3 months after
Minjeong was sitting on the bed, while drinking a bottle of water. It had been three months since her coma had finished and she seemed almost a normal person. She could move her arms and the upper half of her body completely, her voice fully recovered. However, she was having a harder timer with her legs.
She could walk, yes, but not without a walker. And she was getting pretty frustrated by that.
But she had more frustrations in her mind.
If you see her situation well, not walking properly almost 4 months after waking up wasn't properly the thing she was the most worried about.
She was worried about the other people around her.
It hurt her a lot when her mother said to her that her family – excluding her and her father-did not know she was still alive. Her friends were in the same situation as well. Well, her mother actually planned to take the rest of the family to the hospital so that she could give them the big news. That was why she was overly nervous.
But the worst of all wasn't even them.
Jimin thought she was dead.
Dead.
Every single time she reminded herself that Jimin was completely oblivious to her clinical state, it hurt her. A lot.
She quickly stopped drinking and closed her water bottle, leaving it above the bedside table. She heard Chanyeol complaining outside the door.
"But why eomma? What the hell are we doing in a hospital?!"
She heard her older brother roaring and she chuckled. He never changed, even after 5 long years.
The door started opening.
"But eom-" Ning Ning began, but her expression quickly turned blank. She felt blood leaving her face.
She was just like her two brothers.
The three were in shock.
"...Unnie?"
Ning Ning's voice trailed off. Minjeong nodded and her sister quickly covered her mouth with her right hand in shock.
"Oh my god..."
She began approaching her. She rested quietly on her spot, even when she felt her sister touching her cheek with her soft fingers.
"...You're alive."
"Won't you hug your older sister, Ning Ning ah?" She asked, her view blurred with tears.
She let out a sob and quickly hugged her older sister.
"U-Unnie!"
She sobbed, and kept crying in her embrace, her face buried on her neck. Minjeong looked at her sister with an warm smile when they broke the hug, and composed the loose strands of her hair.
"...Hey...don't cry Ning Ning ah."
She nodded and moved away from her.
She glanced at her two brothers and signaled them to come over as well. Ning Ning was still wiping her wet tears with the sleeve of her thin jacket when Chanyeol came over and hugged his younger sister.
"God... we all thought you were dead, you fool! Do you know how much we suffered because of you?!" Chanyeol scolded her, trying his best not to make tears spill out. After all, he still was the macho image of the family.
Mark came over running and almost threw himself above his noona. Minjeong patted his back.
"I don't want a crying brother, you hear me?"
They still couldn't believe that their sister was alive. It was all so surreal.
"Hey, someone please explain to me what happened here with this girl," Chanyeol said, after hugging tightly and comforting his younger sister.
Minjeong's mother sighed and gulped down saliva.
"When your sister's surgery finished that day, the doctor came over to us and said to us that your sister had entered a coma as there was no other way she could save herself. Me and your father knew perfectly that we couldn't afford the bills so we accepted Jimin's father's proposal..." She paused a little after she saw the hatred in Minjeong's eyes.
"...He said to us that he would pay for everything, but with a condition."
"Condition? What condition?" Mark asked, he was really impatient to know why they didn't know about their sister for such a long time.
"To tell everyone that Minjeong was dead...including you and Jimin."
Minjeong gripped the sheets tightly in her closed fists, and Ning Ning was quick enough to notice it.
"When they were taking her to the corpses' room, she had been put in cardiac arrest on purpose...That's why they pushed Jimin away so fast."
Everyone stood in silence.
"So what news did eomma give to you?" Ning Ning asked out of the blue.
"She only said to me that you and Jimin thought I was dead..." She replied nonchalantly. She heard Ning Ning gasping, and she looked up at her in confusion.
"Why? Is there something else I should know?"
Ning Ning looked indignantly at her mother.
"You didn't tell him about what happened?! Jeongwoo?!"
Taeyeon shook her head in disapproval.
"...Jeongwoo?"
That name was oddly familiar to her. She didn't know why, but a familiar feeling stirred on her chest, and she suddenly felt like everything was coming back to her.
...
"You know," She looked to her front, diverting her view from, "I've been thinking..."
"On what?"
"Names."
She scratched the nape of her neck and sighed.
"I haven't thought about it, honestly...We still have a long time to decide."
"I was thinking about Jeongwoo for a boy."
She laughed, "Did you put the Jeong because of me?"
Jimin turned and sat on the bed, cross legged, staring at her.
"Of course."
"What if the baby is a girl? Should we name her Heisook?"
...
Baby...
They were talking about a baby...
...
"Oh, look who she is! Our appa~" Ryujin said, jokingly.
"Can I enter?"
The doctor nodded, "Of course."
Minjeong entered and closed the door behind her, shyly walking to her girlfriend's side.
"Say hello to our baby," Jimin said to her, looking up and smiling.
...
Everything just became clear to her. She now remembered it... Jimin was pregnant.
