The car ride to my best friend's house was silent for the most part , a little unusual but I didn't mind given the circumstances with my boyfriend trying not to burden my friend , trying not to show how hurt I am.
So when are you going to get a car? I ask my best friend breaking the silence between us.
"When I get a drivers license"
And when will that be ?
"Mmh Tired of me already I see"
Who me ? Most certainly not. (sigh) are you okay ?
"Yes. I'll be fine"
You know you can talk to me right ?
"I know it's just that somethings are better left unsaid"
What do you mean ?
"I just don't wanna talk about it now but someday"
I'll be here to listen when you're ready okay stell
"I know".
After dropping my friend off I decide to give Karson a call , we need to talk about what went down between us "you've reach the voicemail box of 1876 543-6519, please dial the number and try again".
Day four (4) of not hearing from Karson got me worried I tried calling him but he sent me to voicemail, I hope he's okay, maybe I'll go by his house tomorrow, maybe being apart for a little while is good for us, maybe the space is needed, I love him and wouldn't want him to feel like I'm smothering him.
Later that night** laying in my bed listening to rain sounds holding my tears back , my eyes are already puffy from crying the days before I can't go to work tomorrow with swollen eyes, I don't want my coworkers to question nor to worry about me. Thinking about how work will go tomorrow as I drift off to sleep letting it take over my body..
***ping*** ***ping***
Waking up from my phone going off at 6am in the morning couldn't put me in a more irritated mood, I'm already on edge from the lock of sleep and not hearing from my boyfriend.
Picking my phone up to see what's the excitement about
Opening instagram
"Omg have you seen this ?"
"Girl is this real ?"
"This you ?"
"Are you okay ? "
"Girl watch this "
"Omg is this a prank ?"
" omg Shanta are you okay ?"
Speechless
the feeling of numbness
the sound of my heart shattered loud enough for all of Jamaica to hear . Sitting on my bed staring at my phone with my breathless body looking at the images & videos that have been forward to me from my friends and people I don't even know.
How can this be ?
How could this be ?
This can't , this can't be happening
No this can't be real
How could they
I say to myself as my voice cracks before crying , my body immediately shutting down everything I know or thought I knew , everything I trusted and believed in gone in a second, my world , my heart , my body , my trust , my love All crumbled up and fall down on me . Feeling The colors drained from my face and the pit forming in my stomach looking at the post that's causing all of this
My best friend from childhood with my boyfriend of nine years standing at an altar
married.