Wish I could control inevitable things. Like
loving you.
The clear blue sky, that watches the pair of my own compassionate black eyes, that wanders upon him, and disappears in the enigmatic blank eyes of him.
My heart walks in the path which leads to his eyes. His eyes walk in the path, which leads to my heart, consumes the whole of it, replacing it with a burning passion. His deep intimacy, floats in the calm array of thoughts of mine.
"Haye, mashuka, apne toh apne didar sei, hame toh apna mureed hi bana diya."
My breath catches in my throat, leaving me breathless. Didar means vision, and Mureed means follower.
A follower of vision.
I could feel the butterflies lurking in the garden of my heart.
I couldn't help but let the shy smile curl my lips, and cascade my eyes down. He lifts himself from the car door, stepping an inch closer to me, making my toe curl, in my heels.
His exaggeration does me things like those tingling in my chest, but the closeness with him, resembles an unfathomable anxiousness, in every breath of mine. His fingers slide down on my chin, tucking it making me, lock my gaze with him.
"Don't break the contact, it makes me feel more connected to you." His voice thick, just as his words.
"And it makes me feel lost. I avoid yours, because I always find everything in them, yet find nothing to reason out, and grasp." I utter. As soon as I say, his body leans more on me, making me keep my hand on his chest. My eyes widens in alerts, afraid that anyone might misinterpret. But who am I kidding. We were in the middle of exist, surrounded by people, letting them judge us.
However, that doesn't stop him from inkling any more closer, as he ducks his head, whispering in my ears,"Learn me, then! And know me for eternals." He kisses under my ear, backing away a little, returning my breath.
Standing straight, his shoulder undeviating, his tousled hair, falling on his forehead. The red kurta complimenting his radiating skin tone.
"Areh, jaimai-babu?" Mom comes near us, making both of us to shift away from each other embraces. Reyansh looks at me with a sly smile, then turning his head to mom, giving her his split attention.
"How come you're here?" she asks in suprise, whilst handing him the prasad from the plate. Reyansh forwards his cupped hand, taking it.
"I just landed and came directly here." He answers, giving her his non-existent smile.
Does it bring pain to his muscle to give a smile. I shake my head at his nonchalant personality.
"Why did you take so much trouble? And how did you know we're here, lest know the place. Kiraz, did you call him here?" Mom narrows her eyes at me, making my jaw drop, at her open accusation. So much of care just for a month new son-in-law. Talk about injustice. I open my mouth to only close it, as it's me practically who nagged him to come here. But mom doesn't need to know that.
I again, tried, but this time Reyansh cuts me of, and pretenses,"Rest assured she didn't called me, or nagged me like a child to come here."
My mother understands the meaning behind his hidden words, making her laugh mildly at him. Although, I know it just a cover up for the anger she must be having on me, for making her good son-in-law, struggle so much. A grim expression took over my face, making me twist my lips at him, which increases more by seeing his smirk.
"Since you're here, let me introduce you to my friends." Mom gushes, and before I could stop her, she walks away, to the group of ladies, who were giving us not so subtle glances of curiosity, from the time mom came.
I whirl around, facing him. Slamming my hands on the either of my forearm, squinting my eyes, directly on him.
"What's that?" I demand.
Reyansh tilt his head, his forehead marred in a crease, acting all innocent and clueless,"What, what!"
"Why did you said I called you?" I remark, but he goes with keeping on his act, expressing all strange and oblivious. He ignores me and take a bite of the round yellow sweet.
"Exactly that's what I told, that you didn't call me, didn't I?" he glibs. A brief vision of his face, and even a child can say that this man is infuriating as hell. And insufferable to some extent.
"Nope. You twisted words." I pin-point at him, wanting to make a good win out of this conversation. Even knowing it's pointless.
"I just lied, that you didn't call me. If it's counted in twisted." He shrugs. His orbs provoking me in a challenge of fighting with him, but I held myself back. I don't want to put my energy into something at the end of which I will be the looser.
"Fool a child!" I assert.