"Is he..?"
Mark quickly caught his attention.
"...Yes noona, he's your baby. You had a boy."
She felt tears coming once more to her eyes and her view was getting blurry, she couldn't see well.
"A boy...?" Minjeong smiled, feeling uncountable happiness.
"Can I see him? A photo or something?" She asked, some tears falling down her cheeks. Her smile quickly disappeared as she saw that everyone else had a serious expression about that topic.
"Is there something wrong with my son? Does he have something? Is he alright? Is Jimin taking care of him alone?"
Chanyeol sighed.
"No, Minjeong. Jimin isn't taking care of him."
That sentence made him feel unwell.
"Did something happen to her?!"
She asked, panicking a little, "Please tell me!"
"During her pregnancy, there were so many things that happened," Her sister began, "Her father tried to make her abort several times. Unnie was so bad after you died, unnie. She looked like a zombie," She said, her expression showing obvious sadness, "Then, she had your baby. B-but your baby disappeared the day he was born..."
Her eyes widened...she didn't feel anything anymore.
"W-we don't know if he's alive or dead... W-we d-don't kn-know..."
Ning Ning breathed deeply.
"Not much time after Jeongwoo disappeared... G-Giselle unnie found her bleeding, inside of her bedroom."
She felt a constricting pain on her chest. Tears were pouring down her eyes and she couldn't do anything.
"What...?"
"Jimin unnie attempted suicide... she cut her wrists."
Minjeong looked away, not wanting to believe what her younger sister was telling her.
"... Jimin was super devastated and she was depressed for nearly 3 years. She's searching for him madly, unnie." Ning Ning said and held her shoulder, trying to make her calm down. She quickly shoved her sister's hand away, surprising her.
"I need to talk to Jimin," She muttered.
"You can't! She thinks you're dead!"
Damn, her older brother was telling the truth.
That made her even angrier.
"W-Wait. She has a blog about your child. She publishes there things about Jeongwoo and she has some shots for people who might have seen him. You could sign up there a-"
"Give me a laptop. Now," Minjeong said. Her family felt the cold, icy but at the same time burning stare she was giving them.
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Everyday I think about how different my life could have been if Win wasn't hit by that car or my son didn't disappear in the maternity ward. I feel sadness and hurt in my heart. There might be out there mothers with the same pain as me. I know they exist.
The point of view of a mother who lost her son and the love of her life and that has to deal with it alone it's quite devastating. It seems like every single morning we wake up, a new hope appears in our dreams. But every single night, we feel those hopes dying, just like when the sun leaves the sky and bright, starry stars appear on the dark sky, always hoping that the next day they will relive.
My hopes are just like that. They die, but they appear again.
If you have this problem as well, you're not the only one. I'm here as well, we're all here suffering and longing for those whom we love but can't see or touch.
It hurts, I know it does. But the hurt is something that exists to be cured with love and tenderness.
-Rina
Jimin smiled at her own blog post. That blog was the way she could express her feelings and thoughts without any harm.
She was looking with a tender smile at a photo of her and Minjeong on her desk but turned her face again to the laptop when she heard a characteristic sound.
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______________________________________________________________________
Minjeong was feeling nervous while reading Jimin's blog entries.
She even shed tears when she saw her son's pictures, her feelings mixed up. She felt happy, because she was a father. But she couldn't help but feel sad and angry with herself for not being there when Jimin and their son needed her the most.
However, something caught her attention when she refreshed the page. It had a new post published.
She read in silence, and felt a strong pain on her chest after reading Jimin's feelings. She read how much she missed her, and it hurt like hell.
Since she had signed up at the host website of the blog, all she did was to comment.
Theloner
Hey there. I see you suffered –and are still suffering- a lot. I lost my son as well, but what to do? Our hope can never die!
When you're feeling down, keep searching for the brightest star in the night sky. It'll give you good luck! ^^
Her heart skipped a beat when she received an answer from her.
RinaRina
Oh, you lost your child as well? Same here, lemme hug you *Hugs*. Aigoo. Sorry if I just acted like a child, I think it's the only way I can still support myself on foot :)
Thank you so much for your support!
PS: You know what? The last sentence...there was someone very dear to me that used to tell me that...
She smiled knowing that the 'someone very dear' she was talking about was her.
______________________________________________________________________
Jimin herself felt weird after answering the person's comment. She felt like she wasn't talking to a stranger at all, and that she should trust that person.
But what caught her attention, it was that sentence.
That sentence...it was the very same sentence Minjeong told her that night...While they were watching the stars, right before they made love to each other for the first time. She still remembered it well; her kneeling between Minjeong's legs as those beautiful words exited her lips. Then, Jimin kissed her and...what they did afterwards...was showing how much they loved each other, in the most intimate way...
Jimin closed her eyes and smiled.
"Minjeong ah, you're the best at giving advice."