Harry's POV
After showering, I had decided to lay down in my bed. I was fucking exhausted, and I couldn't bare doing anything with my family. I was embarrassed for yelling at Gemma like that. The shower got my head thinking, and I didn't have a right to yell at her like that... well, actually I think I did- just wasn't the time or place to do it.
So now, I lay up here with even more guilt, just watching the ceiling fan on my plain white ceiling spin in circles over and over again. I couldn't focus on anything else rather than the ceiling fan, and what had happened in the last 48 hours.
It was dark out, and her scent on the bed was eating me alive. I was literally being haunted by her. I wanted her. I wanted to see her. I wanted to be near her. I wanted to explain everything. I wanted to have a chance to try to get her back, but I knew that was impossible. I had dug such a deep hole, it was practically impossible to get out of it.
I figured she had blocked my number. I had spent so much time, calling texting, hell even trying to DM her on twitter; she had blocked me on that as well. She didn't answer obviously. I wasn't surprised, nor did I blame her. I wouldn't want to associate myself with a person like me anyways. I was a lunatic.
My phone had rung over and over again all day long, only it was never Bethany. It was never my girl calling me to tell me where she was, or if she was alright. I knew she wasn't alright. There was so much emotional drama in her life, she'd never really be alright. That's the worst part... I was making her feel alright. She trusted me so much and I just made her feel like shit.
Every phone call was the same- one of the lads or management. I didn't have the energy to deal with them. I didn't want to face reality anymore than I had to. I knew when I picked up the phone call from management, I'd realize how bad I'd fucked up. I'd realize I might not be staying in a warm bed every night. It could change to a fucking prison cell, and I just wasn't ready for that.
"Harry... Baby, I'm sorry to disturb you but it's important." I hear my mom talking softly through the door, and as much as I don't want to let her in, I know she'll come in anyways.
"Yeah mum... you can come in." My voice was raspier than I expected, but I also hadn't had something to drink at all today.
She walks in timidly, dressed in a red long sleeve dress. Her hair was perfect as always, and her make up looked flawless. I didn't understand how she never looked bad.
She looked distressed though. There was something off, and her hands were behind her back, indicating she was hiding something from me. I swallowed hard, not wanting to know what was behind that damn back of hers.
"Liam's been calling you, love. He's on the phone right now." She pulls it slowly from behind her back, showing me she's brought it with her.
"Tell him I'm asleep." I groan, turning away from her. She frowns at me, giving me a small scowl.
"I heard that. Anne, please put him on the line!" Liam's voice rang through the room. My mom had put him on speaker.
"Mum!" I whine and she shakes her head at me.
"This is bad Harry. How much trouble did you get yourself in?" She sounds so disappointed in me. I hated that. I never wanted my parents to be disappointed in me.
"How'd you know what I did?"
"Liam told me. Harry, you need to talk to him. It's important!"
"Fine." I huff, sitting up but immediately regretting it.
The room spins in circles, over and over again. My vision gets blurry and I fall back into the bed, closing my eyes. When I hope them, I hear a shriek from my mom, running towards me.
"Shit, Harry! Your eyes just rolled to the back of your head!" She yells and I nod my head.
"I'm really fucking dehydrated." I say shortly, closing my eyes again.
"I'm going to get you water. Don't sit up."
She tosses me the phone, making it land on top of my stomach. I grab it in my right hand, bringing it close to my ear. Forgetting it's on speaker, Liam comes through the phone a lot louder than I expected.
"What the fuck just happened?" He yells, and I flinch away from the phone before taking the speaker phone off.
"I think I fainted, but I'm not sure."
"You need to eat and drink Harry. You can't let yourself go to waste." He tells me, but what he doesn't realize is that I already have.
"Alright mate." I feel weird telling him that, because I know I'm lying, but I'll just add that on to the ongoing list of reasons why I'm guilty of shit.
"Anyways," He huffs. "Merry Christmas."
"You too."
"Harry..." He sighs and I can literally feel my heart pumping out of my chest.
"Look, I'm in a bad mood. I don't mean to sound like such an arse, but why are you calling me?"
"Management has been on me and the other lads' asses Harry." He sounds timid, and I wish he'd stop.
"About?"
My mom comes in with a glass of water and some crackers. I tell Liam to hold of for a bit because my mum refuses to leave the room until she's seen me drink the entire glass of water and eat the ten crackers she had brought me. I admit I feel better and she leaves a water bottle on the table next to my bed before leaving the room.
"Sorry, she's gone." I apologize, sitting up against the headboard. The dizziness was diminishing, and slowly everything was becoming more normal.
"Well, managements been trying to get in contact with you. They're really, really angry."
"I guess they kind of have a reason to be don't they?" I mumble.
