Chapter One
LYA
Have you ever experienced as if someone is staring at you in public places?
In an instant I felt a shiver rush my body, at napahawak ako sa batok ko nang parang may umihip na hangin roon. Lumingon ako sa likod ko at sinubukan hanapin kung mayroon bang nakatingin sa akin. I try to find the source, pero kumakain ako ngayon sa labas, at sinuman ay maaring makakita sa akin. I may feel silly being paranoid right now, but instincts never go wrong.
I went back to eating my lunch and tried to dismiss this feeling as I can. Halfway through my meal, my phone buzzed a notification from Valerie. Binuksan ko yung message niya at nakita kung anong oras ba raw ako babalik, followed by a meme.
I hate it when she calls me ma'am.
Valerie was my first hire. She insisted to be my apprentice after I sell my first painting at a gallery in Taguig. Sabi niya, ngayon lang raw siya nakakita ng ganung klase at style ng pag-pinta. I paint a mix of surrealism, realism, and photorealism. If you mix three, it was really hard for the viewer to grasp the story of the image. Sabi ng iba, it made them feel nostalgic when staring at my work. Yung iba naman, ay para bang napanaginipan raw nila yun noon.
Valerie on the other hand, sees chaos. One corner looks beautiful, but if you moved your eyes onto the other side, or even think deep about it...it shows the ugly truth.
Instantly, I knew I liked her. Tinuruan ko siya ng mga techniques ng pag-pipinta kahit na isa rin siyang Fine Arts student noon. Her skills also made me agree for her apprenticeship. Now a freshly grad, I offered her to work for me. I didn't just get an assistant, I gained a friend as well.
As I finished my meal, I glimpsed nonchalantly at Gino who is busily looking at the menu board behind the counter. Enough na ito para malaman na malapit nga talaga ang pinagta-trabahuhan niya rito sa area. I have originally planned to tail him this lunch to study his routine, but my instincts are blocking me right now to do it. Napalingon na naman ako sa salamin sa labas at tiningnan kung mayroon na naman bang nakatingin sa akin. I know its not Gino who was looking at me, kasi I am unrecognizable right now.
After 5 years since my death, I did everything possible to not look like what I was. My jaw and left-shoulder were broken. My face beaten and swollen; you wouldn't know I had a decent pretty face underneath. Hinding-hindi ako mamumukhaan ni Gino kahit na harapin ko pa siya ngayon. It's not him who I think is staring at me...if there is someone staring at me.
Shake off this paranoia, Lya.
Kinuha ko yung aking helmet sa lamesa at lumabas na ng café, leaving Gino in his business. Darating rin ang araw na magkikita kami muli. I hopped on my bike and secure my helmet on and put on my gloves. I gave my Triumph Speed Triple RR a rev and sped away the streets of Makati. Valerie messages me again pero hindi ko tiningnan kung ano iyon.
My mind was too foggy ago, and I need to clear my head. Good thing I brought my bike today kahit na mainit ngayon sa labas. It is fun riding on a clear day, and I have one more errand before I get back to my studio. After 20 minutes of riding in speed from Makati to Manila, I parked at my designated slot of my apartment building.
Nawala na yung feeling ko na may sumunod sa akin, pero napalingon muli ako sa aking paligid. I just have to double check.
"Welcome back, Ms. Ilya," banggit ni manong Bert, nung pinagbuksan ako ng pinto sa parking area. I just nod at him as thanks. He knows na it's me kahit na pumasok ako ng lobby nang hindi tinatanggal ang aking helmet.
I walked to the elevator doors and press the 'UP' button, and look around the interiors of Capitol Residences.
Previously Capitol Theater, this place was once in its glory in Escolta during the thirties. It started to decay nung naging uso ang mga sinehan sa malls at nagsimula itayo ang LRT. Now, it is converted into a mid-rise residential building, maintaining its original façade, with updated architectural features and technology. And I live on the 8th floor, the penthouse.
May mga sabi-sabi na ibibenta na naman raw muli itong building dahil hindi mabenta ang location sa mga kliyente, at medyo mataas ang presyo. Hindi rin raw nakakatulong na baka haunted ito, dahil ilang dekada na itong abandunado bago ang renovation.
Hindi nila alam na itong mga rason na ito ang dahilan kaya napili ko rito tumira. You see, the Architecture of it is a giveaway since I am an artist. But I was drawn more from the history of it.
Plus, I am the type of person na hindi makaka move-on sa nakaraan.
Nang makarating na ako sa unit ko, pumunta agad ako sa aking control room and sat on my table. I watched the feed on my monitors: Valerie in the studio eating her lunch, Sergei's mansion in Makati, a real-time feed of my old house in Q.C., and also every camera angle in and out of this building. Checking if my intuition ago is right, and looking if something is not right around me.
Ever since the incident, I have planned everything I could para lang magawa ko ang ninanais kong makamit, ang makapaghiganti. I may be the one hunting the boys who hurt me, but double checking as precaution wouldn't hurt.
