Hello! Sorry if it took me a while since I've been preparing for a trip to Taiwan with my high school friends 🤍
Welcome to part 1 of the Epilogue which is at least 5k words. Just like in Lock Up, these will be done in Charles' POV.
Enjoy!
*****
February 01, 2025 - Monaco
"Mate, who's this?" Max asked me before sliding his phone on the table. We both just got back from our respective pre-season trainings and decided to meet up to have dinner.
I picked up his phone and saw a photo of me after dinner last night with Joris and his girlfriend, Chloé. They've been dating for three months and Joris has begun introducing her to his friends in Monaco, beginning with me. "I know I've been seen with a lot of girls lately, but she's with Joris."
The media has now labeled me as F1's Bachelor with most of them posting pictures of me around Monaco with different girls. To be fair, not all of them were girls that I flirted with and the media outlets failed to mention that I'd be going out with some of my friends as well. Half of the girls I was pictured with ended up going home with them.
I didn't exactly clear it out either. Ever since news broke out about my breakup with Rose last year, people have been assuming that every girl I'm seen with is my new girlfriend. It's fucking annoying.
"I'm so sick of people expecting me to jump into a new relationship. Maybe I should hold a press conference that I'll be single for my entire life." A second later, a pillow was thrown at my face, making my glare at Max as he went back to scrolling through his phone. "Ow?"
"Not everyone wants to be single, you know? Maybe you just haven't found the one." Max said and I raised an eyebrow at him. "What? I've been single for three years. I'm just waiting for whoever she is to arrive."
"There's nothing to wait for." I said, catching the second pillow just in time before it reached my face.
February 14, 2025 - Monaco
There was no use escaping Valentine's Day because everywhere I go, people are either all loved up or bitter about being single. I wanted to treat this day as I always do, just a regular Friday spent at Jimmy'z.
I was meeting someone and she was late. A few days ago, I came across a tourist who was exactly my type— brown hair, soft features, and brown eyes. It wasn't difficult to get her number and when I invited her to have drinks tonight, she said she was available.
Only I've been waiting for fifteen minutes and I was growing impatient. I looked pathetic waiting by the bar so I grabbed my glass of whiskey and headed out to the terrace which was thankfully empty. I took out a cigarette from my pocket and placed it in between my lips, pulling out my lighter before hovering it by the end of the stick.
I'm not a heavy smoker. I had to control my usage because driving in Formula One meant you always had to be in good shape. Usually, I'd just smoke during days or nights where I want to forget and this was definitely one of them.
Last year's Valentine's Day was spent with Rose and I celebrating at her bakery. It was the busiest time of the year for her and I decided to prepare everything by myself and surprise her with an intimate dinner and a walk around Monaco afterwards. During that night, I never expected myself to be alone the following year and staying the hell away from love.
My thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and a girl walked in.
Her dark brown hair was falling in waves until it reached her lower back. She was dressed in a black dress that was obviously not made for the February weather but it seemed like she didn't mind. When her attention moved to me, a look of surprise covered her features and I found myself solely focused on her eyes.
There was something different about them. She was beautiful, I'll admit that. She carried an air of confidence around her, but she didn't give off a vibe that she was arrogant. I'm willing to bet a hundred euros that if she walks back inside, all eyes would be on her. But her eyes held the opposite.
They looked sad.
"If you're not a fan of smoking, then I suggest you leave because I found this place first." I said, taking another puff of my cigarette as I continued to look at her. I thought she was going to leave but her next words only surprised me.
"Do you have another?" I pulled out the pack and she took one stick, moving closer as I held the lighter just by the tip. I watched as the fire reflected in her eyes, emphasizing her sharp features. I found myself growing mesmerized, confused because sharp features wasn't my thing when it came to girls. If she hadn't pulled away and said thank you, I would've burnt the end of her cigarette.
She was something. I was right with my thoughts earlier when she mentioned the guy who tried to make a pass at her. When I asked her what a successful attempt of taking her home would be like, I was only teasing, but it was how she fought back that I only grew more intrigued. Screw the girl I was waiting for.
