Chapter Twenty-One: How he found out
Edited and Rewritten
There was a smile on my face when I woke up and looked around the bedroom. I was inexplicable happy until the kiss came rushing back to me. My fingers trail along my lips while I remember the way it felt, and the ghost of Nathan's mouth lingers on mine. I close my eyes, forcing myself to push it away; he wasn't mine. I push against the bed, standing off the bed, and I put on the robe that hangs on the back of the door.
I step lightly along the hallway, unsure if anyone else was awake. I creep into the kitchen just as the patio doors slide open and a middle-aged woman steps into the house; by her uniform, I guess that she is a maid. She had a warmth about her, and her lips curled into a motherly smile.
"Hola" She smiled, turning the tap of the sink, and water exploded from the tap onto the cloth in her hand.
I smile at her, sitting down at the island. We began to talk in Spanish, which I had learned in high school, but I mostly learned from my Grandparents, who refused to speak in anything else while they were in their house. Outside their home, they would speak in perfect English, but by principle refused to speak anything but their mother tongue in their own home.
I was sure that my Spanish was rust and was glad of the chance to converse and practise with another person again.
"Hello," I smile, "Who are you?"
"I'm Mariana, Mr Alexander's maid," She replied, wiping down the worksurfaces.
I stood off the stool and filled the kettle before putting it to a boil.
"Oh, okay. I'm Grace. I work with Nathan," I tell her, shaking her hand, taking her by surprise.
I put tea bags into the pot and left it to steep. I take the milk out of the fridge while Mariana takes the trash bags from the bin and takes them out. I take the sugar out of the cupboard, and she appears back from the garden.
"I should be doing that," Mariana comments, but I shush her gently.
I pour two cups of tea, "What do you take?"
"Milk and two sugars," She replies, observing me with a smile.
I watch the milk swirl around in the cup, tainting the dark water of the tea and murking it into a tan colour. I mix in the sugar before sliding the cup to Mariana. I put milk into my cup and take a sip, almost surprised by how hot it is when the liquid touches my tongue.
"You are much nicer than the last girl, Natalie, who came here," Mariana tells me, sipping her tea.
"I'm glad to see that Nathan has picked a better woman to spend his time with,"
"Oh," I can manage out, somehow unable to correct her.
"You speak Spanish very well," She complimented warmly.
I can't fight the smile that takes over my face. My heart fills with pride, hoping that my Grandparents would be happy with me for being able to keep their native language strong in our family, despite being the last of us.
"Thank you," I say appreciatively, drinking my tea.
Mariana begins to clean again, leaving her tea beside me, and I watch the steam rise from it. Yet, she still manages to hold a conversation with me as she is like a small tornado moving around the house.
"Have you worked for Nathan long?" I ask her, shifting on the stool, feeling useless while drinking my tea.
"Ah, I have worked for the Alexander's since he was a small baby," Mariana says fondly.
I smile; I loved that Nathan had loyalty to his employees and kept them on throughout his life. It was just one more thing that made him special. Just one more thing that made Nathan — Nathan.
"Oh, do you know any funny stories about him?" I inquire with an eager smile, and I lean over the island.
Mariana laughs, nodding. "Oh, I have plenty; I think I could fill a book! My favourite stories happened when he was only young. Nathan refused to come inside from playing, and he peed in a bush, which resulted in him getting poison ivy on his genitals,"
The joy in Mariana's laugh was so infectious that I could not fight back my laugh, which resulted in us both loudly laughing in the kitchen. Nathan appeared, yawning as he rubbed his face.
"What did I miss?" He asks in English, "What's so funny?"
"Let's hope that he peed in a toilet this morning," I laugh to Mariana, still in Spanish.
Nathan leans down in front of me on the island counter. His eyes level with mine and amusement vivid in them. I felt my mouth go dry in a way that I knew that no amount of water could fix.
"I speak Spanish," Nathan said, his eyes roaming over my face.
I chew on my lip, trying to hold back the laughter that thunders in my chest, looking for an escape. A laugh bursts from me, and Mariana chuckles as she puts her empty cup into the sink to wash.
"You speak Spanish?" Nathan asks me, still watching me intently. I nod.
"Yeah, my Grandparents moved here from Cuba. They taught me growing up," I tell him, picking up my tea to try and stop the dryness in my throat.
