"Hopefully." I say to Taylor while letting go of his hand.
"So, uh, Canada... You smoke?" Taylor asks while smirking.
"'Course he smokes, he was brought in for possession of illegal drugs. Lots of illegal drugs." Nash tell Taylor.
"Canada boy can speak for himself. Do you?" He asks, referring to the smoking.
"Of course." I lie.
"Look Shawn, I don't want us to get off on the wrong foot. I have few rules but there are some. First off: Don't lie to me, mate, because I'll know if you do." He says.
I nod.
"Alright. Now that we've got that out of the way. Do you smoke?" He asks.
"N-no." I say quietly while looking down at the floor.
"Well, you should tonight." He says. I nod.
I take back what I said about him, he's a little scary.
"Glad we understand each other. Now I can go back to being nice." He says while leaning back in his chair.
"Why aren't you eating mate?" Nash asks with a mouthful of Chili. He dips his bread in it.
"I'm not hungry." I say quietly.
"You should probably eat at least a salad." Taylor prompts. I nod and quickly get up, spying everyone else's empty salad bowls. "Tell him I sent you." Taylor smirked at me.
I walked around from my side of the table to the front where they were serving food. I grabbed a tray and moved to where the inmate in charge of the kitchen worked.
"Hi." I say quietly, eyeing the tray that had one lettuce leaf left. "Taylor sent me to come and get some salad." I say quietly.
"The entire table want salad?" The blonde boy with blue eyes who looked around my age asked. I nodded. I noticed he had dark circles around his eyes.
"I'm Jack Johnson by the way." He tells me.
While pulling out a fresh new bowl of salad and handing it to me. I smiled and walked back over to our table, putting the salad bowl in the middle.
I hear Taylor snap. As soon as he does Hayes stands up while holding his stomach. I sit down looking at him in confusion.
"I-Is it hot in here? I feel a little hot." Hayes says while pulling at his collar to let the heat out.
Hayes begins coughing and gets up heading towards the exit. Suddenly he falls to the floor and begins to slightly shake like he was having a seizure. All the guards rush towards Hayes. I looked at Nash to see if he was panicking. He had a smirk on his face.
I look to see the other boys, including Nash, discreetly shoving the salad into their pants.
I am so confused.
~
I walked with my arm around Hayes. The front door had locked since it was 11pm. We all had walked him back from the infirmary.
Once we got to our hallway everyone started hugging Hayes and congratulating him. We went into the Common area and closed the door.
There was no camera in the common area.
How stupid can you get?
Taylor pulled down his pants and so did all the other boys except for Hayes and I. They took off their sweatpants and emptied them onto the coffee table.
Weed, a lot of it at that, came tumbling out of their pants.
Jack Johnson went and opened a small window.
Taylor put his pants back on, as did everyone else. He went over to the flat screen in the corner. He unlatched something behind it and pulled down a handful of something. Rolling papers.
Soon everyone was smoking except me. I couldn't bring myself to light the joint using a prison lighter, a battery and aluminum foil.
I sat on the couch and watched Jack throw bits of cookie into the air and catch them in his mouth.
I got up and walked out, not able to take this. I head to my bunk and laid on my bed. I closed my eyes and pulled the shitty blanket, over me. Tomorrow I'll buy a thicker one from commissary.
Soon, the god-awful weed smell reaches my nose. I look up from my bed and see Taylor standing at the door taking a long drag from his joint. I sit up in my bed and move to the right Taylor has half the bed to sit on. He sits facing me. He blows smoke into my face.
I fan it away from my face.
"Hey, Canada?" He says while smiling dazedly.
"Yes?" I ask, almost gagging at his breath. He puts his hand on my thigh.
"Remember that high sex I was talking about earlier?" He whispered in my ear. "Let's do it." He adds.
"I'm straight and I'm not high. I'm sorry." I tell him.
"Doesn't mean we can't have fun. Wanna shotgun?" He says, leaving me confused. "We don't have a bong so this'll do!" He smiles widely at his joint.
I don't exactly know what shotgunning is. So I just nod and go along with it.
Taylor takes a long drag from his joint. He signals for me to open my mouth. I do as I'm told.
He gets closer to me. So close our open mouths are almost touching. He tilts his head to get a little closer. He breathes the smoke into my mouth.
I sigh in relaxation as I inhale.
"Thanks." I say while lying down.
"Want a little more?" He asks. I nod and open my mouth again. Taylor takes a long drag. He knots his free hand in my hair as he brings face closer to mine. He opens his mouth, almost against mine, blowing smoke into my mouth. Once he's done I close my mouth and softly smile at nothing.
"You two make a cute couple." Nash says, scaring the life out of me.
"We do, don't we." Taylor says while getting up off of my bed and smiling at me dazedly. His eyes were red rimmed.
"No we don't. We were just shotgunning." I protest.
"You mean that thing that high couples do?" Nash laughs quietly.
"No! Nash, you know I'm not gay." I tell him.
"You're straight?" Taylor asks, his smile getting wider.
