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Wish I could undo my actions.
I enter the room.
The eerie silence prevailing in every corner. I don't bother in switching on the light, as the night glow was enough to locate thing in the room, the glass wall provided.
Its past 12 in the clock. Yet, I sit on the revolving chair opening my laptop. I remove the leather jacket, ruffling my black t-shirt.
"Sir, your black tea." Suman my housekeeper keeps the cup on my desk. Passing me a smile, she retires to her room.
I dial the number, connecting the call.
After few seconds of loading, the call connects, the blank screen now showing the face of a middle aged man, his tousled graying hair framed his round face, with wrinkles forming at the end of his eyelid, as he smile seeing me.
His hazel eyes, glimpses through the steel rimmed glass sat on his crooked nose.
"How are you, Reyansh?" His voice, filled with excitement, yet lacing with worry as I hardly call him, if not for given task.
I smile a little, saying,"Good."
He laughs saying,"Still the same grumpy child, whose lip never twitched in a smile even if I gave him three bars of chocolate."
I shake my head, a smile cowering on my face.
"Cause you always brought sweet chocolate when I liked dark chocolate."
He chuckle, reminiscing the good old days.
"How's London treating you?" I question him.
"Pretty good." His eyes became distinct, feeling of detachment from his birth place reflecting in them.
"Everything good?" He probes.
I nod my head, uttering,"Yes it is. I hope I am not disturbing you."
He shakes his head, rhetorically,"I can never be busy for my daughter's in-laws."
"Amaira went to the Rathores Mansion, today. And I heard that you got married. You didn't even cared to extend your marriage invitation card. I'm so disappointed." He speaks in a frolic way.
"Oh, you're wise enough to know it old man, do you really require an invitation card."
"Not necessarily an invitation card but a ticket of your private jet will surely be appreciable, given its free."
We both fall in chortles. Mine forced and his geniune.
"I send you a wine as a gift through Amaira, but heard that you are not in Gujrat?" He ask, whilst sliding his spectacle on his nose.
I slip on my tea, giving releive to my parched throat.
"No, I am out with my wife."
"Oh, honeymoon." He cocks me a brow, his face marring a mischievous glint.
"Amaira wanted to meet her, as she is flying back to London. Her law semesters are going to begin soon. Poor girl, she was so excited to meet her."
"If I would've know she was coming, I would've delayed my trip."
And knowing now, I internally pat my back for planning a trip here.
"It's okay. Someday they shall meet." He says enthusiastically.
I nod at him.
"Well, uncle I want to know something from you. Hope you wouldn't mind." I ask, tapping my fingers on the desk.
"No no. Ask for it."
When I am assured of a green signal from his side, I question discreetly,"May I know about your other daughter."
Listening me, the smile of his face withers away, his face turning into somber.
I eye him, spontaneously, as he gulps a lump, his eyes cascading down, preventing him from uttering a word.
"Samira died four years back. She threw herself from her rooms balcony." Dev blinks his eyes rapidly, but unfortunately a stubborn one slide from his left eye.
He inhales a deep breath, trying to control his melancholy.
"That's why you shifted to London?" I ask.
He nods.
"May I ask why did she took that step?" I inquire, knowing this is the right opportunity to probe more, as a vulnerable person is even ready to sell his soul off, in his helpless state.
He gulps again,"She was depressed and it was a matter of a boy and her childhood friend. Something between them got down. Then, one thing lead to another, and we couldn't refrain her from taking that step." He chew his teeth, patting his face with a tissue paper.
"That girl, all because of her, my daughter's no more. If only I'd enough evidences she would be rotting behind the bars. But Amaira's mother stopped me from doing so. My wife still believes that the girl is not responsible for her death."
"What's her,"
The rest of my words were drowned as he interjects,"But why are you asking all this?"
I stay silent, as I knew this question is going to be raised. I run the cells of my brain to come up with a better and fast reply, but his phone rings, making me breath in relief.
He looks at the screen and passes me an apologetic countenance.
I nod in acknowledgement,"It's okay, you carry on. It's just related to some issue and nothing more. And hope it remains between us." I eyes him in speculation.
"Yes, sure. Rest assured it will be between us."
Passing each other dignitaries of the night, we ended the call.
To say I am speechless means nothing. When I went through the files I thought their must be a chance that the three didn't knew each other personally. But now it feels like possibly Dev would be talking about Kiraz. The suicide case involving her, the scandalous activity did give me the hint.
But here assumptions can't work.
I need solid proof to know what exactly happened four years ago.
I stand up from the chair, going towards my room.
The day was exhausting as heck. I need a rest before the aching headache explodes on wrong place.
After discarding my clothes, I lay flat on the bed. Taking my phone, I dial my guards number.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yess, Boss."
I end the call, right away. To not repeat the yesterday's event, I hired a guard infront of Kiraz's house, to inform me if anything goes down.
My exhausted eyes, begging for sleep, closes on its own, passing me to a state of unconscious.
The morning bright light, falls directly on my face. I groan in my pillow, blinking out of daze and being conscious. I take my phone, which vibrates as if the world is on tsunami. Taking it, I open the message which pops, without missing a second, flaring my screen.
And astonished sweeps in me, when the sender is non other than my dear wife, Kiraz. Before I read her messages, the screen flashes her call.