Nadia seemed like someone who needed an escape from this night just as much as I did.
She was staying in a hotel and she sounded like an American but didn't look like one. I assumed she was a tourist and normally, I would've left as soon as the act was done.
I don't know what happened. I think she wore me out, causing me to fall asleep as soon as she did. I woke up to see her sleeping on my arm, hands placed over the pillow. Seeing her up close and with the sunlight from the window behind me, I saw more of her face.
If I thought she looked beautiful last night, now she was exquisite. Long dark eyelashes touched the space beneath her eyes— eyes that I think I've memorized from the amount of times I looked at them from the previous night. I was so lost in analyzing her features that I completely forgot about the possibility of her waking up and still finding me here.
Gently, I pulled my arm away and quickly gathered my clothes. I had to pause when she shifted on the bed, eyebrows furrowed as she moved to the other side. I was about to walk out when I saw a stack of books, seeing that they were law books when I looked closer.
Huh. Well, that makes sense.
February 19, 2025 - Monaco
Fate was playing with me, I thought to myself.
Not only did I see her during my run at Fort Antoine, she was moving into my building as well. Seeing a few things by the lobby wasn't unusual since I've been staying in this apartment for years and I've watched people move in and out every year. What I didn't expect was for a piano to be sitting there with Nadia playing it.
I found myself having fun every time I called her Nova. It's the way her face would twitch in irritation at the nickname and then she'd proceed to tell me her name was Nadia, obviously holding in her frustration.
Despite her insistence, I knew I was sticking with Nova.
February 22, 2025 - Monaco
If there's one thing I hate about in Formula One, it's the media. I'm alright with playing games and interviews, but I absolutely hate having to maintain an image that's not even really me.
I was in my apartment having a meeting with the team's PR team and they were showing picture after picture of me around Monaco with different girls. I raised an eyebrow when they showed a few of me and Nadia, but didn't say anything else.
"It's going to be expensive, but I've already haggled with a few of the websites to not publish photos." One of the managers said and the others nodded in agreement.
"But the photos will still end up online. It only takes one post and we can't just pay off everyone."
"There's a way that we can protect Charles' image. It's a common PR tactic." My eyebrows furrowed as I watched them eye each other.
"Are you talking about a fake relationship? Seriously?" Just when I'm trying to get away from anything related to love, management decides it's the best thing to maintain my image. I'm tempted to say fuck my image, but I hold myself because despite my disagreement in their choices in the past, the team's goal is always to take care of its members.
"Just pick someone and we'll go from there." The head manager's voice was steady and told everyone that there wasn't any room for discussion. At least they were giving me the chance to pick.
Without thinking about it, I pulled out the photo of me walking out of Jimmy'z with Nadia's hand linked with mine. I can't exactly explain it but out of all of the girls I've been seen with, she stood out.
February 24, 2025 - Monaco
At least now I know I made the right choice.
It seems like Nadia has her own secrets and fortunately, I have a media team behind me who can help keep whatever her secret is away from the public eye.
I watched her every move as she passed me back my airpods, wiping the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. The sadness I saw during the night I met here was stronger today, and I can't help but feel a little bit heartbroken after seeing her cry.
"Please fix it." She said, pertaining to the article. "I can't deal with more."
March 07, 2025 - Bahrain
This woman is unreal.
I have never met someone so headstrong like Nadia Kaplan.
It was obvious that she was trying to keep it together and I could relate. When papa died, I didn't want anyone to see how heartbroken I was. Lorenzo had a huge amount of pressure placed on his shoulders from being the family's new breadwinner. Mum was a mess and Arthur couldn't accept that papa was really gone. I didn't want to add any more to their pain, so I sucked everything in and took care of things before Lorenzo got the hang of it.
I only managed to get a hold of my emotions when I found out I got a seat in F1 and the first person I wanted to tell was papa.
I guess Nadia and I were more alike after all.
March 21, 2025 - Monaco
Holy shit. Why did no one tell me hearing someone speak Turkish was hot?
Or maybe it's just Nova?
April 13, 2025 - China
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Why did I do that?
