Stiles left the loft right after Scott and Derek. As soon as he gets home, he runs to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. Lowering himself to the ground and sitting with his back against the wall, Stiles hides his face in his hands and starts crying, sobbing silently and trying not to panic.
Back at the loft, he couldn't tell Scott what happened because he was not sure himself. Stiles hadn't been much more of an annoying brat than he usually is and he'd had worst arguments with Derek. And he wasn't even addressing Lydia so her cries were a little out of line, even for her. He just wanted to make sure that she was okay but because Derek was already helping her, Stiles wouldn't dare move or breathe, not after the glare she gave him.
Stiles remembers once telling Scott that the guys are the ones who apologize, that it's what they do. That anytime a guy thinks he hasn't done anything wrong, it means he's definitely done something wrong. And the thing is it was his fault. You fucked up big time, Stiles. And as Lydia loudly told him to shut up back at the loft, it's like all the air was ripped from his lungs and he couldn't see straight. He wanted to cry, god he wanted to scream! But he couldn't. And he hurt her. And he never meant to hurt her. Not Lydia. Tears keep flowing.
He couldn't tell Scott about it, and when he couldn't talk to Scott about something he would turn to Lydia, but obviously that wasn't going to happen.
Stiles has been keeping quiet for a few weeks now, spending less time with them and more with Malia, testing the waters. It's stupid, he knows, but he couldn't think of anything else. Scott would just tell him how bad of an idea that was and Lydia would probably shoot him a glare and make a snarky comment, only to right after sit beside him and help him figure something else out. But he couldn't put Lydia in danger, certainly not because of him and his big mouth.
If it weren't for this, Lydia would probably be laying on her stomach reading on his bed right now, and he'd be sitting on the floor next to the bed and next to her as they have done so many times when they are researching for the pack. Stiles shakes his head slightly at the memories but the pain doesn't go away.
He's protecting the pack really, but they probably won't believe him when they find out. Not for a while. He doesn't think of it as a sacrifice on his part, but more like a compromise. He will endure the situation for as long as it takes, as long as the others stay safe. Stiles couldn't be more okay with that. They are more than pack, they're family. And to him that makes it worth it. But in the end he's just human, and his emotions get the best of him. Stiles cries his heart out, not moving for a long time.
He's mostlty oblivious to his surroundings until he hears a knock on the bathroom door.
"Stiles, are you in there?"
Shit. "Go home, Malia." Why can't she use the stupid front door? Stiles checks the time on his phone. He's been in there for over an hour.
"Are you crying?" she asks, an annoyed tone in her voice. Stiles could swear he heard her growl.
Getting up and glancing at the mirror, he can't recognize himself. His eyes are red and his cheeks wet from all the crying, his t-shirt is a mess. He's still out of breath but he doesn't care. He unlocks the door to face the werecoyote.
"Yes. What is it to you?" His words are harsher than he intends but fuck it. He walks past her, heading downstairs to the kitchen.
"Stiles, what's wrong? What happened?" She looks worried as she follows him, not sure what to make of the different emotions she can smell on him. "Is this about her?"
He leans against the counter as he drinks a glass of water. This is so messed up, he thinks, rubbing his forehead. "Malia, I really don't feel like talking right now, so..."
She points a finger at him accusingly. "You reek, like a lot, and it's kind of overwhelming, so you need to tell me what's going on."
He knows it's just her way of saying things, always so abruptly, and Stiles doesn't blame her but he's not in the mood to put up with that shit right now. "I don't have to tell you anything, just like you don't think you have to tell me where the hell you're going all the time."
Malia takes a step back, crossing her arms in front of her defensively. "I already told you I'm going for runs in the woods. It's what I like to do."
"Oh, and browsing for real estate and flights for Europe, is that how you have fun, too? And what about how-to guides on breaking in?"
Her mouth falls open, perplexed. "How do you know that?"
"You never delete the browsing history," he mumbles.
"It's not like I had Internet in the woods. You can't blame me for being curious, Stiles."
Her tone is accusatory and his guilt only builds up. He knows it's all his fault but he's doing it because of her. Angry, he can feel his muscles clenching, his breath more uneven. He stands straight. "You need to go, Malia."
She sees a spark in his eyes and if she were in the wild, she'd say he looks like he's about to attack. She knows better than to defy unfamiliar danger. "I'll go, but we need to talk about this. And there's something I have to tell you." She takes a few more steps back, nervous. "I'll be back."