Nathan nods, moving away from the island, and I can't help but miss the closeness. I watch him pour himself a glass of water and take a large drink.
"Well, you speak it beautifully," Nathan tells me with a devastating smile.
I feel my cheeks redden, and Nathan lets out something between a breath and a chuckle before he walks to the kitchen door. Nathan pauses at the door before popping his head back into the room. I look at him with a frown.
"Oh, and to clarify. I did pee in the toilet this morning," He says, with a cheeky wink to both Mariana and me.
We both chuckled in reply.
"Well, I'm done for today," Mariana said, kissing Nathan's cheek allowing him to leave the kitchen.
"It was nice to meet you, Grace," She tells me, kissing my forehead.
"It was really nice meeting and talking with you," I tell her with a smile. "Hope to see you again,"
"I am sure we will," She tells me, gathering her bags and leaving through the patio doors - blowing me one last kiss as she goes.
I finish my tea before cleaning the two mugs and drifting through to my room to change for the business meeting. I find a new white pantsuit laying on the freshly made bed.
≿————- ❈ ————-≾
Bradley pulls the car into the driveway as the gate closes behind us. I stretch as we all get out of the car. The scorching afternoon sun beams down, and I can feel a layer of sweat gathering over me, my skin already missing the cool air conditioning from the car.
"I'm going to take a cold shower," Bradley said, fanning himself with a manila folder. "If you need me, I'll be in my beach house,"
Bradley drifts and disappears behind the corner of the house. I chuckle to myself before walking with Nathan into the house, and I let out a sigh of relief as the cool air strikes against my skin, drying the hot sweat that slicked my skin.
"That AC feels so good," I say, removing my blazer, thankful that my blouse was sleeveless.
"Yeah," Nathan replied lightly.
I turned to look at him; he was taking off his own suit jacket, something was wrong with him. His eyebrows are slightly furled, and his eyes look worried.
I float on the streams of cold air into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of cold water before filling it with ice from the dispenser. I can feel the water cooling my insides as it travels down my throat.
"I'm so glad that we got the paperwork sorted and ended up with a better deal than before," I say to Nathan as he appears in the kitchen.
He turns to look at me, now holding his own glass of ice water. "Yeah, you did a great job, Grace."
His voice was low and husky from the cold water - it made my heart pound in my chest. His eyes meet mine; I love the hue of his chocolate eyes with a swirl of golden caramel. I feel the urge to move closer to him, but I actively fight against the pull and turn away. I put my glass down on the counter, and I watch the drops of condensation run down the glass.
"Grace," Nathan said, his voice looming from behind me. I close my eyes, feeling like I know what he wants to talk about, and dread fills my stomach.
"Yeah," I reply, turning to look at him.
"Um, I think we should talk about the kiss," Nathan said, revealing that I was right.
A defeated sigh left his mouth, letting me know exactly what I needed to — that he regretted kissing me. I do not understand why I was surprised, or my heart hurt this much from his simple rejection.
"I think we should forget it; we had too much wine, and that's why it happened. It was a mistake," I say rapidly, knowing that I had to get the words out before the sadness made me cry.
"I want to say sorry; I should not have kissed you. I should know better, especially after Natalie. You are with David, and it was out of line. I am sorry." His voice is soft and sincere. It causes an ache to travel through my body.
I close my eyes for a second as I notice how close he is standing next to me. I can feel his breath against my forehead. My heart races in my chest, and my stomach dances with the memory of his lips on mine.
"Nathan, you are not to blame. I kissed you back; I wanted to kiss you back. It's my fault; I'm the one with a partner, not you," I tell him, my voice coming out hoarse and gravelly.
I watch him; his jaw tenses, and his shoulders straighten as he looks into my eyes. Almost like he's in pain from holding something back. My eyes flicker to his lips, and a small groan echos from the back of his throat. I snap to attention — I am making this worse for him, and I am embarrassing myself.
"Grace," It comes out as a whisper from his lips, sounding almost painful.
"Let's just agree that the wine got to us, and we can continue as normal," I offer.
"Okay," Nathan replies simply.
There is a sadness in his voice, and I almost convinced myself that I saw it in his eyes as well. I shake that from my head — why would Nathan Alexander be unhappy? He could have anyone that he wanted if he only asked. Thousands of women in this city are lining up for even a chance to get a glimpse of him. I would be stupid to think that he would even glance in my direction if I didn't work for him.