Maybe it was just the high from winning? And she was there?
It was just a kiss.
So, why did it hurt when she called it an act?
April 14, 2025 - Monaco
Rose and I are okay. I ran into her on my way back to the apartment and she asked about a few baking supplies she left behind, asking if she could drop by to pick them up.
"It might be a bit messy since I haven't unpacked from Shanghai." I said and she waved her hand. I nodded at Sir Henri as we passed by and he did the same before furrowing his eyebrows at Rose.
"That's alright. I'll be out before you know it."
The elevator ride was packed, leaving only enough space for Rose and I to squeeze in. When I pressed the number leading to my floor, my eyes landed on the floor where Nova's apartment was.
I know I made things awkward yesterday especially since I haven't heard from her since. I basically ditched her by skipping out on the flight home and the guilt I felt flying back to France was evident with how restless I was.
Rose left within five minutes, leaving me inside my apartment alone. My eyes moved to the clock mounted on the wall, knowing that Nova was usually home by now.
Our form of escape happened frequently. I know well enough that aspect of our contract is one we can always agree on, but I find myself wanting to just talk to her. I need to apologize for what happened yesterday in Shanghai, but I don't know how.
How do you say sorry about feeling hurt that the girl you're in a not-so-friends-with-benefits thing hurt your feelings because she thought you kissed her for the cameras?
Yeah, there's no way I'm telling her that. It would ruin the entire deal.
I spent the entire elevator ride to her floor thinking of an apology.
I'm sorry I acted like a dick.
I'm sorry I didn't fly back with you.
I'm sorry. Do you want to get some coffee?
Not even the last one felt right and before I knew it I was knocking on her door. I wanted to hit myself in the head when the first words the came out of my mouth were, "Whoa, what's got you all cranky today?" Nova didn't reply. Shit. What happened to saying sorry? "Uhm— I think I left my charger here."
Way to go.
I was surprised when she closed the door on me before opening it again, my charger in her hand. Technically, I didn't really need it because I had a spare in my apartment.
She seemed off. It was like her entire body was sending signals towards me to go away and when her brown eyes held nothing closely related to warmth, I realized I was being brushed off.
April 20, 2025 - Monaco
She's been avoiding me.
April 28, 2025 - Monaco
I've been visiting the Meeting Grounds, hoping to catch her, but she's always a no-show. When I asked the barista when was the last time she passed by, they told me she'd usually order in instead of visiting the coffee shop like she always did.
May 10, 2025 - Monaco
"Tout va bien, Charles?" [Everything alright, Charles?] Henri asked during one day when I was picking up a few parcels that the team left for me. I just came back from Maranello to film a few media stuff and prepare for Monza.
"Oui, Henri." [Yes, Henri.] I answered on instinct although I found myself not believing my own words. It's been almost a month since I last talked to Nova and I'm at a loss as to why she hasn't talked to me nor replied to my messages.
"Bien sûr?" [Sure?] Henri repeated, making me look up from the parcels I was signing. "Je ne veux pas imposer." [I don't want to impose.]
I shook my head at him and gave him a reassuring smile. "Vous ne le serez pas." [You won't be.] I've lived here for years and I knew Henri has grown to care for his tenants. He establishes a friendship with them to create trust both ways. He trusts that we take care of our own spaces in the building and in return, we trust him to give us the security we need— one of the reasons why we chose the place in the first place.
"Je ne vous ai pas vu avec mademoiselle Nadia dernièrement et jes suis un peu inquiet. Elle arrive plus tard que d'habitude— parfois tôt le matin. Elle m'a dit qu'elle allait bien quand je lui ai demandé, mais il est évident qu'elle n'allait pas bien." [I haven't seen you with miss Nadia lately and I am a bit worried. She arrives later than usual— sometimes in the early mornings. She told me she was okay when I asked, but it's obvious she hasn't been well.]
My eyebrows furrowed as I leaned my elbow on the countertop. "Elle n'a rien dit d'autre?" [She didn't say anything else?] Henri shook his head. "Je vais lui parler. Merci, Henri." [I'll talk to her. Thank you, Henri.]
