Carlos pov
After two days of resting I'm finally at TK's side again, my head, still hurts and sometimes I get dizzy out of nowhere, but I know TK needs me and I need him, he is doing better, he doesn't sleep all day anymore, he can move his right hand, the doctors said that his ribs are healed and that his sprain neck is also healed.
So they are taking off the neck brace.
I know it's a long way for TK to recover but I like to celebrate the small wins.
So when I arrive to his room I surprise him with his favorite beverage, I asked for permission.
He's still asleep, looking so peaceful, I just take a seat in the same couch and stroke his cheeks, his chest, feeling his lungs breathe, until he wakes up
His eyes looking for me, a smile on his face when he finds me
" Hi, my love" I smile back
And then the most beautiful sound comes in my ears
"Hi" He says almost no sound coming out of him, but it's enough for me to melt with his voice, the one I've been missing for so much time, I can't hold my emotion and kiss him softly, keeping the tears in my eyes.
He smiles while kissing, then he looks at me, he just know me so well, he knows what I'm feeling, so the words weren't really necessary.
"I love you babe" I said my voice breaking
He reach for my face and caress my cheek, I just melt into him, the emotion coming again, the need of his touch getting stronger, so we stay like that, enjoying each other touch and heat, no conversation needed, everything felt perfect, like everything was gonna be ok.
Until I wake up to the sound of the door opening, the doctor coming in.
"Hi, good morning" he says walking to the bed to check on TK
"Are you ready?"
"Hi good morning" I said getting up from the bed but not letting go of TK's hand, he was still asleep "Yeah, of course we are ready" I said without looking away from TK.
"Ok, let's see" he says and puts some X-RAYS on a screen, you could see the neck "Well, this are the tests we got yesterday, and from what we find, he is healing as expected, his neck is looking really good, and the best part is..." he pauses and changes the X-ray on the screen where we could see his spine " The best part is that his spine is looking really good too" he continues " His spine was one of the things that had us really worried, but, as you can see it is healthy" he finishes
I can feel how some weight gets out of my shoulders, because he's ok, he will be able to work again, everything it's gonna work out.
I didn't even realized that TK had wake up until I feel him squeeze my hand, I look at him and he's smiling, his beautiful perfect smile, I can't help the tears of happiness coming out of my eyes, and I chuckle a little bit.
"Thanks doctor, that's some great news" I said to the doctor "So what are the next steps?"
" We'll start getting of the neck brace, and then we will provide physical therapy, for your back, so it gets stronger, ok?" He says to both of us
I nod and TK gives him a thumbs up
"Great" he gets closer to TK "Ok TK, we are gonna take the tube out for a second, so don't worry, try to relax" he says to TK as a nurse comes closer, but I don't leave his side
"Also, you might feel weird without the neck brace because it was giving you a lot of support, so if you want more pillows let us know"
I just nod I can't say I'm not scared
They get TK up a little bit, then taking of the straps of the brace and disconnecting the tube from his throat, they take of the brace and finally connect the tube again.
I rubbed TK's hand trough all the process, he just closed his eyes.
"Ok, there it is"says the doctor "how does it feels Tyler?"
TK opens his eyes and gives a thumbs up
"Ok, good, can you do this" he says as he moves his head like saying no
TK does it, Barely. But I'm so so proud.
"Good Tyler, now can you go like this?" The doctor says as he moves his head like saying yes
TK tries to lift his head but not much
"Good, you did really good, Congratulations" the doctor says to TK even though I can see my lover face and he's not felling great.
And I have to remember myself
~Small steps~
"Thank you doctor" I say instead
"Don't worry about it, I'll leave you two to rest, and we'll discuss the next steps later, maybe he can go home soon" he says patting my arm.
What he says surprised me.
HOME
"What about his breathing?" I ask
"The test show us that the swelling is decreasing, so maybe in a few days we can take out the tube" he explains
"That's, that's amazing"
"Now get some rest, both of you"
"We will"
He leaves the room and we're alone again
"Baby, I'm so proud of you, you know?" I say while I kiss his head.
He then reaches for his neck, feeling it.
"Does it feel weird?"
He nods, HE NODS
"You nodded" I laughed, feeling so happy
He laughs a little bit too.
After chatting for some time he gets asleep, so I get up to the bathroom, a dizzy feeling hitting me, it's been happening very often, when I get up, when i duck or any sudden movement, but never this strong.