Did he not hear me the first time?
"Yeah. I like girls." I say indifferently.
"The next eighteen months will be unbelievably interesting." He smirks while leaving.
Nash plops down in his bunk.
"You shouldn't have said that." Nash tells me.
"Why?" I ask.
"Taylor loves straight boys." Nash says.
"Fuck." I mutter under my breath.
"He seduces them until they come out and want him so bad that they'd do anything just to get him." Nash explains.
"Then what does he make them do?" I ask.
"I don't know." Nash tells me uncertainly.
"Yeah well, I'm not that dense. I'm not gonna turn gay just because some muscular guy wants me." I mutter to myself.
I snuggle back down in the bed.
"Good night, babe." Taylor says from the door. I look up to see him without a shirt on. He had very defined abs. They were impressive to say the least.
"Not interested. Night, Taylor." I say.
"Later, Canada." He says while closing our door and walking away.
I sigh.
"Ready to top (kill) yourself yet?" Nash asks.
"Almost." I tell him, jokingly.
~
I had wandered around aimlessly this morning and I found a chapel or place of worship, if you will. It's empty and quiet in here. I sat at the first bench closest to the stage and podium. I stared at the giant cross that was hanging on the wall.
I took my small notebook out of my hoodie pocket and opened it up. It had a list of things for me to be thankful for, incase I ever got extremely sad.
I don't have these things anymore, so why should I keep the page?
I tore out the page and stuffed it in my pants pocket.
I put the notebook back into my hoodie pocket.
"I corrupted my body last night, please forgive me." I whisper to God, referring to Taylor's weed. It was a stupid mistake and it shouldn't have happened, especially not on my first day.
I dislike Taylor. He's nothing but bad news.
I sigh.
"Hey." Taylor says while walking down the aisle.
He comes and sits down next to me.
Great.
"Wanna know why I'm here?" He asks.
"No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me." I mutter.
"Don't be sassy with me. Just because I've taken an interest in you, doesn't mean I won't hurt you." He told me.
"I'm sorry." I apologize quietly.
"Anyways, I'm here because I felt compelled to come here. You prayed for me to be here." He says.
"That's a fuckin' nifty theory, Taylor." I begin sarcastically. "But I didn't pray for you." I say.
I don't know where this sudden confidence of mine came from. I liked it.
"Look," He begins aggressively while grabbing my neck, almost closing off my airway. "I work my ass off to make people here happy and I don't have time for ingrates like you."
I cough and try and breathe in. But I can barely do any of that.
Tears spring from my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry." I choke out.
Taylor releases his hold on my neck.
He leans in to whisper in my ear.
"I don't like cocksure people. You're lucky that you're cute." He says while dragging a hand down my chest and then down into my sweatpants.
"We're in a church!" I say quickly while removing his hand from my body.
Taylor chuckles darkly.
"You're a funny one, Canada. I like you." He says while smirking and putting his arms back on the seat.
I stayed silent, staring into his eyes.
That sounded gay. I was just looking at him.
"You know, I was just gonna have a little fun and then discard you like I do with most. But now, I think I'll keep you. You work for me now." He says.
"O-Ok." I stutter while looking down and becoming immersed in my thoughts.
"I love it when you stutter." He says.
God, what have I done? If I had just shut my fat mouth, he would've left me alone after a while. Now there's no getting out of this. Now I'll spend the next eighteen months being someone's prison wife.
I'd say husband but you only hear about prison wives so it rolls off the tongue easier.
"You like what you see?" Taylor asks.
I snap out of my thoughts to realize I was staring at his crotch.
"N-no! I--"
"It's okay, lots of people rave about it." He says while grabbing his crotch so it's more defined. He was big from what I could see.
I feel my cheeks heat up.
"I'm not into that." I tell him.
"Maybe not right now, but you will be." He tells me.
I sigh.
"Let's go, Canada." Taylor says while smirking and getting up.
"Where?" I ask.
"Back to my bunk." He says while biting his lip and air thrusting.
"I-I can't. I don't swing t-that way." I whisper timidly.
"I'm kidding, babe. You need a job, I'll take you to the warden." Taylor says. I nod and stand up. He puts his arm around me.
"C-can you please take y-your arm off?" I mutter.
"Why? Do I make you... Uncomfortable?" He whispers while leaning over and lightly nibbling my earlobe.
"Yes, you do." I say while moving myself away from him and crossing my arms.
"Good." He says while slapping my ass. I squeak when he does. "Now come here." He says.
I let out a shaky breath and get closer to him as we exit the chapel. He puts his arm around my waist as we make our way down the hallway.
"Mendes?" I hear someone call my name. I turn around to see Murph.
"Oh, hi." I say. I feel Taylor's arms wrap around my waist and his chin goes into the crook of my neck.
"Seems like you've already gotten a best mate." He says while smiling.
"We're not exactly mates." I say while shaking Taylor off of me.
"Shawn here, requests to see the warden." He says to Murph.