May 21, 2025 - Monaco
Thirty seven days.
It took thirty fucking seven days since I had a proper conversation with Nova. I dropped by her apartment before leaving Baku and it was obvious something was going on by the way she avoided my eyes. It was also a bit weird that she would cancel unexpectedly since she told me beforehand she'd be accompanying me to Azerbaijan.
It was the week of the Monaco grand prix and this specific weekend was a non-negotiable. All eyes would be on me during the home race and Nova knew that. I texted her earlier to remind her about the event we had to attend tonight and she only replied with a simple Ok.
Choosing not to meet her at the lobby, I headed for her apartment and was surprised to see a blonde instead of the long dark hair I've been accustomed to.
She looked familiar. Her eyes scrutinised me as I stood on the other side of the door, lips pursed when she met my eyes.
I don't know who this woman is, but it's obvious I'm not getting on her bad side.
"I expected you to be shorter." She said, still holding the door and not letting me in.
My eyebrows furrowed at her words as my mind tried to remember who she was. I think I've seen her with Nova in one of the photos she had in her living room. "That's a common misconception about me." I shrugged my shoulders and she hummed in return. "Is Nova here?"
"Nova?" She smirked.
"I mean Nadia."
"She's just finishing up." Finally, she walked back and let me in, closing the door behind me before we went to the living room. "I have a black belt in judo."
"What—"
Who the fuck is this and why is she scaring the hell out of me?
"I only have a blue belt in karate but in a few years, I'll probably have a black belt for that, too."
"Whoever you are, you're scary." I admitted and she had the gall to grin at me.
"Good."
Before I could even reply, Nova walked in. She stopped when she noticed that I was standing inside her apartment, giving me ample time to check her out. The dress she was wearing fit her well. Really well. I never really liked it when the girls I dated wore black because it was such a plain color, but looking at Nova, she was anything but.
She looked timeless.
From the moment I saw her until we got into the elevator, I couldn't tear my eyes away. There's a certain type of beauty that Nova holds. I would never label her as pretty because that felt like I was underestimating her. Beautiful fits but it's not the word I'm looking for. I've always thought of her like that in my head, but it didn't feel complete.
Powerful. She looked fucking powerful and I loved it.
I was looking at her the entire time and Nova seemed to be doing the opposite. I was growing tired of this back and forth, especially when she purposely stood on the other side of the elevator. Without thinking, I pressed the red button, making the elevator abruptly stop.
"What the fuck?" She cursed before turning to me.
"We need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about. We're going to be late."
"Nadia, we're not leaving this elevator until we talk." I said seriously, feeling how weird it felt not to call her Nova.
"It's Nadia again." She mumbled and I looked at her with confusion surely showing in my eyes.
"What do you mean it's Nadia again?"
I watched patiently as she went on a rant, brown eyes blazing with the fire I was so familiar with and oddly missed.
"There's also the fact where it's unclear to me where you stand in our agreement." I opened my mouth to reply but she held up her hand and said, "I'm not done." I closed my mouth again, clenching my hand which was on my side to keep myself from grabbing her by the waist and kissing her senseless.
"Now, are you done?" I asked her, taking one step forward.
"Yes."
"Okay, Nova. Like I said, it's just a nickname and from what I remember, you've been spending the past few months rolling your eyes at me every time I use it. You didn't give a fuck about it before so why now? As for Rose, she forgave me and we decided to stay friends. That relationship ended last year and there's no way it's happening again." By the end, I had her pressed up against the railings, the metal handle probably digging into her back. Even though she was wearing heels, I was still taller by a few inches.
"Because you don't belive in relationships?" She asked, voice different from how I was so near to her, my finger brushing against her thigh. "What are you doing?" My right hand grabbed her hip while the other settled on the wall beside her head. I was pushing so hard on it because I was itching to brush away the few strands falling over her eyes. If I do that, I wouldn't be able to make myself clear to her. The longer I know her, the more I realize that Nova wants everything said verbally, not believing in actions alone.