"Laura almost lost her job Harry..." (If you don't remember Laura, she's in Chapter 43. She's the leader of the management team in the book. lmao been a while I know... okay proceed)
I feel a pang in my chest. I hated that woman. I hated her more than I hated anything. She's the one who made me get a stupid fake girlfriend in the first place. She's the reason I had to 'settle down' and 'fix my life'. I felt guilty though. I could have gotten her a lot more than fired. I'm so fucking sick of ruining people's lives to make mine better. Everything's starting to catch up with me and I don't know how long I can take it.
"Oh bloody hell." I run my hands down my face in frustration. I'm such a fucking idiot.
"Bethany's lawyers were threatening to put an end to Modest, and the band Harry. It could have been the end for everyone." He sounds angry, and once again, I don't blame him. Everything I keep doing is so reckless and stupid.
"Liam-" I start to apologize but he doesn't let me.
"I don't want to hear it." He breaths out. "You're lucky she hates you so much that she wanted nothing to do with you. It saved our asses mate."
"In what world is it a good thing that, that girl hates me? I fucking love her." I snap.
"Don't go bitching at me Harry. You don't deserve her." His voice is threatening and decide to let it go.
"Still doesn't explain why that'd be such a good thing if I want to get her back."
"No, it's a good thing, because if she didn't mind having to see you again, we'd all be fucking poor, living on the streets. She could have wiped us out entirely! There would be no one direction. There would be nothing."
I can't even answer him. I can't think straight. Everything is so much to process. I'm glad she's not pressing charges. I'm glad she's letting it all go, but I'm not at all happy for the reason she's doing so.
"She's not even helping us with Red Nose anymore Harry..." I can hear the disappointment in his voice, making me cringe.
"How are we suppose to make the video?"
"She bought out of the contract... there is so much money." He pauses before saying, "Simon is really upset as well. He doesn't want people to give him a rep for having bad people on his Record label."
"People know what happened?"
"Bethany released a statement yesterday to the press... Hell, Harry have you not seen anything?"
"Fuck. No." My head falls back, leaning against the headboard of my bed.
"Harry... you should see what she said. You should read it."
"I-I can't." My voice cracks. "I can't take it anymore. I can't see the damage I've done. Not knowing is already fucking up my head enough. Finding out all this shit is just making it so much worse."
"Harry, mate..." I know he's trying to comfort me, but I don't want comfort from a person I've fucked over so much.
"Don't Liam. I don't deserve any sort of pity from you. You of all people. You've warned me from the beginning and every time I'd tell you I had it all handled, I guess I really didn't. I'm sorry. I know this is such a shit apology, but I'm so fucking sorry."
"Harry, stop. Everyone fucks up."
"Never this bad. Never to the point where they have ruined hundreds of lives." I can feel the tears running down my cheeks as I talk. I can feel every ounce of sadness washing out of my eyes and down my face.
"She's changed you." He breaths out after a long moment of silence.
"What do you mean?" I say between sniffles.
"Harry, before she came into your life, you wouldn't have given one single shit if you had done this to anyone. You care about others more than yourself... It's just this entire mess started before you realized this." I bite my lip, thinking about his words.
"Don't go back Harry... Don't go back to that emotionless lad that didn't give a shit about anyone but himself. Don't be that person again. Everyone misses the Harry you were when this entire band started. You were finally starting to come back."
I feel guilt run through me like a shock wave. I couldn't even bare to listen to him speak. He was breaking my heart like Bethany was, only it did hurt a little less than her.
"Everyone was starting to get along again. We were starting to have those good old conversations we used to have. Everyone in the band was happy. Please, just for us, stay the same. Let this help you change... let it show you who you really want to be."
"I'm not going to give up Liam."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to give up on her. I'm not going to just drop dead in her world. I love her. I'm not going to lose that little source of happiness I have."
************************************
To say the Styles Christmas Family dinner was awkward would be the largest understatement in the history of statements. I had never felt so uneasy about anything in my life. Sitting next to Gemma, with Des on the other side of me was terrible. I didn't know what to say, or how to apologize for this morning, so I kept my mouth shut.
"Christmas roast is my favorite thing you make." Robin says as he cuts into the large piece of meat on his plate.
I was unappetized which sucked. Robin was right about this. It was the best thing mum made, so I was upset that I had to shove it down my throat without really getting to enjoy it.
"S'really delicious Anne." I hear Des's voice from next to me, making me cringe slightly.
Sure he and I got along, but only if we had to. I had no remorse for what he had done to my family and I. I never understood why we even included him in holidays. He didn't want to be with us during them when we were little, so why had anything changed?
"Do you like it Harry?" My mum asks, and my eyes flutter up to meet hers. She was concerned with me, like any good mum would be.
"S'amazing." I say quietly, hoping she'll hear me so I don't have to repeat it.