"I'm glad that we can put this behind us," I manage to say before any tears spill out, and I force a smile onto my face.
I turn to go back into my room. I could not breathe around Nathan, and my heart would forever be restless and lost to those eyes if I stayed.
≿————- ❈ ————-≾
Closing my room door behind me, I notice a beautiful but casual outfit sitting in the bed and swimwear all folded neatly on my bed—the perfect distraction from my racing mind.
My fingers trail lightly along the soft material of the clothes before moving to the heel of the nude shoes beside them.
I walk to the sliding door of my room. The pool's clear water shining in the sun. Waves of light curving and shimmering through the water. It was calling out my name to me.
I take off the jacket of my pantsuit and decide that the pool would allow me to relax and forget about the kiss with Nathan and the surprising pain that I felt in my heart when I registered; he regretted it. I take off the rest of my outfit before slipping into the white one-piece suit. I pull the mesh coverup over myself. My hair brushed and pulled into a messy bun.
I slide open the door, the heat hitting me in the face like a slap. The sun beams down on me, already warming my skin with its kiss. I dip my toe in the water, and a smile comes over my face at the refreshing feeling of cold water. I love how water called to me; it was one of my first loves. I wish I could enjoy and experience it more in my life.
I poke my toe into the refreshing water, and a smile spreads through me like the warmth of the sun. I sit down on the edge of the pool, keeping my legs in the water. I swirl my legs around, watching the mini whirlpools splashing and circle my legs. I notice a length of yellow along on mg calf, and I bring my leg up to check it. I press on the pale vomit colour bruise — due to the faint hue, I must not have noticed it until now.
I jump at the abrupt splash sound that erupts from beside me—water splashes across my legs and arms. I gasp in surprise, and it sticks in my throat when my eyes take in Nathan. He is like Poseidon as he emerges from the water. I could not control myself as I take in the visions in front of me. Nathan's broad shoulders, tanned skin — he was indeed a Greek God come to life. My eye trail along with the small constellation of freckles that dot across his chest. My throat dries, and my heart races.
"Nice dive," I manage to say, clearing my throat.
"Thank you," He smiles, and I feel like I am drowning upon seeing it.
"You look beautiful in white. It brings out your eyes," Nathan comments, voice gentle, but there is something behind it.
He wipes away the water dripping down his face, and he lets out another sigh. He's trying to make me feel better, but it's pathetic on my part.
"Thank you. David always said to me that white brought out the colour of my golden skin." I say, lying as David never even noticed what colour I am wearing or even my eyes are.
Nathan's jaw tenses again, and he looks away from me. I wish I could take the words back, but I know that I need to keep reminding myself that I have a relationship with David, who is waiting for me at home, and Nathan is my boss. I cannot make that mistake again. He deserves someone better than me.
"He's right. He's a lucky guy," Nathan tells me, pushing the water with his hands.
"We both are," I say, kicking my legs.
The air is awkward, the aftermath of our kiss hanging in the air. Nathan can hardly hide the shame and regret that he feels for kissing me. I feel my chest tighten, and my hands tremble, so I tuck them under my thighs.
"So, are you coming in or not?" Nathan asks, and I shake my head.
He smiles at me, the friendly smile that I have grown to love and rely on deeply. The tightest in my chest melts away.
"No way, absolutely not," I exclaim with a chuckle.
"Okay, that's alright. Could you help me out?" Nathan asks, amused.
I put my hand out for him, falling for the oldest truck in the book, but before I could do anything about it. I am tumbling into the water. I reach the surface, gasping for air and the weight of my coverup pulls in the water, but I can't help but loudly laugh as I splash Nathan.
"You idiot!" I laugh, and he laughs along with me.
His hands held up in surrender, but I continued to splash him like a child.
"I am sorry,"
Nathan chuckles deeply. My skin pricks at the sound, and I look at the goosebumps on my arms before pushing them underwater, hiding them from his view.
"It was funny, though," He admits, and I laugh in reply.
I swim to the steps of the pool and haul myself out with the bars. Then, without taking a moment to pause and think, I peeled the beach coverup that was now heavy and bulky sigh water. I twist it in my hands, ringing out about half of the pool with a smile on my face. The sound of the water slaps against the titles.
