-• this is just the beginning •-
Rudra
On the brink of insanity.
Would you push or would you fall?
Twenty four hours ago when I got my head straight, I was in an abandoned warehouse that had once been the server room for Esther Innovations. We have moved to bigger spaces now, and have ten power stations all across India, on acres of lands in both rural and urban areas. It's astonishing how small we started and how big we made it happen.
I hadn't come here to hide. I didn't even know where I was until I woke up this morning at six. The scariest thing about me is that I rarely shut down, but I do, and when that happens, I have no recollection of the time spent after shutting down and before regaining my consciousness. I could have run over someone with my car and I would have no fucking clue. This hasn't happened to me in over years, the last time it did I was beaten black and blue and knocked out unconscious before waking up to Nurse Farida telling me I had turned animalistic on one of Virendra's guards and almost killed him before his men took me off and beat me to pulp.
It's scary, not because I can kill without a shred of hesitancy, but because I'd have no memory of killing when I'm reeled back to my senses. I'm fucked in the head. It's wired in all the wrong ways. There's a dark, gloomy place, and it's inside my head, disembodied from the rest of me, like a locked basement that unleashes a demon the moment it's forced open. I'm not me when that happens, my instincts are raw, animalistic, thoughtless, and my ways become ruthless, savage, brutal. I hate losing control.
And that's what happens. It's like I'm knocked out of my own body, and someone else takes me over, doing things that I'd think a hundred times over, making decisions that aren't mused about, and reacting faster than my head would normally allow.
This morning, when I woke up to myself normal and sane again, I found myself on the grim floor, curled against a wall. My head spun like a fucking siren and I had to retch over the window sill, throwing up all that I late last night into the open gutter next to the building. The stench was so strong, I had yanked myself back and slammed the windows close, sliding down the wall to hold my head in my hands until the thumping receded to a dull throb every alternate second.
Then I got up, rid myself of the blazer, and grabbed the cleaning supplies from the janitor's closet. Though we don't use this server station anymore, nothing here is unusable or broken. I had taken one look around the warehouse, rolled my sleeves to my elbows and cleaned the entire auditorium like room, starting from the floors to the cobwebs hanging on the ceilings. That done, I had moved to the power supply and tinkered around with the wirings a bit. Yara helped me pave the way to better my basic electrician skills. With his help, I got the servers and computers running again. Dragging a worn out leather chair to the middle of the room, I surfed through the multiple input and output devices, running them through a basic test to see which are working, which requires a little help, and which cannot be recovered.
Dismembering a CPU is as easy as it is hard to put it back together. It's a task that needs to be done with care, so you don't damage or ruin a functioning processor.
By the time the clock hand hits three in the afternoon, I get myself two high functioning computers, three running servers, and two external hard drives. Settling down on the leather chair, I wheel myself to the desk, holding the edge and frowning when it tilts to the side. Shifting my eyes to the legs of the table, I shake it a little, and it sways to the right corner, missing a rubber cap.
Tearing off the label sticker from the back of the monitor, I fold it five times, slide it beneath the table leg and test its balance. It doesn't tilt anymore.
The downloading and installation lasts about thirty minutes. Once I'm all set, the rest is a child's play. I extract Yara's source code through a zip file and start working on him. Taranya was right. He has gotten better at expressing himself with more than five basic emotions. It's nothing significant, but he's adapting, and I'm impressed by his ability to observe and incorporate the behaviour within himself so fast. All that's left is working on his graphics. But I'm stilted by the bandwidth limit of the modem. It's slow and can barely process high definition graphics.
Though I don't give up.
I work slow.
But I continue working.
Work is my escape. It's the only place where I'm in control of every action, every reaction, and every result. Technology is powerful, and it isn't shy to share it with you. If you have the smarts, technology offers you tools you'd never grow tired of playing with.
