Elijah didn't kiss me. Hell, he didn't even utter a word as he left. Despite being almost desperate to feel his touch once again, I didn't dare to make the first move. He was still a taken man, and I was disgusted with myself for wanting him to be unfaithful to Nina.
No matter how much of a bitch she was, it wasn't right. It was better that he had left in that moment, otherwise I truly wouldn't have been to control myself. It was almost... like a need. It was infuriating, too.
What was I thinking? Elijah wasn't a cheater, that much I was sure of. I didn't want to be the one who tempted him, no matter how much I wanted and needed him. Though, I somehow ended up hoping and praying that he would break up with Nina.
That wouldn't be a guarantee that we'd have a shot at being together, but it was better than possibly cheating. So, I ended up wanting to break the two up, and with no trace of it being my doing.
''You're talking like a crazy person right now, Freya.''
My mother was scolding me. I knew it was a mistake to share my inner devil with her. She was supposed to be on my side with this one, but she was taking their side.
''I'm just saying,'' I mumbled, ''It's better than to sit around and just be in pain.''
Mom was not impressed. She flicked my forehead, and ignored my stunned face. ''That's what you get for acting like a little brat. Life isn't easy for anyone, why did you think you're special?''
My mouth dropped. ''Jesus, thank you, mother, for such kind words.''
''You're not a kid anymore, Freya. Start using that smart brain of yours to figure out the easiest way out of this situation. Acting like you own the world won't help you, at all.''
I was hurt by her words because she was right. Mom had no filter, and instead of telling me what I wanted to hear, she told me what I needed to hear. The truth of the situation was that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.
Yes, I wanted Elijah back, no matter the cost, but I didn't know where to start. It wasn't like I could've just appeared on his doorstep that he shared with his fucking fiance, and ask for a second chance.
Nina was definitely not an easy opponent. She was fierce, which was one of the reasons I was intimidated by her presence. Not only was she drop dead gorgeous, she was a successful business woman, with a career bigger than my dreams.
I did a thorough background check on her, I needed to know just who I was dealing with. It didn't help, at all.
She was the smartest kid in school, graduated with honors, started her company and worked hard to get where she was. It was admiring, but I was feeling nothing but hatred. Just because she had my dream in her palm didn't make her better than me.
However, a small voice in my head kept telling me that the reason I hated her was because she was better. Obviously, she got the man I wanted, too. Was there anything in this world she couldn't have gotten?
Mom noticed the disoriented look on my face and nudged me with her elbow. I looked at her and she patted her lap.
I felt like I was seven years old again, with my head in mom's lap as she stroked my hair. My eyes closed on their own accord, and I fought back tears. I missed her so much. Mom was someone irreplaceable. Someone who gave me life, and who gave me the strength to continue living after all of the rocks that were thrown my way.
She didn't say a word, and there were no words left to say. We both knew that situation was far from easy, or something that happened to a lot of people. At times like this, I missed having Cora by my side.
''You should call her.'' Mom said, breaking the silence first. I only chuckled and leaned further into her touch.
''It's pointless. I told her some pretty rough things back in London. Even if she did answer her phone, she wouldn't want to meet me.''
Mom sighed. ''You fucked up. It happens. If you talk it out, I'm sure you could get over those things together. I think you're forgetting that it's not only them who were hurting, it's you, too. You were all alone in an unknown country, across the continent, and legally dead. You should definitely try it. If not, give her time, she will definitely need it.''
—
Well, to say that I was surprised Cora agreed to meet me was an understatement. The conversation was embarrassing, if anything. I was stuttering over words and I could've sworn that Cora laughed. It was covered up with a cough, leaving me to wonder if it was all a part of my imagination.
I asked her to meet me at one of the coffee shops that was closer to her work place. Since mom was keeping in touch with all of them, she knew where Cora worked. She agreed to meet me during her lunch break, and I was thankful.
She changed a lot. I didn't notice all the change back in London, but she was definitely more mature looking. Her face was youthful, but her eyes were definitely filled with maturity. My heart ached at the thought as to why she was forced to close herself up.
One thing was for certain, she was no longer that bubbly, bitchy yet loving person. She was much colder, but tried to come off as a warm person. The warmth had left long ago and it was my fault.
I didn't know the things she went through until mom told me last night. It broke me. It was my fault that she found herself with an addiction, but even without me, she overcame it. I was beyond proud of her, of who she became, and of who she is yet to become. A strong, independent woman with a past that was a lesson.
Cora was sipping on her lemonade, eyes locked with mine. It was quite terrifying. She was barely blinking and it was an intense stare.
''Are we just going to stare at each other or are you going to tell me why you called me here?''
I cleared my throat. Despite having the conversation prepared in my mind, as I did practice for an hour before we met up, I couldn't utter any of the words that were sitting in my brain on repeat. Instead, I settled for the simple ones, to see how to proceed.
''I'm sorry.''
Cora snorted, and then blinked. ''That's it? You really think those words are enough to even be a plaster on the wound you created, let alone heal it?''
I sighed. ''No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I was clueless as to how it affected you. I'm sorry for not coming back sooner. I'm sorry for not being there for you, with you when it was the hardest for you. I'm sorry for being a selfish friend, and I'm so sorry about everything I said in London.''
She was silent for a few minutes. Not once did she look anywhere but my face, then she smiled. It was a sad smile, and it made me break on the inside. That was what I deserved.
''You think I'm mad because you made a decision you needed to make for yourself? No. I'm mad because you didn't trust enough to tell me. Elijah told me that you didn't know until you were in London, but you could've called me after. Even a month, two, a year after. But five years, Freya? It's honestly made me second guess our friendship as a whole. Fuck the shit that happened to me, it's the fact that you didn't even think for a second about telling me. That's what I'm hurt about.''
Her bright blue eyes were getting more red with each passing second, swelled with tears. I hadn't noticed the tears slipping from my eyes until my cheeks were wet. The pain was evident in her eyes, her posture, her whole demeanor.
''And,'' she continued, ''I learned how to live without you because I mourned you, Freya—Alison, whatever you're calling yourself these days. And if you want me to forgive you, it will take at least five years. And that's only forgiving, not going back to the way we used to be, because let's be real, that's never happening.''
''I know.'' I was confident that I was going to earn her forgiveness one way or the other. ''I'll make it happen.''
Cora tilted her head to the side. ''I'm curious to see how.''
She didn't want to say it, but I knew it. She wanted me to work my ass of, because on some level, she'd forgiven me. It wasn't fully, and it was going to take time, but she never would've given me the chance to get her back if she hadn't made her decision about forgiving me. And for today, that was enough.
•••
I know I'm dragging it out. Don't worry, I'll wrap the story up in the next 7 chapters MAX x