian and Celine told me it was one in a life opportunity for me. Nina clearly expressed interest in me, and since Freya was gone and dead, I decided to give it a shot.
When we first started dating, I was reluctant to be around her. Anger issues that came with Freya's death jumped out from time to time, when I least expected it. Therapy wasn't all that helpful, either. I was terrified of hurting Nina by accident, which was why I was keeping my distance.
Yet, step by step, she began to tear down all the walls that I'd built up. Nina was caring, but most importantly, Nina was patient with me. She was never pushy, never asked too many questions and waited for me to open up. Her patience was what made me believe that after Freya, she was the one for me.
Time slowly went on, everyone seemed to be healing, yet I was the only one stuck in that scenario, Freya's death, her funeral and the aftermath. Nina was the one who showed me that there was more to life than drowning myself in bottles and bottles of alcohol, of giving my life away for something that wasn't my fault.
Everything was going great. I was finally a man that Nina deserved to have, and somehow, it all came crashing down as soon as I laid my eyes on Freya again.
I shouldn't have visited her. It took all willpower, all the strength I had in my body not to kiss her. And I missed that. I missed kissing her, touching her, holding her close to my body. I even missed her scent, her morning hair, or how she was a restless sleeper.
The moment Nina's face flashed behind my eyes, I began to second guess everything. The first thing I did was bolt out of that place, and stay locked in my car for hours. Nina didn't deserve to be cheated on.
Of course, after learning of Freya being alive, she got insecure and pushy. But that was normal. She was afraid of losing me to Freya, and deep inside of me, I realized that no matter how much I tried to conceal it, to fake it, I was never Nina's to begin with. I was Freya's through and through. Even if she truly was dead, it was a question whether or not I would've gone through with the wedding eventually.
Things changed. I didn't know if Freya and I had a chance, or if I could truly forgive her, but I knew one thing for sure. I did not love Nina, and she deserved someone who did. It broke my heart knowing that hers will be shattered as soon as I told her. There was no chance of me staying by her side, knowing that Freya was here. As always, Freya became a priority before I even realized.
And tonight was the night I was going to tell her. Nina didn't need to know all the details, but she wasn't stupid. She was definitely going to figure it out on her own why I couldn't go through with the wedding.
However, as soon as she stepped into the restaurant, with a warm and welcoming smile, I felt myself faltering. The shine in her eyes, the love on her face as soon as she spotted me made me feel sick. I was a horrible person for doing this to someone as great as her.
I ignored the ball that formed in the pit of my stomach and threw a smile on my face. Nina took a seat across from me, placing the small handbag on her lap. My eyes were glued to the big diamond ring on her finger, and all I could think was how Freya never would've worn something so flashy.
''Hi, honey,'' she smiled sweetly. ''What's the occasion?''
I shook my head. ''Nothing. I just wanted to see you, that's all.''
Since we came back, things have been rocky, understandably. Nina was spending more time in out apartment in town, rather than our house since it was closer to her company. And she was keeping her distance from me.
Nina tilted her head to the side. ''That's surprising, considering how swamped with work you are currently.''
The waiter dropped by and brought a bottle of her favorite wine. He poured us both a glass, and I waited until he was out of the ear shot to talk to her.
''I had to make some time for you.'' I smiled. ''So, tell me, what did I miss?''
Her eyes squinted. She was growing suspicious, but decided against speaking on her concerns. Nina began talking about her business, her younger sister who had given birth to twins a few months ago. Not once did I interrupt her, watching as her smile grew bigger and bigger the more she was talking.
''So, what about you?'' She asked, the smile was still there, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.
''What about me?''
Nina sighed, and her expression changed. ''I meant the whole... Freya thing.'' I wasn't surprised to hear pure venom in her voice as soon as she said her name.
I took a sharp intake of breath just as our food arrived. I planned to keep up the facade until we were done eating, but that was clearly not happening.
''Freya... is here.''
''What?'' Pure betrayal and shock laced her features. ''Did you see her?''
I remained silent. A few seconds passed, and she didn't break eye contact. It was intense, and it almost made me quiver.
''Yes.''
Her eyes closed. I noticed how she tried to hide her shaky hands under the table. Her lips pulled into a thin line, and before I knew it, my heart ached at the lone tear that fell down her cheek.
''What did you two talk about?'' Her voice cracked. ''And don't lie to me.''
''She explained a few things. How everything went down, nothing that relevant.''
Nina's harsh eyes, the ones I'd never seen, were threatening to kill me if I ever lied. Though, I wouldn't lie to her. No matter how much she hate me later on, she deserved to know the truth.
''Did she come back to stay?''
Now, she was no longer looking at me. Her hands were on the table, and she played with the engagement ring. All I felt in that moment was regret. Mainly for dragging her into this whole mess, and for not being honest with her before.
''I don't know.''
Her next question came quickly, ''are you going to see her again?''
Once again, everything was silent. A low chuckle came from her, disbelief filled her eyes. No sane person would remain as calm as her, and one some level, it terrified me.
''Let me change the question,'' another chuckle, ''did anything happen between you two?''
This time, I was the one to respond quickly. ''No.''
Nina believed me. No matter what she thought of me now, she knew at the very least I had more respect for her than to cheat on her.
''Is she back to get back together with you?''
''I doubt it.''
Nina nodded her head. ''So what are we going to do now? What is going to happen between us? Because I did not put you back together, picked up all the pieces she left behind only for you to run back to her.''
''Nina--''
She raised a finger up and I shut my mouth. ''Even if she's back to get you, she can't do that unless you allow it. So, are you going to allow it? Or, what is going to happen when her untreated trauma reappears? Are you going to let her run away again, and leave you in shambles, and come back to me? You're definitely not the person who I thought you were.''
A lump formed in my throat, and I struggled to breathe.
''I don't think you'll ever know just how grateful I am for you. You appeared when I needed someone the most, and you weren't afraid. You remained by my side, helped me get better. And I wanted to be the man you wanted me to be so desperately. I wanted to be the man you would be proud of calling yours. But, I didn't realize until she came back that every piece of my soul was tainted by her, and it belonged to her.''
Another tear fell from the corner of her eye. ''And you're just expecting me to give you my blessing?'' Sarcasm dripped her tongue.
''I'm so sorry, Nina. I'm sorry for not being the man you thought I was, and I'm so sorry for hurting you.''
She nodded her head. ''You're throwing everything we built together for a mere possibility of getting back together with her? Pathetic.''
It was, and I knew it. There were no words to soften the blow. Nina took off her engagement ring, and smiled at it. As I stared at her, memories flashed behind my eyes. When I proposed to her, I made a promise never to hurt her, and yet, it was the promise I was unable to keep.
Nina's face no longer held sadness. I couldn't tell what it was, though her next words proved that it was hatred. Both for Freya and for me.
''I wish the bitch just stayed dead.''