"That's what I am doing." Comes his reply, making me pass him a sarcastic smile.
Not wanting to deal with him anymore, I turn away from him, but he stops me by wrapping his arm against my waist. My eyes gets brazen, and I immediately slam myself on his side, to avoid any eyes. As mom followed by her friends, were making their way towards us.
I cup his hands, trying to removes the grip of his fingers, from my exposed skin.
"Reyansh leave me." I whisper yell at him, wiggling unobtrusively.
"No sooner." He feigns a mischievous smile. I open my mouth to voice out, but a sweet soft sensation, spreads in my mouth. I cup my hand over my mouth, chewing the gooey sweet.
I hit his arms, swallowing the lump. "Why you did that?"
He shrugs his shoulder, bringing me closer against his side. "I don't like sweet things."
That, proves as a basis for his all time, somber face.
Mom and her bosom buddies come us, each smiling like a vibrant sky, enough to show their upper set of teeth, and eyes glistening like a LED bulb. Justifying their motive of coming over, with their duty of match making.
"He's my son-in-law, Reyansh Rathore." Mom pats his shoulder, introducing him. Praises after praises were thrown in the air, for him, making my guts recoil. Reyansh doesn't even show a subtle shyness, and peers at each of the lady with a small smile, and boring eyes. His countenance screams, of his desperate self, wanting to be anywhere but in between the huddles of taking toms. Therefore, to divert himself, he plays with my waist chain. I try to stop him, but, did he ever listened to me.
A lady even comes forward, introducing her daughter, and taking about how she has been searching for a good husband for daughter. But what role does my husband has in it.
"Do you have a brother?" her hopeful eyes, looks at Reyansh.
Gotcha!
Listening her, I brisk in the conversation. "He has. One is father of five kids and another of four kids. Right, darling?"
I look at him, who looks flustered, for being dragged in something he doesn't have any tab of. He speculates for a second, then, replying a firm yes, dragging the tip of his tongue on the seam of his lips. I force my eyes away from him, trying to concentrate on the new topic, and not shift it on his fingers, which glides, on my naked waist, tucking and twisting my waistchain.
The shimmering dappled rays of sunlight, scatters on the window, sprinkling some on my hands and collarbone. I turn my head, watching his hands, which swiftly steers the driving wheel, then trailing it on his vein floating like a river, on his inked skin. I gulp at the sight of his striking features which draws my attention, every other moment. And, him knowing my wondering eyes all upon him, unbuttons the top button of his shirt with his other hand, teasing me and passing me his rare smile.
"Reyansh, how far are we?" If not for mom's continuous probing, for the nth time, the scene would have looked more tempting. "Just few minutes, mom." He answers, taking a left turn, focusing on driving. "Your dad is going to be so angry." She mutters, in her native language.
I glance at her from my seat, watching her distraught self.
"Who told you to gossip about how many kids our neighbor has, what the husband does and bluh bluh." I chide at her.
"That's called, keeping updates." I stare at her not so guilty face, which has a smugly look.
"Then, what about the accounting you were doing about how much property Reyansh forefathers, grandfather, father, and he has. How does it care them?" I know she doesn't talk with that mindset of how rich her son-in-law is, but she should know with whom she talks such things. Her gullible nature, always brings her in trouble.
Her eyes widens and she gasps in shock. "Speak slowly." She hushes me.
I roll my eyes, saying, "Anyways, he wouldn't be understanding."
"I was just telling them. I didn't have any wrong intention. And, we were talking in Bengali, I hope he doesn't take me wrongly. Dare you to say something to him or your father." Look at the urge of being in good books of Reyansh. I scoff a breath, catching the said man's eyes.
"Ladies, I want subtitles." He flashes us his curious face, then turning to continue driving.
"Oh, we're just taking. Nothing important." She tries to dismiss the topic.
We reach home, and mom has a good earning of scolds from dad, as he asked us to come fast. Which gets shifted, when dad catches Reyansh. I excuse myself, too tried to deal with standing straight without hurting my feet. After freshen up a bit, I grab the remaining clothes to be kept in my luggage. After marriage, we both stayed in his penthouse, and a week ago only, I came at my parent house to stay. And, tomorrow we return back to Gujrat. Thinking about it, feels me both with excitement and nervousness.