"Don't." He means it and makes sure to not look away, turning his word definite. In shock, Malia stills for a brief moment before turning around and running out the door without another word.
His trembling hands cover his face. Angry at himself, he hopes today is just a bad dream. Everything is falling apart. I can't fall apart.
He needs to talk to someone. He needs to talk to Lydia.
He reaches for his phone.
xxxxxxxxxx
Their ride to Lydia's house was quiet. Kira figured waiting for the strawberry blonde not to be driving to have a meltdown was probably for the best. When they got there, Lydia went to the bathroom while Kira ordered lunch. They didn't talk much until the pizza was delivered 40 minutes later. Back in her room both girls sat on the bed, each of them taking a slice.
Lydia had changed to a simple t-shirt and some sweatpants, her hair up in a messy bun, her face make-up free. Around Kira she's nervous, unsure of what to do. "I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to drag you out of there so quickly." She finally says.
"Oh, it's okay." Kira's nervous too. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."
Lydia takes a bite of her slice of pizza. "I kinda want to," she admits, "if that's okay with you."
"Are you kidding me?" Kira looks overly excited. "Lay it on me, sister."
Lydia can't help but laugh. "You look a lot like Scott when I first went to him, after Allison... He was so happy I was finally accepting the pack. He has been a good friend." She manages a small smile. "So... Did Scott tell you everything?"
Kira's not sure but she thinks that Lydia looks embarrassed, maybe even a little flushed. "I guess so. I was so happy to hear about it." And just like this morning, Kira is all smiles. "I mean, not happy that you and Stiles are not together. Happy that you two are into each other, even though he's with Malia..." She immediately covers her mouth with her hand, her eyes asking for forgiveness.
Lydia smirks. "You can say her name, Kira." She grabs two more slices of pizza, handing one to the kitsune.
She takes it. "Thanks. And sorry. I mumble. Like, a lot."
"It's okay. I think it's cute."
"Of course you do," says Kira, her eyes playful.
"Hey, don't be mean now." Lydia tries to sound cheerful knowing that Kira is talking about Stiles, but her smile slips from her lips. She looks at Kira regardless. Her chest hurts and she needs to be able to breathe. "I snapped at him. And I shouldn't have, but it was out before I could stop myself. I saw him hurting, you know, like suddenly there was no air in the room. And then the same happened to me. I couldn't even look at him, afraid I was going to cry. I'm just glad he didn't say anything back. Things would probably have gone bad very fast."
Kira places her hands on Lydia's arms. "Hey, things will get better, you'll see," she reassures her. "He's crazy about you, everybody knows that. Life just has a sick way of throwing karma at you."
"«Karma's only a bitch if you are», isn't that the saying?" The banshee murmurs.
"You are not a bitch, Lydia."
"Maybe not so much anymore but I was, for a long time. And it's not like I had to be, but it made me feel powerful. Do you know what it's like to grow up to your parents always arguing, or be a toy to the captain of the Lacrosse team? And have to pretend I was dumb, god that's what I regret the most." She sighs. "It made me feel better. And it really wasn't until Stiles told me he knew I was smart that I started seeing myself that way."
"At winter formal, right?" Lydia nods. "You were protecting yourself. You are not to blame for that. We all act out, one way or another. Life's tough. We've all been through a lot."
"I guess... I still shouldn't have yelled at him. What am I gonna do now? What will I say to him?"
"You two just need time, you'll see." She smiles and Lydia can't help but to smile too. Kira is contagious.
"So I heard there was a poll going around..."
"Oh my god, Scott told you about that?!" Kira blushes and gets up from the bed in a second. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she picks up the leftovers and places everything neatly on Lydia's desk. Her back facing Lydia, she murmurs "We were just having fun, really..."
"Please tell me about it. I could use a distraction." She smiles at Kira, her eyes curious. What the hell have they been up to?
"O-okay. Hmm, Scott says it was actually Allison's idea first. She really wanted you guys to get together so she made a bet with Scott one day, but then Isaac found out about it and it kind of spread from there. It was kind of forgotten by the time Stiles was possessed and then, well, Allison..." Kira tucks her hair behind her ear. "Anyway, Scott told me about it one day and I... I just picked it up. We all have money on it." She's smiling again as she grabs her phone and pulls up an image. "See? We all agreed on first kiss for the poll because we didn't really know where you two stood, so..."
"We already kissed," Lydia lets it slip, whispering. "Me and Stiles, we've kissed before. Once. In the locker room."
Kira looks confused. "Scott never told me about that."