"Are you alright son?" Des has the fucking nerve to ask me, and I already know everyone at the table is sending him daggers-everyone except me.
"Fine." I huff out, shoving the roasted potatoes my mother had baked into my mouth.
"We're just worried about you." He touches my shoulder, and I immediately flinch away. I hated when he touched me.
Gemma hadn't spoken a word since I had come downstairs. I didn't blame her. I really was an arse to her. I shouldn't have had that conversation with her in front of everyone. I shouldn't have yelled and embarrassed her like I did in front of everyone.
So instead of talking, Gemma and I sat at the round table, listening to what the adults were saying. I wasn't paying much attention to it, just simply listening to their voices as the spoke. Every bit of conversation they had didn't seem even somewhat interesting. All of it was neighborhood gossip... shit I didn't really give a damn about.
When I finished my food, I felt better. Eating was definitely helping me get rid of my tired state. I felt more energized, more alive. I still felt dead though. It was as if my body was a living black hole.
"M'going upstairs. Thanks mum." I kiss her on the cheek, taking herself and me by surprise. It'd been awhile since I'd done that. I knew it was a Bethany thing though. I knew she'd like it if I'd done that.
As I got to my room, I saw my phone laying on my bed. I checked it with hope, but I knew there wouldn't be anything of relevance there.
I needed to read the statement she made. Liam was right. I was important to see what disaster I had caused, and hope that somehow I could finish it.
Liam had sent me the link. It was for the People Magazine website... something I could hardly handle looking at.
I sat on the roof outside my window, hoping I could get some alone time and air so that I could think.
Bethany Smith's relationship with Boyband star, Harry Styles, has come to a close.
We know people, only a month could Harry Styles stay tame enough to be with one girl... the only thing? The entire relationship was a lie!
Smith (20) had been seeing Styles (20) for a month. We were very surprised when we heard the announcement today that the couple had split... and while visiting Harry's family together for the first time!
When we learned the reason behind the break up, no one really blamed Bethany for leaving him. When you hear what he did, you'd never want to be with him either.
Sources say Harry was using her for publicity. His management team was hoping to get him a better image. He chose a girlfriend, and he had to get her to sign a contract stating that she agreed to be with him and that management had the right to do whatever it pleased with their relationship. Whether it be photos, or staging various scenes to draw Styles attention, you count on it being Modest Management for the responsibility.
Our source also says he cheated on her with a girl from his past... someone who meant something very special to him.
"Because of his cheating, I think we are all assuming he'll be with that new girl in no time." Direct quote from our source itself.
We got in touch with Bethany, as she was walking out of the Paris Airport. The poor girl looked tired, still in her dress from the night before. After asking her questions, she decided to answer, looking a bit stunned.
"How do you people find this shit out so quickly?" - this was her response before getting in the cab with Leighton Meester who seemed to be joining her in her getaway to Paris.
I couldn't fucking believe it. How the fuck does shit like this get out? Fucking management probably did something, but it wouldn't make sense. They would have looked horrible, so scratch that. Probably someone else... but who?
It was infuriating. I couldn't even dare to go on twitter or instagram to see the shit I'd be getting. I couldn't get myself to do anything except chuck my phone back through the window and into my room.
"Ouch." I hear her voice, and damn do I want her to leave. I wasn't in the mood to go off at her again.
"Sorry." I grumble as she climbs out the window.
"Holy fuck it's cold out here." She comments, taking a seat next to me. Her blond hair was flying around in the wind, sometimes smacking me in the face.
"I can't feel anything." I respond. She's take aback by my response, obviously not knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry about this morning Gemma." I whisper. I couldn't even look at her. I felt so shitty about it all.
"Harry, there isn't a need to be sorry. It's my fault. I actually came out here to say sorry." She says awkwardly. I know she's scratching the back of her neck, it was something she always did when she was nervous.
"No reason to be. I should have told her about you and Chace from the start. Dunno why I made it such a big deal."
"You were right though." She responds quickly, not making any sense at all.
"Care to elaborate?"
"I have no reason to hate her. She has a giant reason to hate me, and she still didn't... even after all that shit I said to her outside, she had still chased me all the way to my room when I ran away crying."
"You remember?" I ask.
"Yeah... After you mentioned it, it all just kinda came rushing back to me. I was such a bitch to her Harry... I think we both owe her explanations and apologies." She tells me and I nod my head.
"Too bad she'll never get in contact with me again."
"It'll work out Harry... I swear it will."
"I don't know anymore, Gem. I really really really fucked up. And not just with her, with a lot of people." I lay back, pressing my entire body into the roof.
"Harry, I promise you, shit with her will work out. I can't see you guys not together."
AN: WELL GUESS WE'RE DOING A DOUBLE UPDATE CUZ I DON'T WANT TO STUDY FOR FINALS...
ANYWAYS
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