I sit back again for a minute, maybe all the emotion, have I've been drinking water?, it's normal.
After a few minutes I get up again and I'm ok, so yeah maybe it was all the emotions.
TK POV
I've been feeling better, without the neck brace, I'm comfortable, well I think, I don't even know what that's like anymore.
The tube in my throat, hurts more because I can finally move my neck. I'm not felling great but is an improvement.
We'll at least physically, I sleep almost all the time, I'm super useless, I can't do anything without help, lifting my head drains my energy, my thoughts are not good, I know I should talk about it with someone but everyone is so worry about me all the time and I don't want to tell them that I can't stop thinking about my sobriety, all the opioids my body has been receiving for the last month, it feels good, easy. Of course it helps with the pain and the panic attacks but it just feels so familiar that I am disgusted of myself.
All we had planned is far gone, the wedding, and the trips, everything just gone. I can't get rid of the thought that this is all my fault.
I gotta say that I hate all the help I need, the way everyone sees me, I hate the way Carlos is not taking care of himself.
I'm not stupid, my brain is not damage, I think. I know how stressed Carlos, my dad, all my friends are, so i play it strong when they visit.
The visits are good, they are a the good parts of my day, they made me relax in a conversation, all though I'm able to talk a bit more but still hurts, so most of the time I listen. Tommy comes everyday some times twice and Nancy comes with her, Judd and Grace come every two days and bring us food even though I can't eat much, but my dad and Carlos can.
Marjan and Paul come every three or two days.
And Mateo comes every time my dad comes, and he stays a few time.
Everyone is taking care of us , I'm glad that someone takes care of my dad and Carlos, because I'm not able to do it.
I'm... better.
Today I'm staring physical therapy, to regain strength, I'm scared, like really scared, because my body doesn't feel like my body, it feels broken, damage with no repair, I want that things go back to normal or something better than this but a small part of me knows how hard it's gonna be and just wants to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The session went well, Carlos was by my side, making the face that hasn't leave him since we realize how screwed up I was, the strong face, but I just know him so well.
The doctors decided that my arm and shoulder are fine and they are taking the cast and bandages, but also that physical therapy will be hard, they decided as well that I'm ready for the maybe last leg surgery, honestly I don't feel ready but at this point I got no strength to argue.
The only thing that got me exited was that after my leg surgery I could finally go home.
So we schedule the surgery as soon as possible.
"Baby, those are great news" Carlos says when the doctors leave
I smiled, I'm playing the strong card too, I just feel so exhausted, the session drain me.
"Are you okay?" Carlos asked worried, he knows me too.
"Mmhhmm" I say, not wanting to talk, because I can feel that if I do I won't be able to contain the tears so I closed my eyes
Carlos notices and hugs me
"Baby, I love you, you're the strongest person I know" I start sobbing in his arms "it's gonna be okay, I'm here" he says his voice breaking
I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I wake up the next day, the day of the surgery, my dad is beside me
"Hi" I say
"Hi" he says leaving his phone at his side
"What... time?" I ask
" 11:39" he says looking at his watch " they are almost ready for prepare you for surgery"
" Carlos?"
"I send him home, he's going to be back before you go in"
"Water"
"You can't drink anything TK"
"Ok" I close my eyes, my body hurts more than before, I figure is the physical therapy
"How did therapy go?" My dad ask
I just put a thumb up not opening my eyes.
"Are you in pain?" He ask and puts his hand in my forehead, checking my temperature
" Can... handle it"
"Ok, try to relax I'm gonna put you some essential oils for you to relax ok?"
I just nod
I can hear my dad moving around and then the door opens
"Hi Carlos" mi dad says and I open my eyes
"Hi, good morning" he gets closer "Hi baby, how you feeling?"
"Ok" I say and close my eyes again
"I was talking with Doctor Smith and he says that they are going to take off the tube in your throat, maybe before the surgery, the test showed that you can breathe" he says siting in the bed and grabbing my hand
I open my eyes, I don't know how to feel, I want that tube out but it's scary, the feeling of not being able to breathe is something I will never forget
"That's good" my dad says still moving stuff around
Carlos notices my dilema
" Is that okay TK?"
"I'm sca—scared"
Carlos' face fills with worry.
"I know my love, I'm not gonna leave your side" he kisses my head.