"I don't think he knows. Even I never told Allison. And if Stiles had told Scott, Scott would have told Allison and I don't think that she knew about it. It was right before the whole sacrifice thing. Stiles was having a panic attack and I read somewhere that holding your breath can stop it, so I kissed him." Lydia smiles, thinking of the memory. The way she cupped his cheeks and looked in his eyes. And his lips, oh god his lips so soft against hers. She brushes her fingers on her lips softly and closes her eyes, taking a second to remember the feeling. She had been aware of the tether pulling them closer. "Do you know what he said? That it was smart. And I am smart, like really smart, so I obviously knew that there were so many other ways I could have stopped his panic attack. But I wasn't so sure of my feelings for him back then and that was the first excuse I could think of. We never talked about it again. He probably though I did it out of pity or despair. I'm so stupid."
"You are not stupid." Kira checks her phone. "And I don't mean to sound insensitive or anything, but Allison's bet is the one closer to when you say the kiss happened, so she won the bet." Both their smiles vanish. They stay silent for a moment until Kira speaks again, shyly. "Maybe we could all buy her some flowers, visit her... Does it sound weird? It's weird......"
Lydia interrupts her. "I think it's perfect. And maybe we should start a new poll." She smiles.
"Oh, you think? Next kiss, then?" She's already tapping the screen, amused.
"No, no. I was talking about you and Scott. You guys still haven't...."
Obviously flushed, Kira doesn't look at Lydia right away, pretending to be distracted with her phone when her battery dies. Great timing. "My phone's dead."
"We have mine, it's fine. So, you and Scott?"
"I don't know. We're okay."
"What's okay?"
"I'm not sure. We're dating. We are definitely dating but every time we try to be alone together, something always happens. It's like a cosmic sign of you shouldn't do it, so we pretty much just make out and go on dates occasionally but nothing is really, actually defined..."
"Scott really likes you. Maybe you guys just need to plan things better. Leave Derek in charge of the pack and go away for a weekend or something. We'll manage." Scott would never agree to leave the pack but Lydia can imagine him running all the scenarios in his head, torn between being a leader or a lover. Lydia laughs. "I can teach you a thing or two, if you want."
Kira blushes and the banshee's name comes out in a pant. "Lydia," she hisses.
"What? I meant romantically, not sexually." Lydia laughs again and rolls her eyes playfully. "You're killing me, and I mean it in the nicest possible way. Thank you." She hugs her and Kira wraps her arms around Lydia too. They stay like that for a good moment before standing up.
"Come on, let's watch a movie."
They head downstairs and make themselves comfortable on Lydia's couch. As time goes by, Lydia ends up resting her head on Kira's lap and silently crying herself to sleep, memories of Stiles and the events of the last few days flooding her mind.
Two hours later, Lydia wakes up to find out that Kira had passed out too. She wakes her up, gently shaking her.
"Kira, the movie's over." Lydia mumbles, her voice still a little drowsy.
They both get up lazily. "What time is it?" Kira asks, stretching and yawning.
Lydia scans the living room looking for her phone, but it's nowhere to be found. She doesn't even remember seeing it when they were back in her bedroom. "I think I might have left my phone in the car. I'll go get it, I'll be right back."
She grabs her car keys and opens the front door while Kira heads back upstairs. Relieved to find her phone in the car, Lydia unlocks the screen as she walks back to her house to find 17 missed calls and 4 texts from Stiles, 6 missed calls and a text from Scott and 5 missed calls from Derek. Lydia stops on her tracks, her heart coming to a halt.
She reads Scott's message first.
Scott: Where the hell are you guys? Call me back as soon as you get this. It's urgent
Lydia runs back to the house, already speed dialing Scott. "Kira, something's wrong. Come quick," she yells, stopping by the front door. Kira runs down the stairs and meets her in a second, just as Scott picks up at the third ring.
"Are you guys okay?" he asks, his tone concerned.
"We're fine, Scott. Kira's phone is dead and we fell asleep. What happened?" Lydia asks, putting him on speaker.
"It's Peter." The girls can feel the tension in his voice. "Pack meeting at the loft in ten minutes."
"We're on our way."
xxxxxxxxxx
Stiles is almost screaming at the speaker. "Why weren't you picking up?"
"Sorry, dude. We were trying to get everyone on the phone. We need you at the loft ASAP."
"Scott, I need to talk to you. Something happened."
"Stiles, we know. It's Peter."
"Peter? What are you talking about? It's Malia. She just texted me. She's gone, Scott."
It all goes south from there.