I crouch down, sitting on the floor, folding the clothes. Soon later, the door opens. I glance over my shoulder, watching Reyansh making his way inside. My face morphs in shock, looking at him and the things in my room, which appears to be so ordinary infront of his towering body and aura.
"You aren't going to attend this." He questions.
My brow knits in confusion. I look at him and then at his hands which has a card scissored between his fingers. I shake my head, in denial, then turning back to my work.
"But, it's your school reunion."
My hands fist on the cloth, making me teeth my lips. Reunion? I have enough memories who each day without failing makes me remember my past. I don't want to meet virtually, to add up more. And, its not like there, would be anyone who would call me as their friend.
"Its nothing, and its unofficially organized. Not special." I deny.
He also doesn't probe more, must be by sensing the shift of my tone. I get up, to only hit my rising body with him. Reyansh swiftly held me by my waist, saving me from the fall. My open mouth, takes deep inhale of oxygen, calming my adrenaline. I raise my eyelid, crashing against his, calm face. But his eyes, drowned deep in pure lust, blazing with need, a rare view of showing thirst. He drags his hands on my neck, cupping my nape, jerking me closer to him. We breathing each other's fragmented breaths.
My hands involuntarily clutch his cloth. He leans closer, our hot breath faming our face. My eyes anticipatingly, for the force of his feelings, dancing in the triumph of his eyes.
"I've waited so long to touch them." He strokes the corner of my lips.
"To feel them, and get addicted like a lover of sea, wanting more and more."
His lips touches mines, but we jerk away immediately, with the knock on the door. I laugh out, and he grunts in my neck, cursing my brother who shouts for him, impatiently.
I knock on the door, then turning the knob, I enter the room, which reeks of heavy cologne. I smile, remembering how he used to ask me to bring him, the perfume bottles.
"I hope, I'm not disturbing you?" I ask, locking my hands behind my back.
He sits straights, shaking his head, keeping his phone away.
Heavy silence engulfs the room.
Between you and me, there is much more, fated with love, anger, understanding and then there is a gap left, for free voicing of your feelings, letting you breath. But in my and Shivam's relation, I think the whole space is left blank for hollow breathing, filled with nothing, just accusations and anger for each other. We don't hate each other, nor it would be sensible to say we're anymore bounded by love.
"Tomorrow, I'm leaving." I voice out, breathing in. He nods his head. I take his hand in my own, sitting infront of him.
"I hope now, you're not angry with me." I trail. He stay silent.
"Shivam, hear this, I'm taking from my experience. Because I loved, failed and grew to be alone with just that deserted love in my heart. You don't have to agree with it, but just listen. Listen, that we're not here for decades. We're just for a time being, after that we escape from everything. Our life will be dissolved in the vast ocean, and nobody would even know. But only who are really yours, will know, will cry, will mourn. When our life would get dissolved, the people behind us, will cry each night to just grab you, feel you. But, it would be so late, until you realise the pursuit of living and loving. And I'm, that one of yours. It hurts me when you fall, when you cry. I know, I've never said this to you but, I love you, Shivam. I'm sorry for being a hindrance, in your happiness, when all I wanted to do is shelter you. Protect you, from what I faced."
He doesn't lift his head, fixing it on our cupped hand.
"Take care of our parents. Take care of yourself. Now, you can get all of the love. It's your time to shine now. Protect it and appreciate it."
Wish, he could say something but he chooses not to. We are always late to realise. But it's life, we all are learning, we all are floating, to our dedicated destiny.
It's okay to make mistakes.
I get up, moving out.
"Kiraz, you must love him, right?"
I nod. I will learn to. If not now, I will.
And, my brother, I love you to, to hide it.
••~~••
Next chapter will all be a new start. I hope you like, it.
Waiting for your votes and comments.
It makes me the happiest person.
Published: 19July, 2023.