The last two months have been nothing but growth for the both of us, the first meetings and lockdowns were hard, awkward even, but we both kept our promises. We kept it professional. There were times when the air felt tense and I could tell that he wanted to drag me through the mud, but other times - tension. Tension that made me think that it wasn't over after all. But all of those situations made me feel proud of him, how he could control himself from outbursting. He had grown and evolved ,and maybe if it wasn't for the hardships we went through, he would still be a pretty shitty man. One thing i knew for sure is that he still felt jealousy. I could see it in his eyes if I were ever to be seen with a guy that wasn't from the GAC. These small, but noticeable details kept him alive in my mind 24/7.
The last three lockdowns felt normal, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Me and Zak were finally able to freely work together and even get a few laughs in. If we would have kept it at that pace, god knows what would have come out of it. But now , out of thin air, Zak is announcing his new girlfriend. He even made it quite public by commenting on her instagram picture, fans instantly noticed. Yes i had found Laura on all socials and yes i was stalking her, hoping to find imperfections or a reason to hate her. There weren't any and that made me even more frustrated.She was really pretty, seemed like a nice person and had a great body, i was totally overshadowed. It was time to admit that I was jealous. Actually, I was also selfish. I had kept Zak in my mind and heart this whole time, but did I ever put in an effort or gave him some signs? No, and now that he is taken by someone who actually wants him, my blood is boiling like he had just cheated on me,
My self control had improved ,but I was not ready to be in a room with those two lovebirds. But here we were , sitting at the GAC office. This was a work meeting and i could not shake the feeling that he had taken her with him on purpose. Trying to look normal made me look more odd than usual, i dropped my pen too many times, almost slipped off the chair, got tongue tied after each sentence, it was a disaster. Worst of all -a noticeable disaster. It wasn't like she was jumping in his lap and bothering us, not at all. It was the subtle things that got me, like holding hands, rubbing her thigh, resting her chin on him and so on. The meeting was about next week, pretty much the same shit as usual- haunted, possibly demonic entities, asbestos and so on. It felt like forever, all i could hear or see was them. I felt like the walls were closing in on me when finally i heard
''Well if noone has any questions , then thats it for today, i will send out the sources and yea, thank you guys for coming"- Zak spoke. I was the first one who grabbed my jacket and headed out of there.
''June , will i see you tonight?" - Aaron asked
''See me where?"
"Oh i m so sorry, I forgot to text you! I m doing a little get together tonight at my place, would be nice if you'd come."- he said as i was already slowly backing out.
"Ugh, im not sure yet, but i will let you know soon, okay?" i told him. It was a lie, i m not going if i have to sit and look at Zak and Laura all night.
As I unlocked my car , Zak appeared out of nowhere, we had parked next to each other. He was about to get in but then leaned over his car and looked at me with a stupid smile.i was searching my purse for keys.
"What?" I asked , noticing his stare.
"Laura won't come to Aaron's tonight " he announced. He was in a goofy mood today, but it's better than angry Bagans.
"And? If you are trying to imply something -"I said but was cut off by Zak.
"I see it, June. Six pen drops per meeting is out of character for you, it's usually three." he laughed.
"I'm just stressed, have not been sleeping well, nothing to do with your fantasies mr Bagans." i said and shot him a look.
"Whatever it is ,just take a nap and come tonight, okay?" he asked. He actually seemed sincere.
"Yea we'll see " i said, got in my car and drove off. I watched Zak in my rear mirror as i drove off. This man was confusing me and i did not know how to feel about it. Was he happy that i am jealous? Why would it even matter if they are so happy. I am losing my mind.
Today brought me a lot to process and as hoped, i managed to take my well deserved nap only to be woken up by more problems.
My apartment was flooded. Everything was soaked, the walls, the sealing and a 3 inch pool of water covering the floor. It was the crackheads upstairs and my apartment wasn't the only one that suffered. The neighbors had also called the cops due to water flowing from their electric outlets. The police reassured us that the taps were all closed now and no more flooding should be expected. There was nothing we could do now, except start rescuing what wasn't soaked yet. I felt terrible, how could i have slept through this? I must have heard some dripping ,but no, now half of my life is damaged and i have no electricity. Not because it's broken ,but because if I turn it on ,I could literally electrocute myself. I made my way to the kitchen, it was not dark yet but I started lighting candles until I sat down. I can't do this alone , i can't have this happening right now on top of all the emotional stuff. This is just another hate crime from the universe. I would call David but he was in LA for the week with his boyfriend.
I had 2 missed calls from Aaron , guessing it was about the gettogether, i decided to just shoot him a text.
A knock on the doors interrupted me. It was Aaron and Zak. Really bad timing. I opened the doors slightly , just enough to see them but also to cover the disaster in my apartment.
" Hey" Aaron said in a very cheerful mood, as always.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" I asked.
" Just coming to check on you ,you never did reply to my invitation and also , literally no one showed up!" Aaron said. You could see he was quite upset about that.
"What, why not?" I asked
"Ah ,everyone has things to do,busy lives ,no time for fun or whatever. Losers. Anyways, can we come in?" He asked.
"Ahhhh actually it's not a good time right now, maybe another day" I said.
"Ohhh, you have someone over, could you introduce us?" Aaron teased. Zak seemed to float away as Aaron said that.
"No, I really don't, just dealing with something right now '' I said and smiled ,so they don't think that I am having another life crisis. Footsteps approached the hallway, it was my landlord. He didn't mind Zak and Aaron in the hallway, he just went straight to the point like they did not exist.