Expecting to hear her, sweet melodious voice, it is replaced by her own harsh words.
"Where is your phone?"
For a second, I have to keep the phone at a distance from my ears, as the voice tolled in my ears, hitting loudly on my ear drum.
"Good morning," I say, feeling already irritated.
"Oh, Good afternoon," she cries in a fake drawl.
On reflex I dart my eyes on the table watch, noting the time. It's nearly noon.
I overslept.
"Where you sleeping for so long?" She chides.
"Yess."
I get up, sitting straight on the bed.
"Where was your phone? I messaged you since yesterday. And today also, but you didn't even bothered yourself with throwing a glance upon them." She asserts.
"I was caught up in some work. What happened? Is something bothering you?" My voice feeble, yet indicating irritation.
I hear her huffing, then she initiates, "Bothering? Its chaos everywhere. And I can hardly find a solution to it. The mess is spreading everywhere. And hear me! I loath you so much for it. I wish I can throw you off my terrace. Uh, gosh I hate you so much. If you see the glimpse of my hate you had been crying in a corner," The rest of her words I mute.
Her voice take over the exhaustion from days. It feels like the first sunlight after the blizzard.
She goes on and on, penning down her delightful words. I get up, shuffling in my wardrobe. Taking a sweatpant with a shirt, I make my way to the bathroom.
I run my trimmer on my chin and jaw, her voice still intact in my ears, almost echoing in the bathroom as I put it on speaker.
"You know I am at a state, where going in both the path, would be leading me to miseries. And on top of that, I have to keep up with a lie. I am surely going to hell, for keeping my parents in dark. What's with you kidnapping me, huh. Like a sane men, can't you have married someone out of your caste. My family will create a ruckus the moment they get to know that you're not of our caste. What's so special about me. You are a nonsense person, a heartless prick, you,"
I take my brush brushing my teeth.
"And on top of that, my family now knows that I am seeing someone behind their back. Seeing? No, let me correct myself. Forced to see. My noisy neighbour saw you, dropping me, and us cuddling in my balcony. You now I am being the spicy topic of my neighbourhood. All because of you. Since yesterday my parent are asking me a list of question. All because of you. You know if I am going to hell, surely I am taking you. I will not alone burn in the fire of hell. Why are you silent? Did he cut the phone. Reyansh, hello?"
The way my name rolls out of her, as if she branded it for herself.
I rinse my mouth, patting my face with the towel. Tossing the towel aside, I pick the phone answering her,"Lets meet! You send me your location, I will pick you up."
"Will meeting you, solve the problems. Here, I am going bizarre,"
I discard my clothes, standing under the shower.
All along my bathing she blathers words after words, all of me cursing and some tune to her native language, which I can make out are all of her curses. When I don't reply she hung up, not before saying, fuck you.
Yeah, I am ready darling.
My lips curls up in a smile. Some people can so easily bring a smile on your face. Even their anger seems to fascinates you, you love their every emotion, thrown on to you. You start appreciating it, because its all new for you, with that person, in that time.
I slow down the car, near the narrow lane, far from her house.
Kiraz gets up, from the chair, ducking in the seat. The sweetheart neck top, gives a clear view of her swollen moulds. I graze my tongue on the seam on my lips. When she catche my eyes, her black turn into disgust, making her hitch her top.
I smirk, igniting the engine, driving it on the busy streets.
I pull over a less populated area. All through out the drive she gaze outside the window, watching the passing sceneries. Not even feigning me a look. But the clench of jaw and fist, depicts that she loath every second of the drive.
"Now tell me what happened? This time patiently, not rasing your voice." I ask, somewhat in a warning tone.
However, I like her openness of her words and emotion, I dislike it when someone thinks that they can outrun me. I hate if the fear for me, vanishes form their eyes, taking me for granted. And here, only hate glaces her face.
She turns to me, somewhat nervous with my way of addressing the words. Yet, she straightens her shoulder, locking her eyes with me.
"Yesterday, someone of my neighbour visited my house. They were talking about seeing me with someone, saying how inappropriate is it for me and sets such a bad example. My father was also present and he overheard whatever nonsense they were speaking. He was so disappointed with me. He's asking me whom I was seeing behind their back."
She gulps,"However modern the society gets but in India the conservative parents can never evolve themselves with the new change. They disdain the idea of relationship, boyfriend girlfriends. And my parents are no new to it. I told them about you, and they want to meet you."
Her eyes brims with tears, making my inner twist with uneasiness. Whatever she is facing, I surely play a great part in it. Although initially, I try to ignore them, but not anymore when every second her face flashes with over-ridden guilt. The guilt that she has to hid about the truth of our relation.
Knowing I can't leave her, not now, when she is inhaled in my evey vein. Where she conquers and rule.
I had not searched the one year just to let her go. I had rather owe up with my action. I am selfish. Yeah I am selfish. But I am also trying to not let it's fire touch her.
"I am grateful that you indirectly save my life. I owe you up. And it's not hidden from you yourself that, you saved me just to make me walk through hell."
My inside crunches with, loathing, making it hard to take it. And hate it, how much honest she is.
••~~••
Decesion taken in heat, always comes to bite you.
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Published: 2 July,2023.