"Felix...you're pregnant"
a raging storm-- a crackling thunder, life-changing revelation, a bolt from the blue. The boys were left in disarray and so was their mental state, Mouths hung ajar and eyes widened. Felix nearly choked on the wine he was sipping when he stared dead into the eyes of his doctor, unable to comprehend the absurd words that he's just uttered previously "I am what?!" He blustered out, voice loud and coherent as Chan smiled widely "Pregnant. You're pregnant, like expecting a bab-" Chan was cut off by a hand smacking on the table and he soon discovered it was Felix's tiny one "I know what being pregnant is, Hyung! But how in the heavens can I be pregnant I- can't!" he yelled once again, so bewildered that his eyes may have just become saucers
Hyunjin on the other hand was just utterly mystified, no words left his throat and his gaping mouth as he just stared at Chan, at a loss of words before he finally gathered himself and spoke up "Yea..." was all he said, as if contemplating if that was even true "Yea...he can't, I pulled out immediately" He mumbled to himself, eyes falling down to his lap while he furrowed his brows trying to recall if he had pulled out or not "Hyunjin!" the brunette exasperatedly shouted, slapping Hyunjin's shoulder lightly before he whined "that's not the point!" he proceeded to let out a cry of vexation
"Yea no I remember, I pulled-" Maybe if only Hyunjin had some shame in him then Felix wouldn't have to cover his mouth and squeeze his lips with the help of his palms but alas, he didn't leave the brunette with any other choice "I'm a man! what is wrong with you! it doesn't matter if you did or not, I...I can't be pregnant" he scolded the raven head who might or might not have ultimately skipped every single biology class because how in the world does he not know this? Felix turned to look at Chan and sighed deeply "Hyung, why would you joke about that?" He whined making Chan clear his throat and let his smile fade
"I'm not-" Felix clicked his tongue at Chan's answer which he had cut off, removing his hand from Hyunjin's mouth and speaking up again "Please, quit it. it's just impossible, I don't have a uterus!" He closed his eyes shut, feeling his cheeks burn up when he looked down at his lap before covering his face and hiding away from the gaze of his doctor and his idiotic friend "Are you sure?" Felix withdrew his hands from his face and turned to look at Hyunjin with the most horrified look on his face, finding Hyunjin's eyes on himself only pushed Felix over the edge, was this boy serious right now? was he genuinely asking Felix if he was sure that he had a uterus or not?
"Like you're sure he's pregnant?" Hyunjin continued, turning to look over at Chan with an eyebrow raised and forearm placed over the table, his other arm behind Felix's back and rubbing up and down soothingly, voice so stern and posture so straight like he was some profound businessman sealing a deal
"Yes, I am" Chan smiled once again, relaxing in his seat and slurping his wine, making Hyunjin sigh "So Felix's pregnant" Hyunjin confirmed, looking away from Chan to the brunette boy who sunk back onto the couch and whined incessantly. a sweet smile tugged at the ravenhead's lips as he ran his fingers through Felix's hair, pulling him closer to his chest and kissing the top of his head, he didn't want to smile but he couldn't hold back "Stop it already!" Felix pushed the taller away glaring at Chan "Why are you being so mean" he fought the urge to pout or break into tears, with the amount of annoyance, embarrassment, and perplexion he's faced in these past moments he might as well just bawl his eyes out to cope with these emotions
Chan remained silent and so did Hyunjin "You know, it's not impossible" Hyunjin prompted, watching the boy hiding in his chest and mumble things under his breath, eyes still shut like not being able to see will change reality "Yes it is! I can't be pregnant!" Hyunjin stilled quietly, massaging the boy's scalp and pushing away the headache that was about to build up. Chan sat up straight, settling his wine glass down as he opened his mouth to speak but he was shut off "I'm gonna throw up" the brunette mumbled against the fabric of Hyunjin's shirt
"Is it because of the baby?"
