The knife that I used multiple times to slit my wrists and leave permanent scars on my skin. My father's knife. It's the only thing I have left of him besides pictures. The police took everything else because he was on illegal drugs so it's criminal evidence.
I stuff the knife into my pocket. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I should really just throw it in the ocean but something inside me is telling me not to.
I grab my skim board and head back up to the house. Everyone knows that it's been a month. They just won't remind me.
I walk inside and smell spaghetti. It smells the same as when my mom used to make it.
"Hey Mack!" Susannah says. "Dinners almost ready!" She says.
"Okay, thanks." I say. "I think I'm gonna get a shower really quick." I walk upstairs and take a quick shower. Then I put on a similar outfit and I head downstairs.
"Yo! Wassup Mackie!" Jeremiah says.
"Hey Jere." I say.
"So, what did you do all day?" Jere asks.
"I hung out on the beach." I say.
"Nice!" Jere says. Then we walk into the dining room and I take my usual seat next to Conrad.
"Hi Con." I say. "How was sailing today?" I ask.
"It was good." Conrad says. "Cleveland is a really great guy."
"Cool." I say.
"What did you do?" Conrad asks me.
"I took a walk on the beach and did some skim boarding." I say.
"Fun." He says.
I take a forkful of spaghetti and my eyes go wide. It tastes just like my mom's. Like it has that little secret ingredient in it.
I look at Susannah and she smiles. "Susannah, is this really?" I ask. She nods and slides me the recipe. I smile huge and hug Susannah.
"What is it?" Stevie asks.
"It's the recipe that my mom used to use to make spaghetti." I say. "It has a secret ingredient in it."
"What? No fair. Give it to me." Stevie says.
"No chance, Stevie." I say. I'm still smiling. At the corner of my eye, I can see Conrad smiling a little at me.
After dinner, I head to bed and fall asleep almost immediately.
A few hours later, I wake up in a cold sweat, crying once again. Another nightmare. This time, it was my mom. Almost like a flashback of her death.
Then I hear the door open but I don't look at whoever opened it.
"Mackie, you okay?" I hear a voice say. "It's just me, Conrad."
"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I say, then I sniffle.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Conrad, I'm fine." I say. Then he hesitates to close the door but then he closes it and leaves.