The sun goes down. I don't bother with it until the darkness creeps in around the room. Getting up, I switch on the lights and make my way back to the desk. On the side, I open up the dark web and get in touch with the professor. We work side by side. He helps me out when I hit a dead end, I offer suggestions when he's stuck. Our relationship is weird. We only reach out to each other when we need help with whatever we're working on. Nothing else. Never seen each other, don't know the names of, and wouldn't even bother to find if anyone of us goes missing. He calls me a freak, because I'm absolutely crazy about computers and I call him Prof Barnes, because that's what he asked me to refer him as. We've no way of confirming each other's identities and we prefer that.
I exit the chat window with a "Later" when I hear the main door creak open. Turning around, I watch as Yuvraaj swats off the hanging wires and cables, his large figure taking up the entire doorstep. He straightens up once he's inside and dustes off his slacks and white shirt, looking around the room with a grimace before his eyes fall on me.
"It stinks here." He brushes a knuckle over his nostrils.
"There's an open gutter right beneath that window." I point to my right.
His nose scrunches in disgust. Straightening his suit, he removes a handkerchief from his pants and cleans his long fingers. "Anyway, let's go," he beckons me with a wave of his hand.
I turn my chair around and resume working. "There's a chair in the janitor's closet if you get tired of standing." I say nonchalantly.
"Rudra, Taranya is worried. You disappeared last night, and she hasn't heard a word from you since then. You've some responsibilities towards my sister. If this how you were going to treat her, shouldn't have married her." He grits out.
"She'll understand." I mutter, ignoring the voice in my head that screams I'm fucking up the progress I've made with Taranya. But I can't listen to it now. I'm not prepared to go back and face- No. If I can't talk about it in my head, I can't confront it in reality. I need to be here. I need to work. I need to escape my past.
"Yes, she will." He adds softly. "That's how she is. But you can't sit here and expect everything to get right out there. He's not going away until you send him, forever."
My fingers work faster on the keyboard, desperate to drown out his words.
"You need to face your past, Rudra. You need to believe in your strength, in the man that you've become despite all that you went through. It's your chance to prove yourself that you have walked out of that dark room, both mentally and physically."
I don't respond. I can't. My eyes stay glued to the screen as it continues scrolling down the more lines of code I add.
"You're a lot stronger than him, Rudra. It's time you make him pay back."
I hit enter.
"Don't disappoint the eight year old Rudra that looks up to you to avenge his pain."
Red.
Everywhere.
The screen fills with red lines. Errors and errors piling up. I lose control of myself. The chair screeches back and I snatch the keyboard from the desk, snapping it in two before flinging it at the wall. The scream that erupts from my throat is deafening.
"Shut up!" I hurl myself at him, pinning him to the wall behind, my arm against his chest. My eyes clash with his. He holds up his hands in surrender. "You don't know shit! You've no idea what I'm going through!" I snarl in his face. "Stop telling me what to do. And get the fuck out!" I shove him towards the door.
"You're right." He whispers.
I pant roughly, glaring at him.
"I don't know what you've been through. I can't fathom the extent of cruelties this world has put you through. Nor do I want to. I'm afraid I'll realise I'm not as strong as you." He murmurs, softly, his voice not an octave higher, as gentle as the whirring of the server fans. "And maybe that's the very reason I can say this to your face. He has lived long enough, Rudra. Show him the monster he has partaked in creating. It's time they meet him."
I look away.
"I'll be outside, in my car. Come out when you're ready. There's somewhere I need to take you."
Turning around, he walks out of the warehouse. I collapse in my chair and drag myself to the desk, burying my face in the cushion of my arms. I was doing a good job at ignoring the events of last night. Now I'm shoved head first in the murky waters of my past and confronted with the darker parts of it.
"Moon, in all of its phases, is always a moon, my love."
I choke back a sob. My chest rattles, my shoulders shake, and I suck a sharp breath, stifling the sound in my throat.
Leaning back, I run a hand through my hair and stare up at the chipped ceiling.
It shouldn't be this hard.
I don't even have a memory of that night, or nights.
My body cringes physically. I pull up my legs and hug my knees to my chest. I wish I was out of this body and into someone else's, perhaps comforting is only easy as long as you're doing it for others.
Releasing a deep breath, I take out my phone from the pocket and turn it on. Hundreds of notifications pour in.