Hyunjin whispered, gently and sweetly making Felix whine and depart from his embrace "There is no baby!" he turned his neck in Chan's direction and pointed a finger at his doctor "You, you're taking revenge from me right?" while all the other man could do was sit in amusement and watch his shy, quiet and wildly calm patient become this expressive, tantrum-throwing and glaring boy. his heart was so content realizing Felix has finally found someone who helped him become himself, who helped him gain the confidence he never had. there was a smile on Chan's lips before he cleared his throat
"No, this is not for revenge. But, yes there is no baby Hyunjin I was just joking"
Felix sighed deeply out of relief as he grabbed hold of his wine glass and sipped onto the drink, turning to look at Hyunjin who stared at Chan before clicking his tongue and following Felix's actions. once the drink was down his throat he spoke "I was convinced" He smiled gently in Felix's direction, ruffling his hair once again as the brunette rolled his eyes. well, that wasn't something Chan was expecting from Hyunjin's side but he was so glad his reaction was what it had been "So there is no baby? I'm not going to be a father?" The raven head quested, seriously
the blush that kissed Felix's cheeks made the quivering storm inside of him all too visible. Chan shook his head no "Sorry Hyunjin, You're not going to be a father" The tall boy inhaled a sharp breath and shrugged his shoulders "Oh well, we can still try another time" A smirk hung viciously at the corner of his lips as even Chan grew red at his comment, diverting his eyes from the couple and sipping silently onto his wine "I'll splash this on your face!" Felix pulled away from the raven head, glaring in his direction, the brunette knew acting shy will only worsen the awkward situation Hyunjin has dawned upon them so he only played along, praying this will help lighten this mess "I'm just joking" the menace chuckled and Felix sighed, turning to Chan
"Now, Hyung. why did you decide to pull such a joke on me?" He queried, raising his brows at Chan who smiled "I felt the air was a bit stiff and I had some news to share so I was like 'Hey, why not pull a joke and help the awkwardness?'" Chan chuckled at his own statement and Felix followed his actions, giving into what was now second nature to him and leaning into Hyunjin, letting him wrap an arm around his waist while he pressed his back against his chest, all while his eyes were on Chan and he hadn't even paid any mind to what he was doing
"apart from the urge it rose in me to jump from a cliff, I suppose you succeeded" Chan laughed shaking his hands in front of his face as if to put a defense "I'm sorry, really. and Um well, the news is pretty big but I don't want you guys to be alarmed or anything, be relaxed" well that helped as much as a glass hammer, none at all. the anxiety that rose in both the boy's stomachs was visible through the light that faded off their faces
"you're blood tests came out...relatively positive"
there was silence for a minute before Felix spoke up "What do you mean?" Chan sighed and smiled brightly "You're healing Felix..." Time has cemented itself and the heavens above lowered themselves to the ground, Felix's heart crawled to his throat while Hyunjin's fell to his stomach 'Felix is...healing?' his thoughts bantered before a smile so dazzling it could blind any watcher romanced Hyunjin's face, his eyes gleamed and glistened while Felix remained still "what do you mean I'm healing?" he questioned once again, sitting up straight as he cleared his throat
"It means that you might be able to go under treatment"
Chan explained, smile still wide as Felix shifted in his seat "You're not shitting right now, right? this is not a joke or anything right?" Hyunjin might have to work on his vocabulary but that was a talk for another day "I'm not, I'm being serious" Chan chuckled lightly watching the mirth that hugged Hyunjin as he quickly turned to Felix "Lix!" his smile fell when he noticed the stoic expression on Felix's face "No I'm not...I'm not healing" He was rigid in his statement and Chan sighed
"Yes you are, lix" he tried to be understanding of Felix's pessimism, it was hard to believe that you're suddenly healing when you've left less than a month to live "I'm not healing, Hyung. that's impossible, you told me I've got 60 days left so then how can I be healed? how-" He rambled on and on and it only lead a heartbreak to Hyunjin "I know Felix, I was surprised as well but when I spoke to my seniors they told me it was possible, often times results can be in-" "No!" Felix's reaction had both of the other boys confused to no end, why was he behaving like this?