"Hey, got here as soon as i could. Just wanted to pass by and see the damage" he said. My landlord was very nice, very put together and quite buff. He was pretty attractive just not my cup of tea, but i was his. When i first moved in he would visit frequently, just to talk, He was never creepy, always a gentleman and when he realized it was one sided he just dropped it and moved along. I liked that.
"Sure, but i hope you brought rain boots" I laughed but I wanted to cry. I opened the door wide and welcomed him inside, the guys also took interest and followed. Aaron gasped
''Hollyyy shit! This is bad! " he exclaimed. The landlord instantly shushed him, only then we noticed that he was recording the walkthrough. I guess he didn't want the insurance hearing swear words? Like it matters.
"I have never seen something like this before " Zak said.
''Yea, well here it is. " i said in an awkward tone. I wanted to cry and now i had all these people in my apartment. The landlord emerged from the bedroom.
" And take pictures of damage to your personal items too, send them to me. They should be covered too, so." He said.
"Thank you" i replied. He took a long look at me, it got a bit awkward.
" Oh by the way do you have any other apartments free? Just so i could at least leave my stuff ? Just for a week or so while we figure this all out. " i asked.
"Sorry, cant help you ,we have nothing at the moment. But hey, I'll pay for your storage unit and for the hotel and let you know if something comes up" he said as he walked off and started knocking on my neighbors doors.
"Thank you" I shouted as he was already out in the corridor.
"What are you gonna do?" Aaron asked.
"Roll up my sleeves and get to packing. I'm thinking- dry things to a hotel and wet things to a storage unit." i replied
"Hey , we could help, right Zak?" Aaron said. Zak was caught off guard but also it looked like he didn't mind the idea.
"Yea, why not. Aaron has his pickup truck with him too." Zak said.
"That would be awesome, besides my honda civic wont fit my whole life inside.Can you imagine that i slept through all of this?" i said.
"Actually yes, yes I can. You have always been a deep sleeper. "Zak laughed. His phone rang, it was a facetime call from 'Babe'. Ew , gross. He hesitated but picked up after a few seconds. I went into my kitchen to look for some gloves and trash bags, but i could still hear the conversation. It went something like this
''Hey baby bear, what are you up to?''
''Hey, nothing , me and Aaron came over to see what June was up to and look, the whole apartment is flooded.''
''Oh god, that's terrible, are you gonna help her?'' She asked. I had not heard her talk much but she had a sweet voice and she just seemed, i don't know- real.
''Yeah ,Aaron has his pickup with him so we are gonna help move all the stuff before it grows mold" he explained.
''Okay ,well text me when yall are done. I love you baby bear! " she said. Damn baby bear twice and i love you ? They were moving fast .
''Okay, bye babe" he said and hung up. Is it just me or was that weird? Why didn't he say it back? Maybe he just didn't want to say it in front of me or maybe he didn't mean it.
"Baby bear? A little help here? "Aaron called from my living room. I couldn't help but laugh.
Aaron and Zak turned out to be a lot of help. We managed to sort and clear out the kitchen and living room in no time. The only thing left was the bedroom. Aaron had gone downstairs to carry another box to his pickup, it was just me and Zak in my bedroom. Last time the both of us were here, we were together, happy and fucking. This felt weird.
"Hey, it seems like you have more stuff under the bed," Zak pointed out.
"Shit, shit, shit, fuck" i mumbled as i rushed over to she bed and got on my knees. I started to pull my life's work from under the bed. Those were my old paintings, the ones I couldn't force myself to sell. The bottom of the box was soaked, but i was praying that it had held the water out. Zak came over to see what was up, he sat on the bed. I started taking out the paintings one by one and throwing them on the bed, next to Zak.
"Okay, this one is fine...this one too..." I mumbled. This was quite stressful for me and Zak kept quiet ,but double checked and admired each one that I threw onto the bed.
"Shit, this one is wet, the paint is gonna peel right off...one of my favorites too..." I said and showed him.
"Is there no way to dry them without that happening? " he asked
"No, I've seen this before. The basement of La Merit flooded last year, they called a few of us over to help. Most of the art got fucked up anyways, peeled straight off in a day" I said. I gasped as I realized there was another painting at the bottom of the box. It laid face down, I was scared to look. I knew that whatever it was- its fucked.
"What's that one? " Zak asked.
''You can look but i don't think i want to see it, its going to the dumpster anyways." i said and handed him the box. He reached in and pulled it out, I looked away. There was a moment of silence that made me question what had him thinking for so long.
''Okay now I need to know what it is'' I laughed and pulled it out of his hands. My smile dropped. There it was ,wet and ruined -a relic from the past. A painting of Zak from when we first met, I painted him relying on the dreams I had. And he used to be in every single one. Zak knew this painting, he had seen it before and knew how proud of it iI was and how much it meant to me at the time.
"Well, isn't that a metaphor" I laughed. He nodded his head but did not smile at that. I got up and was about to throw it out when his hand stopped mine. This was the first time he had broken a part of our agreement, he damn well knew that he was not allowed to lean over me and breathe in my face. I felt my heart beat faster as i could smell his cologne and feel his warmth.
''You can keep it but I promise you that it will look like shit by tomorrow" i said and took a step back from him.
"I will take it, and you know what, i think it might survive." he said and smiled. What the fuck was it. I cleared my throat and walked away from Zak as I heard Aaron approaching.
"So, what's next? " he asked.
And in my mind I asked myself the same question- what's next ? .