"Okay, I'll take you to her." Murph says. "Follow me." He adds. Taylor grabs my arm and pulls me along to follow Murph.
When we get to the governor's office, Taylor waits outside. I go in.
"Mr Mendes! How are you?" She asks from behind a big wooden desk. I sit down on one of the big comfy black chairs that were in front of her desk. "Have you settled in alright?"
"Yes. Everyone has been great." I say.
"Great. Would you like a coffee?" She asks.
"No thanks."
"Alright, so why have you decided to see me?" She asks.
"I need a job." I tell her.
"Oh well..." She clicks a couple times on her computer and checks over something. "Hamilton has been swamped. You think you could work alongside him as peer worker?" She asks.
"Yeah. Okay." I say.
"We'll send someone to come and get you for an appointment tomorrow. You basically listen to the inmates problems and reassure them that everything will be okay and you spend sessions just getting to know them and listening to their stories." She explains.
"Okay, that sounds great." I say.
There was a box from Tim Hortons on her desk.
"Take one." She says while smiling at me.
In all the TV shows about prison I watched, the wardens were always so mean. Olivia was actually really nice.
"Thank you, Ms. Olivia." I say. I open the box and take out a Nutella pastry pocket. I eat the small treat slowly. It was extremely good. When I finished I wiped my hands on a tissue. I got up to throw it in the garbage.
"You're dismissed, Mr Mendes." She says.
"Good day." I say while walking out.
I navigate my way back to F Block.
I go up to the second floor of the F Block building.
"Shawn! I heard you're co-peer worker." Aaron says while walking towards me from the common area.
How did he hear that already?
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"That means Olivia trusts you. Which also means that the guys don't." Aaron explains.
"But Nash--"
"Nash has earned our trust. You need to do the same." He says while walking away.
And how the fuck am I supposed to do that?
I sigh and walk to my bunk door.
The whiteboard on my door that usually said Nash and I's name had an X on it, written in red dry erase marker.
"This place is confusing." I mutter to myself.
I open the door and cover my mouth with my hand before I can scream.
"Hey mate, congratulations on becoming a peer worker." Nash says. He's naked under the covers of his bed with some boy. The boy is also naked and he was sweating too. Nash's lower body was moving with the younger boys' under the covers.
"Fuck... Nash!" The smaller boy moans.
"This is Brent." Nash introduces me to the other boy.
"What are you doing?!" I ask.
"Fulfilling my needs." He moaned. "What about you?" He asks.
"I'm gonna do laundry." I say quickly while taking the laundry bin that had my dirty clothes in it.
"Sure you don't wanna join?" He asks. I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.
I walked out and closed the door behind me.
Was he having sex? With another boy? In our shared bunk?
"Ugh." I mutter to myself.
I bump right into someone. It was Grayson Dolan, one of Taylor's friends.
"Hi! Can you direct me to the laundry room?" I ask.
"Yeah, it's in the basement." He tells me.
"Thanks."
"Oh and here's a piece of advice; talk to Taylor about earning everyone's trust." He says.
"O-okay." I say.
"He was right. It is cute when you do that." He laughs while walking away.
I head over to the stairs and head down to the first floor, going down the next set of stairs to the basement.
I'm met with a large laundry room with washers, steamers and dryers.
I walked over to the washers. Then I heard an unusual sound. It sounded like crying.
One washer was out of order.
I opened the one next to it and shoved my clothes in. I closed it and started it up.
The crying sound was starting to bug me.
"Hello?" I ask.
"Hi." I hear a sad but familiar voice. It came from, the broken washer. I opened the broken washer door.
I looked inside the huge barrel. There was a smaller boy inside it. He was crying. His black converse were ripped and torn. I helped him out of the washer.
"Jack Johnson?" I whisper.
"Yeah." He confirms. "Just call me JJ." He adds.
"Why are you crying?" I ask.
"My sentence is over in roughly a year and a half." He sobs.
"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask.
"I'm homeless and broke. I have nowhere to go, the chances of getting a job will be even slimmer now that I've been to prison." He says. "I can't even afford to buy new shoes from the commissary." He adds.
"Oh my god. Don't be sad. Um... Here." I say while taking out my notebook and a pen. I open the notebook and hand the pen to him.
"What's this for?"
"Make a list of everything you need and I'll get it for you." I tell him.
The drugs brought in a lot of money back when I used to...
He smiles and writes something down. He hands me back the notebook.
"A hug?" I read the note.
"It's been six months since my last one. Please?" He asks. I wrap my arms around the smaller boy. He hugs me back, relaxing in my arms.
I hear someone clear their throat from the door way. I turn around to see Taylor.
"Cheating on me, Canada?" He asks.
I turn back to JJ handing him back the notebook. I walk over to Taylor, stuffing my hands in my pockets.
"Maybe I am. What are you gonna do about it?" I ask provokingly.
"Are you teasing me?" He replies while smirking. "'Cause if you are; sleep with one eye open, Mendes." He growls.
"I'm so scared." I say sarcastically. I walk to the stairs and go up them.
I have a death wish, don't I?