"Felix, love" Hyunjin whispered as gently as he could, leaning closer to the brunette and cupping his face "Hey, darling. look at me" he whispered once again turning his face to look into Felix's eyes "It's okay, you can tell me what's wrong?" he made sure he was blocking Chan from the brunette's sight and he also made sure his voice was low enough so that it won't reach Chan, while the other male thought he should give them some privacy to think this situation over. alas, his attempt at making the joke and lightening the situation had failed
he had a clue Felix would react like this, it was a sudden change. but he was so sure that Felix would be more happy than confused, perhaps he had judged the boy wrong. "I- need to use the restroom" the brunette managed to utter through labored breathing as Hyunjin immediately got up, making way from him and rubbing his back as he helped him get up "Do you want Hyung to come with you?" he quested in a small voice but Felix shook his head no, departing himself from the booth and leaving the two of them alone as Hyunjin plopped back down on the leather couch
letting out a heavy sigh, Hyunjin leaned back and rested his head against the wall trying to work his way through his thoughts "I really have hope...I think we might be able to cure Felix" Chan's voice brought Hyunjn back into the place he was psychically existing in. he lowered his head and gazed at Chan "You think so?" He wanted to be one hundred percent sure that this was going to work before he could convince Felix about it "I believe so, I really do. I understand why Felix reacted that way but Hyunjin, trust me I only want the best for Felix and I desperately want him to agree" Hyunjin licked his lips, even if Chan grasped the way Felix acted Hyunjin didn't
but it wasn't as if he'd discuss it with Chan, he needed to have a word with Felix about this situation and not anyone else. so sighing for the umpteenth time that day Hyunjin rose from the couch "We'll be going now, Chan. I'll speak to Lix about this and we'll let you know his decision" That might've been the first time Hyunjin has ever spoken to Chan in a manner that wasn't throwing rotten tomatoes at him and the doctor couldn't be more grateful. he too, stood up and smiled gently at Hyunjin "I'll be waiting for your answer"
____
Hyunjin ultimately decided to walk Felix home and return back to work, that way the brunette will have time to sort out his emotions and thoughts before Hyunjin discussed his own with him. they remained silent the entire time and Felix was grateful for it, after placing a chaste kiss on Felix's forehead the boy turned his way around. and ever since then, he's been thinking about Chan's words nonstop, replaying Felix's reaction in his mind, going over the possibilities of what and how they would go through the treatment and what exactly was the treatment, how long it was going to last, what the probability of it working out was
at first, Hyunjin was unsure but happy about the fact that Felix was healing. the ecstasy that erupted through his veins was a given, but he was immediately pulled back to reality by Felix's reaction, now he's not too sure if this is a good thing because if it was then Felix wouldn't have reacted that way. but then again, the more he pondered it the more he wanted Felix to go through this treatment, if Chan said he was healing and could be treated then it was probably to be trusted. he is his doctor after all. yet despite the urge to convince Felix into agreeing, he decided it was best to let the boy decide by himself.
Now that he has returned from work his head wasn't as clouded as it was earlier, gathering all the courage he could find in his pockets Hyunjin walked inside their shared apartment's door and announced his arrival. setting his things down on the kitchen countertop, taking off his shoes, and making his way toward their bedroom. he knocked on the open door once and made sure Felix was made aware of his advent "Hey" he whispered mellow and sweet, the brunette who was wrapped in his blankets turned to look at the door before whispering back a greeting to Hyunjin
the boy leaned his shoulder and head against the door frame, cross his leg and his arms over his chest as he spoke once again "everything alright?" Felix sighed with a stretched exhale, sitting up straight on his bed and nodding. his hair was a mess and he looked like he'd just woken from a nap "You can come in" the brunette patted the space next to him and Hyunjin obliged, walking over and sitting opposite the freckled male "Had dinner? Medicine?" the raven head tried to keep his questions small and straight, unaware if Felix was up to talk right now or not "Yea, did you?" the brunette's voice was groggy and deeper than usual. Hyunjin nodded in answer and rose his hand to ruffle Felix's hair earning a chuckle from him