30 Missed Calls.
99+ Messages.
I slide down the notification bar, sift through the notifications and click on Taranya's name. It takes me to the chat screen.
Esther 🤍: how are you holding up, my love?
Esther 🤍: I don't care where you are as long as you are fine.
Esther 🤍: you could be flying to Alabama and i wouldn't say a word. Just let me know you're okay. Jk, I'll break your legs if you flew to Alabama. Or anywhere really.
Esther 🤍: it's so lonely without you
My eyes tear up.
Esther 🤍: you're such a beautiful man, i often overlooked the vibrancy you bring with yourself in the room. so dumb.
I press my knuckles to my mouth, holding back a sniffle.
Esther 🤍: remember the first time I saw you? No, not in that forsaken creepy room (you were such a creep istg). In school..... the moon was blue that night, and there you stood, right underneath it. you took my breath away.
A smile slips over my lips.
Esther 🤍: quoting Taylor Swift here: "I knew you were trouble when you walked in."
Esther 🤍: but I cannot really complain, can I? I'm a trouble magnet, afterall.
I chuckle heavily.
Esther 🤍: come back to me, beautiful. I'm waiting for you. Here take my heart ❤️ take all of it 🥹
Esther 🤍: did you get it?
Esther 🤍: i think you did. Nothing's beating in my chest anymore.
Esther 🤍: I'm dying rudra :( gimme my heart back
I shake my head in amusement. I love this woman.
Esther 🤍: *gasps. Rud- Rudra, I- I - I'm rea- really dyi-dying. Omg i can't breath anymore.
Esther 🤍: come back please. miss you. 🥺
I press the power button and slip the phone in my pocket. Rubbing a hand across my face, I look at the black screen of the monitor and see my reflection in it. I look tired. I don't look like myself anymore.
This can't go on. I cannot hide here forever. He's out there, fearless, basking in the glow of the inferno he burned my childhood in, warming up his hands on the cold nights. It's time the fire grows, it's time it consumes him.
Shutting off the computers and servers, I put on my glasses and stride out of the warehouse. Picking up the lock from the floor, I search for the key on the floor and see it in the crack of tiles.
Yuvraaj's car awaits me outside the gates. I abandon my own in front of the building. Amir will bring it for me. Opening the door, I get in the backseat.
"Let's go, Zoya."
She nods and revives the engine, driving us out of the dinghy, run down part of the city and to the outskirts of Rajgarh.
"Where are we going?" I ask him after a glance outside the window.
"To face your past." He answers vaguely.
I shift in my seat, wringing my fingers together anxiously. I've no idea how I'll react after meeting him again. I'm afraid I'll lose myself and end up killing him, and then won't remember it anymore. Or worse, I'll freeze, fall weak and cower in front of him like a coward.
The car takes a familiar path after a while. Brows furrowed in concentration, I narrow my eyes at the familiar landmarks that start appearing on the sides of the road.
"The farmhouse?" I look at him in confusion.
He nods. "Virendra didn't bring him here to mock you, he brought the man here to offer him to you."
I frown.
"He wanted twenty million dollars in return."
The frown deepens. "Only twenty million dollars?"
Yuvraaj nods. "Apparently, he was planning to illegally flee the country and settle in Singapore. When I ran a background check, I found out he was all prepared with a new identity. He also has a bank account under the name of your father in DBS. He's quite eligible to fund his lavish lifestyle there. He just needed the money to get out from here. And he knew there was no way we would give him a penny anymore. So he used Manohar to strike a deal with Taranya."
"I can't kill Manohar, not right now. I can't get into that mess. And even if I do, I can't trust that bastard to keep this secret safe. He'll keep blackmailing me in future to extort money from me."
Yuvraaj nods. "Taranya figured that out. She convinced Virendra to take the blame. He'll serve his jail time and once he gets out, we'll help him settle out of the country."
My lips fall apart in shock. "How- How did she do that?"
He looks at me cockily. "She's a Chauhan, Rudra. And she's my sister. It's not that hard for her."