I startle at the touch of Nathan's, dragging the tips of his fingers across the skin below my shoulder blade. The fading burn scar from the night that changed my life. The realisation hit me like a tsunami; he could see every sin fought so hard to hide. I jump away from his electrifying touch.
"Grace,"
His voice echoes in my ears; I feel nauseous with the pressure in my stomach and the embarrassment flooding my cells. He's seen my failures.
"You are covered in bruises and scars," Nathan tells me, which I already know. The gravity of his tone weighed in the air around us, and I struggle for breath.
"Is that bruise from a belt buckle?" He said, his face twisting in shocked horror and his voice incredulous. 
I cannot move, speak, or even breathe while his hand traces the yellowing bruise at my hip. Finally, his hand touches my chin, turning my face to look at him. His thumb rubs over my cheek, and they feel wet, which lets me know that I am crying.
"It's not,"
Hands shaking, the moment that I feared most is unfolding rapidly in front of me, and I can't stop it from unravelling in my hands.
"I-I fell," I lie, stumbling stupidly over the simple words. I continue to twist the coverup in my hands, but Nathan takes it from me, dropping it to the ground.
"What the hell happened," Nathan asked, anger and concern burning in his eyes. They are no longer amused or even chocolate — they are murderous and black.
I step back; his face falls as he sees how scared I am. Tears burn in my eyes. I can't tell him. I don't tell anyone. No one would understand. No one else would put up with me. No one else would love me.
I muster all of the strength that I have and try to make it through this and make it as believable as possible.
"Nothing happened,"
Nathan scoffs as he follows me back into the house. I walk into the living room, and the AC causes me to shiver as it blows against my damp skin.
"It was David, wasn't it!" Nathan said to me, his voice knowing and irate.
My face falls as my heart stops in my chest. I had to bite my tongue and swallow the sick that rose in my throat. The air sucked out of the room. The other shoe has finally dropped.
"I knew it!"
"No," I deny, but I know that it is pointless.
"I'm not allowing you to go back to him. You cannot go back to him, Grace," Nathan tells me adamantly.
"I have to. David is my partner, and he loves me," I try to explain.
"He doesn't mean it," I say, my throat burning and my eyes fog over.
"He gets drunk, and he can't control himself. I anger him sometimes,"
"David tells you that he's sorry, and he'll never do it again until he does it again," Nathan tells me, taking me by my shoulders, and he looks at me in the eye.
Tears blur my vision, and he sighs. His face is gentle, and all anger is gone from his eyes. I feel at peace for a second, lost in the whirlpools of milk caramel chocolate.
"If I weren't so stupid, it wouldn't happen."
Try to take in deep breaths, but the air is sticking in my throat.
"No, you don't blame yourself,"
"What if I deserve it, huh?" I snap at Nathan as I sob.
"Nobody deserves this. No one deserves to be beaten with a belt," He tells me firmly.
"You don't understand he loves me, Nathan," I weep while the rain-like tears fall down my face. Nathan takes hold of my hand and wipes my tears away.
"Grace—"
"He's the only person that I have left to love me," I interrupt, whispering brokenly.
My eyes staring down at the floor, tears dripping onto the carpet. The silence is the room pounding against my head, and I am at a loss for what to say and what to do.
"Let me ask you something, Grace," Nathan says to me, cutting through the heavy silence.
"Nathan—" I begin.
"Do you love him? Honestly, with all of your heart,"
That simple question knocks the wind out of my lungs, and I look at Nathan's desperate eyes as he waits for an answer, but I cannot give one. I do not know anymore.
"If you don't have an answer, that is fine, but you have to promise me that you will not go back to him. I am scared for you, and I am terrified of what he might do to you,"
Wordlessly, I drop Nathan's hand, and his eyes fill with tears, but they do not fall from his dark lashes. I smile lightly at him, despite the tears. I touch his cheek, wiping the one streak of tears that slip past the barrier. I turn from him and walk down the hallway to my bedroom door. I shut the door behind me and sink to the floor, still gripping the handle.
≿————- ❈ ————-≾
My hair is plastered to my face as I stand from the ball I had curled into over an hour ago. Nathan had knocked on my door twice before letting me know that he would leave me alone until I was ready to talk.
I brush my hair and put it back into a bun despite some of it still being damp. I change from the swimsuit into the clothes left for me. My head is swapping, and I am losing control of the lies and the life that I have built out of them. Grief weighed me down and restricted my breathing from the tension on my chest. I run to the toilet and vomit, but it doesn't change the pressure.