"I totally flipped out earlier, didn't I?" Hyunjin smiled when he saw Felix lower his head and a pout appeared on his plump lips while he played with the seams of the sheets he was covered with, the red of Hyunjin's button-up shirt that drowned the boy in its fabric looked marvelous against his pale skin and all Hyunjin could do was admire "you look good in red" his lips uttered before his mind could register it as Felix sighed "don't dodge my words...you can tell me how stupid I am" Felix didn't dare look up, not wanting to look the same color as the shirt he was wearing, his cheeks were tainted crimson and he despised himself for reacting so childishly whenever Hyunjin would do anything remotely intimate
"That's my shirt, isn't it?" Hyunjin knew it was futile, he would have to confront the brunette about the situation one way or another but he still wanted to play his cards, see how far he can stretch this before he had to bite the bullet. Felix let out a small while, almost inaudible before he scooted over to Hyunjin and wrapped his arms around his neck, resting his face on his shoulder while Hyunjin's chuckle resonated in his ears making a warm feeling spread around his insides
"I feel weird, Hyun. I don't know how to feel" Hyunjin sighed, wrapping his arms around the brunette and allowing him to melt in his embrace "It's okay, Lix. you don't always have to be calculated, you can be frantic sometimes, it's okay to not be okay" Felix smiled, closing his eyes he thanked the heavens above for the gift they've blessed him with, Hyunjin's words calmed his nerves like he was a wrinkle in the shore and a wave rushed past him, cleansing and straightening out every minor ache he could burrow under his skin
"I should be happy right? this is good news, but why can't I find it in me to be excited about this...instead of feeling excited, I feel scared like something bad is going to happen" his voice was small, especially when his cheek was pressed against Hyunjin's shoulder. the raven head removed his hand from Felix's back and carded it in his hair instead, untangling the mess of brown locks and soothingly running his fingers in them "There's nothing to be scared of, my darling, I'm right here. I promise nothing will go wrong" he whispered ever so gently, resting all the demons inside of Felix's mind that have risen from their sleep and pushing them into sleep land once again
returning him the sunshine that disappeared by the gloom of dispersing clouds, Felix could feel his erratic heartbeat relax and he could feel nausea that spilled through his chest fading, his headache was vanishing and his pacing breathing was returning to normal. he smiled deeply this time, going silent as he let Hyunjin's breathing be the melody he's always needed in his ears. he was so very grateful for this boy and he could never put it into words, the amount of love that swirled inside of him like a wandering ghost will always remain inside of him until he's brave enough
Hyunjin wanted to ask Felix what he decided but then he realized it was too quick to quest about something this crucial, so he let it be shoved to the back of his mind as he pushed Felix down on the bed making sure he was gentle and smooth as he rested Felix's head on the pillow, watching him stare deeply into his eyes as he smiled finding his heart in his throat when he noticed the close intimacy between them "lie down, I'll take a quick shower and then I'll be back, okay?" he questioned, waiting for Felix to answer while he savored in this sweet delight of being so close to the brunette's face
the face that's the first thing he sees before he falls asleep and after he wakes up, the face that brightens his day like no other can, the face he can kiss and kiss until he falls into his tomb and rests for perpetuity "'kay" the brunette whispered back, removing his arms from Hyunjin's neck and permitting him to leave "don't let this thing wander too far" the raven head ruffles his hair as he giggles and agrees "I won't"
and just like that, Hyunjin was gone and Felix was left to wander, his mind did go too far but he immediately stopped it distracting himself from the scent that lingered in the shirt he was wearing, feeling his heart flutter with every breath he inhaled. closing his eyes the freckled boy turned to his side and tried his best to keep his destructing thoughts aside and focus on what was greater. he didn't want to think about his disease or his cure, or the fact that he was healing which was nearly impossible for him to believe, all he wanted to think about right now was Hyunjin, nothing else. just that one boy that has turned his world upside down and set fire to his rain, enchanted his tedious world, colorized and glittered his monochrome life, and now all he sees is daylight
before the brunette was made aware, there was an arm sneaking beneath him and wrapping around his stomach and there was another arm wrapping over his waist from the top, his breath was caught in his chest before the familiar scent of dark chocolate calmed his nerves as he turned around and was met with the sight of a wet-haired Hyunjin smiling at him, his dimples on display and it made Felix's stomach churn "Hi" he mumbled, mirroring Hyunjin's smile who whispered back "Hi" a giggle echoed in the silent room and it was no other than the sweet beloved boy Hyunjin held in his arms, falling deeper in love with him each second