Because my whole life shattered after my death.
My parents were shamed and dead, and my brother couldn't even come home and set foot in this country again. Now, I'm back. Actually, I never left.
Being born as Ilya Gusev is a miracle for me. The new identity may be a burden or luck depending on how you want to view it, but I owe my life to Sergei five years ago.
He saved me from the water and misery. Noong nakita niya ang aking kalagayan, he didn't ask questions from me. Idinala niya agad ako sa nalalapit na ospital, at binantayan hanggang sa makarating ang aking mga magulang. He has no answers for them as he was also in shock of my situation.
Ilang linggo rin akong nagpagaling, couldn't even speak when my family asks what happened. Hindi ko sila kayang sagutin. Sa katunayan, hindi ko nga sila kayang harapin.
I used to think that it was my fault.
Because I drank too much. Partied too hard.
Gabi-gabi akong umiiyak at tulala tuwing naaalala ko ang mga nangyari. When I looked at my father one night sa ospital, hindi ko mawari ang expression sa kanyang mukha. Hawak-hawak niya ang kanyang cellphone at para bang may ka-text. The first time I spoke at him and ask him if something was wrong, he broke in tears. My stoic and serious father...in tears.
Napangiti siya ng maliit at ipinatay ang kanyang phone. "You have no reason to be sorry of, love," he speaks.
But I am. I am sorry.
"Minessage ko lang kuya mo, kahit na alam kong matagal pa niya iyon mababasa."
"What did you say?"
"I- ", he paused. "I just updated him about Potchie."
Alam kong nagsisinungaling siya, pero hindi ko na siya tinanong pa. He may use our dog as an alibi, but I know my parents knows what happened to me. There are my medical records as proof.
Hindi ko na siya tinanong pa at hinayaan nalang siya na kumutan ako. I feel warm like a kid. Like a daughter loved by her family. Like I was someone dear to them. Pero noon, napalitan yun ng lamig. I let my family down.
My phone pings with a message by Valerie, shaking me off the memory. She is asking me if I am on my way. Nag-reply ako ng 'Oo', kahit na hindi pa ako tapos sa ginagawa ko ngayon. I got too emotional just by looking at our old house.
Binuksan ko yung aking browser sa computer at sinearch ang mga residential buildings near Gino's work. Sinama ko na rin ang mga potential na bahay na maaring niyang tirahan. Alam kong my probability for success is low, but at least I have a list. Kasi his social media is dry as fuck. I can't even stalk him online. So, my only resort as research is stalk him by flesh.=,a nd I've been doing it for three days.
Valerie starts to spam me with messages kaya I saved the details to my phone, got up and made sure my unit is locked very well, and drove off.
Nang matigil ako sa isang stop light, an incoming call flashes through my screen of my phone attached on my bike. Number lang ang nakalagay kaya hindi ko sinagot. Nung tumunog ulit yun, its Valerie this time. I pressed 'accept', and instantly hear her through the Cardo attached in my helmet.
"I am on my way, Val. Chill." Asar ko sa kanya.
"I know! I know! And I am sorry for pestering you. I just want to confirm if alam mo bang hindi lang isa ang nabili sayong painting kagabi?"
Napakunot ako ng noo. The light turned green and I start driving again, as I talk to her. "What do you mean?"
"'Her Despair' was also bought, Lya," sabi niya sa akin. "Hindi ba sinabi sayo ng gallery kagabi? Or have you even read their messages or email for your acknowledgment?"
No, I didn't. I was too tired last night. Shit.
"I may have missed it."
That painting was not for Sale! Napabilis ako bigla ng pag-didrive, not suddenly caring if I break the traffic rules. Pinutol ko na agad-agad ang tawag. Nang makarating ako sa studio, sinalubong agad ako ni Valerie. Even though her tall and slender frame is running towards me, she is still with poise like a socialite. Hindi mo aakalain na isa rin siyang pintor katulad ko.
"Val, that painting is not for sale. You know this." Batid ko agad sa kanya.
"Alam ko! Ngayon ko lang nakita sa emails mo. Apparently, Wyn's Gallery sold them!"
Tinanggal ko yung helmet ko sa aking ulo, and I hope she could see how red I am with furious right now.
"Have you checked our contract?"
"I have. It is stated there na kung sinuman ang makakapag-bid ng pinakamahal sa isang artwork, ay maaari rin makabili ng isa pa. All for the choosing ng gallery if which artwork. And we signed it."
I brushed a hand through my hair. Fuck. "Tayo ba yung may pinakamataas na bid?"
She nodded.
"Magkano naman ibinayad nila sa 'Her Despair'?"
Itinaas niya ang kanyang kamay at pinakita ang palad niya. Five. Five million pesos?! If combined with 'The Ascention to Death', that is a whooping Eight million pesos. Syempre ibabawas pa riyan ng cut ng gala at gallery. Kahit magkano man ang natira sa akin, sa ganoong halaga, para ka na rin nagpatayo ng bahay.
Fuck. Who the fuck bought my artworks?