Hurriedly, I pull paper from the drawer along with a pen. I kneel on the floor and write Nathan a long note and apology. I fold it and leave it propped up against the clothes on the bed.
I quickly grab the new iPhone Nathan had generously bought me and shove it into my pocket. I push the work clothes that I wore on the journey here into my bag. I am rapidly breathing in my panic as I look over the room.
Right now, I am going to run again. It is the only thing that I see to be good at doing. Right now, I do not know what is going on within my head, and I do not trust myself anymore. I have lost all sense of reason. All I know is that I need to leave or be even more confused than I am just now, especially around Nathan — nothing makes sense when I'm around him.
I slowly open the bedroom door, moving as quietly as humanly possible. The living room looked empty, and I suspect that Nathan was either in his room or in the kitchen. The coast is clear. My ears are muffled by the drumming and pounding of my heart. I step carefully along the hallway and through the empty living room. I gently close the main door behind me, and I let out a long breath.
I dash along to Bradley's apartment, hoping that his car is out front means that he is home. I knock on his door loudly and desperately.
"Bradley!"
The door swings open, Bradley stands smiling with a metal spoon hanging out of his mouth and a bowl of cereal in his hand.
"Grace, what is it?" Bradly mumbles, his eye worried as he pulls the spoon from his mouth.
"Can you please take me to the airport? I need you to do this for me, please," I ask him,
watching the crease form between his brows.
"Why?"
"An emergency at home. David is very ill," I lie.
My heart sank over having to lie to Bradley again because of a situation that I got myself into, but I could not bear for another person to find out the truth.
"Of course, but is Nathan okay with this?" He asks me, unsure, and his eyes scan my rushed and crumbled appearance.
"Of course," I say, smiling, and I can tell how awkward it is but the look in Bradley's eyes, but he doesn't push.
He placed the bowl and spoon on the side table, and he grabs his keys. Relief floods through me as I thought he might go to ask Nathan.
"Okay, come on,"
I follow Bradley after he locks his door. We both get into his car and drive away from the pressure of the truth. I sink into the seat, watching the gates disappear in the wing mirror.
"Why am I the one that's always helping you run away?" Bradley asks; he glances over to me, and I pick at the skin around my fingers, shrugging.
"Because you can't say no to me," I chuckle numbly.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to see Nathan's name flash across the screen, but I press decline as tears fill my eyes. We stop at the lights. The roads are quiet and empty. Bradley turns to face me; his eyes are kind but worried.
"Your face, what happened?" Bradley asks softly, and he touches my knee.
My chin trembles as I stare at the buzzing phone in my hand, and I press decline again. I take a deep breath in and turn to look at Bradley.
"I tripped and fell in the shower," I say gently.
The same rehearsed lie and I can tell from the look in his eyes that he does not believe me, not even for a second, but he continues to drive, and I let out a heavy sigh.
The rest of the drive is filled with a heavy silence, and I fight back the tears while feeling nauseous again as my nerves are fried. We pull into the drop-off zone at the airport, and I reach for the door handle, but Bradley takes hold of my hand.
"I am not sure if I want you to go home if you're not going to be safe there," Bradley confesses, and my heart cracks at the sadness in his voice.
"I am fine. I promise that I will be safe, Bradley," I tell him, squeezing his hand.
"Besides, I have your number,"
Bradley looks like he is battling with himself, but he squeezes my hand back before letting my hand go.
"Promise me if you need anything, and I mean anything. You will call me,"
My lips quiver, and all I can do is nod. I press my lips to his cheek and fight back the tears again. I step out of the car and push myself forward into the airport. This has to be the right choice to make. David is my home — the only one that I have left.
Once I am seated and waiting for my flight to take off, I feel the tears slipping silently down my cheeks. I do not even fear the turbulence that shakes the plane as we take off, as my mind is too fogged and confused to focus on one more thing while juggling five balls in the air.
The deep hatred I hold for myself begins to spread again, moving through me like a cancerous wave. I know that my heart no longer only belongs to David despite knowing he loves me. I have fallen for Nathan Alexander, but what would he want to be with me?
I need to push him out of my mind and my heart. Nathan does not love me, and he could never love me, but I am selfish; I have love waiting at home. David is the only person who could ever love me.