"hey, Lix" he mumbled once again only increasing the speed of Felix's giggle "Hey, Hyun" Oh how terribly sweet, Hyunjin thought to himself before he revealed his teeth by spreading his smile to a wide grin, they shared the saccharine moment for a while before their smiles dimmed but not in a manner which was dreary, in a manner which was soothingly calm. silence loomed over them for a while before it was disturbed by Hyunjin's "If we had a baby, would it look like you or me?" to say Felix was caught off guard would be a major understatement
his eyes nearly widened as he stared at Hyunjin blankly for a second or two before realizing what he has truly meant by those words, upon doing so his cheeks reddened "I'd want it to look like you, cute baby nose, cute cheeks, cute lips, cute eyes; cute. like a fairy" Hyunjin smiled brightly poking each feature he spoke about before he left his thumb to caress Felix's cheeks who was as still as a ghost, silent as a pebble, and shocked as a warrior who won without fighting "I..." speechless, that's what he was
"do you want to live in the cities when we have a baby or somewhere rural?" Hyunjin quested as if they were first-time-parents expecting their child in a few months and the glitter in his eyes could not have warmed Felix's heart further, giving him the courage to finally speak as he smiled too "somewhere rural" It was barely above a whisper but Hyunjin caught it "then we'll run off to Italy, like that book of yours" Felix giggled at the comment, shuffling closer to Hyunjin and feeling his own heart glimmer just like Hyunjin's eyes "we'll name the baby Esmeralda if it's a girl!" Hyunjin beamed and Felix laughed at his excitement
"Hwang Esmeralda" Felix stared into his eyes like he had just found out what love is, realizing no other place in the world could ever bring him as much happiness as these two arms do "Why can't it be Lee" the raven head removed his hand from Felix's cheeks and used it to tuck away a wandering piece of his hair "Because I'm the Hyung" Felix scoffed at the comments "you're only a few months older than me, how can you be my Hyung?" he protested, eyebrows raised while Hyunjin smiled fondly "a lot can happen in just a few months" and all Felix could do was shake his head slightly and sigh at the comments, mirroring Hyunjin's smile
he was correct, a lot can surely happen in a few months, look at them. it hadn't even been any longer than a month since they were brought together and here they were planning a future both of them knew was never going to happen "Still If you wish then Lee it is" Hyunjin prompted, continuously smiling and patting Felix's cheeks "Hwang sounds better" the raven head laughed at Felix's contradictory comment "You just like to argue with me, huh?" Felix shook his head no adorably, disagreeing with the accusation Hyunjin's thrown his way as he felt the boy remove the arm that was beneath him and place it under his head
"And what if it's a boy?" he quests, the shyness and embarrassment that earlier draped itself over him fleeted like a criminal "I uh...well I didn't think of that" the brunette clicked his tongue "So biased...we'll name him Erix then" Hyunjin tucked his lips outward as if contemplating if the name was good enough "Erix sounds like Eric" he complained earning an eye roll from the brunette "at least I thought of something" the younger sassed, glaring in his direction "It's cute, both of them start with an E!" Felix tried defending himself and it seemed Hyunjin finally gave in
"Yea that makes sense" the taller answered, licking his lips and leaning in to peck the brunette's hair "We can get a cat too!" Hyunjin quickly parted himself from him and made the most abominable face he could grimacing with all his might "Ew, no" and maybe he was underestimating Felix's wrath who glared at him as if Hyunjin had declared war "You ever wondered what color your blood is?" the brunette quested, raising his brows and making Hyunjin laugh. this was a first, being threatened by Felix and Hyunjin found it so adorable "And there I thought fairies were all about sparkle and happiness"
and just like that, the night that was supposed to be a sky of misery turned into an event of love for the two boys, the invisible string that tied them together glimmered and glowed like it was gilded by Chrysus himself. through these wavering moments of bliss, Felix realized the one that he has been waiting for all his life had arrived, the man of his dreams, the king of his heart, body, and soul. and for him, he'd take the biggest risks, he'd take not only a bullet but the sharpest of daggers, so agreeing to some mere treatment was no big deal right? he wanted to heal anyway, he wanted to live, with Hyunjin. he realized how desperately he was latching onto the little time he was left, how achingly he was praying the heavens above to spare him more leniency just so he could live out his evermore with Hyunjin, be his' and love him till the end of eternity, till the end of forever
but forever is the sweetest con and he didn't realize that
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all I'll say to you, my children; is to have faith in Mother, I know what I'm doing <3