"I'm going to show you that this agreement is still intact and that means holding up my end of the deal."
Being apart from her for days made me want to stay by her side the entire night and I did just that. From the event to the parking lot to the club where we met Mick, my eyes would always be focused on Nova.
If I had just met her a few days ago, I wouldn't have sensed the slight difference in her. She's smiling as she talked to Mick, but I couldn't help but notice the tiredness in her eyes and how she'd sometimes fold into herself when she thought nobody was looking.
I had no idea what to say to comfort her when she told me about the nightmares. A part of me wished I was there to help her go through them, but a part of me also knew she wouldn't easily tell me about it.
That night, I broke one of the most important rules in a no-strings-attached agreement— no sleepovers.
May 22, 2025 - Monaco
I've experienced a broken heart before, but this was different.
It felt like every inch of me was being torn apart as I watched Nova cry in front of me, murmuring to herself about being alone. Every sob that escaped her lips and every frantic movement she made as she tried to calm her breathing was like a stab to the chest. I held her in my arms to try and tell her that she wasn't alone in this grief, hoping that I'd be able to pull her back to reality.
"Whatever you need, I'll give it to you."
May 23, 2025 - Monaco
Mum told Nova to call her Pascale.
Not Mrs. Leclerc.
She's never done that with my ex-girlfriends and all it takes is for her to look at Nadia before she's saying the words.
What the hell is happening?
May 24, 2025 - Monaco
People know that I value my privacy as much as I love Ferrari.
When papa died, we didn't explain what was the cause because it felt like a detail that only our family had the right to know. I didn't want people mentioning it every time papa was the topic because hearing it would make me relive everything all over again. I rarely talk about him because no matter how long it's been, nothing will make me get used to the idea of losing my father.
I don't know why I brought Nova to the viewing deck. None of my siblings would go with me here. Not even my mum. They all knew that my morning walks to this viewing deck was a thing that only papa and I shared.
Nova knows that I understand the loss she carries. The stories may be different but in the end, the pain is always present. I know she's been doing better since that night she broke down, but it's not that easy.
She said she has no plans of going back home because everything had a trace of the family she lost. She's not yet ready for the side of grief where you accept everything that has happened and focus on the good memories you had with the ones you loved instead of pushing them away.
I figured bringing her to a place that reminded me of good times with my father would make her feel like it was okay to go back home.
June 08, 2025 - Canada
Winning a race is always something that I enjoy, but the celebrations that follow are another thing. I can do the drinking and partying but sometimes, doing something else was better.
I was glad that Nova agreed with skipping the party. When we were driving around the city a few days ago, I saw some posters talking about a mask festival and searched it up earlier when I didn't feel like going to the party.
Wearing a mask and not being recognized was probably one of the best things in the world when you live a life like mine. It was nice to just have fun and be with Nova without the lingering eyes that would follow us.
She's better now, always holding a smile on her face. I remember the picture I took of her when we were in New York. Of course, she had to be stubborn and turn around when I told her not to, but I still managed to get a picture or her facint the skyline.
I took another one of her when we were in the bookstore and fortunately, she was too engrossed in picking a book to notice me. She was standing between the bookshelves, three books piled up on her arm while her other hand inspected the fourth one. Her eyes were focused on the back cover, the corner of her lips slightly turned up as she found whatever she was reading good enough because she added them to the pile after that.
As I look at her now, I know that she's starting to live with the grief. I'd never tell her this, but if I was given the chance to wear a mask and not be Charles Leclerc, Formula One driver, I'd want her to be there with me.
I grinned when she rolled her eyes at me, feeling my heartstrings literally reach out for her to create an invisible string that would tie us together.
And I don't think I'd ever let go.
June 22, 2025 - France
"Je suis content que nous soyons toujours amis. ." [I'm glad we're still friends.] Rose said as the two of us sat across one another eating dinner.
I smiled and nodded my head. "Moi aussi. Je ne voulais pas perdre l'amitié que nous avions avant de nous réunir. En plus, vous faites les meilleurs gâteaux de Monaco." [Me, too. I didn't want to lose the friendship that we had before we got together. Besides, you make the best cakes in Monaco.]