The car comes to a slow halt in front of the farmhouse. I see Amir rush down the stairs to open the door for me. The relief in his eyes upon seeing me is visible. It makes me feel slightly guilty. I left without a word. I don't want to imagine what Taranya went through trying to get hold of me while dealing with the reality of my past.
"Where's my wife?" I ask him.
He swallows. "Inside."
"Is she okay?"
He nods.
"C'mon," Yuvraaj says to me over the roof of the car. I follow him upstairs. Zoya pushes the door open for us and I'm stuck to the door at the sight in front of me.
Bloodied, bruised and broken, Monohar is tied to a chair, barely holding off from passing out. My eyes shift to Taranya as she gets up from the table and faces me. The glove sheathed hands stained red, streaks of blood on her cheeks and cleavage, strands spilling from her lose pony, sweat matting her cheeks and neck.
"Taranya, what the hell!?" Yuvraaj storms past me, tearing his sister away from the man's proximity. She doesn't look away from me as her brother takes out his handkerchief and wipes the blood from her face.
I force my feet to keep moving until I'm standing right in front of him, my attention still on my wife.
"Do you like my gift?" She smiles at me.
My heart plummets to unseen depths, then soars so fucking high I almost feel lightheaded.
I had always viewed my wife as the epitome of every good, the rise of the sun, the colourful blooms, the clear blue skies, the calm seas. Oh, how wrong I was. Every good holds a little bit of bad in it. The fall of the sun, the thorns on the stems, the stormy grey skies, the roaring waves of the sea.
She's a tamed hurricane of the wild. Inherently controlled, a second away from becoming your destruction.
If possible, I fall a little more in love with her.
She walks up to me and I watch, mesmerized, transfixed as she puts on the gloves on me, then removes my gun from her purse and places it in my hand. I curl my fingers around the bottom, my index hooking against the trigger.
Someone spits.
My head snaps to the man in front of me. I try to bring my breathing in control.
His eyes.
They're evil.
He's evil.
From the roots.
Nothing good coexists there.
"Good to see you, little boy," despite his bloodied mouth, the words are clear.
"I'm not a little boy." I growl lowly, raising the gun at his face.
He chuckles and a fucking teeth falls off. He winces. "Your wife beat me up good." He sighs, shaking his head. "Must be wild to control in the bed." He smiles, eyeing my woman lecherously.
Before I can react though, Yuvraaj's fist pummels into the side of his face. "Speaking about my sister is off limits to every low life. Am I clear?"
He scoffs. "I'm dying. I don't really give a fuck." He looks him in dead in the eyes.
"How are you so unhinged!?" Taranya snaps. "You still have no regrets."
His eyes shift to my wife.
"You're telling me I should regret using that bastard kid for fun?" He asks rhetorically. "That's what he was made for. Remember, Virendra?" He asks the man cuffed to the staircase. "You were going to sell him off to me before you realised he looks eerily similar to the other Shourya." Manohar looks back at me. "If not for that face, you'd have been warming my bed right now."
My jaw falls slack. I feel tears blur my sight.
"Why do you look so shocked?" He smiles.
"I- I was a child." I murmur, more to him than myself. "Why- Why would you do that?"
"I was bored and horny." He shrugs. "You were there."
"I was a child!" I scream, the gun trembling in my tight fist.
"Must be why you took my dick so well. You were warm and tight -" Taranya raises my hand, slides a finger over my index and pulls the trigger, shooting him straight in the crotch.
He bellows in pain.
My eyes move to watch the side profile of my wife. Her eyes lift, locking with mine. "Hold the gun, I'll pull the trigger for you." Then she looks back ahead, shoots the second time in his stomach, then his chest, and then in the centre of his forehead.
He dies on the spot.
His voice ceases forever. Silence takes over the entire room. My heartbeat becomes one with the thumping in my head. Watching the blood gush out of his body makes me feel at peace. He was insufferable when he was alive.
Taranya steps in front of me, and my world becomes her.
"It's over." I whisper.
She shakes her head, her hand rising to cup my face. "This is just the beginning."
I would push.
And we're off to a great start of the climax.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.