I'm just worrying them, I gotta get my shit together, I'm been so selfish.
"Ok, lets... do it" I say
"Ok" Carlos says, I can see tears in his eyes, I'm so stupid, i made him cry
"I'll tell the doctor" my dad says and leaves the room
"Don't... cry... babe" I say reaching Carlos face
"Im sorry *chuckles*i hate that you have to go through all of this"
"No, it's ... okay" I say taking his tears away
"I'm sorry"
"I love ... you"
"I love..." he started saying but stoped in the middle of the sentence, looking at nothing, just stopped.
"Babe?"
"..."
"Carlos"
"..."
"Hey" I shake him a little
"... you too" he says like nothing happened
"Are you... okay?" I asked worried
What was that?
"Yeah, babe" he sees my worry
"Are you?" He asks confused
Maybe all was my imagination
"Yes"
"Ok, how is your arm, without the cast, how does it feel?"
"Feels... good, skinny"
"Yeah, it's really skinny, but it doesn't itch, right?"
I shake my head no
"Can you mov—" he's interrupted by the door
The doctor and my dad come in, a nurse behind them
"Hi TK, good morning, how are you feeling?" The doctor asks
"Ok"
"Are you ready for the procedure?"
I nod
"It's really fast, according to the test, you'll be able to breathe just fine, ok?"
I nod
"Will it hurt?" Carlos asks
"No, it will be uncomfortable, but we'll give you something to relax okay?"
"Ok"
They put something in my IV, and I do feel relaxed and sleepy
The doctor and the nurse take the straps of the tube and prepare anything I close my eyes.
"Tk stay awake"
I open my eyes again, Carlos is by my side, grabbing my hand
"Ok, Tk take a deep breath"
I do and feel how the tube comes out the horrible feeling in my throat, and then the tube is out, they put a gauze on my neck.
"Take deep and nice breaths" the doctor says
I try and I can, I do again, and again
Carlos, squeezes my hand
"You're doing it my love!"
"Ok, good TK, we are going to put you an oxygen mask"
I nod not wanting to lose focus on my breathing.
I can breathe on my own, ON MY OWN
"Tk, how does it feel, comfortable?"
"Yes" I say my voice raspy
Carlos and my dad are happy, I can't say I'm not because it's amazing
I fell asleep some time later, the meds doing their work.
The next time I'm awake it's time of surgery, my dad wish me luck, Carlos kiss me and everyone else wishes me luck
And that's the last time I remember when I wake up to PAIN .
Intense pain
I can see I'm in a room, Carlos is by my side
"Hey" he says
"Hurts" my voice raspy and almost like a whisper
PAIN
PAIN
PAIN
"AAhhh" I groan
"Hey I already call the nurse, try to relax"
"Aaaauuhh" I cry, the pain is nothing I have ever experienced before "please, Aaah"
"Babe, where does it hurt?"
"My leg, MY LEG, everything" I say crying
The nurse comes in the room
"He is in so much pain" Carlos tells her
"From 1 to 10 how— "
"10, 10!, help please!"
" Ok, I'll give you something and the doctor is coming"
"AAAAAHHHH"
Carlos is cleaning the sweat of my forehead, and trying to make me relax but the pain didn't decreased
The nauseas getting stronger
"Babe *groans* sick"
"Are you gonna throw up?"
I nod
He gets a basket and I empty my stomach, even though I haven't eaten so I'm just dry heaving, the doctor comes in and checks some things
"We are gonna run some test because the pain shouldn't be this intense"
I'm cold sweating, crying, throwing up, super dizzy, my nails are marked in my hands.
I have never feel like this
I just wanted it to stop
"STOP, make it stop!" I cry "Please"
"Tk, they are gonna figure it out okay" Carlos says to me, I can see the pain in his eyes for a minute but then they roll back and Carlos collapses
I don't understand
"Carlos!"
The nurse gets near
"Help him, what——"I'm interrupted by the pain getting sharper
And finally the edges of my vision getting dark, I'm falling unconscious, maybe the pain will finally leave, maybe everything will be okay, maybe I will let go this time.
🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵
Hi!
I worked really hard in this chapter I hope you like it as much as I do, enjoy and let me know what you think
Especial shout out to CheyenneDavison , thank you for your help 🫶🏻
Have a great day ✌🏼