"Je sais que les choses pourraient être un peu gênantes au début, mais je serai toujours là pour toi." [I know things might be a bit awkward in the beginning, but I'll always be here for you.] Rose smiled before placing a hand over my own. I glanced at it, about to pull away, when the waiter appeared.
I took the chance to raise my hand and ask for the bill, hoping that the brush off wasn't too harsh. By the look on Rose's face, it wasn't.
She was staying in the same hotel, so we drove back together. I called our room to ask Nova how the meeting went but there was no answer and the same goes for her cellphone. She must still be working.
"Merci pour le dîner." [Thank you for dinner.] Rose said as the two of us walked up the steps and I lightly placed a hand on her back in case she tripped.
"Pas de soucis. Je suis un peu rassasié, alors j'espère qu'Andrea ne me grondera pas demain." [No worries. I'm a bit full, so I hope Andrea doesn't tell me off tomorrow.] I joked, patting my stomach, and Rose laughed.
"Ce sera notre secret." [It'll be our secret.]She smiled, taking a step forward and I was dumbfounded as Rose glanced down at my lips before meeting my eyes once again.
I know that look.
I've seen it a hundred times before and I know what will happen if she does it. Rose took another step and leaned forward, but before she could get close enough, I took one step back.
"Que fais-tu?" [What are you doing?] I asked her, furrowing my eyebrows as Rose blushed in embarrassment. "Rose, j'ai une petite amie." [Rose, I have a girlfriend.]
Technically, she's my fake girlfriend, but Rose doesn't need to know that.
"Je suis désolé." [I'm sorry.] She apologized, shaking her head. "Je pense que j'ai trop bu au dîner." [I think I had too much to drink at dinner.]
I eyed her, knowing that she only had a glass and she wasn't a lightweight. I didn't want to discuss it anymore so I nodded my head and bid her goodnight before heading upstairs.
Nova wasn't there so she must be downstairs. I sent her a text before getting ready for bed because I had to be up early tomorrow. I left the lamp on near her side of the bed so that it wouldn't be completely dark when she walked in.
Although she never did.
I found her sleeping on the couch outside, anything but comfortable. I was running a bit late, so I just left a note for her before heading to the track.
The French grand prix was just as important to me as Monaco and Monza, so the pressure was extremely high. Rose wss watching from the garage. I was still feeling a bit off from last night so I only sent her a smile and didn't make the effort to make conversation.
"Hai visto Nadia?" [Have you seen Nadia?]I asked Andrea as he passed me my balaclava. He shook his head and I sighed, looking around the garage one last time before I made my way to the car. She always comes to me before the race, either to tell me good luck or annoy the hell out of me. Where is she?
I got my answer when I parked the car, feeling pissed off from having such a shitty race. One of the screens showed her watching from the Red Bull garage which only irked me more. I lost my temper when she walked into my room in the motorhome acting as if nothing was wrong.
The atmosphere around us was stiff as we went back to the hotel. She was still avoiding my questions despite having answers that would fool anyone. Except for me.
"Because I fucking love you!" I felt like cold water had been thrown over me as I listened to her frustratingly tell me she loved me.
She loved me.
I was such at a loss for words, I couldn't push myself to form a reply. I knew how I felt about her. I knew the possibilities that could happen if I told her how I feel.
I also knew that if I told her the words she wanted to hear, I'd end up hurting her eventually. I don't have room in my life for love. I can't take the risk of inflicting that kind of pain on someone with feelings that are too deep to dig up. It was better to end things early rather than regret them later on.
When I didn't speak up apart from saying her name, Nova's face changed. I could literally see the walls building up in front of her as a form of shield against my silent rejection. She's shutting me out and I find myself thinking that this is more painful than worrying about the possibilities of hurting the one you love.
She walked out on me and I was frozen for a few seconds before I gained my wits and went after her.
But when I walked out, she was already gone.
Fuck.
*****
This was supposed to be longer and I only planned on having two epilogues but it looks like we'll be having more hehe
✧Reese✧